bf called me fat...

missingyou

Boyfriend called me "fat" and said my weight was getting out of control... so i better start with something... no scales in the house but im a size 10 on top and 12 on bottom... but gotta start working out and eating healthy... any suggestions on a diet plan?? :S this is what i have been at for the last few mornings with a few different changes here and there!!

breakfast: special k with low fat milk and herbal tea

lunch: roll/ 2 slices of whole grain bread with salad and sometimes a bit of ham/ salmon/ light cheese

dinner: varies... but have little say in it as i am in digs!

snacks: fruit... low fat crackers... and somedays a stick of a kit kat...
Have been like this last few days....

exercise includes.... emm pilate style exercises half an hour in morning and half an hour at night, and an hour jog/brisk walk in the afternoon but not most nights!

been drinking a lot of water...

my weakness is totally lunch time and school... caffeine is a major additction! any tips would be really helpful!!

Mental Mickey

missingyou wrote: »

Boyfriend called me "fat" and said my weight was getting out of control... so i better start with something... no scales in the house but im a size 10 on top and 12 on bottom... but gotta start working out and eating healthy... any suggestions on a diet plan?? :S this is what i have been at for the last few mornings with a few different changes here and there!!

breakfast: special k with low fat milk and herbal tea

lunch: roll/ 2 slices of whole grain bread with salad and sometimes a bit of ham/ salmon/ light cheese

dinner: varies... but have little say in it as i am in digs!

snacks: fruit... low fat crackers... and somedays a stick of a kit kat...
Have been like this last few days....

exercise includes.... emm pilate style exercises half an hour in morning and half an hour at night, and an hour jog/brisk walk in the afternoon but not most nights!

been drinking a lot of water...

my weakness is totally lunch time and school... caffeine is a major additction! any tips would be really helpful!!

Tell your "boyfriend" to f**k off for a start. He should love you the way you are.

missingyou

lol he does i know he does... but i guess he is worried about my health and how i look he knows im insecure about these things, like how i look and all! and he is trying to give me the kick up the bum! i dont want to get rid of my bf and we have been fighting but i love him loads.... and dont want rid of him! i really just want to get my selfesteem up!!

Mental Mickey

missingyou wrote: »

lol he does i know he does... but i guess he is worried about my health and how i look he knows im insecure about these things, like how i look and all! and he is trying to give me the kick up the bum! i dont want to get rid of my bf and we have been fighting but i love him loads.... and dont want rid of him! i really just want to get my selfesteem up!!

If he does love you, why did he call you fat?? He should've used a better phrase.......??

IMO, I think the only excess weight you have is him!!!!!????

Glowing

I think you should shove the scales up his ****

missingyou

naw he didnt say fat thats me jumping to pure conclusions about wat he said... what he did say was "your weight has been getting out of control" and that "i have gained weight since ive been with him" but talking to my friends they say that they dont think i have put on weight and some even thin i have lost some, i duno to be honest but i know he wouldnt lie to me about a thing like that. he really does care about me i know he does by things he has done in the past but like i just need to get sorted out!

Mental Mickey

missingyou wrote: »

naw he didnt say fat thats me jumping to pure conclusions about wat he said... what he did say was "your weight has been getting out of control" and that "i have gained weight since ive been with him" but talking to my friends they say that they dont think i have put on weight and some even thin i have lost some, i duno to be honest but i know he wouldnt lie to me about a thing like that. he really does care about me i know he does by things he has done in the past but like i just need to get sorted out!

Seriously, tell him to f**k off, and find someone who will take you for what you are.......

Good luck.

missingyou

naw here guys i would never leave him, i love him too much he loves me too i know it! i only put up this thread to get advice about losing weight and why i need to so fast! lol but seriously he did sa it in a kinda tactful way and i want to lose weight for me and not for him!

Mental Mickey

missingyou wrote: »

naw here guys i would never leave him, i love him too much he loves me too i know it! i only put up this thread to get advice about losing weight and why i need to so fast! lol but seriously he did sa it in a kinda tactful way and i want to lose weight for me and not for him!

Are you sure you're doing it for you?? Sounds like he's pushed you into this.....? Maybe he has issues?? Maybe his "friends" are slagging him about being with someone who isn't "normal"? You have to find out WHY he said it in the first place.

Sounds corny, but if he doesn't love you the way you are, kick him to the kerb.

