Fall out with mother.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, I going unregged for this one. Apologies first of all if this post is confusing or long winded. Anyway the thing is I'm in my twenties and still living at home, which has suited me for work reasons, etc. I have always got on well with my mother. Anyway about two years ago I was talking to my aunt and she was giving out about my mother, saying that she was contrary and that I couldn't see it but everyone else could see that I didnt have much of life with her, etc. I was quite upset about this at the time and defended my mother and was annoyed with my aunt over saying these things. Then last year I told my mother about something that was upsetting me at the time. It wasn't a major thing but I told her I didn't want anyone else to know. Anyway I found out a couple of weeks later that she told the whole thing to a neighbour. We had a row over it at the time and she promised she wouldn't let me down again so I let it go and we were getting on fine again. Then I found out two months ago that she had let me down again. I had a problem which I talked to her about. I told her that I wanted to sort it out myself and she promised she wouldn't mention it to anyone and then again she went and told someone the whole story. Again we had a big row but I am finding it hard to put it behind me this time. I have started thinking about what my aunt said about her two years again and have started to realise that maybe she was right. When I think back I can remember lots of things that she let me down with, e.g. I was diagnosed with a health complaint a few years back that I didn't want anyone to know about and she went and told a load of people, etc. I have brought all this stuff up with her over the last few weeks and she has apologised. She swears she won't let me down again and says she knows she'll lose me if she does. Anyway the reason I am posting is do I trust her again? And if I should how do I start to put the hurt of the other things behind me. I find now that I can't really even look at her without getting angry. Any advice would be really appreciated.

daiixi

You've learned that your mother is a terrible secret keeper. Stop telling her secrets and move on.

Thomas_S_Hunterson

daiixi wrote: »

You've learned that your mother is a terrible secret keeper. Stop telling her secrets and move on.

+1

Problem solved.

RedXIV

Thats hardly a brain buster mate. So she's crap at keeping secrets, so is my mam. like above, don't tell her any and forget about it

vincenzo1975

exactly, move on, maybe think of getting your own place and standing on your own two feet. Dont hold it against her though, I get the impression that she is on her own apart from you, people in this situation really need the company of their neighbours and a good gossip keeps her connected.
Dont be too hard on her.

star-pants

It's unfortunate that she's let you down. I don't think it was her intention to go behind your back and tell people, she's just bad at keeping things like that to herself. You will just have to keep the extra important stuff to yourself and don't divulge that type of information to her if you don't want others knowing.

cjmcork

it's not like she's being malicious is it - she's just not great at keeping secrets - remember you only have 1 mammy - i know it's obvious, but think how much you'd miss her if she wasn't there and how much you'd love to tell her things.......

seaner

My ma is the exact same. I don't hold it against her, she's just like that. I've learned to keep things that I don't want getting out to myself.
I also get the impression that she's on her own? LIke another poster said, try not to be too hard on her.
As for your aunty? You'll have to find out the source of her bitterness...i reckon it goes deeper than you think.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replies so far. It's not just that she can't keep secrets though. It's the interfering as well. I know a lot of mothers interfere in their kids lives and I know she might mean well but it's me that ends of dealing with the consequences.

For example last year I went for an interview for a job. The interview went well but someone with more experience got the job which I was fine with but my mother rang the chairperson of the interview panel behind my back to know where I went wrong in the interview that I didn't get the job. In the line of work I'm in you often meet the same people on interview panels so I felt very uncomfortable when I met this person again at another interview.

As one poster said you only have one mother and I don't want to fall out with her but I'm just feeling really frustrated at the moment and am inclined to be snappy with her over it even though I don't want to be. It's just that no matter how often I tell her not to interfere if she thinks something is a good idea she'll go ahead and do it regardless of how I feel about it.

(P.S. Just in reference to some of the posts my mother isn't really on her own - my dad is here and my siblings all live within 5-10mins of our house as well).

Giblets1067

Gees OP I don't really know where to go with this one. Maybe have a v.serious talk with her. Interfering with a job was a bit much though.