Should I Break up First?

LegacyUser

This is going to be a long story so please bear with me...

I have been on and off with my now girlfriend for the past 10 years or so. We are both in our 20's and are now living together. We met when we were young and hit if off as best friends straight away, as soon as we met she informed me she bisexual but I was fine with this and was glad she was comfortable enough to speak to me about something like this. I instantly feel in love with her when i saw her and was over the moon when we eventually got together as a couple. Since we were young our relationship only lastest about 3 years before we eventaully broke up.

We broke up due to the fact that she cheated on me with another woman, she didn't sleep with the person or anything it was just a kiss. Things had just seemed to run its toll and it was time to end it. I was devistated but managed to get over it. We didn't have much contact for about a year but did stay in touch through text messages every now and again and the odd phone call here and there.

After about a year we started goin back out for drinks together and eventually ended up sleeping together again. This again led to us being in a relationship again. Again though this only lasted about a year before we broke contact again.

We are now together again and it just seems to be the same situation all over. I have noticed she is acting the way she allways acts when she feels our relationship is going to end.

Should I just finish with this girl before the inevitable happens or should I wait and see what happens. I don't know how much more I can take of these 1 - 2 year relationships with her and then the breaks in between. I am comitted in the long run and want to eventaully mary this girl but im not sure she wants the same thing.

Any thoughts on this would be great

Marksie

You could always talk to her rather than just break up.

You could be looking for patterns of behaviour because of what happened before. They may or may not be there.

If you talk you can find out whats going on between the two of you and whether your fears are justified or whether you are in your head about this

Beruthiel

Inthedumps wrote: »

We are now together again and it just seems to be the same situation all over. I have noticed she is acting the way she allways acts when she feels our relationship is going to end.

Should I just finish with this girl before the inevitable happens or should I wait and see what happens. I don't know how much more I can take of these 1 - 2 year relationships with her and then the breaks in between. I am comitted in the long run and want to eventaully mary this girl but im not sure she wants the same thing.

You need to sit down and talk to her about all of the above.
None of us can guess what's going on with her. Only she can tell you that.

Sherifu

You'll need to talk to her, you won't find any answers about her intentions here.

Pigletlover

I can never understand people who think about breaking up with someone just to do it first. If you're not happy in a relationship or you can't see any future then it's justifiable to break up, but don't do it just so you can say you were the one who finished it. You say you want to marry this girl, but you're not sure if she wants the same thing - ask her. Explain to her that you feel that she's not totally committed to you, it may be that she's not, but she could simply have other things on her mind.

calahans

Your girlfriend kisses other women - SCORE!

Marksie

Calahans: this is PI, not your own little fantasy. Read the charter on off topic posting

Gyalist

Are you familiar with this fable?

The scorpion needed to cross a river. He asked the turtle to give him a ride on his back.

The turtle said “How do I know you won’t sting me?”

The scorpion replied that it would be suicidal to do so because then they’d both drown.

The turtle saw the logic and agreed to ferry the scorpion.

Halfway across the river, the turtle felt a sharp sting.

As they sank under the water, the turtle gasped “Why did you do that? Now we’ll both die.”

“I can’t help it. It’s my nature,” said the scorpion.

She told you early on that she is bisexual and you say that you were fine with that yet you broke up because she *cheated* on you with a woman?

Let me break it down for you; when a woman tells you something like that very early in the relationship she is just not only being honest, she is also subcommunicating to you her expectations for the relationship. Changing this is usually very difficult and usually not worth the investment in time and effort.

We broke up due to the fact that she cheated on me with another woman, she didn't sleep with the person or anything it was just a kiss.

Oh yeah? If you believe that maybe I can convince you that the moon is really made of green cheese.

After about a year we started goin back out for drinks together and eventually ended up sleeping together again. This again led to us being in a relationship again. Again though this only lasted about a year before we broke contact again.

We are now together again and it just seems to be the same situation all over. I have noticed she is acting the way she allways acts when she feels our relationship is going to end.

You seem to just fall back into a relationship with her without making her pay a price for your commitment. No mention of what you consider limits to her behaviour. It's no wonder that she feels that she can behave this way.
What are you looking for in an ideal partner? Does she have those qualities?
Most of all, what do *you* want? You don't seem to know so there is no leadership in the relationship.

Should I just finish with this girl before the inevitable happens or should I wait and see what happens. I don't know how much more I can take of these 1 - 2 year relationships with her and then the breaks in between

You have to be proactive and lead the relationship to where you want it to go. Instead you just seem to be reactive to her behaviour. If she then doesn't want to follow your leadership it's time to end it permanently.

I am comitted in the long run and want to eventaully mary this girl but im not sure she wants the same thing.

Huh??!!?? Your commitment is admirable but where I come from there is this saying: You can't turn a Ho into a housewife.

john_aero

i think the bi part is not a part in this. chaeting is cheating. if she was with a man and not a woman what would ou do then?

if she cant commit to you then there is a large problem there and until she freely decideds to devote herself to you then you will be going through the same thing for the rest of your life

Pigletlover

Gyalist wrote: »

Are you familiar with this fable?


She told you early on that she is bisexual and you say that you were fine with that yet you broke up because she *cheated* on you with a woman?

Let me break it down for you; when a woman tells you something like that very early in the relationship she is just not only being honest, she is also subcommunicating to you her expectations for the relationship. Changing this is usually very difficult and usually not worth the investment in time and effort.[/b]

She's bisexual, it means she's attracted to both men and women, not that it's 'in her nature' to cheat.

Gyalist wrote: »

Oh yeah? If you believe that maybe I can convince you that the moon is really made of green cheese.[/b]

Why shouldn't the OP believe that his girlfriend only kissed the other person? Do you know something he doesn't?

Gyalist wrote: »

Huh??!!?? Your commitment is admirable but where I come from there is this saying: You can't turn a Ho into a housewife.

She KISSED another person, it hardly makes her a 'ho'.