A Christmas Wedding

Stickytape08

I'm trying to plan a weeding for Christmas 08 but am worried that some people may not travel due to the time of year.

Hypothetically speaking, if you were invited to a wedding say the weekend before christmas do you think you would be able to attend - given the cost of travel, accomodation, present, day out cost in addition to christmas.

The place we are having the reception offers reasonable accomodation and would also have a cheaper alternative of holiday homes close by to let for the weekend.

It has been said to us that people may not be able to go so close to christmas because of the cost and we should have it before or after christmas but I think that would be the same difference - its just the psychology of paying for everything in one month as far as I am concerned and think that if we can get that across to our guests it should be fine.

Are we beening unreasonable?

angeldelight

My parents got married on Dec 29th, 23 years ago when people travelled much less relatively speaking and everybody still turned up (or so I'm told!)... I think your true friends and the people you really want there would go whenever you had it. And because Christmas is a Thursday this year there'd still be plenty of time for last-minute shopping etc. it's not like it's the last shopping day or anything. I can't answer for your guests but if I were invited to a wedding that weekend I'd go! Just make sure to let them know in advance so they can put some money aside and it's not all coming out of one month's pay

Curvy Vixen

No I wouldn't ~ and for the very reasons you pointed out.

I used to work for a flower importer and the amount of weddings actually over the Xmas period is unreal however....and for the very valid reason that a lot of people come 'home' for Xmas anyway, so people especially with family and friends abroad, would time their weddings for between Xmas and New Year.

Could you consider maybe doing it that way?

I think that the weekend before could be hard for people who would be taking time off over Xmas, getting the last minute things done etc, etc....

heavyheart

Its your wedding ... have it when you want it ..its the only time your allowed be selfish and you wont ever have your wedding day back ...if people want to come , they will come .....

clawsthefirst

I was at a wedding the weekend before Christmas last year and have to say it was just fabulous. Everyone was in a very jolly festive mood and were up for a huge party, the bride and groom got a heap of time off work as they combined honeymoon with holidays and as well everyone was home for it. I used it as an excuse to buy a really expensive dress that I could wear to all the other parties that were going on, happy days all around! I'd say go for it!

Stickytape08

Thanks for all the input.

I am actually looking forward to it. We have a lovely venue which does not do too many Christmas parties so the room should be very nice (and festive)

The thing is it will also give people a legitimate reason to take the Monday and Tuesday off work!! - The idea was people would finish work on the Friday and be off until the Monday after christmas at the very least.

Let the wedding and jingle bells ring!

Das Kitty

Personally I absolutely hate getting invited to weddings at Christmas time. I've been to two in the last couple of years and I ended up driving home from them (obviously after not drinking all evening) because I couldn't afford the hotel. I also couldn't afford my usual cash gift and they got less from me as a result (I feel bad but it was still 3 more weeks till my next paycheck and I needed to eat).

The weddings themselves were lovely, all Christmassy and that though.

Still haven't been invited to a midweek wedding, I'm dreading that!

daiixi

If people actually like you and you give them enough warning about the wedding (read: a few months, not six weeks) then there's no reason why they can't budget for the wedding. If people don't want to go then do you really want them to be there anyway? Like all the people who choose to miss the ceremony "but that's okay, I'll be at the afters". What?! It's people getting married that you're meant to be experiencing - not a party.

Curvy Vixen

daiixi wrote: »

If people actually like you and you give them enough warning about the wedding (read: a few months, not six weeks) then there's no reason why they can't budget for the wedding. If people don't want to go then do you really want them to be there anyway? Like all the people who choose to miss the ceremony "but that's okay, I'll be at the afters". What?! It's people getting married that you're meant to be experiencing - not a party.

I don't think it's about people liking you or not! You could give me 3 months warning about a Xmas wedding but I work full time, as does my husband, and we still wouldn't be able to 'magic' time off work if towards the end of the year, we have little or no annual leave time left to take from work.

Getting married is about wanting to commit to each other in front of friends and loved ones, and like it or not it's nice to consider the position of those people, whether it be because of finances, time off work, etc. It's not all about 'it's your day, do what you like'.

We would have loved a more exciting wedding menu for instance than we eventually chose but we had to consider that most people wouldn't eat something like veal or venison so we chose pork! Not exciting, but popular and not stressful to the guests feeling awkward having to try and get something 'normal' from the waiting staff on the day.

I agree completely with 'have your wedding whenever you want it' but I was on many, many boards when we got married nearly 3 years ago and there were always posts from brides fretting over the amount of 'regrets' they were getting through the post and the fact that 'at this rate nobody would be there!'

If the OP is asking the question then she must have a concern already about that happening.

