Domestic godesses please help!!

Shelli

This is a little trivial compared to others problems, and if the mods think there is a better place for it please feel free to move.....

Basically, I'm really having a hard time being the domestic godess that we're expected to magicly turn into when we become mothers. I've always been on the lazy side, and I had a wonderful mother who I think may have spoiled me and my brother a bit and always picked up and cleaned after us.
I just can't seem to get a handle on things, especially since I've returned to work full time. I don't seem to have a problem cleaning, as in a blitz of a couple of hours every week and have the place sparkling, but it turns into a tip so quickly, and it's mainly becuase I don't pick up things as I go along, and it is my fault, I can admit that, just can't seem to change. My OH is getting really pissed off by this lately.
Please give me some tips or advice...it's causing rows in our house and I really want to change!!

I'm at my wits end, I've even considered hypnotism!

Glowing

Don't worry, you are not alone.

All it takes is 5 or 10 mins while you're waiting for the dinner to cook, or while the baby is sleeping to undo any damage you've done that day - and get organised - Get some boxes/storage containers and get rid of any clutter you have around. It's a lot easier to keep the place tidy when you're organised and the place looks clean and tidy to begin with!

Shelli

Yeah, thanks for that, I've been thinking a skip and a big clearout is in order lately. Hopefully that will help.

Do you have any tips for changing your mindset/habits? Or is it just a case of practice?

I've heard somewhere that it takes 21 days of constant pracitce to change a habit, anyone else heard anything like this?

Miss Fluff

Get your partner to go halves with you on a cleaner.

The Hill Billy

Shelli - Now that you've returned to work full time are you solely responsible for the housework? If so, that would seem quite unfair. OR - Is your OH píssed off because he is he pulling his weight & you aren't doing your bit?

Feck the whole domestic goddess bit & get back to basics. Sit down with your OH & write down what jobs need to be done each day/week, how often & when. Then decide who's going to take care of what. If you are both out working there should be a 50/50 split. If there's reticence to take responsibility for something, e.g. "I can't change the baby's nappy" or "I don't know how to use the washing machine" - show him. It isn't rocket science.

As for hypnotherapy - that'll probably cost you a few bob. You'd probably be better off spending the cash on getting someone to do your ironing each week to lighten the load & just make yourself tidy up as you go. Try to get a routine going. It'll make life easier. (So Mrs Billy tells me. )

bored and tired

Shelli, i feel for you, i wouldnt be the best at picking up as you go either, but i give the palace a spruce up every am and pm.

But ive had my MIL stay with me for the last month as she is not feeling well,. However she is well enough to keep tidying up, make dinners and generally give disapproving looks at me house keeping skills, cooking skills and parenting skills,

And if she asks my OH if he had a hard day at work and to put his feet up once more skin and hair will start flying, ive spent years trying to train him and undo the damage she caused, i mean when we met he had a washer dryer in his flat but as he didnt know how to use it he took a black bag to the laundrette every few weeks.
two days after she moved in and hes forgotten where the sink is, never mind the dishwasher.

The thing is that as MIL go shes actually quite nice,

seamus

I'd very much second the "cleanout" bit. When you have space for stuff, it's much easier to put everything back in its place.

Go through cupboards and stuff for things lying around. If you find something that you're not going to use in the next five years, bin it. If you find something that you're not going to use in the next six months, stick it in the attic. All heirlooms, photos, certs, school reports from 1962 and that kind of stuff - In the attic.

21 days of practice sounds about right. That doesn't mean it'll be a permanent thing - you can still slip back to your olds ways - but after 2/3 weeks of doing something, it'll become more natural and less of a chore.

Hypnotherapy is a waste of your money. Don't bother.

biko

One tip: Whenever I go from the front room to the kitchen I'll have a quick look about me "Is there any cups, glasses, tea towels, ... that need to go to the kitchen?".

Also: If you pick up magazines, clothes, shoes, papers from the floor and table surfaces the place won't look so bad.
I'm a guy btw

MsFifers

One tip I heard once was - every time you leave a room, (or walk from one side to the other) make sure you have something in your hand to tidy away.

eg You get up from couch to make a cup of tea - gather up old newspapers and bring with you to put in recycling.

You leave kitchen to go to loo - pick up coats from back of chairs & hang up in hallway (or wherever).

You leave bedroom in the morning - pick up laundry to put in washbasket.

Basically - never have your hands empty when you are moving about your house.

EDIT - Biko - snap! Posted same idea at same time.

NextSteps

It sounds like the problem isn't cleaning (which can be dealt with in a 1 or 2 hour blitz) but general tidiness. Just spend five minutes now and then - when you're waiting for the dinner, or if you're listening to the news or whatever, and have a look round a room. Pick up and put away anything that's lying around. Put things to go upstairs on the stairs. Put the glasses in the kitchen. That kind of thing.

