Men! Do I have the right to be angry or what?

skull_candy

so, met this guy round september, possibly before, can't actually remember, we started chattin, he told me straight off he really liked me, but i ended up hooking up with his mate, it didn't go anywhere, and now im startin to think it was the first guys doin but anyway.

we got very very friendly, spoke to eachother everyday, and he continued with the liking me stuff and all that. just before christmas i had a huge sti scare and told him everything, one of the only people i really told, and he told me that it wouldn't matter to him what i had, if i had anything, he'd still like me, still want me etc

so after christmas we finally got together, he told me a load of personal stuff too, that he hadn't been with anyone in ages, that he was scared of being as close to anyone as he was to me cuz it had been so long etc, and i was fine with that, said we'd take it slowly. we weren't an official couple but we had something...

then about two weeks he stops talking to me, out of nowhere, literally, stops, not a whisper, then the other day i wander on to his bebo page only to see he's with someone, and there's lovey dovey comments everywhere. now im not even hurt, just bloody angry, finally thinkin i'd found a guy who wasn't a complete emotional retard. i text him tonight, remaining calm, just that it wasn't cool n stuff, n he's not exactly bein the best about it.

I'm being told by mates that it's a bit stupid to be angry over summit so minute but im just angry about what he did, someone tell me that's not proper behaviour and further more, could some fella please restore my faith in man cuz with all the drama my mates have been having lately with men as well as myself i'm really doubting the lot of ye

Xavi6

Could it be that because you told each other everything and were comfortable talking to each other he now sees you as more of a really good friend than a lover?

sharkDawg

Maybe he is paying you back for going off with his mate!

Teddi

ok, you know how people say that its good to get stuff off your chest? makes you feel better?

Now, Im only assuming here, but maybe due to the fact that he told you all that he kept bottled inside and is now released, feels alot better about himself? that perhaps beforehand he was anxcious to get to know other girls, knowing that he had those thoughts bottled up.

Now that he has told someone (You) he feels better about himself, see's you as more of a shoulder for support and has done the cowardly thing and started seeing someone without a peep from him.

Thats how it looks to me. Really though, he sounds like a bit of a pu**y to me so id stay well clear of him. Fair enough you have the right to be pissed, I certainly would.

Not all of us guys are emotional retards ...there are still a few gems out there, I know 3 myself...*cough* me included *cough*

I hope you can pass this quickly

Teddi.

dr.bollocko

I guess yet another way to look at it is at the very least you have gained a friend that you feel you can actually trust about things as scary as STI scares. I for one think that he could have at least told you about the other girl in person, and not resort to hoping that you would just find out through the gossip filter. I think that displayed a lack of balls on his part. But maybe the lack of balls has a lot to do with the fact that he really likes you even though he is with someone else and didnt want to lose his shot with you.
Also, if you liked the guy, why did you go off with his friend? Why do friends go out with other friend's exes? Surely once one of em has gone out with you, you are off limits to the rest of them?

Carrigart Exile

So in a period of 3-5 months you've been with his pal, clearly been with someone else and have since been with this guy (whom you were beboing and texting whilst with others), you admit you weren't a couple but call him an emotional retard for meeting someone else.

Your bouncing from one relationship to another, why not take 6 months off just for you. No guys, just you time.

skull_candy

skull_candy wrote: »

we weren't an official couple but we had something...

then about two weeks he stops talking to me, out of nowhere, literally, stops, not a whisper,

There ya go.
You were his fuck buddy basically.
Moral of the story is to clarify matters or get better at reading them.

then the other day i wander on to his bebo page only to see he's with someone, and there's lovey dovey comments everywhere.

Ah bebo,the bane of every jilted persons existance..
I'm not sure which statement I dislike more for it's ridiculousness,the should I text him/her [instead of ringing] or the looking at peoples bebo to see what someone is up to.
Newsflash-you don't own people.
You have no right to act as if you do or presume that you do.

now im not even hurt, just bloody angry, finally thinkin i'd found a guy who wasn't a complete emotional retard. i text him tonight, remaining calm, just that it wasn't cool n stuff, n he's not exactly bein the best about it.

Again,you misread the situation is as equally valid an assumption to make about what happened.
Being angry isn't the answer.
Gaining some experience and reading/clarifying situations without losing the run of yourself is.

