Ex GF - What to do

MorganB

So this is my situation. My ex and I broke up at the beginning of October (she broke up with me) after 2 years of seeing each other pretty much every day. Her reason was that she wanted to experience university and felt like she was married to me. I was deeply depressed for a good 2 months, not eating, crying all that. We are both 18 by the way.

Eventually it got better and I tried to move on and date other girls. I have fooled around with a few girls since then to see if it would help me get over her. However, I still find myself wanting her back and thinking about her all the time. We do hangout about twice a month and I sense the sexual tension and the subtle flirting is not so subtle sometimes.

Here is the problem, she has a boyfriend. We have planned to get together Thursday for lunch and I'm seriously considering telling her I'm still in love and want her back. I feel like I want to tell her because I dont want to live my life not knowing that I diddnt do everthing I could to get her back. I've got what Im going to say in my head and it sounds good to me.

Just wondering what people think? Maybe a female perspective. I know it sounds kind of pathetic but I do still love her very much.

Thanks

WhiteWashMan

same advice to you as all the other threads here that deal with break ups.

dont have contact with her. get over her. move on. she is obviously 'experience university' and to have hooked up with a new boyfriend after just 2 months means she really probably has no interest in you.

CCCP^

Hey MorganB. Something seemed odd about what you said about your ex. She broke it off with you so she could experience University life? What does she mean by this? She wanted to sleep around with all those cool guys in college? wtf?! Now she has a boyfriend in University! I think this girl, no disrespect, is a bint. A classic bint. Don't listen to your heart on this one, because your heart will feck you over. Listen to your head and keep going, your 18 and there's plenty more girls out there who would probably love to meet you.

spurious

She has a boyfriend. She doesn't want you.
I'm sorry, but no amount of you wanting her will make it happen.
Perhaps it's a bit soon for you to be seeing her again, whe you're obviously not over her. Get out there and find yourself a new girlfriend.

Xavi6

Some sound advice already on this.

Seriously you have to stay clear. Try hang out with your mates more to take your mind off her, delete her number from your phone etc.

If she wants to experience the college lifestyle that usually means sleeping around so if you did get kind of back together who's to say she won't be enjoying the company of other males at the same time?

Carrigart Exile

Xavi6 wrote: »

Some sound advice already on this.

Seriously you have to stay clear. Try hang out with your mates more to take your mind off her, delete her number from your phone etc.

If she wants to experience the college lifestyle that usually means sleeping around so if you did get kind of back together who's to say she won't be enjoying the company of other males at the same time?

stop hanging around and flirting with her, she's dangling you as insurance. Cancel Thursday.

AnonoBoy

Agreed. Cancel Thursday. Cut contact with the girl.

You're only 18 but believe me some women will behave like this all their lives. They like the attention and knowing that you still love her is a great ego boost.

I've been in your situation before and believe me - she knows you still want her. If she wanted you then you would be together. She's with someone else now, sorry. You should cut contact and move on. That seems harsh and tough but it's the best thing to do.

star-pants

As said above hun - she knows you still like her/want her - some girls seem to like having those kind of people around them. As security maybe. I think it's harsh.
I know it's probably eating you up inside and things don't sink in the way they should but put your heart aside for one second and think
- she broke up with you
- she said she 'wanted to experience college' -- yet she's a new boyfriend? -- sounds like an excuse to me
- do you really want to put your already broken heart back out on the table for her to smash?

I would stay away hun - she wasn't honest with you (IMO). You need to take care of yourself, have fun etc, and find a girl who isn't going to use college as an excuse to get a new bf.
*hug*

evry1sm8

I disagree wit everyone else (sorry everyone else...)

I think you should tell her how you feel, tell her you still love her and would like another try.
If she STILL says no that she wants to move on, THEN move on. Dont contact her again and no meeting up.
I think you deserve to give it your best shot if you do really love her, you owe it to yourself.
At least then you can move on completely, all ties cut, knowing you did all you could.
And who knows, maybe things will work out for both of you??

