I will one day destroy my life again

LegacyUser

I have an awful gambling addiction. Through deceit, lies and selfishishness i borrow money to fuel gambling. I am excellent at covering up things ( not proud of it at all ). I've already hit rock bottom but yesterday i started again and am in a whole. I will be exposed on tuesday probably ( banks opening ) and am cacking it.

I was told i was gone from my house if i started again after unbelievably been given a 2nd chance by my family.

good at a lot of things, represent my country in a sport. 1.1 degree. Can say goodbye to that

just dont know what to do

dudara

Have you sought any professional advice or sought assistance for your addiction?

Miss Fluff

How much did you spend yesterday OP?

mikemac

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/
They cover Ireland too.

If you're betting online, they get your accounts shut down. Just ring up and and explain. All these companies have procedures for this. You might be able to get your IP address blocked too.
But an easier option if to cut up your credit cards.

seahorse

It sounds like you could do with logging on here OP:

http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/

No offense intended; I am a recovering addict myself. I wish you the very best.

Seahorse

remus808

*Snip*

beautiation

Karmabass, if ya don't wanna get banned I'd probably edit that (but LOL though!)

Best of luck to ya OP. Just tell the family how truly sorry you are and be able to show them exactly how you will be getting help for it, the recommendations above are excellent. If you can show them you're doing everything possible and you have a plan it might help things. Even if worst comes to the worst and you do get kicked out, remember these people/person (not sure which from your post) loves you and are probably just afraid of what your habit might do to them. If you can get back on your feet with all the skills and qualifications you have and overcome this, I'm sure the door won't be closed forever.

estar

you are a person of extremes. just as you got the 1.1 degree
and had the stamina to do so well in sport, so you have the
capabilities to take destructive behaviour to its limits also

thats what you and your family will have to accept.

you can never be in control of gambling. it will always control you.

some people ive met can be in control of it. they dont have addictive
personalities. you my friend, have.

so much i know already says you.

but you dont. you havent accepted it. and you havent unfortunately
reached rock bottom yet.

rock bottom is where you are faced with the choice - change or
not be able to go on. its not something that your family can
force you to do, its not a place you reach for someone else,
its a place you reach on your own time.

personally someone with your natural talent and abilities
has a great future ahead once you accept - i am an addict
and will always have to watch addictions to not only gambling
but anything else that gives you a thrill - sex, drink, drugs
and with this comes addictions to sport, achievement, that intensity
and drive to succeed. both come from the same trait.

that terrible sinking feeling of losing everything - that is the begining
of rick bottom. the outer edge so to speak.

probably the best thing your family could do for you now is kick you
out, and make you work your way back in.

addiction is not inevitable.

i have an uncle who was an secret alcoholic for years.
he also owned a pub. his wife changed the locks. he was only
allowed back in after completing a program.

he never drank again.

he ran that pub for a further 21 years after he quit drinking
as he was a determined stubborn man and became as devoted
and addicted to a clean life as he had been to drinking.

thats what you need to harness.

i wonder at how you got to re-offend. one of the first rules of
beating an addiction is honesty and communication - that is
when you feel like gambling you go to your wife or family and
say- i really really want to gamble, theres this great horse, i
cant lose.

and you talk it through calmly with them.

if your family cant face that you will always want to gamble,
and will need to talk about it, then you will have to find someone
else to talk to about it, another support.

right - emergency measures.

go to a gamblers anonymous meeting tonight.

change your financial arrangements to be an allowance from
your family / wife so that you hve no cards, no visa, and
no access to the family funds for the short term.

then sit down and say - family i love you, but im an addict
and i re-offended and i am signing over my independance to
you so that i can seek help without the initial burden of my
financial independance. i am sorry, i am very guilty, but please
support me.

my uncle signed over the pub to his wife so that he woudlnt
end up drinking it away and became her employee.

and it worked. thats my advice.

this could be the start of a new begining - phone gamblers
anonymous right now.

at the end of the day you are an adult and must face this like
an adult. you fcuked up. you wont be the only one to ever
do it. make it the last time.

