The morning after the night before..

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I know you're probably all sick to the teeth of these types of posts but I find everyone here to be very friendly and informatie so I'd be very grateful of a few replies to easy my mind.

Last night I had sex with a friend of mine. We're not great friends, and we fooled around once before, but as the cliched saying goes, one thing lead to another..

To cut a long story short afterwards I was horrified to discover that the condom had completely slipped of, so naturally enough I made an appointment in the morning to go to a family planning clinic.

I got NorLevo (emergency contraceptive) around 10 hours following the incident. Since I got home I have been worrying myself sick over this and reading up on it, failure rates etc.. and in checking to see how fertile I was at the time I'm now a little distraught to find out that I'm slap bang in the middle of my most fertile cycle.

I know there's nothing 100% guaranteed, so just wondering if anyone knows of any cases where the morning after pill didn't work?

Im due my next period in 7 days.. I hope to God I get it or I don't know what state I'll be in.

Also, I'd like to get some feedback on this situation:

After we discovered the condom had slipped off I got a lil freaked out - his reaction "you'll be fine" - didn't even enquire as to whether I was on the pill or using anything else at all. He was more interested in sleeping afterwards.

In the morning when I went about making arrangements to go the family planning clinic again he didn't seem to bothered.

I asked if I could share a taxi with him - clinic would be on his way - he said he wanted to go back to his place first (miles away, bear in mind clinic only a short distance away) basically meaning I'd have to get the taxi all the way back to his, then back into town for the clinic by myself.

I didn't mind going by myself, in fact I kept telling him I'd be fine, I'd go by myself and for him to have a good day, not to worry etc..

In the taxi he changes his mind - he'll get the taxi to the clinic with me but ONLY because there's a really good restaurant right beside it that he loves and he's hungry and wants to eat there.

I go in with him to the restaurant (I was half an hour early for my appointment) he eats (I'm too worried to eat anything) and proceeds to make joke after joke about how if I'm pregnant he doesn't want to know, how he doesn't want to be getting a phone call later on down the line saying he's a dad etc.. then makes it very clear that if I am pregnant he won't support us (totally OTT at this stage!)

He could see I wasn't being myself and he knew the jokes were bothering me yet he wouldn't stop. The more distressed I became the more he enjoyed seeing me squirm and making bad taste jokes.

When he finished his lunch he asked me for a tenner for the taxi (it was seven euro between us) now normally I'd always pay but this morning however I just had a fifty on me and I needed this for the Dr's appointment (turned out it was E60) I explained this to him and how I'd pay him back for the taxi next time I'd seen him. When I said this he never asked me if I had enough money for the Dr or anything. He just didn't give a ****.

Now am I being overly sensitive or was he being a bit of a prick throughout all of this? I mean I didn't ask anything of him only if I could share his taxi on the way into town. I kept insisting he could go home all along, that'd I'd be fine for him to have a good day etc.. He left as soon as he finished his meal and I went to the Doc straight after alone.

On the way home thinking everything over I don't think I treated to be deserved the way I did. Guys; how would you have acted in a similar situation?

I went home feeling miserable and sick so slept for a few hours, I had a missed call from him, no text however asking how I was or anything though, not that I expected one, but the thought would have been appreciated all the same.

I have no plans to ever get closer to him than just being casual friends now at this point after my experience today. In fact I'm even questioning whether I'll ever go out of my way to meet up with him again / not be quite so friendly next time I bump into him on a night out. Am I taking this too seriously or am I justified here?

Thanks for any replies guys!

x

Gordon

That's awful, he sounds like a complete arse. If I was in your position I would reevaluate my friendship with him. Also, when I was comfortable that I knew I wasn't pregnant I would get a bit of vengeance by telling him that he's a Dad and that I was pregnant and watch him squirm for a while.

Raskolnikov

WorriedWorrier wrote: »

I have no plans to ever get closer to him than just being casual friends now at this point after my experience today. In fact I'm even questioning whether I'll ever go out of my way to meet up with him again / not be quite so friendly next time I bump into him on a night out. Am I taking this too seriously or am I justified here?

He treats you like dirt, but yet you're still considering crawling back to him?

Is this some sort of joke?

Nevyn

What a insensitive prick.

Wait until you get your period and you are over the stress and then worry about him.
Seriously look after yourself you don't want your period being delayed due to stress.

Yes he may have been freaked out and unsure what to do and say and so was being self centred but if I were you I would wait and when my body has resloved the matter then think about reading him the riot act before dropping him from my life.

NortSoide

Put that Tool out of your life.
He just wanted his hole and didn't spare a thought for you.

King of Kings

he is a total dick.
i'd advise you to ignore him if possible in the future.
He should have at least paid 50% of the doctors fees. cos it's his mess too.

