Lost, Lonely, In Love

LegacyUser

I'm sorry for boring you all with this but I'm so lost.
Do you know who you're soul mate is? No? well i do. I met her and went out with her for almost 2 years. Although we had other complications, distance, children on both our sides etc. we deeply loved each other for all the time we spent together. We both (well I know I did) loved each other like no one else existed, that was, up to two weeks ago.

I suspected a while back that she wasn't happy. I knew, unbeknownst to her perhaps, that she was looking for more from the relationship than I could provide and I don't fault her for that. The ideal conclusion to a relationship is that you move in together and take it from there.

The problem here is primarily the distance involved and my/ our situation. I love this person because I truly believe that I have found the person that is exactly the person which I look for in the opposite sex. Funny, intelligent, sexy and so many other adjectives but, despite her (I think) feeling exactly the same for me we couldn't make it work. I, personally, didn't believe, that I could love a person the way i did, and I thought if I did, that was it. I was done. But then the problems reared their ugly unforgiving head.

It was eventually getting to the point where it was put up, or shut up time. I'll spare you the technicalities of the situation but it basically boiled down to I was forced into the situation where I felt it was either "move in with me or move on". Now despite how I felt about the person it wasn't as black and white as all that. I loved this person, still do like you wouldn't believe but I can't grasp a hold of everything in my way.

There's so many problems I can see facing me. First is the fact, it's her house! I feel like if I moved in with her it would ALWAYS be her house and I would amount to a little less than a lodger. Second of which is being around her children when I'm not around my own. If I moved up with her I would be a considerable distance away from my own children. There's many other things like leaving my own hometown, friends, family etc to move to another place where i know no body. I'm afraid I'll get cabin feverish. I'm also afraid that if it doesn't work out, she's fine because she's back where she started in her own house and I'm left back where I'm starting from now, right here. I feel like, I've everything to lose and when all is said done she can "carry on regardless" if things go askew.

I love this person and I know I, or she, will never find someone who'll get her the way I do. Who'll never love her for the simple reason of, she is who she is. Who'll never make me laugh like she does. Who'll never make her laugh like I do. I'll never feel loved like she made me feel. I'll never feel as confident as I will when i'm with her. I just don't know how to feel.

I've got so many things to lose if everything goes tits up. But yet I don't know if it's the right decision to make. I don't know if I want to move in with her because I'm so lonely and hurting or because I love her so much.

I could really go for some of the advice ye folks are so able to dispense. Please don't judge me, and dispense some honest to goodness advice for me, because, I'm lost I don't know what to do guys.

I'm heartbroken without this person and in need of help.

Beruthiel

It's Not Easy wrote: »

There's so many problems I can see facing me. First is the fact, it's her house! I feel like if I moved in with her it would ALWAYS be her house and I would amount to a little less than a lodger. Second of which is being around her children when I'm not around my own. If I moved up with her I would be a considerable distance away from my own children. There's many other things like leaving my own hometown, friends, family etc to move to another place where i know no body. I'm afraid I'll get cabin feverish. I'm also afraid that if it doesn't work out, she's fine because she's back where she started in her own house and I'm left back where I'm starting from now, right here. I feel like, I've everything to lose and when all is said done she can "carry on regardless" if things go askew.

Life is a risk.
Choosing to be with someone is a risk. Every choice we make carrys a risk.
Without taking a risk, there is no real life.
Nothing you have said above is all that much of a problem and certainly can be over come with some thought and organisation.
If you truly love this woman nothing would stand in your way.
You my friend have cold feet and are just too damn scared to take that leap of faith.
So you either throw yourself at it, embrace it, enjoy the possibility of a very happy life together and all that comes with that.
Or
You sit at home and feel sorry for yourself cos there were too many problems to solve....

uberwolf

you say you'd just be spat back where you are now?

At least you wouldn't be tormented by the 'what if' question for years to come.

You just have to settle how you're going to remain in your children's life

biko

Agree with Beruthiel. You can still work things out if you go back to her.
Move in with her - try it for a year.

I've got so many things to lose if everything goes tits up.

If being the operative word here.

Tbh, you need to toughen up mate. Make decisions and see them trough.

Elessar

And she wont move in with you because?

Or you cant both get an apartment/house somewhere of equal distance because?

fuzzywiggle

If she is your soul mate and you are madly, deeply, crazy in love with her then mountains wouldn't stop you from being together.
I mean if i was that much in love with someone and they asked me to move in with them I'd be there in a flash with my bags packed regardles of the situation, I would make it work. Simple as that. I don't really understand then why you wouldn't do the same if you really feel that way about her.

Ishindar

the simple answer, from someone who stood in your shoes is u dont love this woman.

u dont seem to have the strength of charachter necessasry to pull this off.

sorry for the negative response but i have been there and taken that step and i didnt have a doubt in my head. Yes there was a mountain to climb and it is a huge challenge but real love made it easy.

"I suspected a while back that she wasn't happy. I knew, unbeknownst to her perhaps, that she was looking for more from the relationship than I could provide and I don't fault her for that."

"but it basically boiled down to I was forced into the situation where I felt it was either "move in with me or move on".

these 2 statements above make me think that your communication with each other is not so good.
the "move in with me or move on" statement is not the words of someone in love. I think these two things are causing big doubts in your head and rightly so.
when u embark on something like this u have to do it 100% together and communication & love is the key. what we did was, first we both comitted 100% to moving to the other if necessary secondly we seperately did a pros and cons list for me moving there or her moving to me and we decided together where we would have the better life, the decision was made and we did it together

Kold

Hope this doesn't seem insensitive but how are you doing financially? Are you pulling your weight? Have you savings? Would you be able to land on your feet if it did fall through?

Predhead

It's Not Easy wrote: »

I'm sorry for boring you all with this but I'm so lost.
Do you know who you're soul mate is?

A word bandied around too much these days. No such thing. It's a ridiculous concept.