Gordon

karmabass wrote: »

..Ronan O'Gara?

Banned.

LegacyUser

test,

LegacyUser

Ok i told my family. Im on my college library pc (cant access poker there) posting this. i lost high 4 figures. My mum cried. She did say one thing which has been bothering me but i suppose it was in the heat of the moment and i deserved it - "we would probably be better off if you were dead".

They are going to cover me again. I'm to study until my exams are over. Probably take a year off next year and work to pay them back. Still paying back after christmas. My god im a ****. I was planning on going abroad this summer but not going to.

Going to go to a counselor amd GA meetings. It will be kept between the family.

I just dont know how ill stop when im on my own and really independent. I feel i dont have the discipline and am really worried.

At the moment i feel disgusted at myself. I feel i am the lowest common denominator of a human being. I just dont see any future for me. I crave a game of poker as i speak.

At xmas i was really positive and always said never again but u slip once its a mistake. Slip up twice you are a selfish, coward, lazy, ****** of a human being.

I hate myself

Dizzyblonde

OP sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you realise what's important. Seek professional help immediately, and take it a day at a time. If you work hard at it eventually you'll have a good life and will feel good about yourself. Forget the past, look to the future.
Good luck.

punchestown

You have to forget about the past and look forward. Do you want to be in the same boat 5, 10 years down the line? Waiting for the knock on the door when your credit has run out and you owe serious money to serious people? Take each day at a time. Find a way to occupy your gambling time with more constructive past times. If you play early evening, try going to the gym instead or take in a g.a. meeting. You will meet all sorts there who will be able relate to your predicament and help you overcome your addiction. Gambling is a hugely destructive influence on a persons life and their close family. You literally could lose it all and if not stopped in its tracks thats where you will end up. Scrounging a living with a view to funding your gambling, always looking for the next game and how to fund it. If you want to talk further, pm me. You can set yourself a goal of say christmas. see if you can harness your gambling by then. it wont be easy but if you can walk away from it, you wont know how much of a lucky escape you have had. the money lost recently could be the best money spent if long term it takes you away from a life of gambling.

Good luck with the battle ahead

dr.bollocko

Dude you, like many many others, are an addict. In other words, you cannot blame yourself so much for this. Of course its important to re-enforce that you cannot even slip once more becuase you will end up chasing losses but look at it this way. We are all msot likely certain to in some way undermine ourselves in the future. We are all likely to make horrendous mistakes and potentially **** up our lives in the medium term. But it is only ever through surviving these tough times, getting stronger by learning from mistakes and learning the triggers that cause this behavious in you. You have a supportive family, albeit at the end of their tether. Just ensure and tell them about your addiction, have it as an open forum with them, and take care of yourself a bit better. Saying things like calling yourself a ****, thats not going to help you at all. Hold your head up high and try and steel yourself against the trials ahead. There are many wonderful aspects of life to focus on and if you beat this now by meeting it head on you will begin to see them. and PM a mod to get banned from the gambling forum or any other online outlets for your addiction.

brokensoul

Destroyed_Life wrote: »

Ok i told my family. Im on my college library pc (cant access poker there) posting this. i lost high 4 figures. My mum cried. She did say one thing which has been bothering me but i suppose it was in the heat of the moment and i deserved it - "we would probably be better off if you were dead".

They are going to cover me again. I'm to study until my exams are over. Probably take a year off next year and work to pay them back. Still paying back after christmas. My god im a ****. I was planning on going abroad this summer but not going to.

Going to go to a counselor amd GA meetings. It will be kept between the family.

I just dont know how ill stop when im on my own and really independent. I feel i dont have the discipline and am really worried.

At the moment i feel disgusted at myself. I feel i am the lowest common denominator of a human being. I just dont see any future for me. I crave a game of poker as i speak.

At xmas i was really positive and always said never again but u slip once its a mistake. Slip up twice you are a selfish, coward, lazy, ****** of a human being.

I hate myself

I know the feeling biy. All i can say to you is that the most important thing to your family will be to see you well. Concentrate on that at the moment, and in time you will be able to pay them back. Also, dont worry aboput how you will cope next year or the year after. COncentrate on getting through today.

