Should I Cut Them Out?

LegacyUser

I have 2 friends who are in a couple, ive known Elaine since i was 14 and David since I was 17. we are all 22 now

Basically i considered them my best friends but latley things have been happening in which Elaine(who i considered my bff) is the one pissing me off.

I invite her out- she says no , then the two of them call me boring if i dont go out when they ask, also other week my bag was stolen in the nightclub so i went home, next day i gota bebo message from David callin me boring and saying"You dont know how to have fun"

I remember their birthdays every year and always get them something and they always forget mine

We have nothing in common only we like football and hurling- thats it- its all we have in common.They like going on hols twice a year, me and the bf perfer to have a day trip to the beach.They like to go to socials, we pewrfer a quite drink in our local.

2 weeks ago a relative was getting new couches and needed rid of the ones she had(these were in perfect condition cos she had plastic over then the whole time she used them, lovly cream fluffy couches) Anyway i sent pics2 elaine and david asked did they want them(relative was givn them away 4 nutn) n they said not sure wel see.So i met Elaines mam in town the next day and she said "elaine showed me the pics they are lovely, ive a key to their house ill bring them in for her, so she did. 2 hours later Elaine sends me an abusive text saying"We didnt say wed take the couches u better take them back we dont want them" Then an hour later gota text sayin"Sorry i sounded ungrathful wel keep em" (didnt even get a thank you)

Then the bit that annoys me the most- met them out with my bf during Feb for her Birthday and as usual got her a gift, My bfs Bday is in March and i asked them to hold it free so we could all go out and they said ya(Im with my BF 3 years so they know him v well)Then today David asks us to go to a pub in the middle of nowhere to see a band play, I said to him"You promised us youd go out for my bfs bday that night" and he said "oh we forgot- but we are going to see this band we missed them the last time"

A month ago my bro was in a horrible car accident and nearly died, they didnt ONCE contact me to see how i was or how my brother was doing, In fact for 3 days they ignored me while all my other friends(and ppl i didnt know 2 well) rallied around making sure i was ok etc

I am seriously considering cutting them outta my life, I feel they arent even prop friends to me.

Just want to see what people on here think

biko

They don't sound like friends at all.

Miss Fluff

Sounds like they are selfish users. Cut them out.

bronte

It seems like you do all the work.
Take a break from being in their company, maybe they'll get the message.
Friendships are a two-way thing.

deisemum

They don't sound like genuine friends more like me feiners.

What I have done in similar situations is just pull back from someone and just be busy and not be the one doing all the running. That way you rise above them and it avoids any unpleasantness or awkward meetings. Then when you bump into them just "smile" exchange pleasantries.

Chinafoot

OIOIIII wrote: »

I am seriously considering cutting them outta my life, I feel they arent even prop friends to me.

Why are you only considering? You have nothing in common, they piss you off and they don't show you anything that even remotely resembles friendship. You'll only drive yourself nuts if you keep going as you are.

If it was me (and I've been in a very similar situation recently) I'd just stop contacting them. Don't ask them on nights out anymore. If they text you or bebo you just ignore them.

Cutting people out of your life after so long can suck but in the years you've known them you've all changed and grown up (some more than others it would seem). Friendships change and people grow apart. It sucks, but that's life. Start looking out for yourself now and don't get bogged down by people who take you for granted.

Eviledna

Happened to me a couple of years ago, similar situation, drove me mad for months until I cut their asses out and now couldn't be happier.

Toxic people deserve to be around other toxic people. They sound like they deserve one another!

LegacyUser

Losers, ditch them..who needs freaks like that in your life? Going out on a limb here, are you better looking than the girl or something? They seem jealous and/or intimidated.

