If you found out an ex turned out to be gay.. would you be upset?

watna

A girl I'm friends with was her bf for about 4/5 years, all through college and after. He treated her very badly (we all thought) and could be downright cruel at times. They kept breaking up and getting back together and having huge fights in public places! Anyway they broke up for good a few months ago and at Christmas he told her he was gay. I always had my suspicions but thought he might just be a bit camp. In hindsight, it makes sense.

Anyway I was talking to another friend last night about it (tis a big scandal!) and she said she'd be suicidal if she found out that someone she loved for years turned out to be gay. That it would all be a lie. I was thinking about it and I'd like to think I'd be happy they'd discovered who they really are but I'm not sure. My friend has accepted it and says it's very upsetting but feels like it's final closure on the whole thing, that there's no going back now.

How do you think you'd react? Has it happened to any ladies here?

Silverfish

I don't think it would bother me, if they were an ex.

In fact, isn't it sortof flattering, in a strange way?

LadyJ

I'd be delighted! I could never be jealous of a man but I can get insanely jealous of other women. I wish all my exs were gay!

watna

LadyJ wrote: »

I'd be delighted! I could never be jealous of a man but I can get insanely jealous of other women. I wish all my exs were gay!

Yeah, one of my friends said this. If he had a new bf as opposed to a gf it'd be easier on the jealousy front!

Thinking about it, I don't think I'd be that upset. My friend said she would because everything he said then was a lie but that's not necessarily true. He probably believed what he as saying too, at the time.

Cathmandooo

It's a much better reason to break up than there being an unbearable problem with me. I'm sure he still did love this girl, I doubt he was lying. She just wasnt right for him and he finally realised / admitted what he really wants.

watna

Cathooo wrote: »

It's a much better reason to break up than there being an unbearable problem with me. I'm sure he still did love this girl, I doubt he was lying. She just wasnt right for him and he finally realised / admitted what he really wants.

That's make sense but it isn't what happened. She always broke up with him and he would literally beg her to take him back. He did this when they broke up a few months ago but she had finally had enough and said no, we're not getting back together. Then he came out a few months later. Very weird!

justsomebloke

see the only problem I would have with it is, how did they find out during a long term relationship that they were defiantly gay cause chances are they would of had to cheat and be with the opposite sex just to make sure and that would be the killer, that they were cheating as oppose to being gay

LadyJ

jsb wrote: »

see the only problem I would have with it is, how did they find out during a long term relationship that they were defiantly gay cause chances are they would of had to cheat and be with the opposite sex just to make sure and that would be the killer, that they were cheating as oppose to being gay

I don't think one necessarily has to have sex with someone in order to confirm that one is gay. I knew I was straight before I had sex. And anyway, he could have slept with another guy after they'd broken up as opposed to while they were together.

WindSock

I turned my ex gay! I wouldn't mind at all.

Glitteronsnow

I'm not going to lie, I'd be upset, but after the initial shock, I'd want to be happy for him. I think its very unfair and selfish to be in a long term relationship with someone if you think you might be gay.

Lil' Smiler

Nope, my ex recently came out as bi, doesn't really bother me. he was always a bit weird and too feminine for my liking.

Everyone else seems shocked except me though which I find weird! They've all only recently found out whereas he told me in October and now I'm getting slaggings since I was his last gf of "oh you turned him"...

Cathkins

Have to say if I'd been in a relationship with someone for 4/5 years and didn't discover this about the person I'd probably feel quite poorly about our relationship. The fact that he didn't feel he could tell me this would be a poor sign as you don't just become gay over night or over a few months. But I suppose I'd feel that it further justifies the fact that this person is ex and an ex for a reason. I think I'd basically just be shocked to be honest.

Lux23

I don't know. I guess I would be upset but I would get over it, I know enough about homosexuality to know that noone decided they are gay (they just are) so really it wouldn't reflect on me.

John Mason

TBH, i wouldnt be surprised, i asked him if was enough times

on the verse though, i turned my gay friend straight, very bizzare situation. we are not friends anymore:(

watna

irishbird wrote: »

TBH, i wouldnt be surprised, i asked him if was enough times

on the verse though, i turned my gay friend straight, very bizzare situation. we are not friends anymore:(

Hilarious, We need more details!

