do i have a chance with my ex?

LegacyUser

Feeling pretty lousy about this lately so was just looking for some advice. Heres the story. I moved to america in nov 06, and soon after started seeing this irish girl. Things went really well and we both had strong feelings for each other. Unfortunately she was only in america short term and returned home in feb 07. We both didnt want to tie ourselves down to a long term thing and I wasnt sure how long I was staying in america at the time so we split up but agreed to catch up when I got home.

We kept in contact emailing every few weeks(she even called me one day last july saying she missed me). I thought about her a lot and made a decision to return home in may this year(work commitments meant it couldn’t be sooner). But 4/5 months ago emails/facebook messages dried up. I sent her a facebook message a month ago just telling her what ive done lately and asking her what shes been upto, to which she usually replies but not this time. I grew suspicious and a week or so later I found out on a message on her wall that she'd been seeing a new fella since before xmas. I was quite upset when I found out about this and still am. I knew there was a strong chance something like this would happen though and actually I myself have been in a couple of relationships since she left but nothing serious. We had a strong bond when we were together and I was confident that we would get back together even if she was seeing someone else but with time(a year now since I last saw her) I now doubt this.

So I'm trying to get over it but I cant help clinging to the hope that when I return home in may if we meet up she'll rediscover her feelings for me. But she never replied to my last message so Im thinking maybe she wants to forget about me and doesn’t want to jeopardise what she has with her new fella? But does that mean we just end all contact? In some ways Id still like to hear from her every now and then but then I think if that does happen I’ll never get over her.

At the moment Im thinking I’ll send her a message a week before I arrive home saying I’ll be in Dublin(Im from the southwest) the weekend I return if she wants to catch up. I suppose if she doesn’t reply to that, then that’s it?

So I guess Im just looking some advice if theres anything else I could do that may get her back? or should I just forget about her(easier said than done tho). Ive never felt as strong about anyone before as I did with her so I don’t want to let her go until I know theres definitely no chance, obviously without coming across obsessed/jealous to turn her off me completely.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and for any positive responses.

marthaclark

Tricky. Well. my honest advice is.. take the silence as a hint that she is trying to focus elsewhere right now. Keep your dignity (and your friendship with her) by respecting her decision to keep her distance right now.

who knows.. maybe her relationship will fall apart, maybe you will find someone else.

Such is the uncertain nature of the world.

I don't think you should put your life on hold because of a bit of uncertainty so try to forget about her for the meantime. Explore other avenues. When/if she needs you/wants you, I'm sure she'll know how to find you. If you've been making contact the ball is obviously in her court.

Xavi6

If I was in your situation, I'd play it cool. Maybe she isn't replying as she feels you will make an attempt to win her back and she could be very happy at the moment.

What you have to decide is whether you would prefer her in your life even if she has a bf at the moment or would it better if she wasn't around at all i.e. her relationship is out of sight, out of mind. If it's the former then message her merely saying that it'd be great to catch up as you haven't seen each other in ages etc. Keep it as relaxed as possible. If she doesn't reply to that then I think the decision has been made for you.

Wibbs

All good advice. My opinion would be never overly focus romantic intentions on someone who isn't focussed on you to the same degree. OK you both had flings when apart. Cool. The difference is that you kept her in mind and contact whereas she didn't. If you have contacted her enough times and there has been no response then I would move on. If she wanted you, or was thinking of you, she would be in contact simple as. After all you are, are you not?

Sprouts

If she really wanted to contact you she would, don't dwell too much on it. If you keep sending her messages you'll get a reply alright, but not one your going to like. Put her out of your mind for now cos she's most probably with someone at the moment.