Tech Support

kaimera

Prolly old but some good ones

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Tech support:What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer:A white one...

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Customer:Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support:Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer:Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support:That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer:No,wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

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Tech support:Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer:Your left or my left?

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Tech support:Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer:Hello... I can't print.
Tech support:Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer:Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

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Customer:Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer:I have problems printing in red...
Tech support:Do you have a color printer?
Customer:Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support:What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer:A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

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Customer:My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support:Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer:No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support:Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support:That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer:Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support:Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer:Is that 7 in capital letters ?

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Customer:can't get on the Internet.
Tech support:Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer:Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support:Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:Five stars.

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Tech support:What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer:Netscape.
Tech support:That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer:Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer:I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support:How may I help you?
Customer:I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support:OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer:Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support:Are you running it under windows?
Customer:'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

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And last but not least...
Tech support:'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer:I don't have a P.
Tech support:On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support:'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer:I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

CrazyRabbit

From my days providing PC Helpdesk support to the US market:

1. Woman calls in speaking in spanish (keep in mind that she rang the English language desk). I try to explain that I don't speak spanish. After a few moments of silence, I hear a meek little voice saying 'Hello?'. I asked who was speaking and he said his name was Juan. This was definitely a kids voice. When I asked him how old he was, he replied 'I'm 5'.
Yes, the mum has put her 5 year old son on the phone to tech support because she didn't speak english! I walked him through the issue and after about 40-50 mins we fixed the problem. Fair play to the little kid!

2. A guy from Georgia calls to say his PC wasn't working anymore. Now, at this stage we knew that there was some heavy electrical storms in his state that day so we asked him if there had been any lightning strikes to the house, or to nearby power/telephone lines. He confirmed that the telephone pole just down the street had taken a direct hit. Then I asked if the phone line was connected to this dialup modem when it happened. I didn't need to say anything else. He realised what had happened. He still freaked out when I told him that acts of god are not covered by the warranty.

3. A texan (my favourite customers), called to say that some keys were not working on his keyboard. Now, a standard step we took was a what we termed a 'drop test'. It involved dropping the keyboard from a height of two inches to the desk. This usually dislodged any food/items that had become stuck under the keys. So, I explained the steps and waited for the usual 'thud' sound. I heard nothing for a few seconds, and he then bursts out with a huge texan belly laugh. After 30 seconds of straight laughter, he says "My, we're getting mightly technical now, ain't we?" I guess he was expecting something a bit more 'technical'.

4. Customer wanted new keyboard as it wasn't working since he cleaned it. After a few minutes, he admitted that he cleaned it by putting it in a bath of water & washing up liquid.

5. Another customer called demanding a replacement PC because his 'had been fried with a lightning strike'. After asking a few questions, we determined that he had left the PC outside on the (flat) roof of his house. He had been using the PC outside as the weather was nice that morning. He forgot to bring it in when the weather turned nasty later in the day. It seems the metal casing of PC's make excellent lightning rods/conductors. Who would have guessed??

6. A customer whose PC had a genuine hardware fault refused to give us his name/address so that we could send a courier out to collect it for repair. His reason: We might be working with the government, and he didn't want 'them' to know where he was. After 30 mins, we were unable to find a mutually acceptable method of getting the PC back to us for repair. Eventually, he decided to bring it directlyto our repair center...which was in a neighbouring state 3 hours drive away!

7. Several customer called in asking how to remove evidence of them visiting websites that their wives/girlfriends wouldn't approve of.

8. A guy called over 200 times in each month just to have a chat with us. To this day, I don't know if he even had one of our PC's. We loved listening to his wild stories about having dinner with the president or famous actors etc. He didn't even need to us to talk back. We'd go on lunch, come back after an hour and he's still be talking to himself. Poor guy.

9. I spent 1.5 hours on the phone with a guy helping setup his PC. He really didn't have a clue. Keep in mind that everything is colour coded so that a 4 year old could set it up....purple cable goes into purple slot etc. After finally getting the machine turned on, I had to teach him what the word 'mouse' meant and how to use it. After 20 mins of practice, he could just about move it around. Add in another 45 mins navigating the windows 'final configuration' screens and I was about to scream. He finally seemed happy...but then he sprung a surprise on me. He wanted me to teach him how to use each of the programs that was installed. I explained I wasn't a teacher, and that I couldn't help any further. I advised him to contact local libraries/schools to see of they were running any beginner courses for PC's. He went nuts and insisted that it was my job to answer all his questions. Our conversation promptly got cut off 'accidentely' at this stage.

bill_ashmount

kaimera wrote: »

Tech support:Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer:Hello... I can't print.
Tech support:Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer:Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

lol