Dump reading material

armour87

Whilst in the process of emptying ones bowels, does one care to read literature during said emptying?

I don't, I'm remarkably quick in there.... (and I don't cut corners either)

_blank_

BGRH is my reading material for the jacks.

in fact I'm there now, with my laptop

armour87

DesF wrote: »

BGRH is my reading material for the jacks.

in fact I'm there now, with my laptop

Awesome.

Don1

I used to years ago but found myself getting engrossed in the reading material and ending up with two dead legs!!

Also, if you're reading, you are not giving the job at hand (not literally!! :eek: ) your full attention!!!! :mad:

Robbo

DesF wrote: »

BGRH is my reading material for the jacks.

in fact I'm there now, with my laptop

What David O'Doherty calls an "Internet Poo".

Personally, I like a good leaf through Roger's Profanisaurus from Viz. Generally you can find the exact phrase in there to describe pretty much any type of toilet visit.

the dee

I like light reading when I'm in there, a magazine or a comic or something. That said, I read most of Dostoyevsky's The Gambler whilst on the loo.

ShayK1

the dee wrote: »

I like light reading when I'm in there, a magazine or a comic or something. That said, I read most of Dostoyevsky's The Gambler whilst on the loo.

constipation is sh1tty isn't it :P

Baudelaire

the dee wrote: »

I like light reading when I'm in there, a magazine or a comic or something. That said, I read most of Dostoyevsky's The Gambler whilst on the loo.

Jasus what did you eat to stay on the jacks that long, a horse?

the dee

It's not that long. And it wasn't all in one sitting

ShayK1 wrote: »

constipation is sh1tty isn't it :P

Lol, the opposite in fact

ShayK1

the dee wrote: »

It's not that long. And it wasn't all in one sitting




Lol, the opposite in fact

too true

Doctor DooM

At the moment I have a copy of hot press, the dark night returns, and a terry pratchet book in the bog. I try not to read them all at the same time.

I have never combined internetting and dumping, but I am intrigued by the idea.

_blank_

My friend has what has come to be known as the

"Have a shít kit"

iPod
GameBoy
Book
Magazine
Packet of Smokes
Cup of Coffee

Robbo

SDooM wrote: »

At the moment I have a copy of hot press, the dark night returns, and a terry pratchet book in the bog. I try not to read them all at the same time.

Hot Press? Is this to provoke some kind of involuntary defection response due to awfulness of said publication? If so, I recommend Roisin Ingle's column from the vapid Irish Times magazine on a Saturday.

John Mason

the newspaper

_blank_

irishbird wrote: »

the newspaper

Which one though?

I wouldn't use the Sun to wipe my arse with.

ShayK1

SDooM wrote: »

At the moment I have a copy of hot press, the dark night returns, and a terry pratchet book in the bog. I try not to read them all at the same time.

I have never combined internetting and dumping, but I am intrigued by the idea.

I have

Doctor DooM

Robbo wrote: »

Hot Press? Is this to provoke some kind of involuntary defection response due to awfulness of said publication? If so, I recommend Roisin Ingle's column from the vapid Irish Times magazine on a Saturday.

The odd time it has something of worth in it.

Hot Press, that is. I enjoy reading about bands getting slated while I have a dump. so sue me

_blank_

ShayK1 wrote: »

I have

I still am.

John Mason

DesF wrote: »

Which one though?

I wouldn't use the Sun to wipe my arse with.

LOL, the Northsider or whatever that free one is called or whatever newspaper is in the house really, herald, indo, times - i am not fussy really

Baudelaire

DesF wrote: »

My friend has what has come to be known as the

"Have a shít kit"

iPod
GameBoy
Book
Magazine
Packet of Smokes
Cup of Coffee

I can't think of anything more vile than smoking or consuming food/drink whilst evacuating your bowels, the smell must be horrendous.

ShayK1

DesF wrote: »

I still am.

Holy ****, do you need help in there? I've been for lunch and am back already

trout

When you eat too much starchy, greasy, cafeteria food ... the daily elimination process can take some time, and effort, and no small amount of blood, sweat and tears ... in that order.

From first grunt to final flush, the process can take between 30 and 60 minutes, so I always bring some reading material with me :cool:

pa trout once observed that if I had nothing else to hand, I would read wallpaper.

Lately, I have been trying out the Internet Poo ... but I have some concerns. One is the heat generated by the laptop, after a while it can scald your bare thighs, and leave me fearful for the sanctity of my nads. The second concern would be for the viability of the laptop, after exposure to the noxious fumes. :rolleyes:

_blank_

trout wrote: »

Lately, I have been trying out the Internet Poo ... but I have some concerns. One is the heat generated by the laptop, after a while it can scald your bare thighs, and leave me fearful for the sanctity of my nads. The second concern would be for the viability of the laptop, after exposure to the noxious fumes. :rolleyes:

The heat.

