Appropriate way to broach nutrition of niece & nephews

nmk

As in, is there an appropriate way or should I butt out? My sibling has a very poor diet (lots of crap and processed foods for 'official' meals). One of her kids (13 years old) is quite overweight and the other (a 10 year old) is now going the same way, (and the youngest who's a scrap of an 9 year old who can pack away 4 burgers by himself between meals). I'm not a healthfood fanatic but am at the stage where I can choose for myself if I eat crap food (and pile on the weight) or not. I think that kids don't have the capacity to make that choice and that it's up to parents to be responsible.

I have hinted about certain things, like encouraging them to get out doing physical activities (they're always on the computer) and got nowhere. My brother mentioned it, in a very tactless way, to the kids, basically told them that if they didn't cop on they'd be as big as x by 16. Queue a minor family rift and an upset teen. I have real concerns for their health, it's all belly fat, the worst in terms of health risks, and you can see the effect it is having on the kids self esteem.

I don't have kids so am very conscious of being judgemental/critical about something I don't have experience of (providing for family meals). I'm sure everyone has ideas before they have sprogs that go out the window when you're actually parents. As an aunt (and godparent to one), do you think I can/should/shouldn't approach my sister about this? Thanks for reading, I'm concerned that it's not my place but feel in a way that I should be looking out for them, they're fabulous kids and they're facing an uphill battle with their weight/health/self-esteem if they don't get some sort of example set at home.

DublinWriter

You're not your sister's keeper, and by the same token you shouldn't be your sister's kid's keeper either.

I'd butt out.

tbh

+1. It's a horrible situation, and I can tell that your intentions are good, but I'd keep out. Maybe you could encourage the kids to do physical stuff with you? take them for walks? I know you couldn't do it all the time, but maybe it'll spur them. Ditto with food, make sure they eat healthily when they are in your care.

artanevilla

Bring them for a kick around in the park everynow and then.

watna

If you have them over at any stage you could cook with them and try and teach them about nutrition/eating healthily. Otherwise I agree with the other posters that you can't do much. I'm sure it would cause a huge argument if you told you sister how to look after her kids. I know how you feel though, somewhat. I always find it difficult when you're out and you see fat children eating adults portions of unhealthy food. It's unfair as the kids don't know any better.

Nevyn

Is there a fruit bowl in the house ?
Do the kids eat fruit ?
If there isn't buy your sister a present of one and some fruit to stick in it,
it there is one arrive over with something to put in it.
My two know they can raid the fruit bowl any time they want with an exception to a half hour before dinner.

Have you offered to go over and cook and teach the kids ?
Offer to mind them for an evening and cook with them a few times and they will start nagging thier parents to cook.

Dudess

Yeah, do whatever's within your power (e.g. the fruit bowl thing, exercising with them, giving them healthy things to eat and talking to them about nutrition without being preachy when they're in your company) and drop subtle hints to their parents. Other than that though, while you're concerned, it isn't actually your concern... if you follow me.

paulksnn

watna wrote: »

If you have them over at any stage you could cook with them and try and teach them about nutrition/eating healthily. Otherwise I agree with the other posters that you can't do much. I'm sure it would cause a huge argument if you told you sister how to look after her kids. I know how you feel though, somewhat. I always find it difficult when you're out and you see fat children eating adults portions of unhealthy food. It's unfair as the kids don't know any better.

+1
Confronting this head on is only going to leave you as the interfering busybody with "what do you know about raising kids".
Its a shame, but the subtle hints seems like the only way to go.
Maybe arrange to take the kids once a month/two months and start them on a sport or something else fun, in the guise of spending time with the nephews.
Best of luck.

jos28

I would definitely take the subtle approach, don't confront your sister. I agree with watna, start teaching them. In my experience kids love messing about in the kitchen and making their own stuff.They are so proud of the food they produce.There are some great cook books for kids. Jamie Oliver did one with recipes for homemade pizzas, pastas etc (all made from fresh ingredients). So bring them over to your kitchen or offer to mind them for the day in their own place. Get them cooking and making smoothies. Most schools are running nutrition awareness campaigns so you might be surprised at what they already know. Have fun.

IanCurtis

paulksnn wrote: »

start them on a sport or something else fun, in the guise of spending time with the nephews.
Best of luck.

Sport is the way to go.

Two new tennis rackets or a football & jersey can really inspire kids to get involved.

Get them on a team would be even better as they would cut back the food themselves to get more competitive.

Good luck and shame on the parents

echosound

Agreed with IanCurtis.

If the kids are anyway fond of you, why not take up an activity together so you can "spend time" with them, while also getting them fit and active, and, as an added bonus, out from under their parent's feet on certain nights. The parents could view this as akin to babysitting so they can get a night out/off themselves? Could go down very well with all concerned.

IanCurtis

I've been thinking more about this cos my brother's kids are similar.

I reckon if you wait for next gift opportunity (birthday/holiday/whatever) bring them out for a shopping trip, into a sports shop and let them pick out something for themselves.

I remember getting my own football as a kid and I was out every chance I got.

