First Chapter of new book. What do you think

Newbieannon

As I sit here hands entwined in a warm cup of coffee I wonder how life could have worked out so differently. What could I have done, what little difference could I have made that would have stopped me from being just where I am right now. I gazed through the speckled stained glass French doors looking at the tulips. As much as I loved the tulips I always get annoyed by what precious time they seem to have. One gust of wind and if you didn’t see that they had blossomed you would have missed them altogether. I need to wash those windows. I should care enough to wash the windows but I don’t. I should be so proud to have so much and so grateful but I am not. Am I one of those people who want it all? Am I selfish? Yes probably.

Sean works so hard and is such a dedicated husband and father that it seems like a cruel fate for him to have been landed with me. Don’t get me wrong he has no idea. To him I am the ever-devoted wife and loving mother. I am content and happy, I am bubbly and sociable. I surround my day by filling it with what I can do for my family and making life wonderful for all of us. No waves, nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, I would say Sean is very secure in his thoughts of who his wife is and how in control his life is.

What am I really like well that’s a whole different story? I fill my days with dreams of what it would be like to be different to be someone who has no control. The freedom that I yearn for so much is just that, a daydream. A hidden secret, a skeleton in my own mind, not something that I can ever have, after all I am the wife of a respectable lawyer with a generous income and luxuries others would lavish on. My daydreams would remain secret and that’s just how I wanted them to be, no one could take them away from me. Just then Jackson barked. I heard the plat of the letters on the slate tiles in the hall. It sounded louder than usual. As I got up I tripped over Aidan’s dumper truck. “Jesus. Am I the only one who picks up anything in this house?” I moan. Amongst the usual junk mail and credit card statements it looks like an early birthday card. “Hmmm who could this be from” I thought. “It’s a bit early my birthday is still 6 days away”. I open the envelope and look at the card. It simply says to a beautiful woman keep smiling, and it is not signed. I look for the postmark but there is none.

The phone rings and makes me jolt. I run to answer it. It’s my mother ringing for a chat. As I stand against the wall with the phone pressed hard against my ear & the back of my earring digging into me I am looking blankly at the card wondering who it is from. I know it couldn’t be from Sean. For one he always likes to get credit for what he sends and he knows it’s not my birthday yet so who could it be. As mom is telling me all about the plants she has bought for the garden and what she will do with them I cant seem to concentrate on a word. “Someone is at the door mom, Ill have to call you back” knowing I would not ring her back until later. I go back into the kitchen and put on the kettle for another cup of coffee and ponder on who the hell would be sending me a birthday card telling me I am a beautiful woman. Could it be that I have a secret admirer. Maybe it’s the postman. Oh I hope not. At least if your going to have a secret admirer it is better to imagine him to be rugged and strong the kind of good looking but bad guy you know you would never go for but you know would give you a night of passion you would never forget.

As I spoon the coffee from the jar and pour the water I think about this dark handsome man that finds me oh so attractive and what would I do if I was ever to meet him. “I can’t believe this is happening,” I say aloud. “I bet it must be one of the girls having a laugh”, I am meeting them the day after tomorrow for a few drinks so Ill find out then. I can feel my cheeks getting redder and an exciting nervousness building up in the pit of my stomach. The phone rings again. I put the coffee down and answer it. “Hello, Hello” I know there is someone there but they are not talking. I hang up the phone a little shaken. What a weird day. What to do, could it be something to do with the card. I get a little freaked & put the card in the bin. I am so behind and I still have to collect Aidan from Montessori. Aidan is our only child. I had a tough childbirth and decided that to go through another pregnancy and childbirth would be a form of mental and physical torture. Also 2 years of sleep deprivation would taint the most devout of mother’s maternal instincts.

Despite Sean’s insistent pressure to get an au pair I stuck to my guns and felt that I wanted to bring up our child myself with no outside influences. Aidan was a very pleasant and happy child during the day but at night he refused to sleep, I tried every best sellers tips and child whisperers greatest secrets but he is a stubborn child a bit like me and would not sleep, it seemed if he thought he was missing out on something he was not going to settle down for the night. All the sleepless nights did however lead me losing all that baby weight very fast which was very important to me. That was also another one of my little secret reasons for not wanting an au pair. I don’t think anyone can prepare you for the changes that your body takes on when you have had a baby and as good as I looked from the outside I still never quiet felt as good within my skin as I did before having Aidan. I definitely did not want a perky 20 something flaunting her tight ass and pert boobs around my husband or for that matter around me reminding me of how good I use to look.

Seeing Aidan's little face waiting for me at Montessori made all the thoughts of the card and the desperation of just been a housewife disappear. Of course that would be short-lived as it always was. The rest of the day was spent drifting in and out of wonder as to who had sent the card. I am sure after tomorrow night’s girlie night out all would be revealed & the excitement of a secret admirer would be put to bed a few laughs and one to many glasses of wine later.

Thrill

Wtf???

smcgiff

Is this from a published book? I've only skim read it, but seems very polished. Chick lit?

Newbieannon

No definetly not. Just got it into my head and started writing. Not sure whether to continue or not but did enjoy writing it so might belt away at it for fun.

skateing dragon

I have to say, I like the beginning but it went down hill from there. After the really bold and big part (btw why is that text larger than the rest?) it all got a bit Chick-lit. It started out nice and mysterious, a woman not content with being a housewife and with real dreams and my mind began to wander and think what is she going to make of herself? But when i read the card and the bit about the "girls" and her son I lost a bit of interest in the woman.

She seems like a self-obsessed D4 housewife. A desperate housewife. I'm sorry to say that because I truely liked the story at the beginning.

Newbieannon

HI, not really into the whole chick lit thing but I suppose I was trying to set the scene for life she is living to contrast to what will happen as the plot thickens and so on, so could have put too much on that. As this is the first time I have ever written anything thanks for the feedback. Have no idea why the text went bold & larger it wasnt like that before I pulled it in. Who knows... Thanks for the feedback.

hypercrawl

Thrill wrote: »

Wtf???

Was wondering something similar, suggest publishing immediatly. After all Dan Brown is considered as as as a riter. or something.