New interest.....what not to mention?

Teddi

Hey guys...

havent posted in a while, been trying to sort a few things out...

recently Ive started getting to know this girl through a friend...but we havent met yet..talked..txted...emailed..

shes so great...really is..everything that I look for in someone.but the one thing thats bugging me is the way I am currently (depression etc). She seems so well together with herself....sorted...and of course Im not!

Im wondering..how much of the depression etc should I tell her? as I would effect some aspects of us getting to know each other more...like going out for drinks (recently started getting a social phobia that im trying to fight).I dont want her to think im going to be really problematic for her in the long run...dont want to put her off at the start..you know?

I wouldnt mind bringing her out for Dinner as a "first date"....but then Im kind of scared as to what can happen after that....putting me in situations that id find really uncomfortable?

thanks

Overheal

Really, you only need to tell her as much as she needs to know. For example if you have a social phobia, let her know that. Questions may get asked but you will always be in control of how much you divulge. I think you know yourself a few of the things you would rather keep quiet about. But, if she hears about it (I understand it got pretty public the last time) you should at least think about what you want to say about yourself on the matter.

Dont be afraid to tell a girl you're uncomfortable. Its just communication. If you get nervous don't be scared to let her know. But to be honest I think those situations you are worried about being uncomfortable will be a lot more comfortable than you are imagining.

Miss Fluff

I went out with a guy who was on meds for depression. Did not mention it until about our third date and then over time he told me a bit more about his condition. Try not to make it into a huge issue. Tell her on a need-to-know basis, I wouldn't tell her anything until you have hooked up and don't overwhelm her with information. Not that you have anything to be ashamed of, but she might just be the girl to help improve your condition so give yourself AND her a chance. Take her out for dinner OP and good luck, don't second guess yourself:)

LegacyUser

I'm with Miss Fluff on that one. You're depression doesn't define who you are, she doesn't need to know just now.

Of course you wont be problematic for her but that's the impression she'll get if you make a big deal out of it. Just go with the flow and casually mention here and there what you feel she should know.

Remember though, she may be a star but you don't actually owe her anything. There's nothing wrong with you so don't act like there is. She's as lucky to have you as you are to have her.
Good luck

Teddi

thanks for the great replies guys....means alot!

you made alot of sense...sense that Im going to apply to this situation...

I'll just bring it up as I need to..and not sit her down and tell her this huge shpeel!

smiler26

Exactly Teddi, and if she knows you through a friend, chances are she already knows a bit about your background, and is already cool with it.

Be careful though, I know I have made the mistake of spilling my heart on the 1st/2nd date and the poor poys ran a mile. Take it easy, don't make a big deal of it. For example, if she wanted you to go to a nightclub or a really busy pub or something sometime and you were feeling panicky about it, I would just tell her you're not comfy with that scene, and prefer a more chilled atmosphere etc.

Then, depending on how the relationship progresses, you can let her know more and more about your inner thoughts.

Good luck, delighted a nice guy like you is finally having some luck!:)

Pigletlover

This girl has already gotten to know you a bit through talking, texting and emailing and she obviously likes you if she's going on a date with you, so when the time is right you can tell her a bit more about your depression, but for now I wouldn't say anything. You have nothing to be ashamed of but if you make it out to be a bigger deal than it is she may become a bit nervous. You seem to be ok with taking her for a meal so that would make a nice first date and there's nothing wrong with doing that for a second date either. Maybe you could take her to the cinema, things that you're comfortable with. If she suggests doing something you're not too sure about you can put it off by telling her you're not really in the mood until you're ready to tell her about your social anxiety (try suggesting something else to do so she doesn't think you're knocking her back). Who knows, this gitl may even help you overcome that in time. Best of luck with it.

cherrio

If I might suggest, don't go out "for dinner" as a first date (too much pressure), don't goto the cinema either (can't talk / get to know each other)

Instead do something fun, like bowling or playing pool, etc... Ye will be able to talk and get to know each other better while having fun. As for what to tell her, play it by ear. She's may not be the one you marry so she doesn't have to know everything, just go with what you feel comfortably with.