Coffea

evry1sm8 wrote: »

I disagree wit everyone else (sorry everyone else...)

I think you should tell her how you feel, tell her you still love her and would like another try.
If she STILL says no that she wants to move on, THEN move on. Dont contact her again and no meeting up.
I think you deserve to give it your best shot if you do really love her, you owe it to yourself.
quote]

Yeah, I agree with this. I broke up with my boyfriend when I was in college because I wanted to spend more time with my single girlfriends and expand my circle of friends a bit while at University. I remained friends with my ex, got back together a few months after the break-up and have since married him.

Definitely tell her exactly how you feel and then move on completely if she doesn't feel the same way.

star-pants

evry1sm8 - actually has a point.... you might be able to move on if you've gotten your feelings out, perhaps that's what's been holding you back, the fact the feelings are pent up inside you.
the *only* reason I didn't say try that was because she broke up under the heading of 'college experience' only to put herself in another relationship. which in my book is unfair - and would be afraid you'd be making a fool of yourself in opening up your heart again.
It's a tough call but take on board everyones advice

Wibbs

I agree with all of the others and also agree with evry1sm8. You need to get this out with her and then walk. The experience university stuff is dubious and an excuse. Which is fine as you're both young and down the line you will be grateful this happened.

PS if her new boyfriend and her got together within a few weeks of you getting the heave ho the chances are good he was lined up already, at least as a possibility for her.

The Real B-man

Forget about her man ive been in the same boat! get out there and experience college its the funest years of your life

Irishcrx

Don't mean to be harsh but sounds like she was looking for an excuse for a way out, if saying what you feel to her will make you feel better then do, but be prepared for rejection if she has a new bf...I'd walk away and never look back.

Mr. Incognito

Grow a spine and tell her to get lost.

evry1sm8

Im telling you you gotta tell her how you feel.
I broke up with a guy in college in 1st year because i just couldnt fully believe he cared for me as much as he did.
I said i wanted to be free and single and so on...
Getting back with him was the best thing i ever did, i realised how much he loved me.
We stayed together for the most part of 7 years after that.

Gyalist

I re-read your first thread on this situation and there you were given some pretty good advice which you don't seem to have heeded. I'm still not convinced that you'll take on board the advice proffered in this thread either.

So this is my situation. My ex and I broke up at the beginning of October (she broke up with me) after 2 years of seeing each other pretty much every day. Her reason was that she wanted to experience university and felt like she was married to me. I was deeply depressed for a good 2 months, not eating, crying all that. We are both 18 by the way.

I may be in the minority here but I see her behaviour as perfectly rational and sensible. Think of this: you are 18 and just left home for the first time. It is natural to want to experience as much of the new reality as you can. The fact that you said that you previously saw her everyday is worrying. Did you not have a life separate from your girlfriend, nothing that interested you that didn't involve her? It's no wonder that she felt smothered and made a break for freedom at the first opportunity.

Eventually it got better and I tried to move on and date other girls. I have fooled around with a few girls since then to see if it would help me get over her. However, I still find myself wanting her back and thinking about her all the time. We do hangout about twice a month and I sense the sexual tension and the subtle flirting is not so subtle sometimes.

If I were you I'd forget about trying to date and take advantage of university life. You are at the age where you should be learning to be independent and developing your own identity but you seem somehow desperate to be in a relationship. It would be much better if concentrated your efforts on building a wider social circle.

You should eventually date other girls because you find them attactive and/or interesting to hang around with *not* to help you get over your ex.

It really is past time for you to cut all contact with her. I doubt that she is in any way still attracted to you despite what you may feel. Your falling to pieces at the breakup and your subsequent neediness wouldn't have been attractive to her. At the moment she is getting her validation from the fact that she knows that she still has you hooked. She knows that you will coming running back to her like a little puppy dog. You may see it as flirting and sexual tension but I'd bet that it's just her checking to see if she still has her hold on you. You're no longer any challenge to her.

