problem with a friend. Advice needed

pkacehigh

Right. how do i start this.

I've got a friend. I dont know her that long about 8 months. We are after getting real close. As friends.

We talk alot about before we knew each other and we started a game over txt called "tell me something i dont know about you" just for fun to get to know each other better.

She told me she nearly died once about 8 months before we meet. I asked how and she told me she tired to comment suicide by taking sleeping pills with pain killers and sliting her wrists, Her mam found her in time and she lived. This took me by suprise because to look at her you wouldnt think she would ever do anything like that,

We didnt talk to much about it as she didnt want to and i knew it was personal. She said only her family and 1 other person knew.. and me..none of her other friends.

One day about 2 weeks ago she was having a bad day.. I rang her about 10 at night and she sounded upset i asked how she was, she said tired,,, so i let her go to bed .. I didnt think much off it till she mailed me the next morning saying " i woke up beside them. I dont even remember getting them" She was talking about her Pills,,, I was well pissed off at her,, wondering why she didnt talk to me and why she still had them in her apartment (she lives alone now). She didnt use them but i was still worried.

Then 2 nights ago we where talking away over the phone all well then she gets all depressed over something.. and starts crying. I try to talk to her asking whats wrong and can i help. Then she says she has a way of dealing with it when she gets the way she was.... She cut herself and made herself bleed. She didnt want to tell me this but i guessed it and she couldnt denie it. I really didnt know what to say.. Ive never had a friend with all these problems.. and i dont want her to hurt herself again.

What can i do ?
I think alot of it has to do with her past. She was writen some poems that kinda upset me. I dont want to put them up here.

Also it might have something to do with money. She has bills and rent and stuff. I've helped her out with money, But she didnt want to take it. I made her tho.

Any advice would be great
thanks.

missingyou

I am so sorry about your friend and her problems, and I want to say what a remarkable and kind hearted friend you are.

This is an incredibly difficult situation and I don't know if nay of my advice will help you. My family went through hard times a couple of years ago and me and my cousin began to cut ourselves. Neither of us knew the other was doing it, it wasn't a pact or anything like that!! So I can somewhat relate to your friend, but it never reached that extent!

My friends were great support for me and they supported me through it. I know this is going to be hard for you to do, but tell her mother. She seems to have serious problems and she needs to see a professional. You are not expected to deal with this on your own and it truly sounds like she may be contemplating suicide as a final solution to her problems.

You shouldn't feel bad about your friend not telling you about the pills, because she is already crying out for help and she is doing that through you! You need to act straight away and get her counsiling, confront her and ask her to talk about her past and the problems shes worried about, be a good friend and listen to her! You need to tell her parents though, she needs a large support system!

Hope this helps!!

The_B_Man

Did she ever get like this before she opend up to you? Or has all this happened since she told you about her attempted suicide?

Ricky Roma

you sound like a good friend ...get her professional help ....SHE NEEDS IT

pkacehigh

thanks for the replies so far.

The B Man
I cant really remember. Sometimes she would get upset, But who doesnt?.. Maybe i didnt notice it before, and maybe i'm looking out for it now.

missingyou
I dont know her parents. I've seen her younger brother once. I know here they live tho. They know about the Suicide attempt. I dont know how much more they know.

If i didnt know what i do i would think she is a normal girl.

Like shes a really good friend. We watch DVD's hang out. She teachs music classes after work 4 nights a week. She has a normal job as well during the day. She loves music.... theres just sometimes she gets really depressed... from what i can see there is no reason (I know there is one but i dont know it)

I have asked her to tell me about the past but she cant / wont. So i dont know.

I know i should tell her parents... But i dont know them.. they might already know there is a problem... and if my friend found out i said anything she might dezone me or something... I know i shouldnt be thinking of that.. i should just be thinking of my friend.

Thanks for the replies so far.

missingyou

I know you may not know them, but they really need to know. Even if you could get their phone number and called them and explained to them your worries. Even if they already know at least you can be reassured of that fact.

I honestly think you need to talk her into going to a professional before things get worse. Obviously she hass a great life otherwise, but there is something in her life which is pulling her down and she needs to address it.

pkacehigh

Yes there must be something. It might have to do with her Parents tho... they are separated now... Also the Poems are really deep and upsetting.

I might try talking to her again.. Cos she is fine most times. there must be something at the back of her mind that comes back from time to time. It must be bad for her to do these things.

missingyou

It is incredibly bad that she feels she needs to cut herself and take pills to escape these problems whatever they are. I feel so much sympathy towards your friend and hopefully everything will be alright.

Talk to her, and mark her progress and moods if things get worse i urge you to get professional help, if you are not going to do so now!

Overheal

Theres a fine line between friend and psychologist. The emotional investment can take its toll at times. If you want to help her make sure you're up for it. I mean that. She should see a counsellor or psychologist too.

allybhoy

First of all, Major high 5 to you, you truly are a real friend, especially as you only know this girl 8months, ive no doubt that the majority of people just would have cut contact with this girl. It's a really difficult situation your in and all I can say to you is to just keep up what you have started, Im sure this girl really appreciates your support and love, even if she mightnt show it all the time.

It does sound though, that you are kind of on the outside looking in, and trying to second guess what the problem is. Obviously this girl has deep psychological problems that probably go back to her youth and she may find it difficult/embarassing opening up to you. As other posters have suggested you should urge her to go and see a counseller. I would also try and pick up some suicide helpline leaflets (even the samaritans) and give her the numbers for when you arent available.

A very close friend of mine, lost her newly wed husband in a tragic accident 7months ago and was kind of going through a similar experience. We just made sure between family and friends to always be there for her and to try and include her in every activity we did. Gradually she turned a corner and thank god is no longer suicidal,she was/is seeing a counseller and has said that they were also a tremendous help.

JavaBear

Sounds like an attention seeker to me.

If you really think she's depressed though, get her to a doctor asap.

The Sweeper

Refer her to professional help.

Trust me on this. If you become a crutch for a depressed person, where do you draw the line? Depressed people do not often recover of their own accord, without medical intervention - be that through a GP, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a counsellor - all of whom will assess the depressed person, diagnose their depression and then set them on a path to self-help by giving them the leg-up that they need. That might be through medication, and it also might not.

If you set yourself up as the crutch your friend, what happens when it gets too much for you? Some depressed people are truly excellent at advocating responsibility for the difficult things in their lives to someone they feel can cope more. What are you going to do - pay bills for her so she's not depressed about money, pay rent for her so she's not worried about having somewhere to live - what if you do that and then she doesn't feel better?

What happens if you start taking over her life in an effort to help her, then you withdraw that help? And then she hurts herself because it's all too hard again? Is that your fault?

Well no, it isn't, but that's my point. You can't fix this girl. What you can do is get her help to fix herself.

pkacehigh

Thanks for all the replies.

You have all been a great help.

Marksie

MAJD has the right of it OP.

As much as your friendship with this girl is deep and genuine all around. You are becoming a dependant.

It will taek its toll on you and affect your life. In the end, feelings aside you are not responsible for her actions. She is.

It is a basic truth that you arer not qualified to handle her depression. The best you can do now as a friend is encourage and support her to get the help she needs.