The morning after pill taken so soon after intercourse is quite successful.
but just remember that it's gonna mess up your hormones (along with stress) so you prob won't be getting your period when it's due now so don't freak out when it's late.
Once my ex was 2 week late after taking the morning after pill

Best of luck and hope it works out for you.

MIN2511

Hey there, your friend sounds like an arrogant bastard(excuse my language)

I think you should text him and tell him to give you back half of the money for the doctor, it really does take two to tango and he knew how you felt so he should have volunteered.
And i don't think you really need to be friends with such an ignorant fool

McGinty

Hi Op

I noticed you said your period is due in seven days, so apart from taking the morning after pill, I think you are out of the danger zone fertility wise (nothing is certain) but usually ovulation has passed when you're period is due in one week, if your period was due two weeks away then there is more to worry about, so I think you will be okay but added to that you also took the morning after pill.

Your 'friend' was an insensitive prick, and he should have contributed for half of the cost for the after morning pill because both of you were there (sex I mean) fertility is the problem of both sexes not just one or the other. I would dump him as a friend, you don't need friends like that, I can only guess the joking aspect was nerves and the fact he is an immature twat, you don't need people like that in your life.

b3t4

What a complete an utter a-hole!

You are more than justified to feel mis-treated by this guy. Under no circumstances should you entertain this guy in your life. He is not worth your time, worry or stress.

For the next while look after yourself. The morning after pill is meant to be quite harsh on the system and will probably mess up your cycle.

A

Stench Blossoms

Wasn't a particulary nice thing for him to do but if he doesn't normally act like that then maybe he was nervous or panicing and that was he way of dealing with it.

Best thing to do is try and forget about it because the stress will more than likely delay your period longer.

Best of luck anyway. x

Balmed Out

Is it just me or does he sound like ross o'caroll kelly?

Dont bother with him in future. You could the jokes down to nervousness but to be fair he just sounds like a complete tosser.

uprooted shane

WorriedWorrier wrote: »

Hey guys,



Im due my next period in 7 days..

as many people have already said, try not to think to much about it, (alot easier said then done i know), just try to hang out with friends and stuff as best you can. and that morning after pill can delay it for a very long time. a firend of mine was late by a month because of it. she had gone to the doc more then once after to see what was wrong. so just try to relax, and it should be here soon!

and dont mind that ass, you deserve alot better


uprooted out

j4vier

arse or not, i don't think someone who is like that , only acts like it after havin sex.

you obviously knew who you were with and you chose him so you have to take responsibility , and maybe next time be more careful.

the worse thing you can do now is worry about a problem you dont have, so you shouldnt think about it now.

as for the question how do you think you acted,id say seriously think about how you were treated and learn for the next time. every line of your story sounds like if you were used all the time and you let him do that, surely you can get better than that
best of luck

Jack B. Badd

Gordon wrote: »

That's awful, he sounds like a complete arse. If I was in your position I would reevaluate my friendship with him. Also, when I was comfortable that I knew I wasn't pregnant I would get a bit of vengeance by telling him that he's a Dad and that I was pregnant and watch him squirm for a while.

I'm kinda surprised to see a PI mod advocate this kind of behaviour but in this particular instance I think it's probably justified.

OP, if your period is due soon and you're worried that having taken the morning after pill will affect it you could talk to your local pharmacist to see when you could take a pregnancy test (probably a good idea if your worried and even if you do get your period).

McSween

happened me twice with my ex, the horror of "where is the top of the condom gone" is quite a wake up call.

i went with her both times and she even said "well done you were great", but that is the least a boyfriend should be doing.

Toots

Some pregnancy tests can be taken up to 4 days before your period is due, so if you're really concerned you could take one. However as KingofKings said, it can affect you cycle so don't freak out too much if you're late. This guy sounds like a right arse. The very least he could have done was make sure you had enough cash for the doctor. The fact that he was making jokes about the whole thing is just horrible. Hope everything works out ok for you.

Wagon

Don't waste your time with this dickhead. I agree with gordon's post above, if you aren't pregnant tell him you are and make him suffer for a couple of weeks/months etc... Seriously thought, this chap is a bollix. He used you for sex, chances are he wasn't really joking in that restaurant, and that the things he told you were the truth and he was just hiding behind bravado. Which once again shows he is a dickhead.

As for the pregnancy, there is nothing you can do but wait but there is a chance that you could be. Try Cura 1850 622626. At least you won't be left in the dark with what choices to make in the future regarding this. I'm sorry to hear how you were treated by this prick and really wish you good luck!

