Lack of Passion

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,



I’m a 27 year old girl going out with a 26 year old guy. I first met him last Summer through friends and we have been together as a couple since Christmas. When I initially met him I didn’t think much of him looks-wise and had zero attraction towards him but as time went on and I got to know better I was really drawn to him due to his amazing personality andsense of humour. He has told me that he’s wanted me from the moment he laid eyes on me. We get along great and spend most of our time laughing and messing around. We both love South Park & Family Guy and find the same things funny.



Anyway, we only see each other at the weekend, usually on a Saturday night and then we’ll laze around on Sunday morning until he drops me home. In the 4 months we’ve been together we’ve never spent more than 1 night together bar when we went away to Galway one weekend (2 nights/3days). When I fell for my last boyfriend I was so attracted to him and we spent the initial stages or honeymoon period as it’s known tearing each others clothes off and spending tons of time together but with my new guy, he seems really content with just seeing me once a week. I don’t want to see him every night or anything but maybe twice a week even would be nice. Last Sunday he dropped me home and my flatmate was really drunk and doing my head in so I called my new guy (from now on I’ll call him Chris) and told him my head was wrecked and he basically said ah, **** buzz, just hang out in your room. I had hoped he’d offer to let me stay with him without my having to ask.


A few of my friends are recently in new relationships and they all seem to spend a lot of time together and relish that time but we just seem to go out on Saturday, get wasted, have sex and then he drops me home. We text during the week and he calls me most evenings too but it sometimes feels like a repetitive one-night-stand if you know what I mean.

Sorry if this isn’t making sense, I’m just wondering if this lack of passion and desire to see me is normal or not a good sign. I’m starting to lose interest in him cause I don’t think we have that spark. When we’re drunk though we’re all over each other and the same the next day but by Tuesday I’ve almost forgotten him….anyone have a clue what I’m rambling on about??!!

funk-you

Take the initiative and ask him to come over on a weekday. He may be thinking the same thing.

-Funk

Jimmy Bottlehead

Could be any of the following:

1) You're his go-to shag at the weekends... no need chatting up birds who MIGHT sleep with him when you will.

2) He likes you but is afraid of scaring you off by trying to spend more time with you

3) Its keeping him ticking over sexually and emotionally til something better comes along (no offence to you, OP)


Trying to spend more time with him should show which one of these it is. Best of luck

milkerman

Passionration wrote: »

I’m starting to lose interest in him cause I don’t think we have that spark. When we’re drunk though we’re all over each other and the same the next day but by Tuesday I’ve almost forgotten him….anyone have a clue what I’m rambling on about??!!

Read your own post again, sounds to me like you are losing the taste for this guy. As regards ripping the clothes off when you are drunk, well that happens.

Dragan

Have you told him you want to see him a bit more?

Crazy question i know.

Aurora Borealis

It's early days so don't sweat it too much. Things fall into place if they're meant to.

Different relationships do have different dynamics though and you can't judge a new relationship by the yardstick of a previous one. If you're really not happy with how things are moving then maybe you should talk to him about it. He may well be interested in seeing more of you and if not and you aren't satisfied with that then maybe it's not the relationship for you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far..

Does it seem normal though that in the early throws of a relationship the guy is happy enough to only see the girl once a week?

When we're together he seems really into me, compliments me, listens to me etc but then on Sunday he just drops me home. Even if we're hungover and I suggest getting a big fry up or a cure he'll always say nah, I'm too wrecked. It just makes me feel a bit rejected and confused. When my friends seem so into their new bf's and vice versa it seems unusual to me.

dudara

So he drops you home on Sunday morning? It seems like he is treating you as a sex buddy rather than a girlfriend.

Wibbs

I'm with duadara on this one. Hell even a sex buddy would be getting more than that. It's convenient for him. He doesn't have to work at it. Of course this makes you in some way want to work at it more. Human nature. Break that habit if you can or that tendency will continue with him or others and not just with passion either.

seahorse

dudara wrote: »

So he drops you home on Sunday morning? It seems like he is treating you as a sex buddy rather than a girlfriend.

I'm sorry to say I fully agree with this OP. My partner and I are together several years now but we started out in a FWB style situation that went on for a few months, but even during those early times we'd always do the lying in till lunchtime and then cooking a fry together type things the day after we'd spent a mad night together. To be honest this sounds like less of a relationship even than the FWB thing we had going at that time and if I were you I wouldn't be calling it a relationship at all. I know these aren't comforting words though, so I'm sorry about that.

Do you actually even want a relationship with this guy? It sounds from what you said like you don't have much in the way of desire for him either; am I right in thinking that?

Miss Fluff

Seems like a a f8ck buddy situation to me. Before talking to him about it I think you need to make sure in your own mind that you DO want to see him more regularly and on what terms. Would increasing it to a shag twice a week and him still leaving you home in the morning improve things hugely for you? All very well liking Family Guy and spending a lot of time "messing around" but I am sure you have plenty of other friends that share your sense of humour. What I am getting at OP is that your thread is entitled Lack of Passion but is this the case or are you really meaning Lack of Commitment?

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Seems like a a f8ck buddy situation to me. Before talking to him about it I think you need to make sure in your own mind that you DO want to see him more regularly and on what terms. Would increasing it to a shag twice a week and him still leaving you home in the morning improve things hugely for you? All very well liking Family Guy and spending a lot of time "messing around" but I am sure you have plenty of other friends that share your sense of humour. What I am getting at OP is that your thread is entitled Lack of Passion but is this the case or are you really meaning Lack of Commitment?

Yeah, you're right. The only real difference between our situationa nd a f*ck buddy situation is that he calls me during the week and texts me and when we meet up we do nice things like go out for dinner or to Comedy Clubs etc. Plus he took me away for the weekend and paid for literally everything! He is very well off though. I must sound very ungrateful it's that we only ever spend 1 night together, that's it.
I don't think he's sleeping around on me though as he has mentioned that he hates the idea of me being with anybody else. Head wreck!!

Miss Fluff

He may just have a completely hectic schedule during the week. In saying that, if you are not happy with the once a week arrangement then you just to come straight out and say it. It's not about being "very ungrateful" (I mean really!) it's about having what you want and what you feel you deserve. If you want to spend more time with him then you will just have to come straight out and say it to him. Not in a naggy "OHMYGODYOUDON'TCAREABOUTMEANDYOUARENOTCOMMITTEDANDWHYISITYOUDONTWANTTOSPENDMORETIMEWITHME" kind of way but tell him you really enjoy his company and a week is too long each time to have to wait to see him again. I think that is more than reasonable to be honest OP.:)

Dragan

Okay,

i am gonna try this once more....

Have you told him you would like to see him more?

How Strange

Been there, done that, wore the (sex buddy) t-shirt.

In my (no so vast) experience of men, if they want you as a gf then they WANT to see you as often as possible. If they want you as a sex buddy then they see you once a week and drop you home the next day.

Drift

Dragan wrote: »

Okay,

i am gonna try this once more....

Have you told him you would like to see him more?

I whole heartedly endorse this product and or service!!!

I'm going to go against the flow on this one .... I don't think he sees you as a f*ck buddy. I've never had a f*ck buddy but if I did I don't think I'd be ringing them most evenings or going for a weekend away with them. Why don't you ask him to do something during the week? Instead of obscurely angling for an invite over to his invite him over to yours to watch a dvd or to cook him dinner. Don't have any alcohol present. You'll find out pretty fast then if he sees you as more than an fb.