Colonel_McCoy

bin them, they are toxic

Beruthiel

OIOIIII wrote: »

A month ago my bro was in a horrible car accident and nearly died, they didnt ONCE contact me to see how i was or how my brother was doing, In fact for 3 days they ignored me while all my other friends(and ppl i didnt know 2 well) rallied around making sure i was ok etc

Everything else could be gotten over, but the above says it all for me.
When your friend is in trouble you bend over backwards to make sure they are alright and to help in any way you can.
They are not your friends.

sharkie2008

Beruthiel wrote: »

Everything else could be gotten over, but the above says it all for me.
When your friend is in trouble you bend over backwards to make sure they are alright and to help in any way you can.
They are not your friends.

agreed. when reading it i thought the exact same thing. with everything else you could talk to then and try to get over it but this alone shows they are not people you need in your life. a friend is someone who is there for you when you need them and these people clearly just think of themselves.

dellas1979

In answer to your question, yes, you do have to cut them out.

I think its happened to the majority of people, to be honest.

Things change, and people along with it.

I had a real confusing time a few months ago with, like to be honest I dont even know what to say, a "friend" of mine. We'd lost contact after school, she was my best friend there, then we met one day in the gym and we became friends all over again. We kept in contact, except, it seemed, like yourself, that I was always the one doing the running. I never said or did anything at the time, which I regret now, because a few months later she got engaged and asked me to be her Maid of Honor.

I didnt know what to say, I said yes, but really didnt even want to be her friend at this stage. I geninely did try to be good to her during that period of the run up to the wedding but she barely told me anything about it - felt really weird. I had no interest in the wedding at that stage.

I did the Maid of honour duty but felt awful, I spent the evening before in bits cause I felt so fake (and not to mention she hadnt bothered to talk to me all evening or tell me where we were getting ready, where the dresses were, who was doing our hair etc).

So, I stopped talking to her after the wedding (about a year ago) and do not have any contact with her anymore. I was so disgusted at the way she treated me, that I chose not to get her a wedding present.

So, yes you are better to let her go now if she is causing you this much pain, cause she'll never change, despite your best efforts. I would just ignore her calls, texts, emails, and let it die down.

surm00

yep, I've been through similar ****.... cut them out.... stop calling, go out with other friends and leave it be.... you'll be much happier in the long run mate...

LegacyUser

cheesedude wrote: »

Losers, ditch them..who needs freaks like that in your life? Going out on a limb here, are you better looking than the girl or something? They seem jealous and/or intimidated.

There is no way in hell shes jealous of me, shes skinny and gorgeous and v ladylike(wel i mean she doesnt drink pints and never gets drunk on a night out)

Where as i am overweight and loud and can drink most people under the table(though i have been told a night out without me is kind of boring) so the only thing she could be jealous of is people find me fun, but i doubt she is jealous of something like that.

Another thing i forgot to put in is i ALWAYS ask her to places, like to meet in town for coffee, to come over to my house(she hasnt even seen my new house yet and im here 2 months) and she always says no- then she makes plans with someone else and id see them in town

bloody annoying

Niamho!

I initially thought that if there was any reason in particular for this it MAY have been that maybe they felt you ditched them for your boyfriend but i see you've been with him for 3 years so that can't be the case.

Theres obviously something making them like this, because the fact that they go off plannign things together like "We missed the band last time they played" means they have obviously been having a good oul' bitch about you. and not giving a ****. I think anyway.
And the fact that they just weren't arsed with how you felt when your brother had the accident says it all. god i'd love to know what they're problem is.
Just dont make yourself so available to them. see how long it takes either of them to get in touch with you.

the_syco

OP, I want to smack the f**kers myself. Ditch the fools, or you are the fool.

estar

cut them out

when they are older they will realise they lost good friends.

and may apologise.

other people are out there for you to be friends with.

dont waste your time.

gcgirl

Compleatly lose them they sound like jerks!