Crazy Catlady

I was seeing someone for a while and about 12 months later he "came out". I wasn't a bit put out. I held him in very high regard as a person, and I was just pleased he was happy in himself.
I think it may be different if your in a long relationship, I;d like to think I'd have the same reaction, but I can understand people questioning the authenticity of it it they'd been together say 2+ years.
But then an ex, is an ex. So its not really our business anyway.

John Mason

watna wrote: »

Hilarious, We need more details!

We met in a gay bar and became really good friends for about a year. He was my rock and get me through a really messy break up. We were out one night and he told me how much he fancied me and that maybe he wasnt gay after all and all he could think about was us getting married and having babies together. :eek:

i miss him sometimes

Show_me_Safety

my boyfriend now had a girlfriend for 3 years before he told her he was gay (yes i am a boy!)

anyways, she is now one of his best friends and my best friends too, we even work and live together.
she has a new bf herself now we often double date and all hang out together.

i know she was upset for a while but all it took was a bit of sensitivity from my boyf, and i guess some maturity on her side. she realised it wasnt her fault, and at the time he was confused but really believed he was in love while he was with her.

x

watna

Thanks, show me safety. That was an interesting view point. That your bf can still be friends with his ex. I wonder will it be that way for my friend?!

btw, welcome to boards!

Orlee

It's harder to compare yourself to a new boyfriend rather than a new girlfriend so I suppose in some ways it's easier!

Clare Bear

Initially when I saw the question I thought no, I'd hate if an ex turned out to be gay....but after reading some comments here the more I think about it the more I shouldn't be too bothered about it.....I think the main thing is you'd be embarrassed about what other people would think...not that it matters but you'd be the girl that went out with the gay guy!

Also, I think I'd be a lot less jealous of an ex's new boyfriend than any new girlfriend.

misslt

About a year ago, my best friend was going out with this guy and me and him became very close friends. He told me a few months into their relaionship that he liked me and would finish with my friend for me. I told him of course not, but didn't say anything to her. A few months after they finished, she found out and me and her nearly fell out over it, and a matter of weeks after that he came out as gay.

We're all still good mates and me and her fall over ourselves laughing thinking we nearly fell out over him!!

Misticles

This happened to somebody i know. only they were together ten years, and he said he knew all along. i would of done a trevor jordache on his ass!

LadyJ

Misticles wrote: »

i would of done a trevor jordache on his ass!

Wasn't he a paedophile and a rapist?

hamsterboy

This actually happened to me, quite a while ago now and I didn't even know when we broke up. I found out years later and kinda felt bad for them that they had to cover it up. I'm good friends with the ex and her new partner and have drinks etc with them every now and then.
I don't think its a thing you could feel anyway bad or angry about....it's just somethign you gotta acept and realise that while you were together, the other person was probably going through a very confusing and scary time.

Misticles

i meant kill and bury under the patio

LadyJ

Misticles wrote: »

i meant kill and bury under the patio

Well.....Mandy Jordache did that...... I dunno which makes more sense. Anyway.....Please stop getting me to admit how much I know about Brookside!

Misticles

shes in emmerdale now thought id throw that in.

cuckoo

It's not you, it's your gender....

I wouldn't be bothered by it, and like other posters have said, it's easier to not be jealous of a new boyfriend than it is of a new girlfriend.

However, i wouldn't be too thrilled if it was a long term relationship and i felt like they had known for a while, but hadn't wanted to upset the apple cart. Then i might feel that they should have ended it sooner if they didn't see a future and i was dreaming of wedding dresses.

Crumble Froo

i wouldnt be bothered at all... tbh, two of my more serious exes have been bi... both of them told me while still in the relationship, but it was never a surprise to me... though i dont get surprised baout tha tkinda stuff too easy...

found out recently my b/f had kissed another dude though... was quite an interesting conversation... him, me and two of his mates from back in the day were there... talking about someone or something... a party... 'oh, never guess who i pashed that night' (yes, he used the word 'pashed' in a real sentence...)... few guesses, few exes etc, nah, twas *insert guy mate's name here*!'

oh.


...

cool!