Miss Fluff

You said you went home feeling sick after taking it and slept. Did you vomit OP? If so you need to go back to the doctor and take it again. If not, the MAP, taken such a short time after the event, has a high success rate. There is no telling when your period will come, it could come early or up to a couple of weeks later so for now you need to put this prick out of your mind and just look after yourself and try not to stress about it. You will be fine OP. When you get your period, thank your blessings, congratulate yourself for taking responsibility and don't end up in bed with him again. He sounds like an asshole and an extremely immature one at that, so don't do your self-esteem any more harm by associating with losers like this. Have NO contact with him. He will start sweating in a couple of weeks and will be in touch to make sure you aren't pregnant. Ignore ALL correspondence and let the boy stew.

Wibbs

You're probably fine. The "friend" needs to be shown the marching orders. I don't care how "nervous" he was, his behaviour comes with no excuse. People are like teabags, the flavour only comes out when they're in hot water. This guys flavour is obvious. Irresponsible manboy basically. If he's man enough to get it up he should be man enough to take the consequences. If you have any respect for yourself, don't be anywhere near this idiot. You made a mistake, we all do, but at least you have learned a valuable lesson.

cee_jay

Gordon wrote: »

Also, when I was comfortable that I knew I wasn't pregnant I would get a bit of vengeance by telling him that he's a Dad and that I was pregnant and watch him squirm for a while.

That's probably some of the worse advice I have read on this forum.

OP, as you took the emergency contraception so soon after sex, you should be ok - as long as you didn't get sick. However, try not to stress yourself too much over this, as that can play havoc with your cycle too. In a week's time or so, if you haven't got your period go and get a pregnancy test to put your mind at ease.
As for your "friend", just realise not every guy is like this - to be honest he sounds very immature. Unlike you. So just try and forget about him, cut all contact if at all possible, and remember onwards and upwards from here.

Dizzyblabla

Hey OP...
yes, there's plenty of names we can call the guy, I can't believe you actually sat there in the restaurant and listened to him go on and on though... I would have put him in his place from the very start, but it may also have been nervousness on his part. Now is time to relax, getting stressed over some dumbass comments is not what you need right now...

As for Gordon and Wagon, this is PI, suggesting that people should LIE about being pregnant is the most stupid thing I've ever heard in my life.
I don't care if I get banned, lying about something like that is far more insensitive than asking for money for a taxi, or even making some stupid 'boy' responses...
I'm disappointed that people would have the childishness to suggest a response like that.

Gordon

Gordon wrote: »

That's awful, he sounds like a complete arse. If I was in your position I would reevaluate my friendship with him. Also, when I was comfortable that I knew I wasn't pregnant I would get a bit of vengeance by telling him that he's a Dad and that I was pregnant and watch him squirm for a while.

Agreed.The guy needs to know that theres two ends to responsibility and being an áss as he was is just terrible behaviour.
That would certainly be one way of hitting that point home in the teach him a lesson sort of way.

cAr0l wrote: »

As for your "friend", just realise not every guy is like this - to be honest he sounds very immature. Unlike you. So just try and forget about him, cut all contact if at all possible, and remember onwards and upwards from here.

It is plausable that this guy thought the op wanted to get pregnant ie trap him and he was being blunt and laying down the law.

I wouldnt underestimate blokes fear of that and what it could make them say or do at least initially.
He was pretty ignorant though in the way that he went about things and in his knowledge of his own responsibilities because there would be legally no way of escaping them.

Nevyn

Well there is also the fact that if you were eposed enough to get possibly pregant then you should consider having a sti screening as well, but as some of those including hiv take a while to develope that best way to be sure is to get the person you accidentialy had unsafe sex with to get tested asap.

Ergo you will have to break it to him may be infront of people that he needs testing cos you can't be sure what you caught of him...

Chat Mauvais

Everyone here seems too quick to judge the fella....well lets face it, OP knows the guy...and so she knew fully what she was gettn into...I mean she obviously knows what this guy is like...and well it seems like it was just two 'Mates' fallin into the sack, cos there was no one else on the horizon at the time, so what does she expect....

The guy just wanted a bit of 'Fun'...BUT so did OP!!....

So when the condom slips off, well it's no big deal...I mean they weren't BF & GF, so she can hardly expect him to act like a BF would........

It's her body, and her who'll bear most of the responsibility if she gets Pregnant, so really, it's up to her to safeguard against it......

I do think that 'HE' was prob. in shock a little, and didn't know how to react....so he tried to make 'Light' of it to disguise the fact that he was 'Sh*Ting' himself!!
I mean my Husband tends to make jokes, sometimes at my expense, and when he sees that it's gettn to me, he keeps it up, until I feel like 'F**k*n KILLING him!!!.....but that's his nature......so I'm used to it......

Maybe this guy is the same, and under NORMAL cirCUMstances(I'm SORRY, I couldn't resist!!!)..OP may find this endearing and Laugh at his jibes, but because of the situation, she wasn't feeling herself, so she took it to Heart....