Clink

As long as it's a weekend wedding I wouldn't have a problem at all with being invited to one at Christmas. Unless it was on in the week after Christmas when most people are off work anyway then it wouldn't matter what day it was on new years eve would be a great day to have it I reckon! I've only been to one Christmas wedding and everyone invited went and it was very festive and lovely.

daiixi

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I don't think it's about people liking you or not! You could give me 3 months warning about a Xmas wedding but I work full time, as does my husband, and we still wouldn't be able to 'magic' time off work if towards the end of the year, we have little or no annual leave time left to take from work.

Okay, so you've known for say 18 months (about average from what I've seen) that you're friend/cousin/sister is engaged. You know about a year in advance that they've booked somewhere. You ask them the date. If you really want to go then you'll not take all your annual leave and save a day or two or, heaven forbid, take unpaid leave or call in sick. /edit and if you haven't known that they've been engaged for the whole time then how good a friend are you anyway and wouldn't you be wondering why you were invited in the first place?

I agree completely with 'have your wedding whenever you want it' but I was on many, many boards when we got married nearly 3 years ago and there were always posts from brides fretting over the amount of 'regrets' they were getting through the post and the fact that 'at this rate nobody would be there!'

Honestly if people said to me that they couldn't make it to my wedding then they would have to have a damn good excuse to remain friends.

If the OP is asking the question then she must have a concern already about that happening.

As I said above, if people won't make the effort then why do you care if they're not there?

Das Kitty

It's a bit cheeky to assume you're invited though don't you think?

In some cases it's a safe assumption but in a lot of cases not. There's a couple of my first cousins now that only invited immediate family and then there was a relatively close friend of ours who went abroad and only had the two sets of parents there.

Realistically you get 6 to 8 weeks notice for a wedding.

I don't think you should be falling out with people for not coming, some people just can't make it.

daiixi

Das Kitty wrote: »

It's a bit cheeky to assume you're invited though don't you think?

In some cases it's a safe assumption but in a lot of cases not. There's a couple of my first cousins now that only invited immediate family and then there was a relatively close friend of ours who went abroad and only had the two sets of parents there.

Realistically you get 6 to 8 weeks notice for a wedding.

I don't think you should be falling out with people for not coming, some people just can't make it.

Don't tell me you don't discuss this sort of thing with your engaged family member/friend?! And if you want a wedding at a busier time surely you'll give more notice than 6 to 8 weeks (as I said above)? Afterall you book the damn thing far enough in advance over here.

And at the worst, you're not invited so you either have an extra day of annual leave up your sleeve or you don't call in sick.

And no, I wouldn't fall out with someone because they couldn't come. I'd fall out with someone who didn't have a damn good reason for not coming. But then again I'd give the appropriate amount of warning so bad budgeting or holiday planning wouldn't be good excuses.

iguana

Just want to add one thing. If anybody you really want to be at the wedding works in retail their may be absolutely NO WAY that they can have the weekend before Christmas off. Many retail companies have policy that absolutely NOBODY can book the weekend preceding Christmas off.

I'm not trying to put a dampner on things, it's your wedding and you should have it when you want. And some retail workers can work around this, but I have known people who have lost their jobs for not going that weekend.

Curvy Vixen

daiixi wrote: »

Okay, so you've known for say 18 months (about average from what I've seen) that you're friend/cousin/sister is engaged. You know about a year in advance that they've booked somewhere. You ask them the date. If you really want to go then you'll not take all your annual leave and save a day or two or, heaven forbid, take unpaid leave or call in sick. /edit and if you haven't known that they've been engaged for the whole time then how good a friend are you anyway and wouldn't you be wondering why you were invited in the first place?


Honestly if people said to me that they couldn't make it to my wedding then they would have to have a damn good excuse to remain friends.


As I said above, if people won't make the effort then why do you care if they're not there?

Some people can't just do that daiixi. It's impossible in my job for me to take unpaid leave and I'm not the sort of person to just call in sick. You are also assuming that all of those invited are living in Ireland. The OP might have people who live outside the country that they would like to invite and I'm pretty sure that with Xmas falling on a Thurs/Fri this year (or Fri/Sat next year) that this would mean them taking a full week off work in order to attend a wedding that's held on the weekend before Xmas. That's why it's often good to have it in the bit between Xmas and the NY, because people tend to be back in the country then anyway.

I can't say if the OP was being reasonable or unreasonable as she asked but she did ask our opinion and that's what she got!

And some people couldn't make it to our wedding but we certainly didn't put 'Reason you can't attend' on our Acceptance cards LOL! And I absolutely did not call them if we got a no and request the reason and then decide if it was a 'good enough' reason to remain friends or not :rolleyes:

And good point iguana re: the retail thing ~ different people are in different circumstances.

Stickytape08

Thanks for that - i think both sides have made great comments and there are alot of agruements there which we never considered but worth looking into.

Thanks all!

barbiegirl

Just to say I'm going to a Christmas wedding this year, it's on the 30th. 2 of out mates work in banking and normally work those days between Christmas and New Years, but as they know in advance they have booked the time off. Weddings nearly always involved holidays from work, so the time of year makes little difference. For me anyway :-)