A few hours filling a black bag and a box for the charity shop can be easily done, too.

Glowing

biko wrote: »

One tip: Whenever I go from the front room to the kitchen I'll have a quick look about me "Is there any cups, glasses, tea towels, ... that need to go to the kitchen?".

Great suggestion! I do this too - if you're bringing the washing upstairs for example - dont' waste the trip, have a quick look around and bring up as much as you can! :pac:

Shelli

My OH is great, always picks up after himself and cleans as he goes along, he does all the "manly" jobs, fixing things, chopping fire wood, diy etc. and the odd bit of house work aswell. He's so used to having a spotless house, his mother is a clean freak, and I guess thats rubbed off on him a bit. I guess he just doesn't understand that it doesn't come naturally to me, I'm such a lazy sod LOL

Bored and Tired: I have the opposite problem to you, my MIL trained my OH too well!

Thanks for all the tips, I'm just going to have to keep doing my best and hope that things click in mentally I guess.

Adverts.ie will be getting a "Big Clear Out" post soon I'm guessing

Quality

Hi Shelli,

Its tough being a mom, and a stay at home mom at that.

The clear out will work wonders for you..

One bit of advice my mam gives me, is to concentrate on one job at a time.. And try to get one positive job done every day.. be it ironing, clearing out the hot press, sorting out the "drawer" in the kitchen.

Try and get a big tidy up done the hour your husband is due back rather than early in the morning when it is gonna be wrecked again.

Best of luck.

Dizzyblonde

Shelli, I think you young mothers nowadays are very hard on yourselves. My family are grown up now, but I was a full-time mother and even then I never got to grips with the house when they were little. You don't have to be a domestic goddess - you just have to keep things ticking over. And when you have a bit of spare time, spend it enjoying your beautiful baby, not scrubbing the house. Nobody can do it all.
If you can throw out all the rubbishy stuff you don't use it'll be a start - and storage is very important, make sure you have a place to chuck everything into.
Since you're working, would you not consider having a cleaner in for a couple of hours a week. As the L'oreal ad goes 'Because you're worth it!'.

ps; Who ever said that homes were supposed to be uncluttered and sparkly all the time?

mountain

shelli,

if both you and oh are working, then it is a joint responsibilty to keep the house clean, you have to make sure that he does his share of it.

Of course, i believe that houses are for living in, a little bit of clutter isnt a bad thing, its a sign of a house that a normal family with kids live in.

John Mason

errr....... your problem is that you dont pick up after yourself - right? and your house is a mess but your OH cleans up after you.

well how about this, start picking up after yourself

Shelli

My OH certainly does not clean up after me, nor would I ask him to.

I was asking for help in ways to change the habits of a lifetime, so telling me to “start picking up after myself” is not in the slightest bit helpful.

Dudess

Shelli wrote: »

but it turns into a tip so quickly, and it's mainly becuase I don't pick up things as I go along, and it is my fault, I can admit that, just can't seem to change.

Why is it just your fault? It doesn't seem possible for just one person to be able to turn a place into a tip. Maybe it's not as untidy as you think it is? Is your partner definitely doing his bit around the house - clearing up after himself etc?

My OH is getting really pissed off by this lately.

Tell him you're working full-time and you have a baby to mind - in case he didn't notice. Yeah I hate clutter too, but I wouldn't get pissed off with someone who's as busy as you are.

Shelli

Yeah, he does more than his fair share tbh, see by second post above.

I guess it's just because I get home about 2 hours before him, it's not nice for him to come home to a mess.

I just need to get a handle on being tidier myself. My bedroom at home was always a tip, it's the only place my mother wouldn't clean.

Overheal

In my house the done deal was he/she cooked, crap was piled in the kitchen, then I would clean up the kitchen everyday after school and light the fire. Vaccuming and such was done once a week. If you're coming home 2 hours early (same as myself) thats a good thing to get in the habit of.

I like the suggestions by Biko and everyone too: Im awful for that.

he does all the "manly" jobs, fixing things, chopping fire wood, diy etc.

lol. And kills cattle with his bare hands so you have steak every night

Shelli

I think if we had cattle he would probably try! LOL

Clink

Hey OP I'm with you, I live by myself and I despair of how quickly I turn the place into tip, can't imagine what it'd be like with a child to look after too. I'm training myself to do things even in ten minute bursts at the moment e.g. when the spuds are boiling wash the dishes. I also find that if you concentrate on doing one room at a time it helps psychologically as then you know you even have one non-messed up room.