This is coming from a bloke, btw.

missingyou

naw i know he loves me the way i am, its just he saw how upset i was talking aboiut my weight a while ago and i think he wanted to help me! i have no will power and i think he just wanted me to see that, i did go on a diet before and i totally cave after 2 weeks! naw i know he loves me for who i am we have had a hard past together and like he wouldnt be with me now if he didnt care and love me! i honestly dont think that he wanted me to feel bad but it just made me feel that way! I have wanted to lose weight a long time before he said it and i know he did really find it hard telling me... but i really have wanted to lose weight for myself well before we got together! thats why i want to lose it! for me and not for him... he just gave me the push... thanks for your concern and advice though it really is appreciated!

microgirl

Your boyfriend sounds like a complete f**ker and a control-freak.

If you are a size 10 on top and 12 on the bottom I don't understand how your weight can be "getting out of control" (and believe me, that is *not* the phrase a loving and supportive boyfriend uses!) unless you're either 5 foot nothing and/or were underweight when you met him.

Sure, fine, get more exercise (though seriously an hour of pilates a day is probably enough, with a half-hour walk or run 3 times a week, just for normal health and fitness) but tell him where to shove his arrogant, controlling attitude.

Supercell

Jesus so many people thinking he's the bad guy here.

Maybe he just see's his lovely girlfriend starting to turn a little tubby and feels they have a strong enough relationship that he can tell her so, better he says it now before she's size 16 and wonders why he doesnt find her sexy anymore?

The OP seems to be happy with him so lets just answer the question she is asking instead of reading stuff into it thats not there.

My advice - ditch the Special K crap and the bread at lunch and snack on fruit, nuts etc but not crackers which are fattening.

missingyou

lol thank you, thas the kinda advice i wanted! so you are saying for breakfast and lunch i should be having fruit and nuts??

Mental Mickey

microgirl wrote: »

Your boyfriend sounds like a complete f**ker and a control-freak.

If you are a size 10 on top and 12 on the bottom I don't understand how your weight can be "getting out of control" (and believe me, that is *not* the phrase a loving and supportive boyfriend uses!) unless you're either 5 foot nothing and/or were underweight when you met him.

Sure, fine, get more exercise (though seriously an hour of pilates a day is probably enough, with a half-hour walk or run 3 times a week, just for normal health and fitness) but tell him where to shove his arrogant, controlling attitude.

+1.

Mental Mickey

Longfield wrote: »

Jesus so many people thinking he's the bad guy here.

Maybe he just see's his lovely girlfriend starting to turn a little tubby and feels they have a strong enough relationship that he can tell her so, better he says it now before she's size 16 and wonders why he doesnt find her sexy anymore?

The OP seems to be happy with him so lets just answer the question she is asking instead of reading stuff into it thats not there.

My advice - ditch the Special K crap and the bread at lunch and snack on fruit, nuts etc but not crackers which are fattening.

I agree with the OP changing her diet, but I also think the bf needs to be dumped.

Supercell

missingyou wrote: »

lol thank you, thas the kinda advice i wanted! so you are saying for breakfast and lunch i should be having fruit and nuts??

Kelkin Hi8 Muesli is tasty and healthy, I'd strongly recommend it.
Porridge is very healthy too, personally I don't like the taste but each to their own.

jon1981

in fairness im with the boyfreind on this one...a relationship starts with some physical attraction and the attraction should always remain throughout the relationship...the last thing you want is for him/her to fall out of attraction because their partner got complacent and piled on the weight.

anyone who says they should love you for who you are not what you are is talking complete bollox! if the boyfriend/girlfriend cant talk about stuff like this, well then there is something wrong. ok it may be only a little bit of weight now...but it could lead to shrek size proportions...we all know what irish women are like once they hit 30!

missingyou

naw i really dont think i should dump him, he really was trying his best! hes bad with words sometimes and i know it... we really are perfect for each other and he does support me... he does care a lot! for example, he is in uni in belfast and he got his chosen degree course, i got a course there in history which was relly my second choice my other option was to go to dublin to repeat my leaving cert so that i could do law, he wouldnt even hear of me going to belfast with him cause he knew i would be settling. now we have a long distance relationship cause of me. i love him truly and he loves me, i have noticed me put on weight especially around my tummy and i think he sees that i am sad about it!

Supercell

Mental Mickey wrote: »

I agree with the OP changing her diet, but I also think the bf needs to be dumped.

Why?

If they are close, whats wrong with him saying she's putting on a few pounds?, better now than when if she becomes a tubby an he just is turned off her and they start having fights over stupid stuff because he finds her repulsive?

I think I'd much rather be told i was getting tubby early rather than late especially as i dont like being a tubby!

jon1981

Longfield wrote: »

Why?

