Why do women play games?

manclover79

Meet this girl a few months ago, been seeing eachother.
One min she's texting me all the time, the next she doesnt even reply. Then out of the blue she texts. We meet up its cool then she'll stand me up the next time.

I dont want to see her again, but why do people do that to others?

Overheal

dont play her game. forget about her.

Crumble Froo

general confusion tbh. she's not entirely sure what she wants, what she expects, who she wants/expects it from... not even entirely sure what 'it' is...

i reckon either put all your emotions aside and ride it out for a whiel... or get out now before you get well hurt.

John Mason

errr... why would you let someone treat you like that? go find yourself someone else

Mr. Incognito

Sounds to me like she has a boyfriend and you're her bit on the side.

Crumble Froo

i duno. i have two really good mates. one is in love with the other, the other, has been really badly burnt, and just cannot/will not commit again. they've spent oodles of time together, held hands in public, kissed, slept together, spent tonnes more time together, nad he's even told her he loves her... and she didnt reply in kind.. but didnt run...

he later asked if the relationship could go a little furtehr... like maybe just 'exclusive' as opposed to a total non-committal thing... she flipped, yadda yadda yadda... not the first time it's happened... doesnt mean either of them are less crazy abotu the other... just they arent on the same page relationship/commitment wise. may seem like games to the recipient.. but to the person 'playing' the games... it could well just be basic survival.

Mr. Incognito

one is in love with the other, the other, has been really badly burnt, and just cannot/will not commit again. they've spent oodles of time together, held hands in public, kissed, slept together, spent tonnes more time together, nad he's even told her he loves her... and she didnt reply in kind.. but didnt run...

This is a cop out. Like she's not going to hurt if he siad toodles in the morning. Whether she acknowledges it or not this is a relationship.

Anyway, didn't mean to hijack the thread but this naive stupidity cannot be ignored.

Colonel_McCoy

Dont be a fool for her and dont lose your pride. Plenty more women who will treat you better!

Ditch her

Crumble Froo

meh, they're both well older than you, and have pretty crazy pasts... but anyway, OP, all im saying is... depending on the person involved, there could be a 101 reasons behind the way they act. if you wana know... you're gonna have to take a deep breath and just ask.

Irishcrx

Sounds to me as said above that she has a boyfriend and is playing you along- drop her.

Lux23

Thats sounds like what alot of men have done to me in the past. Its out of boredom I reckon, they just string you along until they meet someone they are really interested in.

Zulu

She's played you as a mug. She stood you up? and you still meet up with her?

Arrange to meet her, stand her up and forget about her. She deserves no better.

azezil

It's not restricted to just females unfortunately, I've had guys do it to me also.
Your best bet is to just forget about them, it just ain't gonna happen! IMO

(Although I have a friend who would say otherwise, he pursued his current bf for two years before the guy accepted him, I don't have that kind of patience )

funk-you

Zulu wrote: »

She's plaed you as a mug. She stood you up? and you still meet up with her?

Arrange to meet her, stand her up and forget about her. She deserves no better.

+1

-Funk

topper75

Had similar experience lately and pretty glad now I moved on from that headwreck. She is prob wasting your time.

Sprouts

Nah arranging to meet her then standing her up would be a little childish, just forget her, don't behave at a level below yours and keep your dignity. Plenty of girls out there just move on.

Dragan

manclover79 wrote: »

Meet this girl a few months ago, been seeing eachother.
One min she's texting me all the time, the next she doesnt even reply. Then out of the blue she texts. We meet up its cool then she'll stand me up the next time.

I dont want to see her again, but why do people do that to others?

She's not doing it because she's a woman, she's doing it because that her.

Maybe she is insecure, doesn't know how she feels about you. Maybe your a part time piece of entertainment to her.

Either way, if it's hacking you off the stroll on my friend.

LuckyLloyd

What age is she? What age are you?

Lux23

Zulu wrote: »

She's played you as a mug. She stood you up? and you still meet up with her?

Arrange to meet her, stand her up and forget about her. She deserves no better.

Whatever you do, don't do that. You want to keep some of your dignity.

wildgazelle

Shes only playing games with you,take my advice "DONT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH A GIRL LIKE THIS"you will only get hurt!

Zulu

Lux23 wrote: »

Whatever you do, don't do that. You want to keep some of your dignity.

Meh, no dignity lost really and you might just teach her an important life lesson.
That said, you do lose the high moral ground, but that's not worth a whole pile to most people these days.

