Question for the guys

eowyn_08

Hello,
I would need some male opinions about the following: would you ask a girl (co-worker) you have been flirting with on and off for over a year and are also friends with to text you whenever she feels like going out for a drink if you are not interested in her that way?

Very short background story: we have been working together for almost 2 years, flirted, been alone a couple of times without nothing happening between us (one of those situations where things are hinted at but not said). I'm a few years older and I think he knows by now that I have a thing for him. He has texted me to go for drinks occasionally but only when other people were involved. Only recently he said that I should text him when I'm alone and want to go. Would you do that if you're not interested? We are good friends but there's always been flirting too. At the same time he sometimes ignores me so I get some mixed messages. It's also a bit more complicated than that but this is the main question I would like to ask!
Thanks for any suggestions!

Overheal

The judges ruling....is.....

wylo

Id be shocked if he wasnt into you. You could flirt for the next ten years but if hes like most of us he wont do anything directly about it like "Do you wanna go out with me???". Thats his way of askin you out, go for it

Overheal

In fairness the guy has asked you to get ahold of him when youre alone? Next to me, the man has balls. Go for it.

eowyn_08

Overheal wrote: »

In fairness the guy has asked you to get ahold of him when youre alone? Next to me, the man has balls. Go for it.

Yes, basically he asked ME to ask HIM out! Don't you think?

Beelzebub

eowyn_08 wrote: »

Yes, basically he asked ME to ask HIM out! Don't you think?

There's only one way to find out...;)

christeb

Yeah he's definately into you, go for it and let us know how you get on

Overheal

Yes, he did. I'd put it down to shyness and uncertainty. Putting the ball in your court I guess. In fairness if you have a problem with that you could give the ball back to him and have him do the asking. Or you could find it sweet or cute or whatever you wimmins do and ask him out.

stupid dating games.

Bottle_of_Smoke

He sounds a bit like me. He's not necessarily interested but probably knows you are & wouldn't be too bothered/offended if you tried something

misslt

As you said, he asked you to ask him out - he might be testing you to see if you're really into him or not!

Go for it!!

AARRRGH

I ended up dating a girl I work with.

It's possible he's just being friendly, but the way to find out for sure is to start drinking with him during the week and at weekends. Nothing brings people together more efficiently than alcohol

Start going out for drinks, like he's suggested, and see what happens.

johnnyskeleton

I don't know whether he likes you or not but if you ask -

eowyn_08 wrote: »

would you ask a girl (co-worker) you have been flirting with on and off for over a year and are also friends with to text you whenever she feels like going out for a drink if you are not interested in her that way?

then yes it's possible, especially if I had a common interest with her and/or was not in the mood to go out with big groups of people.

But remember as well that most men are interested in most women, so you don't have to think about it too much.

sportswear

go but air on the side of caution. don't jump him. just leave it clear to him that if he goes for it he won't be rejected.


if he doesn't take the bait leave him.

and then try make him jealous.

Clare_Guy

You're over-thinking the situation!
You like him so text him and go for a drink.
He either likes you and wants to start something or just wants some sex.
Don't put out for a while and see how he treats you.
It's not rocket science!!!

eowyn_08

Well, texted the guy yesterday after work saying I was going down to our local with a book before going home and if he wanted to join me for a drink. He didn't reply until 2 hours later saying he hadn't seen the text until then and if I was still there. I was in town by that time so...
Today we saw each other in work but he didn't mention anything. Bizarre.
I wonder whether he didn't reply straight away on purpose? But he could have easily made up an excuse not to see me, right? Don't know what to think, I guess I have to wait and see what he does next.

Radharc na Sleibhte

eowyn_08 wrote: »

Well, texted the guy yesterday after work saying I was going down to our local with a book before going home and if he wanted to join me for a drink. He didn't reply until 2 hours later saying he hadn't seen the text until then and if I was still there. I was in town by that time so...
Today we saw each other in work but he didn't mention anything. Bizarre.
I wonder whether he didn't reply straight away on purpose? But he could have easily made up an excuse not to see me, right? Don't know what to think, I guess I have to wait and see what he does next.

From your original post, I would've said yeah.
I'd say he was just playing a bit of hard ball yesterday, or maybe he genuinely didn't see your text, although it sounds like an excuse to me.

Tobias Greeshman

eowyn_08 wrote: »

Well, texted the guy yesterday after work saying I was going down to our local with a book before going home and if he wanted to join me for a drink. He didn't reply until 2 hours later saying he hadn't seen the text until then and if I was still there. I was in town by that time so...
Today we saw each other in work but he didn't mention anything. Bizarre.
I wonder whether he didn't reply straight away on purpose? But he could have easily made up an excuse not to see me, right? Don't know what to think, I guess I have to wait and see what he does next.

Well who knows whether he was genuinely trying to avoid you or not. Do you know what he was supposedly doing for those two hours?

I'd leave it for a few days and see what he responds with, you've effectively asked him out and he sort of missed his chance. See what he comes back with.

BaZmO*

You're over thinking too much. He's certainly interested in you, whether it's for a bit of belly slapping or something more serious...who knows?

As for him missing your text, it was only 2 hours and he did ask if you were still there. You did say that you were bringing a book so it's not unreasonable to think that you'd still be there.

You shoulda really said it to him earlier on in the day (while in work) that you were going for a drink before you got your bus home. I don't see why you waited til afterwards to ask.

Blackpitts

I think the guy is confused, he fancies you but he knows that the relationships between colleagues are always tricky...no need to explain why.
Anyway the guy abviously has not the guts to ask you out (tsk), just take the initiative if u like him, there is nothing wrong in this!

and u all girls out there... take the first step sometime, ask us men out , we'd really appreciate that

otwb

What have you got to loose? Leave it a day or two and then ask again. You said in your original post that its a bit more complicated... Is there a particular difficulty ?

eowyn_08

otwb wrote: »

What have you got to loose? Leave it a day or two and then ask again. You said in your original post that its a bit more complicated... Is there a particular difficulty ?

Well, I sort of missed my bus last year when he seemed to be into me but I didn't get it. Now it's more complicated because we are friends and colleagues and he's clearly not pursuing anything with me actively only the occasional hint. I'm late basically. Also, it doesn't help that the guy gets offers right, left and centre as he's very good looking (not only that of course). Plenty of competition!
I know I should leave it but it's not that easy
Thanks anyway for all your answers

Sleepy

This may seem like a strange and novel idea but why not just ask him if he fancies a pint after work some night?

You know, face to face and that?

Profiler

"...We are good friends but there's always been flirting too. At the same time he sometimes ignores me so I get some mixed messages..."

"....texted the guy yesterday after work saying I was going down to our local....He didn't reply until 2 hours later saying he hadn't seen the text until then...."

"...and he's clearly not pursuing anything with me actively only the occasional hint..."

OK, from a guys perspective (and granted those cut and pastes do put a very one sided slant on things) I think he is stringing you along and playing with you.

If you really like him then you need to sit with him face to face (no i wasn't sure what your text meant, no I didn't get it for two hours... my battery was dead and my charger is at home bull-you-know-what) Sit down with him and leave him under no illusions as to what you want from him.

Yes it is complicated due to working together, however it sounds like he is an itch you just have to scratch.

Now if you are not that interested in him then ignore him, if he comes back to you then you know he is interested.

Otherwise drop that zero and find yourself a hero!