My friend died

funloving

Hello,
some of you maybe know my nickname already.
Some days ago my ex boyfriend rang me to say a very close friend of ours had a car crash and he went to coma and that doctors didn't know how many chances he had to survive...
Yesterday morning it happened...he died.
I was not so much in touch with him recently but we used to be very close friends, we spent a lot of time together talking,laughing,going out and he was one of those people you could have long conversations,opening up and letting yourself go...
I still can't believe he's not here anymore, I don't wanna accept it...
I don't wanna go to the funeral later,I don't know if I can handle this now.
I went through a long period of depression last year and it took me a lot of strenght to recover and to lead the life I am having now.
What should I do?
Don't wanna disappoint people not going to the funeral etc but I dont know if I can stand all that...plus I am alone in this.

mike65

Condolences on the loss of a friend.

I would go to the funeral even if right now it seems and impossible journey to make. I belive (and I'm not a religious man in the slightest) that the ritual does help - you'll be with others with whom your share similair feelings and you will know that you were there for your freind at the very end as well as in better times.

Do it for your friend and yourself rather than anyone who you might be "letting down".

Mike.

watna

funloving, I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. It must be very tough.

Like Mike65, I think you should go to the funeral. It will give you some kind of closure and I always think it is good to go along and see how much the person was loved and what he/she meant to people.

I think you're better going than not going and regretting it later on. If you feel that it is too much for you you can always sit down the back and sneak out if you need to.

Dizzyblonde

Funloving I'm sorry about your friend, may he rest in peace.

I too think you'll regret it if you don't go to the funeral. Even if you just go to the church it will help you to grieve, and there's comfort to be had in talking to people who knew him.

embee

Hi funloving,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. My best friend died when we were both 19 after a long battle with cancer. I too thought I couldn't face the funeral - I'd had 2 years to get used to the idea that she wasn't going to make it but it was still a shock when she did die. I am so, so glad I went to the funeral though. I know that if I hadn't, I'd have regretted it. For her family, it meant a lot to them to see all her friends at her funeral... its important to think about them too and that your friends family probably want ye all to come. It is so hard for them, but people can get solace from seeing that their dearly departed was loved.

bronte

Hi Funloving,

So very sorry to hear about your friend, I hope you've managed to get through the day regardless of whether you went or not.
Look after yourself, and feel free to vent any feelings/thoughts you have here.
It's good to get it out.

_blank_

Hello there.

I'm so, so very sorry for your loss.

I lost a very close friend three and a half years ago, please read my post from just after it happened. It was extremely hard and upsetting at the time, but we all rallied around each other, and that helped a lot.

I still miss the guy, I always will. Little things, every day. I can still hear his distinctive laugh when something funny happens, I can still see his reaction when a "tune" comes on the radio, in a club or a song on my mp3 player.

It gets easier to cope, with time, that old cliché is actually true (for me anyway)

Do go to the funeral, it's part of the grieving process. See others, share your grief, help them, help yourself. Please don't get upset by yourself, go be with people who are going through this. Tell stories about your friend, laugh at the funny times, smile at the memories.

I'm sure it's what he would have wanted, eh?

promethius

So sorry this happened, i hope you were able to make it to the funeral. it could be something you might regret later on when things settle down and i mean for yourself not what others think

funloving

In the end I decided to go to the funeral..as some of you said,sharing this grieving with others helped a lot and I thought I ought it to my friend...
He died because of a car crash so it was unexpected..all this made me think of what life is: it gives a lot but it can also take all at once so we must make the most of it everyday..it's banal but it's true....

thank you all for your kindness.....grazie

Marksie

I am glad you did in the end funloving: its important you said goodbye

all the best

tbh

funloving, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you'll get over this as much as you can. i lost a good friend suddenly a couple of years ago. I still miss him, all the time, but sometimes something he did or said will pop into my head and I'll just burst out laughing completely at random. I think it's his way of getting revenge on me for the tricks I played on him I'm very sorry for your loss, all you can do now is honour your friends memory by living your life well.

Aura

My condolences Funloving. Hope you and your friends can take comfort in each others company to get through this difficult time.

May he rest in peace.

A.

Crannog

Hi Funloving

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this recent loss.

I hope that you will allow yourself to grieve. Please don't be scared that you will fall into another depression. If that is holding you back from feeling the impact of your loss please seek help.

You know that you are capable of great things because you came out the other side of depression. Did you do that on your own or with professional help? We don't go backwards. You will know how to recognise if you are in trouble again.

I'll be rooting for you. Best of luck.

scoot on

Sorry to hear about your loss OP. A friend of mine died in a car crash two years ago. I still get a lump in my throat talking about it. I was the same as you in that I hadn't seen him for a bit but we used to all hang around in the same in school and had such a blast together. I'll never ever forget the day I got the phone call and then heard his name on the radio. I remember hearing about the accident that morning on the radio and thinking "oh god, that's awful". I wasn't going to go to the funeral but I did and it was the best decision I ever made. All the old school friends met up, cried in the church and went out for lunch and drinks afterwards to remember him. It's a surreal experience but you will come through it. Don't be afraid to cry and talk about your friend.
My mom sent my friends parents a letter afterwards saying how she remembered how much fun i'd had with him and a few months later she got a reply from his mom with a lovely memorial card and a letter saying how grateful she was that all his school friends had been so good at the time.

funloving

I went to the funeral..In Italy we don't use to have meal and drinks after a funeral and people simply come back to their homes.
It was very touching but it helped me a lot to understand the importance of some things in life and to make the most of everyday coz we never know what life has to offer to us.

I will always think of my friend and I am glad I could be part of his life for some time at least...

thank you....thank you guys

you're great