Are men expected to organise the wedding?

heavyheart

Hi There

Do many of you ladies find your organizing the wedding yourself ??

rediguana

My fiancee is doing most of the organising. She can go on the internet all day at work though. I'm doing what I can, my (possible) best man has a wedding band (well, he has a few bands, but he has one very good wedding band) and I work in wines, so I'll be sorting those.

She has an endless capacity for it though, whereas I need to take a break from it every now and then. Her cousin is a priest, so he'll do the ceremony.

We already have a church and venue and we just decided last week and the wedding's in August 2007. People were kind of laughing at us, but work expands to fill the time available. Five months is plenty - who could be doing this for eighteen or twenty-four months?!

Grawns

Men are expected to be supportive, interested and turn up. They should offer suggestions but not get annoyed when their suggestions are ignored. Also around the wedding they should look after their own family and relatives and keep them out of the brides hair.

Do all these things and you won't fall out.

ps. Also nice if they buy the bride a surprise gift. (diamond)

heavyheart

Thanks for the replies !

Sometimes i feel like im doing every thing , but i do have access to the internet all day ... still i feel like i put everything in front of him and then when i asked him to ask his niece to be flower girl he forgot and didnt and i was talking to her mother and asked what size she was and her mother looked at me as if i had ten heads cause she didnt have a clue what i was talking about .... I was so disappointed and angry over it ..
Im just wondering , should i just go away and organize everything myself and quit waiting around waiting to run everything by him ?

Storm_rages

My god how stressful are weddings!! even with the most supportive partner in the land, you (are at least me) will get stressed.. i guess the thing to do is to try not to let it get to you (i know this is off the point slightly and i can see whey you might be a bit upset at your partner) but i think the way to deal with it is to drag anyone around you in for help, the only problem with this is everyone has their own ideas so you have to be firm say what you want and ask for help.. and then kick ass if it does not happen!

Das Kitty

It's up to yourselves really.

I'm the ideas person, he's the logistics person. We did most of the booking together apart from the girly stuff like dresses and hair and makeup.

He's booked the honeymoon, organised the boys stuff (suits etc), and is keeping the financial plan in order.

I feel I've done the majority of the organising but I reckon that's because of the amount of things I want to surprise him with and a lot of what's to be booked is the girly stuff.

He's currently in charge of finding us a home to live in so I suppose it evens out!

heavyheart

i no what ye are saying and really do appreciate your opinions ...
Sometimes i need to vent and i guess rather do it here then at home !!!!
I feel like im always the driving force , its very rare he will initiate any wedding plans although if i do ask him to come with me to book stuff he will but i just hate this feeling like im always going on about it and he...well he never says anything just agrees with whatever i bring up and if i start to talk about money then he goes blank altogether !!!!
for a while there i was getting very frustrated cause i felt no one was helping i was even dropping hints to my sisters ( bridesmaids ) and no one did anything !!! so i eventually spoke to my mam and she got on to my sisters and even though ive organized my own hen party as well as everything else ..they have started to chip in a little bit... but yes , stressful...extremely stressful...sorry for ranting !

Grawns

I can't believe you had to organize your own hen party! You'd better have a good talk to everyone involved about your expectations. I organized neraly everything for my wedding, including the mens suits.

Suited me as I was inclined to stick to my own ideas unless something was important to him ( nothing was).
He booked his own hotel for the night before the wedding and booked himself into the wrong one!
Bless.

My bridesmaids ( on my instructions) organized the hen. They also did the flowers ( arranged them in the church the night before) and the invitations (free printing due to contact). They were brilliant.

heavyheart

Yea i was upset about that myself , neither of them came forward about it even when i had them both in the car and i was talking about it and messing saying " i thought my bridesmaids were supposed to be organizing my hen" .. neither of them batted an eye lid .. im surprised cause there not normally like that , im 25 , the youngest of 3 girls and the first to marry, to say im disappointed is an understatement .

so between that and my partner not really getting involved as much as i thought he would its been really getting me down ...

but your right , its my wedding day and if i need help i should ask and be more direct in my approach !