Good luck

board om

hey OP,

sorry to hear about your troubles. i genuinely feel for you.

you never said, are you gambling online or is it the casinos?

becuase if it is online the first thing you should is get rid of any credit cards you have access to. if you know family members card numbers then ask the family members to change them. they will without a doubt do this for you.

if it is the casinos, then go to the management and ask them to bar you. i had a friend who had to do this before. when he was getting drunk he was going to the casinos and losing a fortune. so he went to all the casinos he is a member of and asked them to bar him and they obliged. as you know they have your name and photo on file and you have to show your card when you go in so if you are barred they wont let you in. and believe me you wont be able to talk them into letting you in. i have to give them respect for that.

regarding what your mother said about being better off if you were dead, trust me when i say she in no way meant that. if anything i would take it as how much she actually loves and cares for you that she was thinking that drastrically.

bottom line is that you have a good family there that are bailing you out. and if you want to keep them then sort this out now. they can only bail you out so many times and then you are on your own. and unfortunatly with gambling there is always some nice big money lender who is happy to lend some gambling addict cash. because he is guaranteed the gambling addict will always take the loan and he is also guaranteed to always get his money back, one way or another.

so if you ever want to own those nice things in life that we all look forward to getting like a car, and a house, and a sun holiday every year, and sending your kids to nice schools,etc, etc, you need to get this sorted. otherwise you are sentencing yourself to a life of lying and cheating and bad debts and no possessions.

dont let it get you down though. the worst has already happened so now work on fixing the situation. you lost the money, you have told your parents, they are helping you out, now its finished. today is a new day and you start fresh.

all the best buddy

An Fear Aniar

Don't beat yourself up, you have an addiction - an obsessive/compulsive disorder.

I'd recommend a 12 step program like GA. I'm on one meself for the booze.:)

Best thing I ever did.

Don't beat yourself up. Any day you don't gamble you're a brilliant success.



.

LegacyUser

I discovered this forum while searching the internet for help and advice out there for people with Gambling addiction. I am writing in the hope that you can give me some advice on how to handle, what has now become an impossible situation!!

It is not about me.........My father, always the great provider, worked overtime 5 days a week, we were not rich but never went without anything we needed....one thing I always knew was that he had very little outlook on life......we knew he had a bet, we used to go for race days sometimes or even for a family night out to the dog track, it certainly was'nt a problem, just enjoyable family days out.

However, the trouble really began about 3 years ago just after he retired, he did not take up any hobbies, just sat everyday looking at the TV and we came to realise it was horse racing and deal or no deal, always programs or gameshows to do with winning money, we noticed he became angry and shouting at the TV when the contestant would get it wrong, at first we were amused by this.

One day a letter of offer for bank loan arrived addressed to my father, my mother knew nothing of it, he had no need for a loan?? when she questioned him he said he had been approached by the wrong sort because he owed them money and this was how he was going to pay it back, right there and then he cried to his whole family that he was a gambling addict, well as shocked as we all were, in disbelief really but we seen the positive side of this and felt he had made a good start seeing that he admitted he was an addict. We got straight onto GA and got him to the next meeting, we all went as a support and committed ourselves to going to the meetings with him on a weekly basis. Too good to be true, he soon made excuses not to go and even told us that he was told at the meetings that he should have a bet, it would be good therapy for him LIES LIES LIES!!!????

I believe he told us he was an addict because he got caught out with the loan offer, by crying to us he got off the hook and we all went lightly on him !!! He will not go to the meetings at all now, when we tried to convince him to go for the help, he just said, No f....k..er will tell me what to do with my life.

shortly after this, he became withdrawn from the family, particularly my mother......he told us he was going to commit suicide, so he was assessed and admitted to the hospital for treatment, he told me he would happily stay in the nice comfortable surroundings of the hospital and that he could basically live there to get away from the hassle at home, crafty I thought, but soon enough he was home because he had been terrified in the psychiatric ward. Things have gone from bad to worse now, he does not interact at all with his family, tell us all to f..k Off if we try to suggest he get help, he is telling outsiders that he is mental and an addict and nothing can be done now, he is out for hours each day, comes home and sleeps on the couch for hours and hours, he is not washing or shaving and stays for days sometimes a week or more in the same clothing, we have all had enough of his lack of concern that the family is falling apart and the torment my mother is going through, after all to lose your life long partner after 47 years of marriage, must be horrific.

