A guide for surviving these dark times

Tom Dunne

As we all know, there is a lot of turbulence in BGRH of late. And it is not due to Brother Slowmotion's like of pickled gherkins.

We appear to have been infiltrated by a wave of metrosexuals, hell bent (pun intended) on making us see the alleged errors of our ways. A sort of pseudo-feminine evangelism, if you will.

We need to be able to spot these girly types to prevent them from spreading their vitriol on these hallowed halls. So, with that in mind, I ask for your help in compiling a guide on how to spot metros.

Here's a start:

- moisturisier. 'nuff said
- hair. no comment
- nails. I give up.
- more than two pairs of shoes (ok, maybe three)

- a love of lattes, a fear of beer
- a dislike for red meat (NB: nothing wrong with vegetarians)
- trying to convince the Brethren that crying is ok
- not "getting" the Brethren
- excessive posting in the Ladies Lounge (note: I said EXCESSIVE. Everything is ok in moderation )
- a knowledge of home furnishings

I am sure there are plenty more, feel free to add.

Don1

The addmitance that pink has been worn on ones person! :eek:

Doctor DooM

Tom Dunne wrote: »

As we all know, there is a lot of turbulence in BGRH of late. And it is not due to Brother Slowmotion's like of pickled gherkins.

We appear to have been infiltrated by a wave of metrosexuals, hell bent (pun intended) on making us see the alleged errors of our ways. A sort of pseudo-feminine evangelism, if you will.

We need to be able to spot these girly types to prevent them from spreading their vitriol on these hallowed halls. So, with that in mind, I ask for your help in compiling a guide on how to spot metros.

Here's a start:

- moisturisier. 'nuff said
- hair. no comment
- nails. I give up.
- more than two pairs of shoes (ok, maybe three)

- a love of lattes, a fear of beer
- a dislike for red meat (NB: nothing wrong with vegetarians)
- trying to convince the Brethren that crying is ok
- not "getting" the Brethren
- excessive posting in the Ladies Lounge (note: I said EXCESSIVE. Everything is ok in moderation )
- a knowledge of home furnishings

I am sure there are plenty more, feel free to add.

Ah now here. I had this forced on me as a way to purchase more drink. I believe its called a job.

trout

- suspicious lack of nad scratching
- suspicious lack of a$$ scratching
- suspicious lack of belching ... or well, wind in general
- furtive glances at cocktail glasses, l**e beers or brightly coloured drinks
- excessive hygiene
- whiff of lavender

Doctor DooM

Don1 wrote: »

The addmitance that pink has been worn on ones person! :eek:

This however I see as a cardinal f*&king sin!

trout

- knowledge of any aftershave or 'balm' beyond the holy trinity of Brut, Old Spice and Hai Karate
- owning a pair of MBT's
- using (or owning!) a GHD
- voluntarily getting a back, sack and crack wax

Doctor DooM

The use of incense to do anything beside cover up fart smell when trying to impress the wimmins.

Tom Dunne

trout wrote: »

- knowledge of any aftershave or 'balm' beyond the holy trinity of Brut, Old Spice and Hai Karate
- owning a pair of MBT's
- using (or owning!) a GHD
- voluntarily getting a back, sack and crack wax

What are MBT's?

Actually, what's a GHD?

Slow Motion

Anyone who says they are male and hetrosexual but dosen't see the humour of an appropriatly dropped fart!

Doctor DooM

Slow Motion wrote: »

Anyone who says they are male and hetrosexual but dosen't see the humour of an appropriatly dropped fart!

A total +1. Farts are an artform. They are THE artform!

Tom Dunne

SDooM wrote: »

A total +1. Farts are an artform. They are THE artform!

Correction. Farts under the duvet are an artform.

Concentrated farts, FTW.

missingtime

Skinny jeans.

_blank_

missingtime wrote: »

Skinny anything.

Fixed that for you.

LostinBlanch

Tom Dunne wrote: »

What are MBT's?

