:( Oldie

mariemcconnon@v

Hi my name is Marie I was born 1948 in Castlepollard and adopted in 49. order granted in Jan 53. Found out in 2004 that I was adopted afted both my aperents had passed away because I needed long birth cert. I met sw in Oct. 04 and she told the usual information {where i was born, birth weight etc.} she also told me that my nmother was 141/2 so I told that I did'nt want to look for her as she would have been nearly 70 and I did'nt want to cause trouble for her. The sw wrote to me in Jan. 05 and told me that my nmother married in England and have no contact since. I rang a couple of times and was told she would ring back and to date have heard nothing back. I have one question would the sw get in touch with me if my bmother came looking for after telling her I did'nt want to trace or should I try ringing her again if she is still working there.:

Tempelton

mariemcconnon@v wrote: »

Hi my name is Marie I was born 1948 in Castlepollard and adopted in 49. order granted in Jan 53. Found out in 2004 that I was adopted afted both my aperents had passed away because I needed long birth cert. I met sw in Oct. 04 and she told the usual information {where i was born, birth weight etc.} she also told me that my nmother was 141/2 so I told that I did'nt want to look for her as she would have been nearly 70 and I did'nt want to cause trouble for her. The sw wrote to me in Jan. 05 and told me that my nmother married in England and have no contact since. I rang a couple of times and was told she would ring back and to date have heard nothing back. I have one question would the sw get in touch with me if my bmother came looking for after telling her I did'nt want to trace or should I try ringing her again if she is still working there.:

Hi Marie,

Thanks for letting us know your story. It must have been quite a shock to discover you were adopted in the way you did. But, like anyone, you are entitled to ask questions about your background (and should not be dissuaded from doing so by a social worker, or anyone else!)

In relation to your question, about whether the social worker would get in touch with you if your birth mother came looking for you, well, I am not sure exactly what would happen on a day-to-day basis. However, if you were to put your details on the adoption contact preference register, then, yes, the social worker would be compelled to contact you (if you register that as your preference) if your mother was to get in touch.

You can find out how to easily put your details on the registry by visiting the following site:
http://www.adoptionboard.ie/preferenceRegister/index.php

So, you don't really want to look for your birth mother at present? I know the feeling. I have known I was adopted since I was seven years old. I am 31 now. It was only 1 year ago that I seriously decided to start tracing my birth mother (who, incidentally, had not sent her details into the contact register, as she didn't know about it). I went through the adoption board but I found them to be too slow and ineffectual. So I did my own search and found my mother. I have now met her 4 times and we are getting on great. It doesn't always work like that for everyone but I guess you never know until you meet...

But, I guess what I would say is that, although you have known for a relatively short time (as opposed to me), I would say that, if you are really curious, you should not feel ashamed or guilty to ask questions and start looking for answers. Without trying to sound nasty, I would also point out that, as your mother is about 70, you might want to think about looking sooner rather than later. Sorry if that sounds harsh...

The question of where I come from is one that does, in my experience, tend to grow and grow. It is obviously not the same for everyone so I don't know what your experience will be. But if you are curious - or rather if there are questions forming inside - you should look into it. True, you may think it would be wrong to disturb your ageing birth mother at this stage. Perhaps that is right. I don't know. If you feel differently however, please don't feel too guilty to search for her. My own situation was that my mother hadn't searched for me, as she felt that I was probably happy somewhere else and that if I wanted to know her I would find her. But she said she thought about me everyday of her life. That is probably the same with your mother. So, whatever you decide to do, she has doubtless never stopped thinking about you:)

If you do want to find out more about the experiences of adopted people in Ireland (and just get support and advice), I can recommend the Yahoo group I joined when looking for my mother. It is run by Adoption Ireland (a group that advocates for the rights of adopted people) and all you need to join is to send an email requesting membership:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption-Ireland/

Finally, if you do by any chance decide to search for your mother any further, please do feel free to send me a private message. I would be happy to advise you on how best to do this. I conducted my own search for my mother and managed to track her down in a few weeks (when the adoption board had failed in their search).

Anyway, I hope this response has been of some assistance. Best of luck to you in whatever decisions you make:)

T

mariemcconnon@v

Tempelton wrote: »

Hi Marie,

Thanks for letting us know your story. It must have been quite a shock to discover you were adopted in the way you did. But, like anyone, you are entitled to ask questions about your background (and should not be dissuaded from doing so by a social worker, or anyone else!)

In relation to your question, about whether the social worker would get in touch with you if your birth mother came looking for you, well, I am not sure exactly what would happen on a day-to-day basis. However, if you were to put your details on the adoption contact preference register, then, yes, the social worker would be compelled to contact you (if you register that as your preference) if your mother was to get in touch.

You can find out how to easily put your details on the registry by visiting the following site:
http://www.adoptionboard.ie/preferenceRegister/index.php

So, you don't really want to look for your birth mother at present? I know the feeling. I have known I was adopted since I was seven years old. I am 31 now. It was only 1 year ago that I seriously decided to start tracing my birth mother (who, incidentally, had not sent her details into the contact register, as she didn't know about it). I went through the adoption board but I found them to be too slow and ineffectual. So I did my own search and found my mother. I have now met her 4 times and we are getting on great. It doesn't always work like that for everyone but I guess you never know until you meet...

But, I guess what I would say is that, although you have known for a relatively short time (as opposed to me), I would say that, if you are really curious, you should not feel ashamed or guilty to ask questions and start looking for answers. Without trying to sound nasty, I would also point out that, as your mother is about 70, you might want to think about looking sooner rather than later. Sorry if that sounds harsh...

