Reassuring the Girlfriend about the past

LegacyUser

Long time reader, first time poster and all that.

Ok. This is probably going to be the opposite to most posts on this subject but here goes:

Recently myself and my girlfriend had the 'how many people have you been with' conversation. Now as it turns out she's been with a lot more people than I have but this doesn't really bother me because well.... frankly, she's with me now so why should I worry about what happened before we met?

But she seems to be taking it a bit hard and thinks that I'm going to change my opinion of her now that I know. I've told her that it doesn't matter to me but I get the feeling that it's still worrying her.

Any advice on how I can reassure her that this really is not a big deal?

Wurly

Show her this post.

Marksie

One way is to not bring the matter up again at all.
Juts let it go, but if she brings it up then literally say oh it doesnt bother me.

Another way is to let her know in what you do and say how muhc she measn to you.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.

Marksie - it was herself that brought it up and I think she was a little shocked that I hadn't been with more people as I'm older. Instead of talking it out I think I'll just drop it completely as you suggested.

I think there's a trust thing there as she trusted her previous guys but was ****ed over by a lot of them. If I show her that the number of guys she's been with doesn't bother me and that she can trust me then I think it will ease her mind.

Marksie

Possibly the best, i would normally recommend full communication, but play this by ear. If it is bothering her and she says something then respond openly.

It may be an indication of something more though as yous said but perhaps she has made herself a little vulnerable by saying that. Its actions that speak louder than words though

LegacyUser

ItDoesntReally wrote: »

Long time reader, first time poster and all that.

Ok. This is probably going to be the opposite to most posts on this subject but here goes:

Recently myself and my girlfriend had the 'how many people have you been with' conversation. Now as it turns out she's been with a lot more people than I have but this doesn't really bother me because well.... frankly, she's with me now so why should I worry about what happened before we met?

But she seems to be taking it a bit hard and thinks that I'm going to change my opinion of her now that I know. I've told her that it doesn't matter to me but I get the feeling that it's still worrying her.

Any advice on how I can reassure her that this really is not a big deal?

Going unreg myself for this reply so that no-one puts two-and-two together, but my advice is to tread carefully.....it might not actually matter what YOU say if she has issues with it, or how other people have viewed her because of it.

Had a VAGUELY similar conversation with someone once and nothing I said made any difference (unfortunately).

But yeah - now that it's been said, ignore it and see if things settle; as you said yourself, that's all in the past and you two have ended up together, so who cares ? In actual fact, you could be fairly profound and say that if it weren't for those people along the way that you might not have ended up together or known what you wanted by now.

But I wouldn't ACTUALLY say that TO HER, coz it's raising the subject again; if she's worth it and ye're happy, there's no issue.

As Mary Chapin-Carpenter once put it, "though I was not the first, just say I'll be the last".....

chump

OP it could be that she has a problem with HERSELF.

many people regret things they've done in the past
maybe she regrets banging all those people

best of luck