Actually, what's a GHD?

+1

SuperGrover

Watching X-factor.

Tragedy

Ah now come on, I only moisturise my hands because I'm manly enough to work with them. You office types have no right to judge or label me

An MBT is a Main Battle Tank so I'd guess someone who owned one should be classed as SUPER MANLY? At least so they dont drive it through your house laughing maniacally saying "Whose the metro now?"

missingtime

Using conditioner.

DarkJager

Manbags is an obvious sign!

Don1

I know what other MBT there is unfortunately - Massai Barefoot Technology shoes. Make you look like a gimp when you walk and that's all I can see them doing. Me maaa has a pair, that's how I know!! It's grubby skate shoes all the way for me!
Or the aul steel toe-cap safety boots in work.

_blank_

missingtime wrote: »

Using conditioner.

Using Shampoo tbh.

missingtime

DesF wrote: »

Using Shampoo tbh.

Got me again!

Using anything other than that coal tar soap!

Baudelaire

Using words that end in "uccino"
Calling anything "Product"

trout

missingtime wrote: »

Using anything other than that coal tar soap!

Point of order - carbolic soap is also acceptable ... as is swarfega ... or brillo pads :cool:

jester77

Tom Dunne wrote: »

What are MBT's?

Actually, what's a GHD?

hmm, there's a guy here who wears MBT's. I think they are some sort of prescription type shoes for people with bad backs and poor posture. Nothing metro-sexual or fashionable about them at all!

As for GHD .... ginger haired dames???

If you can put your arms around them and your hands can meet then they are not for here!
Ordering side-salad's.
Carrying shopping bags.
Sitting outside the dressing rooms of wimmin shops.

Baudelaire

A GHD is a hair straightner made by a company called GHD, It stands for "Good Hair Day"

Having a "Man-Bag"

If you can put your arms around them and your hands can meet then they are not for here!

@ Jester - do you spent alot of your time hugging men?

Tom Dunne

Baudelaire wrote: »

A GHD is a hair straightner made by a company called GHD, It stands for "Good Hair Day"

Ok, some tips when posting on BGRH for the newbies.

When a Brother asks "What is XYZ" chances are, it is a rhetorical question, i.e. they know what the answer is.

watna

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Ok, some tips when posting on BGRH for the newbies.

When a Brother asks "What is XYZ" chances are, it is a rhetorical question, i.e. they know what the answer is.

+1. Brother Tom knows full well what a GHD is. He's commented enough on me occasionaly using mine in the office. He's just jealous though... he'd love to have long flowing locks to straighten!

_blank_

watna wrote: »

+1. Brother Tom knows full well what a GHD is. He's commented enough on me occasionaly using mine in the office. He's just jealous though... he'd love to have long flowing locks to straighten!

:eek::eek:

Has he told you this?

Oh, another sign of a metro.

Putting the toilet seat down.

Latchy

Just as well there are no New Man types amoung us here eh ? ..........ooops

sorry ,




latch just drops his partners hair net

Baudelaire

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Ok, some tips when posting on BGRH for the newbies.

When a Brother asks "What is XYZ" chances are, it is a rhetorical question, i.e. they know what the answer is.

Opps sorry I just thought there's some things the brothers of BGRH wouldn't have heard of

trout

DesF wrote: »

Oh, another sign of a metro.

Putting the toilet seat down.

pa trout once advised me to leave the toilet seat up, and pi$$ in the sink, as the only way to keep ma trout happy. "been doin' it this 15 ye-arr" he said

Tom Dunne

DesF wrote: »

:eek::eek:

Has he told you this?

Commented as in "Why are you sitting at your desk running that thing through your hair. Get back to work!"*


















*for the uninitiated: I would never speak to watna, or any of the wimmins, like that.:o

_blank_

Tom Dunne wrote: »

*for the uninitiated: I would never speak to watna, or any of the wimmins, like that.:o

orly?