The question of where I come from is one that does, in my experience, tend to grow and grow. It is obviously not the same for everyone so I don't know what your experience will be. But if you are curious - or rather if there are questions forming inside - you should look into it. True, you may think it would be wrong to disturb your ageing birth mother at this stage. Perhaps that is right. I don't know. If you feel differently however, please don't feel too guilty to search for her. My own situation was that my mother hadn't searched for me, as she felt that I was probably happy somewhere else and that if I wanted to know her I would find her. But she said she thought about me everyday of her life. That is probably the same with your mother. So, whatever you decide to do, she has doubtless never stopped thinking about you:)

If you do want to find out more about the experiences of adopted people in Ireland (and just get support and advice), I can recommend the Yahoo group I joined when looking for my mother. It is run by Adoption Ireland (a group that advocates for the rights of adopted people) and all you need to join is to send an email requesting membership:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption-Ireland/

Finally, if you do by any chance decide to search for your mother any further, please do feel free to send me a private message. I would be happy to advise you on how best to do this. I conducted my own search for my mother and managed to track her down in a few weeks (when the adoption board had failed in their search).

Anyway, I hope this response has been of some assistance. Best of luck to you in whatever decisions you make:)

T

thank you very much for your input and I do see you point that if I leave the search too long my nmother may have passed away but I think because of my age I am not inclined to search because I dont want to open up old wounds and I had very good aparents who looked after me in every way and also I am a very shy person and dont take to people very well and if I'm honest I am afraid that if I do go looking for my nmother I may not like her or she may not like me, if you know what I mean. If I decided to look in the near future I will e-mail you for your advice. Once again thanks

mariemcconnon@v

Tempelton wrote: »

Hi Marie,

Thanks for letting us know your story. It must have been quite a shock to discover you were adopted in the way you did. But, like anyone, you are entitled to ask questions about your background (and should not be dissuaded from doing so by a social worker, or anyone else!)

In relation to your question, about whether the social worker would get in touch with you if your birth mother came looking for you, well, I am not sure exactly what would happen on a day-to-day basis. However, if you were to put your details on the adoption contact preference register, then, yes, the social worker would be compelled to contact you (if you register that as your preference) if your mother was to get in touch.

You can find out how to easily put your details on the registry by visiting the following site:
http://www.adoptionboard.ie/preferenceRegister/index.php

So, you don't really want to look for your birth mother at present? I know the feeling. I have known I was adopted since I was seven years old. I am 31 now. It was only 1 year ago that I seriously decided to start tracing my birth mother (who, incidentally, had not sent her details into the contact register, as she didn't know about it). I went through the adoption board but I found them to be too slow and ineffectual. So I did my own search and found my mother. I have now met her 4 times and we are getting on great. It doesn't always work like that for everyone but I guess you never know until you meet...

But, I guess what I would say is that, although you have known for a relatively short time (as opposed to me), I would say that, if you are really curious, you should not feel ashamed or guilty to ask questions and start looking for answers. Without trying to sound nasty, I would also point out that, as your mother is about 70, you might want to think about looking sooner rather than later. Sorry if that sounds harsh...

The question of where I come from is one that does, in my experience, tend to grow and grow. It is obviously not the same for everyone so I don't know what your experience will be. But if you are curious - or rather if there are questions forming inside - you should look into it. True, you may think it would be wrong to disturb your ageing birth mother at this stage. Perhaps that is right. I don't know. If you feel differently however, please don't feel too guilty to search for her. My own situation was that my mother hadn't searched for me, as she felt that I was probably happy somewhere else and that if I wanted to know her I would find her. But she said she thought about me everyday of her life. That is probably the same with your mother. So, whatever you decide to do, she has doubtless never stopped thinking about you:)

If you do want to find out more about the experiences of adopted people in Ireland (and just get support and advice), I can recommend the Yahoo group I joined when looking for my mother. It is run by Adoption Ireland (a group that advocates for the rights of adopted people) and all you need to join is to send an email requesting membership:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption-Ireland/

Finally, if you do by any chance decide to search for your mother any further, please do feel free to send me a private message. I would be happy to advise you on how best to do this. I conducted my own search for my mother and managed to track her down in a few weeks (when the adoption board had failed in their search).

Anyway, I hope this response has been of some assistance. Best of luck to you in whatever decisions you make:)

T

I did sign up on the contact registar but I dont think my nmother would know anything about it if she is still in England but I did say if she was looking for me I would be open to contact

MaryMagdalene

Marie

About 12 years ago I went for group counceling in Barnardos. There was a woman there in her early 70's.

Her story: She got pregnant very young and no-one knew. She never told her husband or ANYONE. She lived that lie inside her for over 50yrs alone. She never had anyone to speak to about it. Anyway when her husband died she broke down one day and told one of her daughters. The family, of course, were shocked. Eventually they (the family) discovered Barnardos did counceling for this. At over 70 years this women's son-in-law drove her up once a week in the evening a almost 5 hour round trip to attend these meetings. For the first 4 meetings she never said a word - she simply sobbed throughout. Eventually she told us her story. I will never forget her and her grief frightened me. I swore there and then that I would tell any man before I got married before it got too late to do so.

My point is that age or time do not make you forget. You never forget.

MaryMagdalene

Also forgot to add - on another board that I use there are two women who both gave up their children over 40yrs ago.

One has just met her 48yr old son and the other has been looking for her 43yr old daughter for over 25 years!!!

The_Conductor

Moving posts here- as more appropriate than the "Introduction" thread. Please do not quote entire long posts- as some of our posters who are not very used to the internet have difficulty following the thread and have had to request assistance. Best wishes, Shane