If they are close, whats wrong with him saying she's putting on a few pounds?, better now than when if she becomes a tubby an he just is turned off her and they start having fights over stupid stuff because he finds her repulsive?

I think I'd much rather be told i was getting tubby early rather than late especially as i dont like being a tubby!

+1 finally someone with abit of sense!!!

jon1981

jon1981 wrote: »

anyone who says they should love you for who you are not what you are is talking complete bollox!

Bookmark this post and check back in a decade when you've finally been laid.

jon1981

some people just dont like the truth...

Longfield

Longfield wrote: »

Why?

If they are close, whats wrong with him saying she's putting on a few pounds?, better now than when if she becomes a tubby an he just is turned off her and they start having fights over stupid stuff because he finds her repulsive?

I think I'd much rather be told i was getting tubby early rather than late especially as i dont like being a tubby!

The point is that other people don't think she has put on weight, in fact some think she has lost it.
Nobody is tubby at a size 10.
It smacks of a control issue.

Mental Mickey

The bf could've/should've used better words to get his point across, rather than coming out and calling her "fat".

jon1981

Moonbaby wrote: »

The point is that other people don't think she has put on weight, in fact some think she has lost it.
Nobody is tubby at a size 10.
It smacks of a control issue.

no it doesnt!!! how is it control. hes just pointing out a fact

jon1981

Mental Mickey wrote: »

The bf could've/should've used better words to get his point across, rather than coming out and calling her "fat".

the OP already stated he did not use the fat word

Mental Mickey

Moonbaby wrote: »

The point is that other people don't think she has put on weight, in fact some think she has lost it.
Nobody is tubby at a size 10.
It smacks of a control issue.[/QUOTE]


Exactly. If she wants to lose weight - and by the sounds of it, she doesn't seem to need to - she should be doing it for herself.

Honestly, this guy sounds like a control freak, and needs to be dumped. Maybe he is the one with issues........?

Mental Mickey

missingyou wrote: »

Boyfriend called me "fat" and said my weight was getting out of control... so i better start with something... no scales in the house but im a size 10 on top and 12 on bottom... but gotta start working out and eating healthy... any suggestions on a diet plan?? :S this is what i have been at for the last few mornings with a few different changes here and there!!

breakfast: special k with low fat milk and herbal tea

lunch: roll/ 2 slices of whole grain bread with salad and sometimes a bit of ham/ salmon/ light cheese

dinner: varies... but have little say in it as i am in digs!

snacks: fruit... low fat crackers... and somedays a stick of a kit kat...
Have been like this last few days....

exercise includes.... emm pilate style exercises half an hour in morning and half an hour at night, and an hour jog/brisk walk in the afternoon but not most nights!

been drinking a lot of water...

my weakness is totally lunch time and school... caffeine is a major additction! any tips would be really helpful!!

I think the bf DID call her fat??

missingyou

i already explained that he did not call me fat and that that was my overreaction to the whole situation. he told me i have been putting on weight... and honestly i have been increasing in size.... my tummy is huge!! even if i am a size 10 on top!!

Mental Mickey

missingyou wrote: »

i already explained that he did not call me fat and that that was my overreaction to the whole situation. he told me i have been putting on weight... and honestly i have been increasing in size.... my tummy is huge!! even if i am a size 10 on top!!

I'm confused??? You said in your OP that he DID call you fat!?

missingyou

"fat" as in i meant that that was what he implied.... sorry about the confusion but what he did say was that he thought i have been putting on weight!

IanCurtis

It's a hard thing to tell a girl they're putting on weight cos they always react badly.

But if he's finding her less attractive cos she's getting a big belly or a big arse, better he tells her early than leave her fat and single

mikemac

I'm with Longfield on this, let's not hang the boyfriend just yet.

Sometimes people need to be shocked into action.
Much the same way a teacher called me a waster and told me I'd be stacking shelves in Dunnes for the rest of my life if I didn't start studying hard for the Leaving Cert.
It hurt to the core, I was mad and also humiliated but it got me to take action with a good outcome.
If I was told, maybe I could try harder, probably would be no change.
And maybe this will be a turning point for the OP

Better to be told now then in six months time if the OP gets dumped and doesn't understand why.

Best of luck OP

microgirl

I don't think you should dump him OP -that's a tad extreme - but he should be let know that, really, phrases like "your weight is getting out of control" are *not* appropriate - *especially* if he knows you're insecure about your weight!

Responding directly to you lamenting about your weight with "Well yeah, you have put on a few pounds since we started going out. You're not fat, but you could lose a few pounds if you wanted" is plenty enough.