Tom Dunne

DesF wrote: »

orly?

Ya rly.

watna

That's not true. Tom Dunne made me cry in work today. The big meanie!

Ah no, you BGRH boys are big softies (in a manly way)

I define metrosexual as taking longer than I do to get ready to go out. I know a guy like this. He repulses me!

Tom Dunne

watna wrote: »

That's not true. Tom Dunne made me cry in work today. The big meanie!

Hey, you were the one who asked to see my hairy shoulders.

cuckoo

jester77 wrote: »

Sitting outside the dressing rooms of wimmin shops.

Long term BGRH lurker, first time poster...*

Does this depend on the type of shop? I think it's manly for a guy to wait while the woman tries on something frilly, skimpy and in a colour he likes.

*i'll have what i understand to be the customary offering of a bacon sandwich with me next time

Slow Motion

missingtime wrote: »

Got me again!

Using anything other than that coal tar soap!

Why is there a picture of Hector talking to a Yeti in your sig?

Necronomicon

I think man-bags should be deemed acceptable. They're really roomy and great for carrying six-packs.

Plus, would you call this guy a metro to his face?

Tom Dunne

Necromomicon wrote: »

I think man-bags should be deemed acceptable.

You've just lost all credibility with that first statement.

missingtime

Slow Motion wrote: »

Why is there a picture of Hector talking to a Yeti in your sig?

Hector

That is Vince Noir talking to Bollo and its from an incredibly brilliant TV show called The Mighty Boosh.

Necronomicon

Tom Dunne wrote: »

You've just lost all credibility with that first statement.

But I do work in a butcher's though

Tom Dunne

Necromomicon wrote: »

But I do work in a butcher's though

Go on.....

Necronomicon

Oh that was the end of the story. If having a man-bag is -1 in man points, I thought maybe regularly having to wash animal blood off yourself cancels it out

Tom Dunne

Necromomicon wrote: »

Oh that was the end of the story. If having a man-bag is -1 in man points, I thought maybe regularly having to wash animal blood off yourself cancels it out

Ok, I'll give you that one.

Now get to the bar and have a drink. It's Free Drinks Friday.

barneysplash

Right as a metro, I'm going to put the record straight, once and for all.

*Takes sip of evian and arranges notes*

First off, being a metro is not a 24/7 thing.
You can turn it on and off when you want.

I like Abrakebabra, I like Chuck Norris.

I also like shopping for cologne and won't put a picture on the walls of my house
unless it's framed. (Prefferably in 3/4 inch matte black finished ash, with the print
dry-mounted behind glass.)

Judge us if you will, we don't expect acceptance straight away.

Let he amoung you who is without shower gel cast the first stone.:D

Rob_l

missingtime wrote: »

Hector

That is Vince Noir talking to Bollo and its from an incredibly brilliant TV show called The Mighty Boosh.

I see what you said, but fail to understand is this bollo a yeti?

minidazzler

Necromomicon wrote: »

I think man-bags should be deemed acceptable. They're really roomy and great for carrying six-packs.

Plus, would you call this guy a metro to his face?

That manbag is used for Kickassery so I think it is acceptable but in general it should not be used unless Carrying alot of Ammo.

If you cant carry a 6 pack in one hand you are not very Manly.

Zaph

jester77 wrote: »

hmm, there's a guy here who wears MBT's. I think they are some sort of prescription type shoes for people with bad backs and poor posture. Nothing metro-sexual or fashionable about them at all!

Or as my physio said to me when I asked him if they were actually any use and would they help me recover from knee surgery - load of b*ll*cks they are.

dfx-

Necromomicon wrote: »

Oh that was the end of the story. If having a man-bag is -1 in man points, I thought maybe regularly having to wash animal blood off yourself cancels it out

-1 ??

More like -51:eek:

barneysplash

barneysplash wrote: »

Let he amoung you who is without shower gel cast the first stone.:D

Swarfega ftw.