An update

It's been a year since I moved here so thought I'd post an update.

I'm still in the same house but I'm looking for something else for several reasons. The main ones are: All 6 of the people I'm sharing with smoke in the house which I'm completely intolerant of, I end up staying in my room for most of my time here and even put off doing things like washing because it involves me going out. Secondly, one of the housemates got a dog and the thing's been peeing on the kitchen floor and stinking up the place in general. I'm not so sure I'm suited to a house share, I'm a very solitary person who does his own thing so I feel very restricted. Yet I don't think I can afford a flat round here - I'd be talking at least 900 a month and I'm only on 1650.
I haven't made any new friends since moving, which I put down to my anxiety of other people. Last night I was at a 21st party for my friend's ex (he was meant to show up but didn't) - I ended up leaving early because I couldn't handle being round so many people I didn't know. I just can't break the ice or maintain a conversation with someone I don't know. I also find work to be a killer at times, I just don't want to interact with customers. But I do want to take up swimming as an outlet, that's something I intend to focus on.
I went to counselling a few months ago but couldn't keep it up because I had to take time off work to attend it. Part of me does want to be sociable because I feel so lonely at times but I think more of me doesn't want to, I just don't have the skills to do it and I feel cosy in my little hole - could possibly be laziness too because I don't have the desire to do very much nowadays.
The last time I went to Kerry to see my family I was discussing the housing situation. They were suggesting I move back to take advantage of the cheap housing. It's not something I've ruled out but there's a lot to think about - I'll have to start driving and I'll need to give up one of my hobbies. One of the things mentioned to me was to start a business doing pc repairs and related items but it's not something I want to do. Yet I feel like it's kind of "written out" for me, like I'm going to end up doing it anyway.

I don't even know why I'm posting all of this, suppose it's just to say I'm no happier now than I was a year ago. Wherever I go I'll probably feel the same because it's "in me" rather than the area.

Sherifu

Swimming is great, you should definitely start.

Orizio

I sympathise with a lot of what your saying - anxiety around people, loneliness, lack of purpose and difficulty meeting new people - because I've been going through much of the same for the last decade.

So obviously I can't offer advice, but at least I can offer you the solace of knowing you are not the only one.

smiler26

I sympathatise as well. Have just come home early from a night out, just because I couldnt cope with being in a crowded pub full of people I don't know.

Focus on the swimming - it's easier to be comfortable around people associated with something you're passionate about!

Ishindar

hi OP i didnt read your other treads so i can only comment on what u say here. some thoughts... i find a lot in life i have to force myself consiously to progress or improve and for my own good!
my life is not easy it requires hard work. i have a lot of commitments to respect and support my family and the ones i love. maybe 60% of my life is dedicated to others and im very happy and fullfilled.
We all have a personal natural balance that we strive to achive in life and enjoy.
just a suggestion but maybe look first at how u can fullfill the needs of others and put your own needs secondary so u can at least get social exposure. try to empatise with others and maybe learn about yourself through their actions. all progress in life requires sweat and hard work.

ModeSkeletor

I think you just got very unlucky with that house share Karsini. Most setups like that in Dublin a) don't involve so many people, b) don't involve pets, c) don't involve so many smokers. I share with 2 guys and neither of them smoke, and there are no pets in the house. I know what it's like sharing with smokers, I used to and always had to put clothes, towels, etc at the bottom of my bedroom door to stop the smoke coming in. If I ever forgot I would wake up in the morning almost choking because of the smell

I don't think living alone is a good idea (or if it's even affordable in Dublin with current rents) , just find better house-mates! We do exist!

aislingm137

well, i know how it is living with strangers and people who are not respecting and considerate. why dont you look for a new house? try to be positive. you just have to force yourself give it all youve got and focus on finding a good house with good people. when you are living in a comfortable envoironment, you will feel alot better. many people dont know how to relate to people they dont know but just try to be yourself if they dont like you that is their own lose not yours. if you are interested in computers and enjoy working with them then thats whats for you.

all the best

Hi again, well I am looking for a new place at the moment. I've tried three but didn't get any of them, Clontarf, Ballyfermot and Drumcondra (the latter one I declined because it wasn't really much better than this). I'll even try somewhere on the DART line if possible because that would be fine for work.
Re swimming, it might be a challenge for me. I haven't been in a pool since about 1993 when I had a bit of an accident in one. So I'm terrified of putting my head under water but I feel determined to do it!

Had another annoying incident in the house, was woken up at 7am this morning to drunken chatter and laughter in the sitting room - they hadn't gone to bed. I couldn't get back to sleep so ended up losing my cool with them and ordering them to keep the noise down. It worked and I got back to sleep but I felt really bad afterwards!

Ok, I'm still not doing very well. I had a really strong feeling of not wanting to get out of bed this morning, I'm finding it harder and harder to face the world every day. I've also looked at 7 houses now with no luck, even for the place I'm in now I was second in line so only got it because their first choice pulled out.
Last week I was offered a house in Kerry. There's a lot to think about, mainly the reasons I already mentioned. I'm not totally sure if I want to move back, both locations have their pros and cons.

estar

for a start, id murder your flatmates. i would have ten years ago
and i still would. you just arent compatible with them. its not personal.

moving - it can be like a personality test interviewing for places!!! however there are plenty
of places, have you thought moving in with an owner occupier, there are loads of them out
there trying to rent out a room.

watch how you present yourself when you go to rent a room.
dont come across as negative or hating where you live. just
say that you want somewhere quieter. most people would
love to live with someone quiet.

you sound like you live in your own head a lot, which i think
you should challenge. make the effort. try and get out there
and get to know new people. swimming is very solitary. it will
just be another thing you do on your own. what you sound
like you need is a few like minded friends that you can
go for some quiet drinks with and talk to.

you sound lonely and withdrawn and a little depressed.

rather than making lists of goals for yourself, like - must overcome
fear of water, wouldnt it be nice if you let go a little and enjoyed
yourself more? if you think that living in kerry near your original
support network would be better go for it.

stop beating yourself up and start appreciating yourself.
treat yourself. talk to others even if you dont feel like it
and ask them about themselves. a listener is always popular!!!
believe me!!!! try and see the positive sides of situations rather
than the negative sides.

i think life could be a whole lot better if you were in a nice
clean place to live. your current living situation sounds gross.

put your energies into finding a new place. there is somewhere
out there the perfect place for you! advertise yourself on daft
as quiet, responsible and independant and seeking a place
on the northside and i bet you will get many replies.

cjmcork

OP, I'm moving to Dublin next week and made a conscious decision to look for an owner / occupier - I want a home away from home (Cork) - I'm mature, well - to a point, but I respect other people's space and the fact that this is a place the owner has purchased - it sounds like you should look for somewhere like that - the owner will like the company, but be sure to ask if they do parties, etc - less likely when they have to pay the mortgage I think.............tell them in the interview that the demographic of your current accomodation has changed to a younger group who keep unusual hours........good luck