I'm being told by mates that it's a bit stupid to be angry over summit so minute but im just angry about what he did,

They are right.
See the wood for the tree's and move on.

someone tell me that's not proper behaviour and further more, could some fella please restore my faith in man cuz with all the drama my mates have been having lately with men as well as myself i'm really doubting the lot of ye

You need to cop on and gain some faith in yourself first aswell as taking on board some experience.
Blaming the whole of the opposite sex for some guy deciding you are [lets face it] to him not worth more than a couple of shags or whatever is a cop out.
You need to move on and learn to decide that any man that resists your charms is not worth the bother.
It doesn't mean all men will resist your charms assuming you have some,which I'd say you do.
So use them and learn to deal with disappointments.

Mr. Incognito

Pot...... kettle....... black.

Not so nice when someone you like fecks off and is with someone else is it?

Tbh you prob don't even like him you just want what you can't have.

skull_candy

In reference to his mate, "John" for this, with main guy being "Peter", I was outside chatting to Peter, laughing, being friends, I had my arm on his shoulder for some reason, John had seen this and later asked Peter about this, and was told we had just met, friends, nothin goin on between us, barely knew eachother, so John went for it, got my number, contacted me, took me out one night, we kissed, arranged to see eachother again but never did, in fact I'm pretty certain we didn't speak again after that night. And when I told Peter bout all this his response was that he was a plank to pass up the chance with me.

As regards the whole fcuk buddy thing, nothing, we kissed, that was it, because we had agreed to take it slow. And I wasn't with anyone else in that 5months or whatever, maybe kissed one or two guys on the odd night out.

Clarify matters Black Briar? Thats all we ever did cuz we both knew how frustrating it was to be in a "relationship" where you didn't know where you stood and we didn't want that to happen with us.

I know full well I don't own people, and don't act like I do, but a little notice that he was abandoning what relationship we had for a girl he just met would have been nice. And believe me when I say I am not losing the run of myself, just irritsted by his behaviour. I've dealt with all sorts of disappointments, just after everything he does this, I think agro is kinda alright like.

And I never fecked off to be with someone else Setanta L, I was with his mate in october-ish, one night of scoring, before he had actually told me he liked me.

Tobias Greeshman

skull_candy wrote: »

just before christmas i had a huge sti scare and told him everything

If I had to put money on it I'd say this didn't help matters. No offence but If I was in his situation that sort of confession would put the alarm bells on for me. Now I know it's the sort of thing that can easily happen, drunken shag or whatever. But I wouldn't go telling someone unless I was in a long-term relationship with them.

skull_candy wrote: »

then about two weeks he stops talking to me, out of nowhere, literally, stops, not a whisper, then the other day i wander on to his bebo page only to see he's with someone

You both took so long being friends he just seen you as that, and you got yourself put on the friends ladder. Either that or maybe he got a better offer (no offence intended), but maybe he felt a stronger connection to this other girl, was more attracted to her, so who knows. I'm only guessing now, I can't read his mind, has he actually given you any explanation or anything resembling an explanation?

LegacyUser

SetantaL wrote: »

Pot...... kettle....... black.

Not so nice when someone you like fecks off and is with someone else is it?

Tbh you prob don't even like him you just want what you can't have.

Bitter anyone? This is a completely different situation. The OP owed nothing to the guy when she first met him (they weren't seeing each other at all), whereas in the more recent situation, they had some sort of arrangement.

OP, in future, you should clarify the boundaries of a casual relationship. He probably thinks he's technically in the right (and tbh, if all you had done was snogged up until this point, while it's a little poxy of him, I wouldn't think it's that big a deal)

skull_candy

his exact response when i questioned him on it was, I'm as shocked as you are, didnt see it comin, just met her n it went well

I know the sti thing is pretty big like and I myself expected him to run a mile at that but he stood by me so to speak, and he was the first person I contacted when I got the all clear, well barre the guy who it had been with...

jdivision

No offence, but he told you you liked him and you went off with his mate. Can't blame him if he goes off with someone else now. As someone else said it's basically pot, kettle, black

Jack B. Badd

Tbh, the following is what I'm reading from your posts:
He was much more into you than you were into him and you knew it. You decided to hedge your bets and string him along with a casual relationship while you made your mind up on what you wanted to do and it bit you in the ass because he found someone else.