Here is the problem, she has a boyfriend. We have planned to get together Thursday for lunch and I'm seriously considering telling her I'm still in love and want her back. I feel like I want to tell her because I dont want to live my life not knowing that I diddnt do everthing I could to get her back. I've got what Im going to say in my head and it sounds good to me.

Just call her up as soon as you can and cancel. DO NOT meet her and despite what the others here have said, DO NOT tell her that you are still in love with her. You are not in love with her and she isn't in love with you and no wishing on your part will change that. It's just your ego refusing to let her go. In any case, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like a doormat? She would have absolutely no respect for you!

The words in your head may sound fine but I'd guarantee that they would do nothing to bring her back. You'd just be giving her further validation of her hold over you and in effect rewarding her bad behaviour towards you.

Just wondering what people think? Maybe a female perspective. I know it sounds kind of pathetic but I do still love her very much.

I think that you have to accept that it's over and start moving on. DO NOT have any form of contact with her for the foreseeable future. Start taking positive steps to involve yourself in all aspects of college life and devote time to the things that you are interested in. At 18, you have your whole life still ahead of you and you will meet and fall in love with many other women and in time find out that your first girlfriend wasn't so special after all.

Edit: You aren't likely to re-attract your ex until she hears through the grapevine that you have a new girlfriend.

Lollipops23

hey OP,
While i understand that you wanted to stay friends with her,perhaps you should keep your distance until you no longer have feelings for her. I know other posters are saying that she's a tool for ditiching you and getting with the other guy,but perhaps she felt tied down and feels she has more freedom woth the other guy. Nobody but the 2 involved can understand the dynamic of a relationship.

I wouldn't mention your feelings to her tbh, if she felt the same she wouldn't be with the other guy,simple as that. Sorry OP!! Keep doing what you're doing-enjoy the single life and the freedom it includes!I came out of a long r/ship at your age and regret getting straignt into another one. You'll never be this young,free and single again man!!

MorganB

Thanks for the advice so far.

Here is some more info that may change some peoples opinions. We still are very good friends and she seems to like to confide in me problems with her current relationship. For example she told me her current bf has trouble getting it up kind of made me feel better haha. Anyways, I think Im going to tell her how I feel. I have nothing to lose right? Im kind of anticipating rejection but at least she will know how I feel.

My heart is making the decision on this one when it should probably be my brain but meh. Hopefully it works.

MorganB

MorganB wrote: »

Thanks for the advice so far.

Here is some more info that may change some peoples opinions. We still are very good friends and she seems to like to confide in me problems with her current relationship. For example she told me her current bf has trouble getting it up kind of made me feel better haha.

Change opinions? This only backs them up.
So not only does she dangle you to check she still has a hold on you, she amplifies it by making you feel better and bitching about her bf behind his back. If she had any maturity/sense in her she would sort it out with her bf, not bitch about him to her ex. There's so much wrong about that I don't even know where to start.
You're most certainly better off without her. Learn to be single and stop obsessing over having a gf

Carrigart Exile

MorganB wrote: »

Thanks for the advice so far.

Here is some more info that may change some peoples opinions. We still are very good friends and she seems to like to confide in me problems with her current relationship. For example she told me her current bf has trouble getting it up kind of made me feel better haha. Anyways, I think Im going to tell her how I feel. I have nothing to lose right? Im kind of anticipating rejection but at least she will know how I feel.

My heart is making the decision on this one when it should probably be my brain but meh. Hopefully it works.

she sounds a treacherous cow, move on

rainbowtrout

^ everything bluewolf says.

this girl isn't interested in you. she has moved on but she still has a hold on you by whining to you about her current boyfriend, it gives you false hope and prevents you from moving on.

cut contact with her and delete her number. college is a great place to meet people. stop waiting for your ex girlfriend to come back to you and go out and meet some of those people.