He prob. didn't mean Any Harm at all,so if the previous 'Arrangement' SUITED BOTH OF 'EM up till now, then why end it over this 'Mishap'....just use it as a learning curve.....get on the phone, tell him you got it sorted, reassure the guy, tell him it'll be o.k....he's worried too.....move on.....and get back to normal.......and tell the guy, you're gonna be practical about it.......and go to the G.P. and get a more permanant solution....

after all, it's her body.....and well, at the end of the day....HE might have been 'After his Hole'....BUT SO WAS SHE............wasn't she......

And before Yall go having 'Kittens', I'M A WOMAN..........and well I was in this situation myself before, and my 'Then' BF'......was GR8...He got the money for the 'Morning After Pill' off his Brother, and came with me to the Clinic......BUT WE were together as BF/GF..for 1 year beforehand, so different situation.....As I said, she cannot expect him to act like a BF might......and The MA Pill I took worked AOK....and I took it the very next day too.....

I'm sure it'll be fine........just do all that you can, OP, to prevent it happening again, and don't be too hard on the guy....he was stunned too, and Men are men, so make allowances.....and just don't allow this 'Mishap' to ruin things between you.....

GOOD LUCK!!!

Gordon

Dizzyblabla wrote: »

I'm disappointed that people would have the childishness to suggest a response like that.

I must admit that it's not the best course of action at all, but I wasn't advising the OP do this, I was simply saying what I would do in this circumstance.

Just to make it clear, I do not advise anyone take this course of action. It is dangerous and can cause future problems, even if you do it for a few minutes over dinner in his favourite restaurant. Apologies to anyone that I may have lead to believe otherwise, and to the mods also for placing ambiguity with regards to giving people bad advice as opposed to personal experience.

I know what it's like to be April-fooled with a pregnancy scare as a young woman did it to me for a very brief period, and it's a very horrible thing to do to someone.

fuzzywiggle

Yes OP, it looks like you've had the misfortune of meeting one of the worlds biggest bollox.

I hope it all works out well for you. A couple of my friends got the morning after pill before and they were fine afterwards..no babies!
Don't worry about it though as this can delay your period and worry about it isnt going to get you anywhere is it? Try keep your mind off it by doing some things you enjoy.

best of luck

Oh and steer well clear of that prick!

Jack B. Badd

Chat Mauvais wrote: »

So when the condom slips off, well it's no big deal...I mean they weren't BF & GF, so she can hardly expect him to act like a BF would........

It's her body, and her who'll bear most of the responsibility if she gets Pregnant, so really, it's up to her to safeguard against it......

This is the biggest crock I have ever heard. Ever. Regardless of the poster's gender.

Marksie

Jack B Badd: Dont feed the trolls

LegacyUser

Wow, first of all I didn't expect so many replies!!

Thanks for all the input guys and all the responses and different viewpoints, I do appreciate it, so thank you!

Ok, now just to clear a few things up.

Raskolnikov
"He treats you like dirt, but yet you're still considering crawling back to him?
Is this some sort of joke?"

Raskolnikov, there's no question of "crawling back to him" - I don't ever envisage/nor want a relationship with him. I think perhaps you may have thought that I am actually really into the guy and let down and disappointed by his actions yesterday.. whilst I am dissapointed in how he handled the situation, I am not looking for anything from this guy. The reason why i asked how I should handle further meetings with this guy is because we have a LOT of the same friends, so I'm going to keep bumping into him randomly at friends houses, nights out etc.. I won't be "crawling back" by choice.


With regards to the posts along the lines of "arse or not, i don't think someone who is like that , only acts like it after havin sex. you obviously knew who you were with and you chose him so you have to take responsibility , and maybe next time be more careful."

Yes of course, I do realise I have to take responsibility, and despite his limp protests of "You'll be fine" I did insist I would go to the family planning clinic to get the morning after pill, so from an aftermath point of view I don't think that there's much more I could have/can do. With regards to being more careful.. Yes, most definitely!

I'm not actually someone that "sleeps around" and 90% of the time I'll only sleep with someone when I'm on the pill AND using condoms (the other 10% is condoms only which I'm wary of doing so, yesterday just compounded that fear for me now)

But with regards to me knowing all along that he was like that and his personality just didn't suddenly change overnight "she obviously knows what this guy is like." - it literally did.

We're not close friends, I've known him for a year now, but only through meeting up at parties, brief words here and there, I suppose a "friendly acquaintance" would have been more apt, however in the past month we had been seeing a lot more of each other - making deliberate arrangements to meet up as opposed to just bumping into them on a night out like previously.

Everytime we met or hung out he was always very curteous and polite, a real charmer (self confessed one at that) too. But I never saw this uncaring side to him.. but on saying that, of course he was probably trying to get into my knickers the entire time. So that might explain a lot.

