Boyfriend & depression

LegacyUser

Hi there,
I was wondering if someone could give me some advice please. I'm going out with my boyfriend 4 years and to cut a long story short, I know he has always had bouts of depression.
I had an eating disorder myself many years ago along with depression so i recognise the signs.
Basically he has said before he will go to the doctor but never has. It always gets a bit better but then returns again.

A few nights ago we had been out for a lovely meal where we discussed me moving into his house, then back to a friends house for another couple of drinks.
Anyway we ended up having a little row over soemthing silly and it spiralled out of control. My bf was a bit drunk at this stage and started to open up about how he was feeling. To say i got the shock of my life is an understatemnt. I had no idea he was feeling so bad. He feels worthless and generally feels there isn't any point to life as we are all going to die in the end anyway. He cried and cried and so did i. My heart was breaking seeing him like this. I can't stop thinking about it since and i'm not sure what to do to help.
He lost his dad a few years back and i know that this effects him more than he lets on as he says he wasn't that close to him but i wonder if this is when it started. I didn't know him then.
Anyway, thats the background in brief. I have a couple of questions though.
How can i approach this with him again to ensure he sees a doctor this time without coming across as pushy? I know him and he will probably let this slide, i think he feels ashamed but all the same he admits he has a problem. He hasn't really done this before.

Also what are the options for treatment for this kind of depression? Will he have to take medication do you think?

I know this might be more like a personal issue but there seems to be a lot of people in here with knowledge and experience of depression so any advice would be very much welcomed.
Thanks all.

Chunky Monkey

How about ringing Aware or the Samaritans and asking them for advice? You may get some disingenuous advice on an open forum.

The helpline for Aware is 1890 303 302 and this is their website: http://www.aware.ie/

The Samaritans : 1850 60 90 90 and website for Dublin: http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/

I really hope they can help you and you get it sorted out for ye both.

AckwelFoley

You need to get pushy with him


Guys hate to admit depression, trust me i know.

roadruner

It sounds like he has a lot on his mind which only comes out when he has been drinking.
Guys can think talking about these problems are a weakness, if you suggest getting help he may just brush it off and say that he is fine.
I don't know much about your case but I’m guessing he is a young man and doesn't share his feelings much with you (please correct me if I’m wrong).
Depending on how willing he is to talk to someone there are a multitude of options out there.
He can go to his GP and get a referral to a counselor who will assess his problem and take whatever steps are seen fit, you can do as chunky monkey suggests and ring Aware on 1890 303 302 or the Samaritans on 1850 60 90 90, you don't have to feel you are going behind his back you a merely trying to help a person you love, in saying all this you are also getting stressed about the situation so you may really need to get professional help for him rather than trying to tackle the situation yourself.

Judging by your post this is the first time he has opened up to you in this way but again there was alcohol involved which means he may not feel this way on a daily basis.
Clinical depression isn't something that comes on overnight after a few drinks it's a thing that appears over a period of time and in many forms but it is a treatable disorder with the proper timing and help.

pookie82

This is just a suggestion but it may be an idea to download some literature on depression and the experiences of people who suffer with it. Let him have a read through it - the reason I suggest this is because I think that any sufferer of this illness needs to know that a) they have an unfortunatley common condition which is fully recognised and diagnosable and which can be treated successfully, and b) to help them realise that their symptoms/thoughts and feelings are "normal" when it comes to being depressed. I don't know if I'm getting my point across here - I suppose I'm trying to say that if your boyfriend has difficulty getting out of bed some mornings or has difficulty sleeping/concentrating or has repetitive negative thought patterns etc, to read that this is typical of the illness and not something unique to him (and therefore untreatable), may help him to take the first steps towards seeking help.

You need to be supportive but firm and treat it as if it were any physical ailment that needed urgent attention. reassure him that you'll go to the doc with him if he needs you too and help him through his rough times etc. As Snyper said, men can find it particularly difficult to own up to such a "weakness" and may need a firmer puch than a woman to seek help. Hopefully he'l be open to the idea of seeking help as that's the biggest hurdle to overcome. Admitting to your problem and seeking help is a huge step towards recovery. Encourage him to tell you whenever he's having a bad day and not to bottle it up - make sure he knows that he doesn't have to put up a front with you.

There's a huge stigma out there with regard to this particular illness so help him to overcome any negativity that he might encounter in realtion to this and assure him that he is not alone. Get him to have a look at the success stories that are out there on depression forums and be there for him on his darkest days. Realise that you can't take away his suffering but reminding him that you're there for the long haul will hopefully ease his plight. And be sure to look after yourself too and talk to someone if it gets too much, as the partner in all of this can need just as much support sometimes!!

Good luck.