Lollipops23

MorganB wrote: »

We still are very good friends and she seems to like to confide in me problems with her current relationship. For example she told me her current bf has trouble getting it up kind of made me feel better haha. Anyways, I think Im going to tell her how I feel.

k,that's weird.i would never diss my BF to an ex....and certainly wouldn't discuss bedroom antics with them!!how do you think he'd feel if he knew she told you that?i'd keep away from her tbh.

derek27

MorganB wrote: »

Thanks for the advice so far.

Here is some more info that may change some peoples opinions. We still are very good friends and she seems to like to confide in me problems with her current relationship. For example she told me her current bf has trouble getting it up kind of made me feel better haha. Anyways, I think Im going to tell her how I feel. I have nothing to lose right? Im kind of anticipating rejection but at least she will know how I feel.

My heart is making the decision on this one when it should probably be my brain but meh. Hopefully it works.

Honestly dude... you must have a great temperament to be able to sit there and listen to your ex talk to you about sexual matters with her new bf. You should be staying clear of her altogether... no contact... that's the only thing you can do for yourself that is good for you on this one. And i agree with a previous poster calling her a bint... when she says 'experience college life' she means she wants to try to screw as many guys as she can over the next few years.

Wagon

Meet her tomorrow, tell her how you feel if and she says no she only wants to be friends then run and save your sanity. What this wench is doing is jumping up and down on this new tosser by night and running to you (or confiding things to you) by day. This shows that not only does this new relationship with this bloke almost purely physical (not healthy) but it also highlights her own self centered attitude and her desire just to get what she wants. Also shows that she's too immature and shallow to have a proper relationship with someone.
So get it off your chest tomorrow and then run a mile. The next few months will be sh1te but you will get over it. Head to the sleazy bars and get some cheap tarts. Things can only get better. At the moment, you're the post that's holding up her light and she's just pissing on you.

evry1sm8

Wagon wrote: »

Head to the sleazy bars and get some cheap tarts.

:eek:

Charming!!

Wagon

evry1sm8 wrote: »

:eek:

Charming!!

Just here to help! OP, send me a PM for a list of the aforementioned assortment of bars.

evry1sm8

I dont see how scoring some "cheap tarts" can do anyone any good?
Youre only letting yourself down and disrespecting yourself by going for someone "cheap". Wont do much for your own self esteem.

Gyalist

This girl has totally emasculated you. You are just her "male girlfriend" that's why she feels comfortable sharing that sort of information with you, not because she feels any attraction to you. You're paying too much attention to what she is saying when you should be paying more attention to how she is treating you. Notice how she vents about her boyfriend to you? She hasn't left him though, has she?

Anyway, you seem determined to pursue her. I guess some people just have to learn the hard way.

MorganB

Haha these replies make me laugh. Im going to do what people suggested I'm gonna tell her how I feel just to get it off my chest. If she says no, I'll take it as closure and move on. If yes, I dont know what I'll do

Wagon

evry1sm8 wrote: »

I dont see how scoring some "cheap tarts" can do anyone any good?
Youre only letting yourself down and disrespecting yourself by going for someone "cheap". Wont do much for your own self esteem.

Good point, but it works sometimes for some people.

Anyway, good choice OP. See how it goes tomorrow. I doubt she'll say she's interested and if she does, make sure she's not drunk or anything when she says it. Its worth pointing out that these type of meetings should be not done in places where alcohol is served. Keep that for the weekend if you take my advice above

As a lot of the posters have already said, Its important that you do avoid her until you get her completely out of your system. I know it seems harsh but i think its one of these situations where that approach is needed. You may expect a rant about how she feels so close to you and how she can tell you anything, we call this emotional blackmail and don't change your mind about cutting contact. Remember it was her that did the dumping so she can live with her choices.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow mate and hope it works out as well as it can.