"I mean they weren't BF & GF, so she can hardly expect him to act like a BF would"

I wasn't expecting him to act like a BF at all, I wasn't looking for any hand-holding, soothing words of reassurement or anything of the likes. In fact, I kept reassuring him and telling him I would be fine and for him to go home and catch up on sleep. He only came along because he wanted to eat at the restaurant next door.

What bugged me the most is when the issue for the taxi money came up and I checked my wallet and I only had a fifty and I explained to him that I'd need this for the Doc (Even though it turned out to be E60) he didn't even ask if I was sure if I had enough money, for both the Doc and presciption and taxi home etc.. I don't see that as BF behaviour, I see that as being a decent human being.

If any of my friends were ever in that situation I'd be the first one asking if they had enough of money on them to make sure they were ok and able to get home alright etc..

Also, with regards to him possibly thinking that this was a case of "entrapment" - unlikely. I haven't been "chasing" after him like a love lorn little puppy. I don't think I've ever given him any indication to think that I'm mad after him (because I'm not) and mostly it's him that texts/calls me, and I haven't had credit in ages, so usually he doesn't get a reply from me. So ignoring his texts is hardly giving him the impression I'm head over heels about him and would love to use this episode as a chance to snare him.

Sorry if the above sounds a tad defensive - I just wanted to make a few points clearer to give a better picture of the situation.

Thank you so so much to everyone though for all the lovely supportive words, I really do appreciate it. And thanks for sharing your stories of past experiences, it's all very reassuring! I think I'm going to try the old "hot bath" technique for inducing a period if I don't get it within a week or so. hopefully everything will turn out for the best. A definite lesson learned here anyhow.

I actually feel sorry for the next girl he beds though as tbh I don't think he has a clue. To shed more light on this, he's 4 years younger than me. I'm 24, he is 20. I thought he was a mature 20yr old however as he's from the US and has been living and working over here for the past 3 years. So he hasn't exactly being leading a sheltered life, living at home with Mom and Dad etc, he was mature enough to move to another country where he didn't know anyone, find work, make friends etc.. but I think when it comes to sex, he's sadly lacking.

We had spent the night together about 3 weeks previously (no intercourse) and at one point during the night he was ready to enter me and I was like "whooooah, what the hell do you think you're doing, no condom, not a chance buddy!" then last night, he again pulled the same stunt, only then he actually went to get a condom (woudln't have bothered his head if I hadn't had said anything I think though) and whilst normally I wouldn't even risk having sex with just a condom (yes I'm paranoid about these things!) I had had a few drinks so I let my guard slip a bit.. big mistake!

Then afterwards when we realised the condom had slipped off and I was "oh ****, I'd better get to a doc asap" his reply "Take a pee, you'll be fine" before promptly falling asleep. So if his idea of emergency contraception is taking a pee straight afterwards then I think he has another thing coming..

So I just hope he doesn't end up with some younger/more naive girl who's going to let him have his way with a total deregard/ignorance of any potential consequences.


Now lastly, with regards to:
"get on the phone, tell him you got it sorted, reassure the guy, tell him it'll be o.k.."

Ok, so I may be being spiteful and vindictive here, but to be honest I haven't a notion of doing anything of the like. I'm going to be on tenterhooks for the next week or so til my period comes (all going well hopefully it will!) so I don't see why he should get off scott free whilst I'm the one stressing, besides, I don't know for a fact everything is going to be ok, if I did, I wouldn't have posted here. Also, I think leaving him to sweat it a little may actually do him the world of good, it may make him think twice in future. If I molly coddle him now over this it's only going to reinforce the fact that he can go around sleeping with whomever he wants with little to no consequences.

Normally I would never be like this in a situation, I would be the first one to reassure someone and make sure they weren't overly stressing about something and they would know that if they ever needed anything, I'd be there to help in a flash, but after sitting through all of his "jokes" and outright declarations of "Hey, I'm only 20, there's no way in hell I'm supporting a child, just letting you know, not a chance!" which nervous as he may have been it certainly didn't take his appetite from him as he sat and ate lunch and didn't leave a forkful behind. So I'm dubious as to whether nerves were the sole reason for his behaviour. If anything he was quite cocky and arrogant. I couldn't wait to leave him and just sit alone for the appointment, my head was frazzled enough at that point without his obnoxious remarks making the whole scenario 100 times worse.

Oh, just a quick heads up to, to the people who enquired if I had gotten sick, no, no, not at all, I think the nausea was a combination of not having had any sleep, stress, and lastly of course the pill, but no, I wasn't physically sick. If I had been I would have been straight back to the clinic to get another one.

Thanks for your concern though, again, it's really appreciated!

Sorry if this got a lil long winded.. but I think I've covered most points brought up now!

And yeah... I think I'm going to remain civil with him in public, but I'll be giving him a wide birth. I won't be going out of my way to chat to him at any parties etc..