Grawns

Chin up love, it's supposed to be the happiest day of your life. ( don't know about that but certainly fab) Am only 4 weeks married and have spent a lot of this month sulking as all the excitement and organizing is over.

Best of luck

heavyheart

Thanks Grawns i feel better already just writing it all down how i feel ! hate carrying it around with me cause it feels like it all builds up .. so thanks for the lending ears...eyes you no what i mean !

Das Kitty

I have to say I'm enjoying the organising. I did start early though.

Booked the makeup trial today. 10 weeks to go. eep! :eek:

TKK

We're getting married in December and I'm doing the majority of the stuff. She's sorting out her own stuff - dresses, makeup, hair, flowers etc. but, while we're both deciding on things together, it's been left up to me to actually talk to the different people, figure out all the details and hammer out a deal. Suits me fine as she would only work herself into a tizzy over stuff whereas I wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

TravelJunkie

heavyheart wrote: »

Yea i was upset about that myself , neither of them came forward about it even when i had them both in the car and i was talking about it and messing saying " i thought my bridesmaids were supposed to be organizing my hen" .. neither of them batted an eye lid .. im surprised cause there not normally like that , im 25 , the youngest of 3 girls and the first to marry, to say im disappointed is an understatement .

so between that and my partner not really getting involved as much as i thought he would its been really getting me down ...

but your right , its my wedding day and if i need help i should ask and be more direct in my approach !

My bridesmaids were useless. They let me walk down the alter with my veil the wrong way round and neither did any of the mothers notice. They were all to busy looking in the mirror!

I must confess though, years prior I was a bridesmaid but in my naivetee I didn't realise it was my duty to do the hens party. When I got down to my friend's place a few days before the wedding she said 'when's my hens?' and I was like 'oh carp'. Honest mistake.

6th

rediguana wrote: »

we just decided last week and the wedding's in August 2007. People were kind of laughing at us

Do you need a hand organising the timemachine?

Anyway I organised a fair bit of our wedding and the honeymoon, its not difficult to do unless someone is very fussy.

Ashfield

We are getting married August 2009 but we have most of the important stuff organised already ie church hotel band photographer etc
the bride will always be the main organiser of the wedding but i sometimes like to buy a wedding magazine or two for us just to let her know that im trying to be involved but ultimately the bride does the majority of it, thats only from what ive heard could be wrong!

VeryBerry

I'm the ideas person, he's the logistics person. We did most of the booking together apart from the girly stuff like dresses and hair and makeup.

That's exactly how it worked with us too. I did most of the creative side of things e.g. made invitations, decided on the flowers, dresses etc. I sourced vendors/suppliers etc on the net, and hubby actually rang them and made the bookings. He was very invovled tbh; helped do up table plans, budgets and so on.

I suppose it depends on your partner, and how invovled they actually want to be

Barn Owl

Heavy heart, you sound so sad, try and cheer up, this is meant to be one of the happiest times of your life. Although I really can relate to what you are saying...people amaze me when weddings are being organised. I saw all of this with friends and family and the stress and lack of help and POSITIVITY from people when you need it is just RIDICULOUS. I am currently organising my wedding to, and if one more person says 'Well, that wouldnt be MY choice...' etc, and 'Its a family day' instead of 'Its your day....' I think I might lose my reason.
So as you can see, I know what you're going through. I just remind myself over and over, this is my day and I will do what I want, if that means I have to organise it all myself, I will!
On that note, can anyone tell me, have they been married in a registry office? If so, what did you have to have prepared? Also, did you have to do anything else other than book an appointment with the registry office and show up basically?????I know I'm so not clued in but if any of you out there could fill me in, I would REALLY APPRECIATE it! Cheer up all of you, no matter how HEAD WRECKIN AND STRESSFUL this can be!