Same thing when I got my first (BMX) bike...another option.

Never underestimate ownership with young 'uns!!! They LOVE to have their own stuff and will make every opportunity to show it off!

nmk

Thanks guys, some great suggestions there, I'm taking them camping during the summer and it's going to be an activity based holiday I'll look into what sports clubs there are for kids in their town and try to encourage them into it. It seems like it has to be a bit of a novelty to get them out at all (a walk is no fun, football in the field is bootcamp) they just to break the habit of non activity. They love fruit but would typically go for other treats if they're there so maybe stocking up before I go out there is the way to go. Thanks again.

seamus

Yeah, I'd agree with the suggestions there in terms of doing what you can while you have the kids. Don't interfere though, it's definitely not your place.

Kind of similar thing happened with a cousin of mine. My uncle and his wife are/were total hippies and lived in a commune back in the 70's. When they had their child, my mum called over to see them one day and was horrified by how skinny the baby was (my mum was a nurse) and she told her sister-in-law that she wasn't feeding the child properly, to which she got a response of abuse for being an interfering so-and-so. Their rationale was that the child would be fed when it was hungry (hippie purist ****e). Of course he was a quiet child so only cried for food maybe twice a day.

My mum spent a few weeks trying to convince them to feed the child properly and eventually got welfare involved, who whisked the baby off to hospital where he spent 2 weeks being drip-fed until he was back to his normal weight.

Despite essentially saving the child's life (or at least protecting him from a raft of complications), the sister-in-law didn't forgive my mum until the "child" was in his late twenties.

Such is the peril of interfering between a parent and child.

Beruthiel

I get not interfering in with regards to certain people. But your sister?
I have 3 sisters and would have no problem whatsoever pointing out that her kid is fat because of the unhealthy crap she's feeding them.

nmk, if you have a good relationship with your sister, why is it not possible to point out that processed foods lacks any kind of nutritional goodness and that it's slowly ruining her kids health.
That it is teaching them very bad habits and they will probably grow up not being able to cook for themselves and will continue to eat badly for the rest of their lives because they don't know the difference.
I know my sisters, I know when I say something they will either take it on board or tell me to take a running jump, either way, our relationship stays the same as I'm only saying it from the heart.
Only you can know if it's possible to say something or not without her getting the hump.

Weidii

I can relate to this topic as I went through this as a child. Myself and my sister ate well in terms of well cooked meals with fresh food, but it was the quantity that was the problem. We were allowed to eat as much crap food as we wanted and were never really told why you shouldn't eat so much of it.

We both spent about 2 years being overweight, then when I was old enough to be self conscious about my weight I stopped eating so much crap. I went veggie for four years until I was a little underweight (a bad thing I know, but I was really eager to be skinny after the years of being overweight) and now I've balanced out at a normal weight.

Bad diet is bad for kids in more respects than their weight, but I'm not sure if it's ok to get involved with kids who aren't your own. My sister and I got comments from one of our uncles right out that we were fat, my granny asked us constantly if we were playing sports and my grandad got us doing things like picking apples and spuds to get exercise when we visited them.

The best advice would be some which has been given here, you should buy them a football jersey or a ball, try to get them interested in sports and outdoor persuits without making it obvious that you think they're overweight.

Dudess

Beruthiel wrote: »

I get not interfering in with regards to certain people. But your sister?
I have 3 sisters and would have no problem whatsoever pointing out that her kid is fat because of the unhealthy crap she's feeding them.

nmk, if you have a good relationship with your sister, why is it not possible to point out that processed foods lacks any kind of nutritional goodness and that it's slowly ruining her kids health.
That it is teaching them very bad habits and they will probably grow up not being able to cook for themselves and will continue to eat badly for the rest of their lives because they don't know the difference.
I know my sisters, I know when I say something they will either take it on board or tell me to take a running jump, either way, our relationship stays the same as I'm only saying it from the heart.
Only you can know if it's possible to say something or not without her getting the hump.

I was thinking about it afterwards and I have to say I'm inclined to agree. But just be careful how you say it (i.e. not being tactless like your brother, which you know anyway )

Beruthiel

Dudess wrote: »

not being tactless like your brother, which you know anyway )

Indeed.
Delivery is very important.
Start by saying something like "did you know that processed food has feck all nutritional value compared to fresh fruit and veg. That it is very bad for your health to eat it on a regular basis"
Perhaps your sis doesn't know this.

seamus

Dudess wrote: »

I was thinking about it afterwards and I have to say I'm inclined to agree. But just be careful how you say it (i.e. not being tactless like your brother, which you know anyway )

Heh, me too. I guess when you're dealing with a mother who's a sibling, you have more scope to interfere.

One big thing to remember is that if you catch the weight at a young age it can just drop off, far easier than it will when he hits his 20's. Growth, higher metabolism and higher activity levels means that he just needs to cut back to "normal" eating levels without dieting and those pounds will be shed. This will also do wonders for his teenage years - he can be confident and have a bit of craic. It's hard enough being a teenager, never mind one who's chubby and out of breath.