Brother trout, a strategically placed towel can deflect the heat from the thighs for a fair while.

mr kr0nik

how about Winnie the Pooh...

Doctor DooM

DesF wrote: »

I still am.

Its taking a while. more fruit n fibre for you.

trout

DesF wrote: »

Brother trout, a strategically placed towel can deflect the heat from the thighs for a fair while.

Hmmm ... I'd imagine if the towel was scented, with pine needles perhaps, this would go some way to absorbing the aforementioned noxious fumes.

Thank you Brother DesF ... I will try out a strategic towel this evening, and report back ASAFP

blah

Browsing the internet on my iPhone.

Don1

Ocasionally in work I will wander onto the internet on the phone whilst on the throne. Forgot about that!


In relation to the earlier constipation remarks;

People with constipation, they just don't give a sh1t!!!!!! :rolleyes:

Melion

All depends where i am. If im in work its a few hands of poker or a few rounds of golf on my phone.

If im at home and ive the laptop switched on its the internet or football manager and it can take anywhere up to an hour.

I read an 18 month old Xbox magazine this morning when i had my morning poo.

blah

Melion wrote: »

I read an 18 month old Xbox magazine this morning when i had my morning poo.

Read that as "played an Xbox game this morning".

Might not be a bad idea, set up a flat screen tv, Xbox 360 on the cistern, wireless controller in hand...:)

armour87

blah wrote: »

Read that as "played an Xbox game this morning".

Might not be a bad idea, set up a flat screen tv, Xbox 360 on the cistern, wireless controller in hand...:)

Not a good idea for me, the way I flinch when Im killed on halo, could end up with a right old mess

Mr. CooL ICE

Elongated time on the bog is why Allah invented java games for the mobile. I have yet to get past the 3rd round in Cannonball

Hagar

Slightly off topic.

Does anyone know how to get over the pins and needles that sometimes paralyse me from the thighs down after a long sit and read?

_blank_

Hagar wrote: »

Slightly off topic.

Does anyone know how to get over the pins and needles that sometimes paralyse me from the thighs down after a long sit and read?

Bang your feet on the floor.

Hagar

I've tried that but it's usually a shock attack. You just stand up next thing you know you're flailing about with all support gone from your legs. Usually ends up grabbing the jax roll holder for support and pulling it off the wall. Then you try to pick up to roll to complete the job but as soon as the knees bend the legs buckle. Disaster. The feeling usually comes back after lying on the floor for few minutes. Then there's the job of finding the screwdriver to put the roll holder back up, again. Maybe I should take this to PI?

_blank_

Hagar wrote: »

I've tried that but it's usually a shock attack. You just stand up next thing you know you're flailing about with all support gone from your legs. Usually ends up grabbing the jax roll holder for support and pulling it off the wall. Then you try to pick up to roll to complete the job but as soon as the knees bend the legs buckle. Disaster. The feeling usually comes back after lying on the floor for few minutes. Then there's the job of finding the screwdriver to put the roll holder back up, again. Maybe I should take this to PI?

Ah come on now.

Surely you've been doing the long sit and reads for long enough to expect the p&n's by now?

Stomp around before you stand up, stretch your legs out in front.

Baudelaire

But be sure to wipe your arse first

Don1

Try and avoid letting the seat edge dig into your thighs. Spread the load (as in weight, not anything sick) as evenly as you can and the blood should be able to travel around as intended.
If it is striking, stretch out the legs, relax them and to the hands on equivalent of motorboating to your thighs. Should have the feeling back in no time!

legspin

Top Gear magazine at the mo'. A good book and a spliff as mentioned elsewhere.

Baudelaire

Don1 wrote: »

Try and avoid letting the seat edge dig into your thighs. Spread the load (as in weight, not anything sick) as evenly as you can and the blood should be able to travel around as intended.
If it is striking, stretch out the legs, relax them and to the hands on equivalent of motorboating to your thighs. Should have the feeling back in no time!

Jasus Don he's having a sh1te not giving birth although judging from some of the noises my ex's use to make it seems in some way akin to it, many's a time I heard a plop that sounded like a 5 pounder, those were the days I knew to go stay with mammy while he aired the house out

Lux23

My flatmate reads Delia Smith while in the bathroom. I honestly think if its taking you that long you need to see a doctor.

smellslikeshoes

Lux23 wrote: »

My flatmate reads Delia Smith while in the bathroom. I honestly think if its taking you that long you need to see a doctor.

Its not just about the job at hand, having a dump is a good time to get a minute to yourself and have a bit of a think.
I myself bring a newspaper in with me not any one in particular just as long as its got lots of sport and a few pictures of wimmins

Orlee

DesF wrote: »

BGRH is my reading material for the jacks.

in fact I'm there now, with my laptop

Remind me never to touch DesF's laptop

Reg'stoy

I'm currently reading these very informative books