Cover letter critique please

skye

Hi all,

I'm currently seeking work by sending out cold CVs to various companies. I researched here and the net and have written out the attached cover letter. I'd like someone to read it over and make any suggestions. I think it lacks a bit of punch.

The original has been done in Works, but I can't upload that one - but the appearance is better than this one, so don't mind that.

Any help greatly appreciated.

Glowing

Hiya,
I'm not sure I like this bit : 'My experience makes me well suited to becoming a team member within your company' - sounds a bit arrogant and to be honest, you don't really know that for sure!

Maybe soften it a bit - something like "I believe I have the necessary skills and experience to make a valid contribution to your company, and I would be delighted with the opportunity to discuss any suitable positions you may have."

I'm not sure if you need to tell them you're going to contact them, just tell them you're looking forward to their 'favourable' reply, and then follow up in a week or so anyway.

skye

Yeah - wasn't sure about that either. Took it from one I saw on the net and felt it was a bit "full of myself". Your suggestion is much softer and more approachable.

Do you really think I souldn't say I'll contact them? Is an indication of some kind of follow up not the way to go?

skye

Should I just say " I look forward to your favourable reply " - bit assuming no?

jmcwobbles

It's a good start but you're right it doesn't really jump off the page...

First off, I don't like the way you've listed your responsibilities in bullet points - that information should be contained in your CV, and the purpose of a cover letter is to sell yourself by highlighting selling points, like any acheivements you've had etc. For instance my own cover letter recently said that when I started in my current position I was given my own studies to run after just 2 weeks. Have you received any promotions? Been given or taken on any extra responsibilities? Been involved in anything outside the regular compression activities (I used to work in Dispensary in a clean room pharma environment myself so have some idea of your working environment )? For instance the training new staff thing would be something you could throw in but in a more letter-written kind of way, and big it up to make yourself sound like you're the best of the best!

You also haven't mentioned your CV in the letter so add in a reference to it "I have attached my CV which I'm sure you will agree highlights the extensive experience I have in this area"

I also presume you're going to tailor each individual letter to the company you're applying for, and not just sending off the same generic "your company" letter?

And a final touch... here's my own closing paragraph which was passed on to me by someone else... and shall be passed on to many more ;-)

"In closing I would like to thank you for taking time to read this introduction. I hope you will find my CV and application compelling and I look forward to an opportunity to meet with the you and the relevant parties in <company name> so that I may demonstrate the experience and expertise that I can bring to this position."

Hope all this helps, best of luck with the job hunt!

skye

Good advice. Thanks for that. Yes I am tailoring each letter to the individual company. I'm just finding it hard to structure selling myself. I'm very good at my job and my present employers had hopes for me doing well in the Company, as I had myself, but circumstances have forced me to move.

I'm very meticulous, organised and self-motivated. I have ambition to progress. Are these points I should be making in the cover letter or wait until interview stage?

jmcwobbles

No that's exactly the kind of thing I would put in the cover letter - your CV states the main responsibilities, achievements and dates etc of employment - the more factual stuff. Anything like that, personality traits etc - exactly the kinds of things you've mentioned above - should go into your cover letter. Think of it as a spiel - you're given 1 minute to stand up and convince someone why you are perfect for the job - the cover letter should contain what you would say about yourself.

Also you say you're very good at your job - is there anything that you could say that would back that up? E.g. production times have gone down, error rates have gone down, whatever is applicable... anything like that (even if it's something small - big it up!), you could throw in as well.

skye

Changes made.... How's this?

jmcwobbles

Aw yeah that's much much better - I'd hire you! One small comment - change the last sentence to end "bring to your company" or something like that - I was applying for a specific position in mine so doesn't really fit if you're not going for something specific.

skye

Already changed it! Thanks a million for your help. Much more confident about it now.

jmcwobbles

No worries at all - really hope you find something now! Best of luck with it Do check back and let us know how you get on!

Glowing

So much better now!

I do think the last paragraph is a bit wordy - I'd condense it a bit, maybe to the following:

"I believe I have the necessary skills and experience to make a valid contribution to your company, and I would be delighted with the opportunity to discuss any suitable positions you may have. In closing, I would like to thank you for taking time to read this introduction and I would look forward to an opportunity to meet with you and the relevant parties in Almac."

marco_polo

Looks pretty good to me. Perhaps another optional line or two telling them how great you think they are and how much you would like to work there?

Or is that too much cheese on top?

skye

Thanks to everyone for the help. In the post now so I'll let you know how I get on. Fingers Crossed!!