been a few months. finding it difficult to get back into dating.

LegacyUser

Hi,
Im going unreg for obvious reasons. I broke up with my first serious long term girlfriend of almost 4 years in early october last year. I just was not seeing enough of her (she moved to the west) and for the past year it was a constant struggle with (mainly me due to her study requirements) having to travel to see her or take whatever hour or two i could get of her time at the weekend. I ended it since it was becoming a phone relationship and I was starting to resent her and I did not think that was fair to her. I honestly reckon it was the ballsiest thing i have ever done. I didnt expect to break up with her, it just happened , we were talking on the phone, and next thing , it came out. I wanted to do it in person, but she is over 200 miles away in the west and it was not possible. I feel terrible about this. That it was a chicken thing to do and that she might think i did not have respect for her. I told her at the time that i still loved her. I do / did / not sure now !? But i told her that the situation made it very difficult to have the type of relationship i wanted to have after almost 4 years. We had yet to take a holiday abroad , live together and I wanted something a bit more mature like that. So it ended, nicely I suppose if you want to call it that. Ended up cryign my eyes out talkign to her and then for a few weeks after, stupid little things i wouldl see or do would make me sad and upset again. She asked me to meet up about 2 weeks later but i thought it was too soon and would not be fair to either of us. I just did not want to hurt her any more since i thought that getting back together would not solve fundamental issue, i had started to get this gut feeling that it should not be a constant struggle to make a relationship work (no matter how well you get on), the situation for the past 2 years had made things very difficult. seeing her on again, off again.
Sorry for the big preamble.... just want to get background out there. Im 27, male, have good job, am told im very good looking by my friends, but I feel that even though i broke up with her I have absolutely no confidence with the opposite sex.
More background and possibly more than i should be telling here, is that as a kid i was messed with and very badly bullied in school (kids called me gay and ugly for years through my teens). So i had these hangups that people thought i was gay (especially that girls i woud like would think i was gay) and that i was butt ugly (even though my friends and stuff tell me i have good looks...personally i do not see it).
I did get counselling years ago. I got through it and i feel well enough to talk about it.
I do not think i am going back to the way i was. I have no intention of it. Best foot forwards.
At the same time, I was out last night (im really bad in social situations , girls think im veyr stand offish and that i am not interested in talking to them... im just love shy if you wanna call it that). Last night was out and saw a girl ithought was really nice. She was stunningly gorgeous. Really nice person. Yet when she talked to me all that went through my head was 'your butt ugly, there are much better lookin people in here than you, why would she talk to you, she would not look twice at you, nobody could love somebody who had had the type of things done to them as a child' which i know is bull**** but it goes through back of my mind.
I suppose post break up every body feels bad abotu themselves. After 4 years though, its very difficult to get back on the saddle and i carry a lot of extra baggage. Looking back on this it reads like i am not. Trust me i know they are jsut negative thoughts and do not have a bearing in reality. I know its crap that goes through my head. I dont think im depressed, but I have definately been happier. Sorry. I just needed to rant. Hopefully if somebody else has been in same boat they may or may not relate

dublad23

I think it is obvious that what you experienced in school has left a negative scar on your life now.

I would recommend talking about it with someone - a counsellor even. You need to address these issues if you are going to "like yourself" again

If you go into a relationship now you will always think she will leave you for someone else etc and it will ruin everything.

Spend some time on yourself, getting to like you again.

Look in the mirror every morning and say something that while you might not believe, you would like to hear. Saying it every morning like a mantra will boost your confidence.