I'd recommend the eating regime I followed when I lost weight but a) other people have shown horror of it (nuts and seeds, goats dairy and olive oil were all important) and b) you don't get to control your dinner, so can't really stick with it.

But I'd suggest porridge in the morning (or sugar-free muesli, but it's very easy to eat more muesli than you should as it's so dense) with berries and/or other soft fruits, and fish and veg at lunch. Not bread at lunch. Short grain brown rice if you need the carbs. Or occasionally a couple of small slices of Irish brown bread with a bowl of soup (non cream-containing).

Snacks - fruit, veg, rice cakes without additives and nuts and seeds. Plenty of water.

Mental Mickey

And give him some food to keep his gob shut.


Only kidding.

RoyalMarine

your a size 12 on bottom and a 10 on top?

you know thats perfectly sexy. anything else would be too skinny in my opinion.

your bf sounds like a git but hey im sure he's got his + sides.

Mental Mickey

RoyalMarineComm wrote: »

your a size 12 on bottom and a 10 on top?

you know thats perfectly sexy. anything else would be too skinny in my opinion.
your bf sounds like a git but hey im sure he's got his + sides.

Agree. I actually found myself attracted to someone at work who wasn't the typical size 10 babe.......I actually became attracted to something else...............her personality.

Ciaran500

FFS let it go, especially Mickey.

She came here looking for nutrition advice, not pages of people screaming dump him and offering relationship advice.

Mental Mickey

Ciaran500 wrote: »

FFS let it go, especially Mickey.

She came here looking for nutrition advice, not pages of people screaming dump him and offering relationship advice.

But he seems to be a big part of the problem????

jon1981

seriously this is a silly argument, if she developed some nasty social or personality defect that she didnt have at the beginning of the relationship it would be acceptable for him to say it to her...but when it comes to the physical side of things he should keep his mouth shut or get dumped???? (sarcasm) some people are deluded!!

AARRRGH

The boyfriend is correct.

Fat cells, once created, can only be removed via surgery.

The key is not to let the fat cells form in the first place.

If the OP is getting bigger and bigger (you don't sound big btw) it's better to stop the growth now before more fat cells form.

I think it's good you and your boyfriend can talk about things, and I believe you that he wasn't trying to be a wanker. I'm assuming, of course, that you could say something similar to him.

OP: Cut out the junk (you can still treat yourself sometimes) and jog for 30 minutes every two days and you'll be sorted.

Mental Mickey

jon1981 wrote: »

seriously this is a silly argument, if she developed some nasty social or personality defect that she didnt have at the beginning of the relationship it would be acceptable for him to say it to her...but when it comes to the physical side of things he should keep his mouth shut or get dumped???? some people are deluded!!

+1

jon1981

Mental Mickey wrote: »

+1

that was sarcasm mental mickey...remember i think he has every right to say it

AckwelFoley

Dump him now.

Any man that would say that to a woman he "loves" has no respect for you.

Nobody deserves that.

Ciaran500

Mental Mickey wrote: »

But he seems to be a big part of the problem????

There is no problem at all. Her BF said something to her and she decided to change her diet. Now she wants advice on the diet. Nothing more.

Mental Mickey wrote: »

+1

His post goes against everything you said?

Mental Mickey

jon1981 wrote: »

that was sarcasm mental mickey...remember i think he has every right to say it

Well maybe he should've chosen a better way to do so.........?

jon1981

snyper wrote: »

Dump him now.

Any man that would say that to a woman he "loves" has no respect for you.

Nobody deserves that.

i am laughing my hole off at you right now! lmao

Ciaran500

snyper wrote: »

Dump him now.

Any man that would say that to a woman he "loves" has no respect for you.

Nobody deserves that.

He didn't call her fat if that is what you are reffering to, read the thread.

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Well maybe he should've chosen a better way to do so.........?

It was perfectly clear.

Mental Mickey

Ciaran500 wrote: »

He didn't call her fat if that is what you are reffering to, read the thread.

It was perfectly clear.

You know what I meant!? :rolleyes: He could've chosen a more subtle way to say it.

AARRRGH

Mental Mickey wrote: »

You know what I meant!? :rolleyes: He could've chosen a more subtle way to say it.

Maybe he could have, but it's hardly an offence you'd break up about.

aoife000

missingyou wrote: »

my tummy is huge!! even if i am a size 10 on top!!

i'm confused... don't those two statements contradict each other?

how is it possible to have a huge tummy yet be a size 10??