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Tokophobia. Fear of Birth

  • 03-03-2008 6:24pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Has anybody else suffered from this. I have had it for the past 16 years and it is getting progressively worse now that I am in a stable relationship. I need to get help. Has anybody out there got counseling for it? How was it? Has anybody with tokophobia out there given a birth without having counseling? Any information is welcome thank you


Comments

  • #2
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    No advice I'm afraid. I'm sure any decent psychologist will have some knowledge or experience. And could probably even help you a lot if they don't.

    There's also a phobia forum just started. http://boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1032


  • #3
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    I would strongly advise counselling. My grandmother died in childbirth in her 40's and her eldest daughter (my aunt obviously) was in her mid-teens.

    Herself and her husband never had children and it was only in the last few years that she admitted she always wanted a child but was too terrified that she would die in childbirth like her mother. She's in her 60's now and regrets missing out on a huge part of life due to her fears.

    I would strongly advise seeking help for this fear and not trying to conquer it yourself. It's tough to confront your fears, but this is one fear where time is a factor - you don't want to be in your fifties and regretting not getting help for this condition.

    Best of luck.


  • #4
    LadyJ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,122 ✭✭✭LadyJ


    OP, I have started a thread about Tokophobia on the phobia forum if you would like to discuss it further over there. Personally I think it an extremely understandable fear. Counselling is usually the best route for getting to the bottom of what causes a phobia. Imo, it is only possible to remove a fear by working out when it started and what caused it. Therapy can help with this.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Tokophobia cannot be resolved with counselling - it's a phobia - ie irrational fear. Just like some people would rather die than get on an airplane or feel like their heart is going to stop if they get stuck in a lift. One part of the problem is the media and how childbirth is portrayed - gory, terrifying, painful and out of control. We don't do our daughters any favours either by telling them how awful labour was. Often the seeds of tokophobia are planted in the minds of children.

    This fear is then compounded over the years by scary stories from family and friends and the media....this becomes a belief in the young adult - a belief that she will probably die if she gives birth. Hypnosis is very effective at resolving irrational fears including tokophobia. Having a baby should be one of the best days of your life and this CAN be treated. Sensitive care by the medical staff also goes a long way in helping these women have normal pregnancies and very positive births. Find a compassionate hypnotherapist who specializes in phobias so you can participate in one of the most amazing experiences you can ever have as a woman (being a mother).

    SF


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Tokophobia is not just the result of scary stories in the media or as told by others. It's a phobia, and has some basis in fact. Birth can be painful. Mothers don't die in childbirth that frequently today, but the stories we here from other women about bad experiences are true, and it's not always the hospital that's the problem. Homebirthers and natural childbirthers have bad experiences, too--they just cover them up. It may actually be the worst day in someone's life.

    Platitudes are not going to change the tokophobic behavior. Neither is counseling or education. I've lived with this phobia for more than 30 years. I'm tough as nails and I have never been able to get rid of it. Consequently, I have had more than a few abortions rather than go through childbirth.

    The only hope for the tokophobe who really wants a child--and I did--is to find some sort of birth that works for her and do it. If she can't find the support she needs--and that is not always natural childbirth, either--then she is going to have no choice but to choose either an abortion or suicide. I couldn't get the choice of birth I wanted, so I had abortions.

    Don't dismiss this phobia, it is bad news.


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