Mum discovered hidden money everywhere in the house, betting slips in his pockets, bets he said he lost but the ticket says he hasnt yet collected......he has rifled the bank of savings they had for years, to secure some of it, it has been moved to a safe place, we are talking close on €20K gone to the bookie, I rang the doctor he was under in the hospital and asked him for a meeting and a further assessment of his state of mind.........we knew he would refuse help so we organised this by saying that the doctor had phoned as a follow up appointment with him, we all showed up much to his surprise for the meeting and he lied, lied, lied, we were all liers about his gambling, he made out there is no problem, that he could happily have a bet on a fiver a day (not likely) he fooled the psychiatrist into believing he could bet a fiver a day, I could'nt believe the doctor did not suggest treatment for the addiction, not tell him its ok to gamble!!!! and prescribe anti-depressants, jesus its the gambling that making the man depressed, not depression making him gamble !!!!

The meeting did not go well, we all became very emotional and he sat there like a stone and refused any help that we the family suggested to him, i do not know what the doctors final summing up of this meeting was, he was like the mediator and nothing more!!!

When we left the meeting, I told him I loved him and could not bear to see him in the state he is in and I asked him to consider what we had all said to him, he hugged me and we said goodbye,..............but totally out of character, he threatened my mother in the car on the way home!!!!

So, where do you go, when a person admits they have an addiction but yet refuses to get help, what do you do when this person who is withdrawn from everyone can suddenly be so nice, is he nice because there is a surprise on the way.......another bank loan or perhaps someone knocking on your door??? we just cant trust or believe him anymore.

We have fallen apart and he does'nt give a damn, my mother is thinking of selling the house, but why should she have to uproot her life and give him half but she knows where the money will go, then will he come back when its gone?? this is a desperate situation with no answers or is there an answer........I have read this forum and thankfully each person is seeking the help and slowly will get better, great and I pat you on the back for accepting and admitting the addiction, why cant my dad do that???

We need help as a family,

littlefriend

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you. One thing I would suggest is that if you give your story its own thread it will probably get more attention which hopefully will lead to more advice
I hope this works out for you. Best wishes

estar

to the original OP

well done. you are VERY lucky. but you only get so many lives
before your luck catches up on you. make sure for your own
prides sake and to learn the lesson the hard way that you pay
back every single penny of that loan when you get employment.
your mother clearly doesnt mean she wishes you were dead,
all she would have to do is not pay up, and you would soon be
in trouble anyway.

anyway well done on facing up to it. stick to the meetings.
think of the pride you will feel when you have started to
repay your debt, thats what you need to focus on.

to desperate

your father is facing up to the loss of all the pride he built up
over a life time. you can't force him to give up gambling, you
cant railroad or emotionally blackmail him into it,

it must be a choice he makes himself. he clearly is depressed
now as he isnt washing or taking care of himself.
you could ask the psychiatrist to make an unexpected house
visit to observe him on an off day. that would be a more
realistic assessment.

the psychiatrist cant force a man to take treatment either
however.

tell him that you love him often, and lay off him for a while.
stop giving him a hard time, and try and give him some
unconditional love. try and engage him in talking about
matters than dont involve his addiction. try and get him
interested in other hobbies, reading, soduku, chess,
puzzles. anything that doesnt involve betting for cash.

that might make him more open to talking about his
problems.

thats the only advice i can give. if you do sell the house
and give him his half, and he squanders it, although its
awful unless it is sectioned there is nothing you can
do about it.

so since the hard a%% approach didnt work, try softly softly.

mikemac

Desperate, if you do check back here, maybe start a new thread for your situation.
You'll get more responses plus it's hardly fair to hijack Destroyed_life's thread