Oh well, that's life!

cee_jay

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well there is also the fact that if you were eposed enough to get possibly pregant then you should consider having a sti screening as well, but as some of those including hiv take a while to develope that best way to be sure is to get the person you accidentialy had unsafe sex with to get tested asap.

Ergo you will have to break it to him may be infront of people that he needs testing cos you can't be sure what you caught of him...

I don't see how breaking it to him in front of people is going to achieve anything, and am shocked that it is even being discussed as a solution to this issue.
Yes it is good advise to get STI screening, if only to put your own mind at rest. If something were to turn up on these tests, then of course you should let him know about this - however saying this in front of people is not the way to go, even if the suggestion to do this is to ridicule him. This just shows immaturity, and I think it is a much better course of action for you to hold your head high, and be the bigger person in this.
You have done nothing wrong, if he is too immature to be able to deal with the consequences of his actions, this does not reflect badly on you as a person, and you should rise above it.x

MIN2511

Wow, this thread is getting out of hand.... It's unprotected sex, it doesn't warrant a STI screening. Ye are not helping OP's situation by suggesting this. A lot of people have unprotected sex, i am not saying it's advisable but do we all run to St James Gum after taking the morning after pill??? NO

seaner

op needs to cut this guy outta her life.
He really sounds like a complete a-hole.
But I think you shouldn't have taken as much crap as you did. The minute he started whining on about the taxi, you should have just said - ok fine , and left.
SUre he might be acting completely out of character, what with what happened and all...but I think his true colours are shown by his insensitive remarks and attitude.

Good luck anyway. Try not to get too worked up. What will happen will happen. But you will do yourself no favours spending the next week uptight and nervous. Try and put it out of your mind.
And if I were you i'd have no further contact with this guy. And I totally disagree with the 'pretend your pregnant' advice. Thats pretty lame.

If you've your period due in the next 7 days, then I think you'll be ok. You're not at your most fertile. So just put this whole experience behind, and most of all, learn from it.

Marksie

MIN2511 wrote: »

Wow, this thread is getting out of hand.... It's unprotected sex, it doesn't warrant a STI screening. Ye are not helping OP's situation by suggesting this. A lot of people have unprotected sex, i am not saying it's advisable but do we all run to St James Gum after taking the morning after pill??? NO

You are joking right?

Tell me you are, or have all the awareness programmes and advertisements simply gone over your head or in on ear and out the other?

Please have a look at this link:
http://www.teenissues.co.uk/safer-sex.html

randylonghorn

WorriedWorrier wrote: »

Now am I being overly sensitive or was he being a bit of a prick throughout all of this?

No and yes, respectively.

WorriedWorrier wrote: »

Guys; how would you have acted in a similar situation?

A hell of a lot differently, and I would never claim to be any kind of a saint ... far from it, in fact.

Balmed Out wrote: »

Is it just me or does he sound like ross o'caroll kelly?

Funnily enough, the description of his behaviour in the restaurant put that in my mind as well.

Balmed Out wrote: »

... he just sounds like a complete tosser.

Agreed, and if the women he meets in future have any sense, they will leave him to do exactly that.

Wibbs wrote: »

People are like teabags, the flavour only comes out when they're in hot water. This guys flavour is obvious. Irresponsible manboy basically. If he's man enough to get it up he should be man enough to take the consequences.

Lol ... spot on!!

MIN2511 wrote: »

Wow, this thread is getting out of hand.... It's unprotected sex, it doesn't warrant a STI screening.

Ah yes ... because the last way anyone could contract an STI is by having unprotected sex with a guy who, judging by the OP's second post, will avoid using a condom for casual sex if at all possible, and who is so ignorant of safe sex that he thinks a woman pissing after sex is a good method of contraception. I'm half surprised that he didn't suggest they have sex standing up as an equally useful contraceptive practice.

While it's not the immediate concern, and there is a strong likelihood that all will be well, it would nevertheless be sensible for the OP to have it checked out at some point.

Faith

MIN2511 wrote: »

Wow, this thread is getting out of hand.... It's unprotected sex, it doesn't warrant a STI screening. Ye are not helping OP's situation by suggesting this. A lot of people have unprotected sex, i am not saying it's advisable but do we all run to St James Gum after taking the morning after pill??? NO

Seriously, you're either taking the complete piss, or are 13 and have no knowledge of sex or anything connected to it.

Unprotected sex DOES warrant STI tests. Who knows where they've been before? Unless you've both been tested just prior to starting to have unprotected sex, you've no idea what you could catch. Many STDs have no symptoms, you may not even know you've got them.

If you've slept with 3 people and your partner has slept with 3 people, that's 6 others you need to take into consideration who may have had STDs. That's not even starting to think about all the others those 6 have slept with.

Marksie

OK folks: I am sure MIN2511 is now aware .

Back on topic.

