Need Advice

henboy9

HI ALL- broke up with my gf 2 months ago,we were seeing each other for about 10 months.THIS might sound strange but i think i got a problem in dealing with arguements. I kind of go quiet and don't want to talk to the other person,i'm trying to change this.

I guess what i'm asking is when 2 people have an arguement how do you compromise with out falling out

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star-pants

There are quite a few people like yourself OP - I've had friends tell me they were having 'arguement's with their OH and that the other person just shuts up and won't say anything.
No offence meant, but I always felt it was a silly thing to do because how can you resolve anything if one person won't talk?
You don't have to have a big screaming row - it can be something like a disagreement - you're both entitled to your opinion so why not give it? It's when one side is insistant on being right etc that causes the falling out, you have to be willing to listen to the other persons side too, and that's how ye will reach a compromise.
Granted that's easier said then done as sometimes these can get heated and people say things they don't mean or people get too worked up to want to see the other side.

Have you thought about why you feel this way during an arguement? Why do you not want to input?

Overheal

Sometimes by even clamming up or through the act of clamming up - you **** things up.

Had a drunken row with a woman over the sunday for example: she swore blue murder I was a gay and wouldnt accept contradiction. Regardless of what you say or do, some people just will not listen. Erm, especially with drink on them, which we both clearly did :rolleyes:

Its understandable to shut down in an 'argument' especially when you've no idea what to say. It happens. If you want to learn how to argue or debate, theres numerous books available on the subject at the local library (surprisingly, such things still exist I found out the other week). But eh, when drink is involved: simply run away. Please?

Happy Easter everyone

henboy9

star-pants wrote: »

There are quite a few people like yourself OP - I've had friends tell me they were having 'arguement's with their OH and that the other person just shuts up and won't say anything.
No offence meant, but I always felt it was a silly thing to do because how can you resolve anything if one person won't talk?
You don't have to have a big screaming row - it can be something like a disagreement - you're both entitled to your opinion so why not give it? It's when one side is insistant on being right etc that causes the falling out, you have to be willing to listen to the other persons side too, and that's how ye will reach a compromise.
Granted that's easier said then done as sometimes these can get heated and people say things they don't mean or people get too worked up to want to see the other side.

Have you thought about why you feel this way during an arguement? Why do you not want to input?

hi -sometimes i do input i just find it hard to get through to the other person.I just kind of go in to my own little world, and then end up falling out with her.

I'M trying to find the middle ground where after an arguement you don't end up really falling out

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thanks

star-pants

henboy9 wrote: »

hi -sometimes i do input i just find it hard to get through to the other person.I just kind of go in to my own little world, and then end up falling out with her.

I'M trying to find the middle ground where after an arguement you don't end up really falling out

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thanks

It can be hard to argue, as such, with someone you're close to that way because of the fear of messing things up /falling out. If the other person is getting all mouthy and won't listen to you then there's no point in trying to get your view across because they're in their own world too. If you find the other person is being like this, you might need to stand up and say 'ok that's your point, can you please hear my side for a moment'. Some people are just downright stubborn and their way is the only way. It's all relative to the type of person you're arguing with.

We all argue and then there might be a period of silence/snappiness and then both sides calm and cop on. If the other person gets really worked up, then you can tell them you'll talk to them when they've calmed down before ye say something ye don't mean. And try then to have a calmer discussion maybe

henboy9

THANKS star-pants . I guess i'm going to have to cop on and step up to the plate and get my point across, because the way i'm handling things is not working out.

CherrySugarPlum

I dont like arguements but i think sometimes its essential to have a bit of a blow out, its better than letting things build up and go unsaid untill there is a major arguement that cant be resolved. As long as the arguement isnt over anything very serious then i dont see the harm in letting off steam every once and a while, and you always have the making up to look forward to