Not much you can do about it except get over it.

podge79

jdivision wrote: »

No offence, but he told you you liked him and you went off with his mate. Can't blame him if he goes off with someone else now. As someone else said it's basically pot, kettle, black

exactly. and you did say it wasnt serious either... maybe he felt that after you copped off with his mate that you were just using him as he was an easy option for you because you knew he liked you and therefore you had it on tap if you wanted. he's possibly realised this and decided he doesnt want to be used and wants someone who actually likes him and not just has 'something' for him

estar

it takes a while to get to know someone
and you learned to get to know people for more than a few months
before you spill your guts.

its not a nice lesson, but then its his issue if he
is supervicial and drops people

its nothing to do with you as a person

if i were you i wouldnt bother telling him i was angry
as that would boost his ego.

i would just let him go and move on as quickly as possible.

and not give him any more time

skull_candy

I liked him, no denying he was more into me than me into him or so it seemed but I did really like him, thought he was so genuine etc

The friend thing, gah, we had met and spoken once when i scored his friend the following week, there was nothing between us at that point, other that some flirty behaviour from him that night.

don't know what it all even matters at this point anyway, yeah im pissed at his behaviour with having thought he was such a nice guy and having been led to believe we were building up a really good relationship, but it's done now, feic it, he's nothin to do with me now

IrishMike

skull_candy wrote: »

I wasn't with anyone else in that 5months or whatever, maybe kissed one or two guys on the odd night out.

skull_candy wrote: »

just before christmas i had a huge sti scare and told him everything, one of the only people i really told, and he told me that it wouldn't matter to him what i had, if i had anything, he'd still like me,

Call me stupid or whatever but how did u have an sti scare from kissing 2 guys over 5 months?
Stop lying, you strung the guy along, it backfired and now you are jealous.
Get over it

Wibbs

IrishMike wrote: »

Call me stupid or whatever but how did u have an sti scare from kissing 2 guys over 5 months?

Wondering that myself.

Tobias Greeshman

Wibbs wrote: »

Wondering that myself.

Me too, if she wasn't with anyone for 5 months between meeting 1st guy and finding out about the bebo thing. Then it's a bit hard, unless an ex rang her up after finding out about an std?

skull_candy

sti scare was with a guy i was with before halloween, but "symptoms" occured about three weeks later in november.

Im not lying, had enough bloody liars in my life to know the damage it does and not do it myself!

Dragan

skull_candy wrote: »

I'm being told by mates that it's a bit stupid to be angry over summit so minute but im just angry about what he did, someone tell me that's not proper behaviour and further more, could some fella please restore my faith in man cuz with all the drama my mates have been having lately with men as well as myself i'm really doubting the lot of ye

Even if he did just see you as a friend after a point cutting off contact like that was a bull**** move.

The guy is not really a friend, he's just an asshole. If any of my mates treated a lass like that he'd get it in the neck and my mates would do the same thing to me.

Not all men are ****, but you will run into a few before you meet a nice guy unfortunately.

aye

people are being a bit hard on the OP here.

she kissed the guys friend BEFORE she knew he liked her.

they became friends for a while and then they started a casual relationship.

he sounds like an arse, maybe he just wanted what he couldnt have.

not all blokes are like this.

as dragan said, if i or a mate of mine did this, the lads would have some words with him.

AARRRGH

skull_candy wrote: »

about two weeks he stops talking to me, out of nowhere, literally, stops, not a whisper

That was a bit of an unkind way to end the relationship alright, but he is within his right to not be in your life. Forget about him and move on.

skull_candy wrote: »

please restore my faith in man cuz with all the drama my mates have been having lately with men as well as myself i'm really doubting the lot of ye

I'm sorry, but your friends who choose the dickheads are doing it on purpose. I see it all the time: abusers look for people who want to be abused, and vice versa.

YOU are responsible for the guys you choose.

I was with a psycho once. That was my fault. I haven't been with a psycho since. My choice! BTW you should be able to filter the assholes from the non-assholes. It's easy enough.

calahans

I'd say he was chancing his arm. It seems like he was telling you whatever he could just to get his way.

Not many people I know would start into a new relationship if they were told that their prospective partner had an sti...

For that matter not many people I know would go with someone that their friend was with. Just too messy

AARRRGH

calahans wrote: »

Not many people I know would start into a new relationship if they were told that their prospective partner had an sti...

For that matter not many people I know would go with someone that their friend was with. Just too messy

Yeah, it's a bit odd alright.

Maybe the OP is extremely good looking?

...

AngryBadger

Isn't it possible he thought he liked you, and then as he got to know you more he realised he didn't like you enough to go out with you?

Not to be cruel OP, but you met this guy, and ye exchanged all kinds of personal stuff, but so what? That doesn't give you some kind of claim to him, and it doesn't mean he's going to marry you.

I mean come one, a lot of women just want to crib to anyone in earshot about whatever problems they feel they're having, they moan and complain about men not opening up, and then the second a guy shows even a hint of emotion they go all doe-eyed and decide "I must have him".

I don't think this guy is an arse, I think he was probably comfortable talking to you, but just not attracted to you in the necessary way, unfortunately such is life.

jdivision

aye wrote: »

people are being a bit hard on the OP here.

she kissed the guys friend BEFORE she knew he liked her.