MAKE MY DAY

Hard as it is to let go of people who have been in your life for such a long time I have to agree with everyone else . Time to bin them, you deserve better friends and your friendship deserves more respect.

spinandscribble

it sounds like they're trying to cut you out tbh. just stop contacting them otherwise they'll drive you mad

Toots

They both sound like selfish a$$holes. Cut them out of your life, you dont need people like them. If they contact you asking you to go out with them or something, tell them you've got other plans. Go out for a nice romantic meal for your BF's birthday and forget about them.

gamblitis

Cut them out!End of story.They are just playing you for a fool and for their own benefit.I would not tolerate that.Find yourself some decent friends.

Talliesin

At most they're friends, but not close friends.

Relationships aren't really measurable in terms of longevity.

LegacyUser

i did it, i cut them out i told them why and all i got was "Your overreacting, its your loss"

No skin off my nose, i went out last night to a friends engagment party and they were there, i stayed away chatted away with the bride to be(whos 1 of the ones who had been there for me) and Elaine came over and butted into the conversation to say congratz, i just walked off, heard later that she had been telln ppl at the party to cut me out of their lives 'Before i did it to them like i did it to her"

All night the two of them kept looking over and whisperin, i just laughed it off the two of them are so patehic

Talliesin

Why did you bother telling them?

That's not cutting people out, that's looking for attention.

It's like the people who post in feedback about how they aren't going to post here any more. Very often this is followed up shortly by a post about how they aren't going to post here any more. A few months later we get a post from them about how they aren't going to post here any more.

If you're going to cut someone out, just cut them out.

StormWarrior

It sounds like they are trying to get you to dump them. You should, what are you getting out of the friendship?

deisemum

I've cut my "mother" and some siblings out of my life and life is much easier. It's nearly 5 years since I had anything to do with the woman who gave birth to me and I've a lot more peace in my life. There isn't one sibling that gets on with everyone and my so called mother is the root cause of all the ill feeling.

I'm happily married and have my own children who know they're loved to bits and fortunately I'm the complete opposite to my mother.

Just because there's a genetic link doesn't mean you have to accept sh*te from family. I wouldn't tolerate that from other people. When a relationship is toxic you'll only end up destroying yourself if you can't change it and move on.

Not every family is like the Waltons and unless you've been through similar sh*te you cannot really appreciate how toxic some relationships are.

I don't miss my mother, I don't hate her but I pity her. However I will never forgive her for what she put my dad through when he was dying. Cruel doesn't even come close to describing it. None of the neighbours like her and only tolerated her when my dad was alive.

Overheal

OIOIIII wrote: »

i did it, i cut them out i told them why and all i got was "Your overreacting, its your loss"

No skin off my nose, i went out last night to a friends engagment party and they were there, i stayed away chatted away with the bride to be(whos 1 of the ones who had been there for me) and Elaine came over and butted into the conversation to say congratz, i just walked off, heard later that she had been telln ppl at the party to cut me out of their lives 'Before i did it to them like i did it to her"

All night the two of them kept looking over and whisperin, i just laughed it off the two of them are so patehic

Its an awful way for them to react but ultimately you can see that its petty. Hopefully they will learn to get over it with time, but not everybody does.
Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote: »

Why did you bother telling them?

That's not cutting people out, that's looking for attention.

ah no its not im not just going to cut someone out and not telll them why - they had to know how **** they treated me, im not going to let them think i just"decided" not to be friends withthem im showing them i had my reasons

promethius

they're not positive people to have around you by the sounds of it.

dellas1979

And what did you say to them?

missmatty

The best thing would have been to just gradually allow yourself to drop out of their lives. You can't win with trying to explain things to people like that, why explain? They'll always twist it and blacken you to other people. I'm sure they know well it was awful to not be there when your brother was so ill...

I consider myself a genuine person and a good friend and I've had to do this a few times just simply to preserve my sanity and my own good mental health It's sad but that's life. I've also had people (good friends) who suddenly cut me dead and wouldn't explain why when I asked about it. That's just immaturity if people can't even communicate to you why they've cut you (I hadn't a clue)...but in the end looking back I am so much better off without them anyway.