MIN2511

Marksie wrote: »

You are joking right?

Tell me you are, or have all the awareness programmes and advertisements simply gone over your head or in on ear and out the other?


Please have a look at this link:
http://www.teenissues.co.uk/safer-sex.html

No i am not, i am big on protection and not having unprotected sex but i think posters on this thread are being OTT about the whole issue. I know a lot about STI's i have started threads on genital warts and bareback. But IMO i don't think she needs to be worried about that.
• We all agreed that the "friend" is a dick
• We all agree that she may/not get her period in the next 7 days and if she's pregnant there are options available.



I don't agree with getting a STI test after 1 case of unprotected sex, she doesn't sound like she sleeps around and the guy in question is a "friend"

Marksie

MIN2511 wrote: »

I don't agree with getting a STI test after 1 case of unprotected sex, she doesn't sound like she sleeps around and the guy in question is a "friend"

Who of course has made a full disclosure on his sexual history and who is aware of the need for safe sex and

A) never initiated without eithre first discussing it or putting on one until pressured to dop so

or
suddenly became aware of an increase in sensitivity and stopped to check..

I will give you a spade if you like you can keep digging

MIN2511

Right, i had to read all the posts again
Apologies, i argued blindly. I missed his sexual history....

Nevyn

And just cos he is an aquantance means he could not have had 12 sexual partners in the last two years ? and it sounds like he will go bareback unless forced to.

Dragan

Hey OP.

I'm going to go against the advice of some of the earlier posters and say it's maybe not a good idea to "have a bit of fun" with the guy by letting him think you are pregnant even if you are not. That kind of thing is bad karma and would instantly lead me to place that same lass in the Psycho pile.

There are ways to deal with things without stooping to others level of behaviour.

Marksie

Dragan wrote: »

There are ways to deal with things without stooping to others level of behaviour.

Agreed. A simple your a jerk, know nothing and will not get anywhere near me agin til hell freezes over should suffice.

Though if you want to be particularly cutting

You could always add as a parting shot "i woudnt care but it was crap as well".

But then that would be me knowig where his weak spot was: His ego

the GALL

thats heavy
fair play to you for going to the clinic
as for yer man he's a p****
id let it go and put it down to experience
it'sall well and good going out havin' a few beer and a handy shag
but nothing about that sounds like a handy shag
if your not in a stable relationship and engaging in intercourse wouldn't it be a good idea to be on the pill...like i said if he's a p**** he's a p**** but it does take two to tango

LegacyUser

Dragan wrote: »

Hey OP.

I'm going to go against the advice of some of the earlier posters and say it's maybe not a good idea to "have a bit of fun" with the guy by letting him think you are pregnant even if you are not. That kind of thing is bad karma and would instantly lead me to place that same lass in the Psycho pile.

There are ways to deal with things without stooping to others level of behaviour.

Oh no I have absolutely no intention of doing this, not at all! It would be wrong on so many levels, I'd never do this to anyone or deliberately stress them out like that, not to mention earning myself a reputation as a pyscho biatch aswell in the process..

...however.. I'm not going to go out of my way to reassure him/alleviate any fears he may/may not be having (highly unlikely however, he was already planning on going out partying again that night)

I'm going to be on tenterhooks for the next few days, and given his treatment of me, I'm not going to go out of my way to tell him everythings A-OK especially when I don't know if it will or won't be.

If he does get in touch after I've (hopefully) had my period, of course I'll tell him and put an end to things there, but if he doesn't, I'm not going to be the one making any call. He still hasn't bothered to get in touch today either, but I wasn't expecting him to either.

Marksie: "You could always add as a parting shot "i woudnt care but it was crap as well".

The worst part is it actually is true!! three minutes of "meh" for all of this now.. and I'm beginning to think that the reason the condom slipped off in the first place is 'case he wasn't able to fill the damn thing! lol

Marksie

WorriedWorrier wrote: »

The worst part is it actually is true!! three minutes of "meh" for all of this now.. and I'm beginning to think that the reason the condom slipped off in the first place is 'case he wasn't able to fill the damn thing! lol

LOL OP: i would have wagered all my savings you would say that .

estar

sorry to hear you had such a horrible experience with
such an insensitive git.

he should have offered to pay half the doctors fee
after all you were sensibly taking the worry from him
also!

ive never personally heard of the morning after pill
failing. but that isnt to say it hasnt. i wouldnt worry
overly. you cant change anything by worrying and
have done all you can.

go on the pill if you think you might be in this situation in future.

however i really hope it is not with the same beast!

he was an ass. particularly given that hes a friend of a friend.

you live and you learn.

estar

ive never heard of a condom slipping off after three minutes of not even trying!!

i think you are right - he didnt put it on properly.

he should come with a warning on the side

- warning - this person may seem desirable with alcohol but
side effects may include inability to satisfy a woman in bed
inability to put on a condom properly and completely inappropriate
humour. also is VERY stingy.

