Relationship Breakup with kids

ArtyGirl

Hi there,

I am a mum of 2 and unmarried. My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have decided for the best that we are splitting up as we are both very unhappy in the relationship. We have tried to make it work but it just isnt happening. We own a house since 2004. We are still very much remaining friends and want to do what is best for the children ie: staying in the local area close to eachother so that school is not affected and we can both see the kids regularly.

The reason I am emailing you is that we really dont know where to go from here. Ideally my partner would like to keep the house. He has an income but I am a stay at home mum. We are going to stay in the house until we have a few finances sorted ie: joint loans, debts etc.. and then from there I will need to find a place close by for me and the kids. Are there any aids I can avail of? am i entitled to register on the affordable housing or some housing list in the local area - My partner is not in a position to buy me out of the house and I dont expect him to as this will put him in great financial difficulty. Also, will I be able to apply for an allowance of some kind when I am living on my own with the kids - My partner will be providing maintenance of course.

I hope I havent been too sketchy in my post, I just dont know where to begin with all this.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Mazeire

Why in the name of all thats holy should you be the one to move when you have the two kids??!! You seem to have put a lot of thought in to your partners well being, but seriously the kidswill be going through enough without them having to lose the roof over their heads as well.

Femelade

Hey,
Sorry to hear about the break up, but its good that things are on good terms..
I am surprised that it is you and the kids leaving the house and not your partner, surely it would be easier for him to rent somewhere so you wouldnt have to uproot the kids and move out? Getting affordable housing or rented council accommodation can be a long process.
with regards to the types of benefits you will be able to get, i'm sure you will be able to get one parent family allowance, the amount this is will depand on how much maintenance you will be getting, you might want to ask that question here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=861

Hope it all works out for you and your kids.

How Strange

Firstly, I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this situation.

I agree that you and the kids shouldn't be leaving your house. From your childrens perspective they will need continuity now and their family home will provide this. The next year or two will be stressful enough for them without having to move to a new house as well.

Also, and I am no expert on this, but I think you will have to wait 6 months for rent allowance to enable you to afford suitable accomodation. My sister was in this situation a few years back and this is what she was told. The local authority were hopeless and in the end my parents had to help her pay the rent initially. The local authority then had the cheek to say 'well if they can pay it now why can't they keep on paying it for you' :eek: My parents just didn't want to see their grandchildren living in a hostel. AFAIK, you won't be eligble for rent allowance for 6 months after leaving your family home so you have to think about where you will live in the meantime and how you will afford to pay rent.

You can apply for affordable housing but that could take years.

It is commendable that you and your partner are determined to remain civil through this whole process but you must make sure that in your efforts to be civil and fair that you and your children don't end up in one of those awful flats we saw on Primetime last night.

Take your time to consider everything, speak to the citizens advice bureau and find out exactly what your rights are before you commit yourself to anything. Also, if the rule about the rent allowance still stands get onto your local TD's and petition them to speed it up for you.

ArtyGirl

Hi Everyone,

Thanks a million for the thoughtful responses. First I would just like to say that I am not being run out of the house, I just wouldnt be able to afford to keep it myself as I dont work, if my partner was to move out he wouldnt be able to afford rent and my mortgage so we just thought that this would be the best plan. In saying this I totally see where you are all coming from about how it will affect the children. They are our priority.

I have emailed the Citizens Advice Bureau (thanks for that) so hopefully they can let me know where I stand. Its looking like we will be staying put for the time being by the looks of things.

Onwards and upwards.

Thanks Again

Carrigart Exile

perhaps selling the house and releasing equity for you both to share towards your future, but separate plans, would be best

redfacedbear

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

perhaps selling the house and releasing equity for you both to share towards your future, but separate plans, would be best

This may be your only option. You will not be eligible for either Social or Affordable Housing from your Local Authority while you still own a share of your current home. I'm not sure about rent allowance but I would imagine qualifying for this while you own a home would be very difficult without making out that your partner is some kind of monster that you need to flee.

*a*

hi,

sorry to hear about the break up, but at least you are being mature enough to protect the children. I'm not sure if this idea is feasible, but my friends parents did it - they spilt the house into two flats, that way the kids can see thier parents any time they like. You could take an upstairs and a downstairs each - sharing the kitchen but have a seperate living room each for entertaining. It is just an idea, but it might work in the short term as you organise your finances

estar

dont move out of the house until you get legal advice

you can probably qualify for free legal aid

once you are out, you wont be getting back in

and you are left in rented accomodation while your
partner gets everything.

to be quite honest, a partner who would let his kids
leave their home just because it would suit him better
or so it sounds, as he cant afford to buy you out
i just cant understand that mentality.

the most important people in this whole scenario
are the kids and minimising disruption to their lives.

so if you cant work it out, and you are the full time carer
then he leaves.

if he was the full time carer then you should leave.

thats the way i see it.

but once you leave, there is rarely any way back into the house.

get legal advice and try and work it out amicably. but dont be a mug.

Elessar

estar wrote: »

dont move out of the house until you get legal advice

you can probably qualify for free legal aid

once you are out, you wont be getting back in

and you are left in rented accomodation while your
partner gets everything.

to be quite honest, a partner who would let his kids
leave their home just because it would suit him better
or so it sounds, as he cant afford to buy you out
i just cant understand that mentality.

the most important people in this whole scenario
are the kids and minimising disruption to their lives.

so if you cant work it out, and you are the full time carer
then he leaves.

if he was the full time carer then you should leave.

thats the way i see it.

but once you leave, there is rarely any way back into the house.

get legal advice and try and work it out amicably. but dont be a mug.

Did you not read what she said? The father would not be able to afford both the mortgage for her and rent for himself, ontop of maintenence for the kids.

OP, could you start full or part time work and maybe ask your or his parents to mind the kids while you are both at work? Is that an option? One of you is going to have to move out: if it was him, you would have to pay the mortgage with a job, if it was you, you would have to find an apartment and pay that with a job. Either way you will need to start work.

Don't be too concerned about troubling the children, they are very good at adapting quickly to change.

Nevyn

I suggest you get legal advice and go see you local socail welfare officer.

K-9

Legally, as you both wheren't married, nobody has a right to the house.

Usually, one party buys the other out, or the house is sold. They aren't married.

cathy01

not meaning to be bad, and I could be wrong, but by her moving out with the kids , she would get a rental council house,and rental allowance, all paid for by the social and loan parents .If he moves out , he gets nothing, she has her own home, would get loan parents.Its more financilly better for her to move out, kids and all.
But , as one poster says, think about the kids and whats best for them.Good luck with it,
c