Let downs

LegacyUser

Just need to vent here and also to know if I'm alone on this one?

It's people letting me down all the time and really disappointing me. And it's the one thing I cannot stand because well, it's just not nice and can be upsetting and I would never do it to anyone because I hate when it happens me. If I say I'll go and I'll be there at a certain time I'll be there!

But my friends...well that's different story. They'll just cancel and seem to not give a f*ck. Even the ones who I never thought would. On 2 separate occasions with different friends I have bought tickets for the both of us (because I have a laser and they don't) to things and they knew I was really looking forward to and excited about and they just cancel and I wouldn't mind if they had a proper reason but they didn't even, (One reason being ''I'll go if there's a good few going'' and she says this after I buy the tickets?!)
This really upset me..and on top of that neither of them even offered to give me the cost of the tickets..which was another let down because I'm a student and they're not. And that's just 2 examples but I seem to attract this sort of behaviour. I know that even my best best best friend would let me down, because she too has done so before. And even my mam.

And this whole disappointment thing along with other aspects of life have brought me to my conclusion that everyone's out for themselves. It's all about looking after number 1. Utterly and completely. Which I find sad because I would bend over backwards for people but I've yet to find anyone who would do the same. No one really really cares about you. Maybe some of you will disagree with that but that's how I find it.

Anyway does anyone else 1.experience this on a regular basis or do I really know how to pick my friends? and 2. feel that everyone is out for themselves and themselves alone?
And should i just get over it cause that's how it is.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Are you a bit of a pushover, when it happens do you make it clear how pissed off you are?

Ickle Magoo

Get the money off them before you pay for the tickets next time...seriously, if you think you are getting ripped off, stop being so nice. People only do things to us because we let them. Did you tell these friends what you thought of them cancelling & leaving you out of pocket?

Glowing

Stand up for yourself a bit more - if that doesn't work, get some new friends who show a bit of respect. Stop buying tickets for otherpeople unless they show you the money upfront - it's only fair.

There's nothing worse than being let down at the last minute for a crap reason - its a pet hate of mine ....

LegacyUser

No, I don't tell them how pissed off i am because i don't want to get into an arguement and make things awkward between us.
This happened a few days ago when a friend text me to cancel on me and i replied ''right,suppose we'll go some other time then''

What can i say to let them know i'm angry but not attack them??

BaZmO*

pondering wrote: »

This really upset me..and on top of that neither of them even offered to give me the cost of the tickets..which was another let down because I'm a student and they're not.

pondering wrote: »

I seem to attract this sort of behaviour

Can you not see the connection here?

Are you actually asking these people for the money or at the very least getting on the phone and giving them hell for letting you down after asking you to buy a ticket for you?

A lot of people will treat others like doormats if they are allowed.

pondering wrote: »

And this whole disappointment thing along with other aspects of life have brought me to my conclusion that everyone's out for themselves.

A hard lesson to learn in life is that generally most people are actually out just for themselves. You should probably start doing the same for yourself. That's not to say that you have to be a bitch/bastard about it but you do need to look out for your own interests first. If your friends have a record of letting you down while going places well then find someone else to go with or go on your own.

Ishindar

i agree 100% with u OP.
I made a decision in my life that i would keep my high standards and not compromise who i am. I now have a lot less "friends" and many aquantances. I have a wife and kids now and we live a very happy loving life with no compromise to our beliefs.

i urge u not to change for other people, maybe try to build a solid family base for yourself and enjoy your life to your own standards.

Todoquetengo

I think you can be nice and generous but not a pushover at the same time. I really hate when my friends let me down and I let them know about it, so it doesn't happen very often. At the same time I don't let them down either.

I'd consider myself as someone who goes out of their way to make things happen or get people together but I don't let people walk all over me, you don't have to compromise who you are or be totally out for yourself. It's about mutual respect between people and if they don't respect you then maybe you shouldn't waste your time on them. Lots of people out there to get to know and be friends with

Jack B. Badd

pondering wrote: »

On 2 separate occasions with different friends I have bought tickets for the both of us (because I have a laser and they don't) to things and they knew I was really looking forward to and excited about and they just cancel and I wouldn't mind if they had a proper reason but they didn't even, (One reason being ''I'll go if there's a good few going'' and she says this after I buy the tickets?!)
This really upset me..and on top of that neither of them even offered to give me the cost of the tickets..

Get the cash from them before you make the booking. If they ask why, tell them it's because you've been hit for the full cost of tickets before when people have cancelled at the last moment.
You need to stand up for yourself with people, OP. No-one else will stand up for you and if you expect them to you'll just end up with a victim complex - though from the tone of your opening post, one appears to be taking root already.

Beruthiel

pondering wrote: »

No, I don't tell them how pissed off i am because i don't want to get into an arguement and make things awkward between us.
This happened a few days ago when a friend text me to cancel on me and i replied ''right,suppose we'll go some other time then''

Act like a doormat and you'll get treated like one. Your friends treat you like this because you allow them too.

What can i say to let them know i'm angry but not attack them??

Very simply, ask for the money next time before getting the tickets. Point out to them that you have very little money and cannot be just throwing it away for no reason.
Point out to them that you are disappointed as you had kept the day free to spend with them. Perhaps get into the habit of ringing the day before so you can confirm that it's still all on and pick a time to meet up etc...

Puffin

How old are you (and your friends)? Have you left school in the last couple of years?