.

You might want to read the OP's first para again

skull_candy

no jdivision, aye has it right, maybe you need to read again, the main guy was just friendly that first night, his mate made the moves, we kissed, the following week we were all out again and i chatted to the main guy more and thigs started comin out then but by that stage the friend was off the radar.

Mr. Incognito

the following week we were all out again and i chatted to the main guy more and thigs started comin out then but by that stage the friend was off the radar.

The following week. Who's radar- yours?

From his perspective.

You were with a mate of his.
You were having unprotected sex with someone "before halloween" and had a STI scare and were flippant enough about it to tell him.

Whatever Interest, I, as a hetrosexual male would have had on meeting a lady, these two facts alone would put you on my off limits radar as how could I ever trust such a person? I'm sure there may be more that may have coloured his vision but in my experience when someone is giving their side of the story they tend to be flattering to themselves. You don't seem to be doing yourself any favours here.

Do you have a right to be angry about his rejection? No- it's called free will. Move on.

is_that_so

SetantaL wrote: »

Do you have a right to be angry about his rejection? No- it's called free will. Move on.

This to me sums up our tendency to overanalyse what goes on in our life. We can end up constantly exploring the whys and wherefores of what other people appear to be or appear not to be doing. We are not mind readers and tbh with so much time past , it is probably best to let it go.

From what I can see of the OP's problem we are not talking about life partners. Much of what is here is pure conjecture on something that lasted a short period. File it under "Ah well" and move on.

Rob_l

skull_candy wrote: »

I liked him, no denying he was more into me than me into him or so it seemed but I did really like him, thought he was so genuine etc

The friend thing, gah, we had met and spoken once when i scored his friend the following week, there was nothing between us at that point, other that some flirty behaviour from him that night.

don't know what it all even matters at this point anyway, yeah im pissed at his behaviour with having thought he was such a nice guy and having been led to believe we were building up a really good relationship, but it's done now, feic it, he's nothin to do with me now

It seems to me like you both used each other for the emotional side of a relationship a symbiotic parasitic relationship. You both used each other for that ability to share personal emotions in comfortable non-judgemental environment I also get the feeling that was all it was to you until you knew he was seeing someone else.

Im unsure from your opening post whether you want sympathy for this or women to agree all men are bastards but to me it just seems like you both used each other you never had any romantic feelings for him and now that he is not lusting after you this more than anything causes you concern.

LegacyUser

Forget bout him. If it really bothers you THAT much, like cant get it out of your head kinda thing, try leavin him a totally-over-you comment on his bebo, that way if it was all a big misunderstanding, you'll have your closure, but if he really was a liar, his girlfriend will see and give him what for. Either way you can get him off your mind. Might be a bit unfair on him in the girlfriend department though.

skull_candy

SetantaL wrote: »

From his perspective.

You were with a mate of his.
You were having unprotected sex with someone "before halloween" and had a STI scare and were flippant enough about it to tell him.

It wasn't unprotected, we used condoms, there are a number of STI's that can be passed through mere bodily contact of the infected area.
And I wasn't "flippant" enough to just tell him about it, I gad told him I was sick and it wasn't the sort of thing ye felt like tellin people etc but he said it was ok, if I wanted to talk to him about it I could tell him, I furthered with the fact that I felt that telling anyone they'd suddenly percieve me as a dirty whore, which seems to have happened here, however he again said I could tell him that whatever it was wouldn't make him think less of me.

Anyway, whatever it's done, end of.

marthaclark

i used to know a girl a lot like this.

i am so glad I'm no longer the one dealing with these kinda 'problems'.

no offence.

marthaclark

i used to know a girl a lot like this.

i am so glad I'm no longer the one dealing with these kinda 'problems'.

no offence.

if the tables were reversed I don't think you would feel like you owed him anything. think about it.

Zulu

1234569 wrote: »

Forget bout him. If it really bothers you THAT much, like cant get it out of your head kinda thing, try leavin him a totally-over-you comment on his bebo, that way if it was all a big misunderstanding, you'll have your closure, but if he really was a liar, his girlfriend will see and give him what for. Either way you can get him off your mind. Might be a bit unfair on him in the girlfriend department though.

Thats about as immature as you can get. OP don't lower yourself to this.

skull_candy

if the tables were reversed and i met a dude who things just clicked with i wouldn't just stop talking to the other guy, i'd tell him i was sorry, but...etc

haven't gone near his bebo since, text him though, that i was shocked and annoyed, that he could have had the descency to tell me and not just disappear.

anyway, whats done is done, time to move on, just felt let down, been screwed over a few times like everyone has and thought i'd found summit really good in this guy.