Sherifu

Walk away OP, quite fast.

Lola123

Maybe she just wants a casual thing and thinks thats what u want to?
Maybe she has a boyf
Maybe she doesn't know how she feels about u.
Could be any number of things really.
Have u slept together?
How long is this going on?

There's no excuse for standing u up though.... thats just plain rude!

mucker23

because you let them do it

Wibbs

mucker23 wrote:

because you let them do it

You beat me to it. Nail on the head. Don't blame her for being an idiot, blame yourself for going along with it. She'll meet someone who has boundaries and I guarantee she won't pull that crap.

If she doesn't know how she feels, walk. She should either know or not know especially by this stage. Don't wait for her to get a clue. Not worth the effort.

Next time she texts, just say you'll take a raincheck. Look elsewhere. There are better women out there. Do not get stuck on the notion that she's the only one for you. Don't explain yourself either as that will play into her powertrip. Indeed I make it a point to never explain myself when I'm doing the right thing. If I do have to explain myself, then do it once. If they don't get that and adjust accordingly to my personal boundaries then I write them off. This is the case with both friends and especially romantic entanglements. I respect relationships too much to have to wait for someone to play catch up. I have to add that you must respect others boundaries too. It goes both ways.

Crumble Froo wrote: »

i duno. i have two really good mates. one is in love with the other, the other, has been really badly burnt, and just cannot/will not commit again. they've spent oodles of time together, held hands in public, kissed, slept together, spent tonnes more time together, nad he's even told her he loves her... and she didnt reply in kind.. but didnt run...

he later asked if the relationship could go a little furtehr... like maybe just 'exclusive' as opposed to a total non-committal thing... she flipped, yadda yadda yadda... not the first time it's happened... doesnt mean either of them are less crazy abotu the other... just they arent on the same page relationship/commitment wise. may seem like games to the recipient.. but to the person 'playing' the games... it could well just be basic survival.

Then she's emotionally immature. She assumes that what happened before will happen again. She's punishing this guy, because of what other guys have done to her in the past. She's blaming him for what her ex(s) have done. Not big. Not clever. If he walks and he should because if someone doesn't know what they want they are a total waste of time. If he walks she'll likely blame him. Self fulfilling prophecy. On to the next. Rinse and repeat.

Talliesin

From reading posts here over the years I've come to the conclusion that the reason people play games is that they don't understand that relationships are not ****ing sudoku puzzles and they think that there's some sort of "best play" by which they can have things go perfectly if only they hit upon it.

They then take outcomes as a way of judging how good their approach is - paying attention to whether particular "moves" result in things going well or badly and adjusting future play on those outcomes.

It's like someone who is utterly convinced that the outcome of horse races depend upon the behaviour of seagulls and carefully paying attention to how well they were able to predict which horse to bet on from that days seagull observation and readjusting the way they bet based on seagulls and never realising that their basic idea was wrong even when they're seriously in debt.

So they then go to the successful gamblers (whether success means that they make lots of money, or just that they enjoy a good day at the races every now and then whether they win or lose) and ask them how they read seagull behaviour and don't understand the confusion their questions bring about or the non-seagull related advice they are getting.

Sounds pretty stupid, but I think this analogy explains perfectly the questions about game playing we get here along the lines of "I texted my new beau yesterday and I deliberately ignored him today but I'm not sure whether to ignore him or not today, what do I do?" They're behaving like idiots because they think there are rules, but they don't get that and think any failure is not having the right rules.

Of course, it's also possible that the OP's gf is just flighty and unreliable and that's why she stands him up.

smiles

It's not just girls who play games -- guys do too.

If you don't want to play games (yes, some people do enjoy it, the thrill of the chase and all that), then just walk away, you'll only frustrate yourself.

davyjose

smiles wrote: »

It's not just girls who play games -- guys do too.

If you don't want to play games (yes, some people do enjoy it, the thrill of the chase and all that), then just walk away, you'll only frustrate yourself.

This is true - some people just get a kick out of it, so you can give them the benefit of the doubt til the cows come home, but you'll still end up getting hurt.

As you said yourself, move on. If she's not stupid she'll know why.

flyingdagger

Don't let someone become your priority whilst you remain their option.Walk away.I can't speak for others and explain why people treat others in this way.But it's ****ty behaviour imo,there could be a million reasons why she's acting like this.If she isn't willing to be honest with you and not 'play games' then forget her.You will meet someone who won't behave this way and won't leave you in the dark as to how they feel about you.

