over

Speedway

i posted on this before, my girlfriend went to oz just after christmas, we've been together for 3 years, madly in love.we were back and forth about what was going to happen with us, said we were going to break up then didn't and just said we'd stay in contact and see how it went.

she left on the 16th of january and we talked a bit.she was pretty lonely over there and told me she missed me,text me last week before valentines saying "valentines tomorrow "

i sent her a box of red roses and chocolates to her house over there as a surprise,she loved them, said they made her day etc.

then no contact since then really. so last night i text her this:

you're probably asleep.just wanted to say hi cause i haven't heard from you in a while.hope things are going ok.was going to text you all week but i didn't know whether to or not.i'm missing you a lot,it's pretty tough.i know you're just trying to get on with things so i didn't want to text you and be bothering you but its been weird not hearing from you.
Like i said i was going to text you but i don't really know if you want to be hearing from me or if you want space to get on with things.it's just been strange not talking much.i know you said you just want to get on with things but i've just found it hard wondering how you're feeling and whether you want to stay in contact or not.i'm really glad you liked the roses and they cheered you up a bit.wasn't really sure whether to send them or not,kept changing my mind because i didn't know if it was a good idea and if you'd want them.

and she replied saying that she missed me too and was finding it hard talking to home cause it made her more lonely and she thought because of the distance that it was best if we didn't talk all the time.

so i text her and asked "do you consider me your boyfriend or are we friends that just talk occassionally"

she replied "well i guess we're not together so we're friends.i thought i explained this before i left,like i just need to be on my own for this time to figure myself out...and we'll see how we both feel when i get home what do you think?"

so we're done,after 3 years.i didn't reply to her anymore.i'm actually heartbroken.don't know what i'm going to do.

c - 13

Thats harsh man, seriously. I know people are going to be telling you that theres plenty more fish and that but your not going to want to hear that. Take the time to grieve over the relationship but dont let it consume you, ask her for full closure if it helps you.

Take some time for yourself, take up something you always wanted to do but never got around to, re-establish contacts with old friends.

It may not feel like it at the moment but you will get over it, its never easy.

Speedway

just feel so so bad.my stomach is in pieces.the thought that i will probably never be with her again,touch her kiss her and everything else,the thought that someone else might take my place now and that she doesn't want me.it's heart breaking

Rattlehead_ie

c - 13 wrote: »

Thats harsh man, seriously. I know people are going to be telling you that theres plenty more fish and that but your not going to want to hear that. Take the time to grieve over the relationship but dont let it consume you, ask her for full closure if it helps you.

Take some time for yourself, take up something you always wanted to do but never got around to, re-establish contacts with old friends.

It may not feel like it at the moment but you will get over it, its never easy.

+1
Take time, relax as c-13 said start doing something, gym, sport, art etc and move on and keep yourself busy. See how things are when she is back but for now don't think about it!

thought that someone else might take my place

Ooooh thats why the keeping busy thing is important if you think about someone else in your shoes doing that it will drive you round the bend.


Good Luck

/hug

Burnt Toast

If you've been with her 3 years you must have known she's had this planned for along time.. so why didn't you go travel with her?

I would have thought, if you were THAT madly in love, you would have gone the second breaking up was even talked about!

Personally, i have to wonder how you didn't see this coming? My sister met her husband in Oz, good friend of mine met his girlfriend there, another i know got married.. i don't want to sound harsh mate but the outlook isn't so good.

LegacyUser

hi
women are strange creatures, just disseapear off her planet, no txts calls email etc, (one does not miss the water till the well runs dry)

Speedway

she decided at the end of november to do it cause her older sister was going,it was a really sudden decision because she had been stuck in a rut at home and in work and had never been travelling. i went to boston for 6 months before and we stayed in touch and she came out after 4 months.that was 2 years ago. me going was never mentioned as an option,she's the youngest of 7 and still living at home and wanted to try to go and stand on her own 2 feet for a while cause she was very dependent on me and everyone else. the thought of her with someone else is crippling so i don't even want to begin thinking about that

tippguy2

well im sorry to hear about your situation, all i can say is play it cool dont keep annoying her with calls and texts, women can go to a phase like this (being unsure) remove yourself from her life for awhile NO CONTACT of any kind, see what happens ..best of luck..ger

helimachoptor

Buddy it is tough, When myself and my partner started seeing other she had been planning to go to oz about 7 months later. I knew this when we started seeing each other but I tried to put it away til it got closer to the time.

We had some talks but it was me who said that we should break up so is free to experience all Oz has to offer without feeling guilty etc etc. She wanted to stay together but I honestly don't think I could have handled that. In the end she didnt go (I told her many times that she will regret not doing).

no doubt your Gf is missing you and maybe now she realises that she wont be able to be faithful or that she will see other guys even though now you are jjust "friends". Give her time but it is entirely possible that she will never be yours again. Keep busy meet new people and do not hold out for her. If she comes back and wants to get back together take it from there but in the mean time continue with your life.

nevaeh-2die-4

u could have saved a Fortune if u had of used text speak in that msg.

e.g.

UR PROB SLEEP, JST WANTED 2SAY HI, COZ I HAVENT ERD FRM U IN AGES,

Marksie

nevaeh-2die-4: Keep it on topic please

nevaeh-2die-4

Im trying to put a smile on the chaps face.

kmick

Sounds like she tried to tell you before you left dude and you did not pick it up. Best thing to do is not feel sorry for yourself even though its super difficult. If you become a moaney old ex you are doomed.

