marriage in trouble

LegacyUser

title says it all. 13 years and now.Well, do I love him, yes, but I dont think its enough anymore.
I know all couples row. but we seldome do, but when we do.
I just feel like a door mat.
I have friends a job , children.What will I do.How do I go about this, perhaps a separation?Feel realll low.

MIN2511

SORRY

I know this sounds lame and typical but why don't you sleep on it and evaluate everything in the morning?
And if you do decide to leave, it's not the end of the world. Families survive, it would be hard but you can do it

Quality

Have you talked to your husband about your problems? Have you tried relationship counselling?

It may be worth a try:)

themadchef

I always find after a serious row with my hubby (god knows I've had plenty). If i talk to someone, (sister, mother, friend) i feel so much better just for letting it all out.

In that moment you may feel many things, neglected, unloved, worthless, alone (as your name suggests) and i think most importantly you can't see past this particular "thing" that seems to be unconquerable.

As the other posters suggest, sleep on it. Talk to him rationally, i used to lose the head so often and it's not worth it. Writing your feelings down might help also.

It's a credit to you both that you don't fight very often, but when you do it's more intense i think.

You say you love him. Does he know you feel this bad?

Ickle Magoo

Maybe try writing your husband a letter to tell him how you feel. Try not to blame but use a lot of "I..." sentences. It's hard to formulate what you want to say & get everything out when we argue or are angry, writing it down gives you time to sort out how you feel & to have your say in full. It also gives your husband a chance to absorb what you are saying without having to spend time defending himself or giving you immediate replies.

Tell him how you feel at the moment & how you want to feel. Tell him how you feel about him (loving him, missing the way you used to be, etc, etc). Ask him to write you a reply. It's a really good way of have open & honest dialogue when things are getting too heated or you can't bring yourself to say things to each others faces.

Best of luck.

Beruthiel

alone wrote: »

I know all couples row. but we seldome do, but when we do.
I just feel like a door mat.

Why do I feel there more to this?
Fights will always leave you feeling like crap, but if ye rarely row, then what else is getting you down?
After 13 years of marriage, if work is not put into the relationship, then it will go stale, routine and boring. Do you feel this is the case? Have you talked to your husband about it? If not, do so. Cover every angle before you take that final step, that way you won't regret any decision you make.
Best of luck.

dodgyme

OP you have not really given us much info on the source of the problem.?

Femelade

talk to him, get some councelling..dont throw away what ye have without trying to sort it out with him first.

LegacyUser

TO be honest, I think things have just gone stale.

He does love me, but I don’t think its enough anymore.

He has a temper and shouts a lot. I always find it very difficult. He doesn’t go over board but, well with kids its not want I want. I never for a second though things would go like this.

He doesn’t move off the couch at night. He doesn’t go out the week end, he doesn’t have any friends over, ever, one about 7 years ago. His friends don’t ask him out. He goes out for work, that’s it.

Me, I have so much thank God, I have a good few friends, am always on the phone to them, or they come over for lunch, or what ever.

He got really bossy with out 13 year old and shouted. I just lost my head. I honestly think, he has to much time on his hands. If he even would walk the dog. Nothing, watches TV, puts the youngest to bed, sometimes.

Its like, we are only married because we live together. that’s it.

I enjoy been busy, he enjoys watching TV, alone. I can’t even go into the room as my chat annoys him. Even his own family don’t talk with him. When they did visit, he left the room and I would sit there and talk with them I cant understand why. He does love them. I mentioned it to his mum and she said, he was always like that.

I have tried counselling before, I had PND. Was fine after, happy. Resulted in a third child. Things have always been up and down, normal, I thought. But not this. He is now sleeping on a sofa bed in the sitting room. The kids haven’t even noticed. That’s how much he sees them. I spoke to my son and he said his dad spoke 3 words to him one day. 3. Thst not been a father.

Does he resent having a family. He’s 38, 3 kids.

I don’t know, does he hate me, a little yep I think so. Thanks, its great to be able to talk. If I did sit down and talk with family, I would only get, I told you so. I never liked him, or your to hard on him. He works all day and puts a roof over your heads blah blah blah, what I do, counts for nothing.