Ickle Magoo

People play games (not just women btw!) for a variety of reasons. Because they can & it gives them a sense of power, or they are too cowardly to say how they actually feel, maybe even because they haven't made up their mind & like you hanging on "just in case" - there are a million other reasons on top of it.

The bottom line is regardless of the games she wants you to play, you can choose not to participate.

DetectivFoxtrot

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

People play games (not just women btw!) .

+1

I sympathise my friend but the thread title is a generalisation. I am a woman and I don't play games


Ditch her

LegacyUser

Unfortunately Ill be perfectly honest here,Ive to confess ive done the same to a girl recently, well not standing up thats terrible imo, but spouts of texting and keen interest and then nothing from me for ages. I wont lie and will tell you the reason is because I didnt know what I wanted, its selfish and mean and I eventually stopped it but all that was going through me head was, this person is perfect in every way, good looking, good sense of humour, smart yet i am not attracted to her, we didnt click. Now we were nothing serious,just met a few times and organised to meet on the same nights out. We had one date sort of aswell in that I called out her for the night.

I might sound like a bastard here but I had kept her interest just in case I might be sorry I lost her. I didnt wanna take that risk because I could find no faults for her. Sometimes i was in the mood for talking to her but most times I wasnt. Its been about 2 weeks since we've contacted each other now and it was genuinely up to me to contact her. Ive heard through a friend that she kinda knows the score at this stage and that it was my fault that were not really meeting anymore. This actually sickened me in a way, and also left me feeling like a coward(because I am I know).

Its just an answer to why people play games. They dont know what they want or they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Its nothing to do with you and your dead right not to want to meet her again.

RedXIV

relationships are all games! regardless what ya hear, even if you decide to cut across all the crap, thats still a different type of move in the same old game.

OP, if your interested in this girl, try an ultimatium. arrange to meet and if she doesn't show tell her to go hang. and when she tries to meet up after wards (coz she will) put a long list of demands and conditions on it and then only go if your bored too

Firetrap

OP, dump her. This girl is not going to change her ways and is addicted to playing games. No matter what you say or do, she's going to continue to wreck your head. Why waste your time on a relationship that's going to fall apart eventually?

I used to have a friend who did stuff like that to every single boyfriend she had. She changed her mind like the weather. One day she'd be mad keen on the current man in her life, the next she'd be saying she was going to dump him. She'd complain that he never rang or texted yet she'd be ignoring his texts/calls. Or the guy would want to meet her and she'd keep cancelling. You get the picture. Myself and other mutual friends tried talking to her til we were blue in the face but it was no use. She just couldn't help herself.

Liam Byrne

Firetrap wrote: »

I used to have a friend who did stuff like that to every single boyfriend she had. She changed her mind like the weather. One day she'd be mad keen on the current man in her life, the next she'd be saying she was going to dump him. She'd complain that he never rang or texted yet she'd be ignoring his texts/calls. Or the guy would want to meet her and she'd keep cancelling. You get the picture. Myself and other mutual friends tried talking to her til we were blue in the face but it was no use. She just couldn't help herself.

Sounds like you know my ex.....tell her I was asking for her.....

LegacyUser

Because they can.

Some women (not all!) and some men like to deliberately mess with people's heads because it tickles a part of their brain that gets a kick out of manipulation.

They would never admit it to themselves. But looking at their behaviour over time it becomes clear.

This girl may not be like this. She may simply be confused, as others have mentioned.

I know a girl like this at the moment. She suffered an awful break up a few years ago, and is now in a bit of a mess when it comes to guys. She really wants a relationship, but every time she goes on a date, she finds something to criticise about them. She acts very nastily to them. She decides she doesn't want to see them again. A few weeks later she'll regret it, think she was mean, and arrange another date. The cycle begins again.

It is a waste of time investing emotional effort into people while they're going through this kind of problem. You'll end up being broken by their recovery.

If you do decide to give her another try, this is an appropriate one to use the "treat them mean to keep them keen" approach. Don't be too enthusiastic, don't be available all the time, (even if it means sitting in alone watching telly on a night), and do see other people (initially). With this approach, she'll see you're not at her beck and call. Apart from anything, it will give you self-respect and dignity.

(I'm not suggesting that you be mean to her, or abusive, just that you maintain your dignity!).