She is in Australia now and you always knew she was going so pick yourself up off the ground and try and get on with it. See other girls, snog them, play the field. Keep in touch once a month and no more and keep it light and cool. i.e. Hi babe, hope u r having a great time, talk soon x'. Do not write anything more. You gotta play it differently now if you ever want her back. She will be back in ireland eventually and you can make a move then.

P.s. when she comes back dont meet her in the airport or call round. Wait until she calls. If she does'nt - come back to us for plan B.

dellas1979

How long is she gone for?

The reason you are feeling so bad, and I cant blame you, is cause you are confused.

To be honest, I would move on. You cant keep dithering around.

Why do we always see people who dump us through rose tinted glasses? I mean, why would someone feel that bad about someone who dumped them? My reaction would be to feel bad for a bit, but to also remind myself why that person isnt with me. Its easier to get over someone when you stop thinking the sun is shining out of their bottom.

AngryBadger

Sorry to hear that OP. Certainly does suck balls.

To be honest, while I can understand where she's coming from with wanting to break up while she's over there, I think she's gone about the whole thing in completely the wrong way. She decides out of the blue back in november that she's going to Oz, ye agree to stay in contact and see how things go, then she just decides to end it.

To me that's some very selfish manouvering on her part, she should have broken it cleanly with you before she left. For two people together 3 years leaving it hanging and then just breaking up like this is not on.

I know it's harsh but I'd say you're better off without someone who shows such little regard, or respect for your feelings.

Mulan

Tough one.
Leave it off a while. What will be will be. I 've heard of a lot of relationships that have gone through the OZ thing.

good luck

Mazeire

How were things going before she left for Oz? It seems strange to me that someone in a longterm happy relationship would just suddenly up and hop it to the other side of the world with no real consultation with her partner or any real consideration for their feelings. When the dust settles you probably will look back and see warning signs.
As for what you will do? What had you planned for the rest of the year when you knew she wasn't going to be around? Physically, nothing has really changed to prevent you from going ahead with any plans you may have had.

spinandscribble

am i the only one to think it was greedy/bold of her to go looking for a valentines gift/thought/message from a person she hadnt actually informed was an ex now?

she didnt have the bottle to tell you before she left. take as much time as you need. look after yourself, delete her number/email ect, you do not owe her friendship.

LegacyUser

Been there OP, infacta, was in almost the exact same circumstance, g/f in Oz, me in Ireland, missing each other etc.

You have to let her come back to you if she wants, it took me a long time to learn it and I'm better for learning it.

I kept in contact but tried not to be "needy" (which, if you're missing someone is surprisingly hard to do), I hung out with my mates and went out trying to meet new people. When my g/f came back, she knew I'd started moving on and we talked and agreed to get back together. Still going strong about 8 months on.

Give her space, and if at all possible, try to enjoy yourself and move on a bit.

Overheal

spinandscribble wrote: »

am i the only one to think it was greedy/bold of her to go looking for a valentines gift/thought/message from a person she hadnt actually informed was an ex now?

she didnt have the bottle to tell you before she left. take as much time as you need. look after yourself, delete her number/email ect, you do not owe her friendship.

She went to sort herself out according to herself. If we assume that to be true maybe she was just comfortable with the idea of still having him. Maybe still unsure at that stage?

You really have no idea whats going on down there and theres no need to dread it. How do you know her sister didnt see the V-Day stuff and tell her 'this is crazy you're here to rediscover yourself' and bladdybladdyblah. Feelings are confusing as we all know - so try not to hold her actions against her, she may be just as confused here.

Either way, you know the skip: she wants to cut the cord and go adventuring so theres not much you can do: cut the lines on your end and move on. If she wants to get back together at a later date she will but you cant go and hang your head over it in the meantime. It might never happen. Spend the time finding yourself why dont ya?

All the best.

Petey2006

That's an awful situation, OP. One I've been in myself, before. It's especially hard for you because you're here and missing something major in your life, while she's off having new experiences, and that will help her take her mind off the situation. It's always worse for the person left behind.

Unfortunately there's little to nothing you can do but get on with things. There's a massive distance between you and the girl, and that in itself would eventually lead to the breakdown in the relationship. And she doesn't want to be in the boy-girlfriend situation because of it. You probably wont change her mind, and it'll hurt you more if you try.

Perhaps it's better off that it happened now, rather than later. The longer you left it, the more you'd realize it was coming, despite trying to convince yourself otherwise. The best thing you can do is try to accept it and move on with your life. You can stay in contact with the girl, but don't try and stay within the relationship headspace. She may even come around and want to get back with you in the future. But right now, it's not going to happen. I hope (and I know from experience) it'll get easier for you.

Popinjay

Some great advice offered above. I will also add (and apologise for saying it too) that I don't think you should spend the whole time she's away waiting for her to come back.

Go out and live your life. Above all, don't limit your experiences by waiting to see if the two of you might get back together. I've done that before after a pretty messy break-up when I thought the two of us might end up getting back together and refused to get close to some wonderful people that could have had an amazing impact on my life. Meet new people of both sexes and enjoy yourself as much as possible.

A friend of mine broke up with a girl after five years and a week later had met a new girl. They clicked really well together and started going out (in that official sense) almost immediately. They just announced their engagement the other day and my friend has never looked happier. If he'd been worried too much about the recent breakup he would have missed what has turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to him.

LegacyUser

i've been through this and the only advice i can give you is DON'T WAIT FOR HER. she may be saying that you might get together when she comes back but imo she's just saying that cause it's easier for her. she doesn't sound much interested.
try and see this as the end. really sorry for that but (you may not believe it, i used to not believe it myself) you'll get over this.