LegacyUser

the GALL wrote: »

thats heavy
fair play to you for going to the clinic
as for yer man he's a p****
id let it go and put it down to experience
it'sall well and good going out havin' a few beer and a handy shag
but nothing about that sounds like a handy shag
if your not in a stable relationship and engaging in intercourse wouldn't it be a good idea to be on the pill...like i said if he's a p**** he's a p**** but it does take two to tango

I agree 100% with you! The reason why I'm not on the pill is because first and foremost I really don't sleep around, so it's not often/likely I'll get myself into a situation like this, I'll take the pill when I'm in a relationship, but if I'm not I don't take it as again, I'm not liable to sleep around, and also, I've found anytime I've gone on the pill my mood swings are all over the place, I get depressed etc.. so unless I'm going out with someone, I don't want to be putting up with all the downs of taking the pill when I'm not going to be sleeping with people anyhow. I've only ever slept with 2 people outside of a relationship environment.


estar, hehe, that last most certainly put a smile on my face!

It's not the money aspect I give a damn about, just that he didn't even see fit to make sure I actually had enough and to get home etc.. the worst though was the "jokes" when I repeatedly told him to drop it as I had enough on my mind with nerves without him adding to it ten fold.

Marksie; "LOL OP: i would have wagered all my savings you would say that"

You know me oh so well!

Seriously, it's the only logical assumption I can make based on the circumstances!!

I actually feel a lot better now, the doc said given how my period is due in 7 days and how I had gotten to her in about 10 hours, she said the chances of it working were 97%.

Plus, on doing some googling, I've come across some articles which state that if 100 woman have unproctected sex, 8 out of the 100 will get pregnant. Out of the 8 who would get pregnant, if you were to give them the morning after pill, then only 1 owuld get pregnant, thus reducing the risk of pregnancy by 87% after taking the morning after pill.

But only 8 out of 100 will get pregnant after unprotected sex?

This sounds extremely low.. yes, I know what they say about statistics and lies, but only 8 times out of 100, can this be right?

I always had it drummed into me that it would be more like 50-60 out of 100 that would get pregnant, 8 seems very low!


Anyways, thanks again guys, feeling a *bit* better now.. just got to play the waiting game and see how it goes! *fingers crossed*

Oh and I'm not avoiding the STI issue either, thinking back over last night and how he was all up for going bareback it does make me wonder if he tries this sort of thing all the time.. but right now, my priorties lie with the possibility (albeit it a small one) of being pregnant.

Thanks for all the posts guys! xx

randylonghorn

WorriedWorrier wrote: »

If he does get in touch after I've (hopefully) had my period, of course I'll tell him and put an end to things there, but if he doesn't, I'm not going to be the one making any call.

Dead right. And would I be considered very nasty if I suggested that when all is over and done with, an email with a link to this thread might be in order? Hell, he might actually learn something!

Marksie wrote: »

LOL OP: i would have wagered all my savings you would say that .

+ 1

LegacyUser

randylonghorn wrote: »

Dead right. And would I be considered very nasty if I suggested that when all is over and done with, an email with a link to this thread might be in order? Hell, he might actually learn something!

+ 1

Lol I actually thought of this too! I was just thinking that if I ever did mention my feelings on this to him and he was to react with "Hey, what did you want me do, wasn't my fault, I did nothing wrong.." etc.. it would be nice to able to direct him here so he can see that 90% of people thought he was being a grade A muppet too.

I really can't be bothered with any aggro over this though, I doubt I'll ever say anything to him, but I can tell you one thing for sure, he's going to be seeing a lot less of me from now on!

So long as everything works out ok and the MAP works then that's it as far as I'm concerned. End of story. *phew*

I'd be a little worried now for any other girls (esp younger, or his own age) he might do this too, if something unfortunate were to happen with them and they were on the naive side and listening to his "Take a pee, you'll be fine" or if they were students with no money and couldn't afford doctors appointment and prescription etc.. I hate to think what could potentially happen there.

To make matters worse too, both of his parents are from medical backgrounds and he comes from a very well to do family - he lives in a house in the most expensive part of the city which his parents pay fully for, so when it comes to "supporting a child" he'd be in a better situation finanically straight off than as might be the case with a lot of others, and seeing as his mother is a nurse and his father a dentist it's kind of hard to excuse his alarming ignorance when it comes to sex.

Thanks again to listening to me rattle along, and if you've read this far, I thank you! It's been rather rambling, and longwinded but I needed to get it all off my chest somewhere!

Thanks PI!

astrofool

It takes the average couple 9 months of trying for a baby to get pregnant. Statistics don't help though, or else no one would do the lotto

Maybe email this thread to his parents