I'm a coward

LegacyUser

Ok I've been going out with my GF since we were both 18. Were now 24 but I dont love her and I have not loved her for at least a year but I have stayed with her as i'm too much of a coward to finish with her. We met in our first few months of college. She is from the country and I'm from Dublin. She didnt know anyone so when we started going out my friends became hers, So now i feel if we break up she'll be losing everyone she knows in dublin.

There is no one else involved but i am not sure how she will take it. I have kinda hinted over the last few months about wanting to break up but she's either ignored these signals or not picked up on them. Its not fair that she is with someone who she thinks love her,

I need to end up but I dont know how, help please

dudara

OK, it's good that you know that you don't want to be with it, and it's also good that you don't want to drag this out any more.

So, find your balls. It's going to be hard and tough, not just on her, but on you also. But if you don't love her and don't see a future with her, then this is the right way to go.

Make some time to sit down and talk to her. Don't get sidetracked, or let her change the topic. (It's amazing what you will do to not hear something you don't want to hear).

Good luck.

Weidii

Sit her down and tell her the truth. Brutal honesty is the best way to end a relationship, that way she won't think there's any possibility of getting back together. She shouldn't have let herself become so dependant on you and your friends.

Blisterman

Just be straight with her, face to face. Tell her things aren't working out, and you want to finish it.

Then leave, and don't contact her again.

Better than stringing her along. A good clean breakup.

Galadriel

It will be hard, I had to do it before and it took me a year to work up the courage to do it, but you are not doing her or yourself any favours by carrying on when you feel this way.

If you have thought about it and are sure this is what you want then you have to tell her, I understand you still care about her and are worried she'll be on her own in Dublin but you can't stay with someone just for that reason, you will end up resenting her for it.

Oryx

You want her to break up so you dont have the guilt of being the one who did it. Plus I suppose you dont really want to hurt her. But honestly, youre unhappy and theres no future with her, so youve got to be brutal and just break up. You may feel horrible for doing it, but sometimes youve got to do things that are hard. You cant help that your feelings have changed, it isnt a deliberate thing to cause hurt to her.

Good luck.

Gyalist

Don't ever think that women are delicate little flowers. She will be able to handle it. Tell her the truth and let her go. Don't make any promises of future reconciliation. That's the coward's way.

Miss Fluff

It took me over 6 months to work up the courage to break up a 6 year relationship and the moment I did I really can't tell you what a relief and weight of my shoulders it was. Of course it will be tough but there is no point in being untrue to yourself, or to her, if you just don't love her anymore then there is really nothing you can do about it. There is never a right time or a good time and don't use "after Valentine's" as an excuse, there is never a right time.

Broke up with that particular boyfriend the day before his birthday:eek:

Bite the bullet and stop dropping hints. I am sure she probably has a fair idea.

LegacyUser

Hi op, I am in the same situation myself only we have only been going out 3 years but the love is gone anyway. We both know it has to end but I have to build up the courage to end it. To be honest your girlfriend is probably expecting it anyway ( I know mine is) but just doesn't want to seem like the bitch who dumped you. You say she might have "ignored these signals", well from my experience girls take in everything , and more. they don't generally ignore things. (Maybe some girls on here can confirm that for me) Good luck anyway. We both know what has to be done. I hope it goes ok for u.

evry1sm8

Yes, us girls, we are very perceptive arent we
We definitely do have instincts about things, and theyre usually right, especially in relationships with people, romantic or otherwise.

LegacyUser

I feel for ye mate, I am also in the same boat, except we have been with each other nearly 6 years...Im 25 and my gf is 26 and been living together 3 years. Its killing me thinking that its over but it has been for a while, sex life is almost non-existent and we just argue over the most stupid stuff so many times its doing each of us no favours staying together. It feels like we are just together for the living arrangements or something.

What do you do when you break up? Halve all our stuff that has stacked up over the years?? Move back to my parents? Jesus christ that will be torture.

Marksie

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Broke up with that particular boyfriend the day before his birthday:eek:.

I actually broke with my first ever g/friend on MY 21st.

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Bite the bullet .

Did just that.

killian1980

OP, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles because I'm in exactly the same situation as you. I've been going out with my girlfriend nearly 8 years now, I know she loves me very much but I'm not in love with her anymore.
Like everyone in a similar situation, I've been trying to find the right time but there really isn't one. I too consider myself to be a coward. It would be so much easier if we could take a cold, rational approach to such matters but that's rarely possible.
However, and this has helped me in my resolution to a degree, make a list of all the reasons to stay with your girlfriend and then compare this to all the reasons why you need to end the relationship..eg

If I stay..
It spares her hurt in the short term
She need never know there's a problem
I'll still be miserable

If I end it
I'll be happier
She'll be happier in the long term
We can get on with both our lives
I won't feel guilty anymore
I can fall in love again

It's easy for me to give advice, when I don't heed it myself. But I do know now that I need to make a decision quickly. Good luck OP, I hope everything works out ok for you.

LegacyUser

Any updates on this op or anybody?? Im really feeling like ending it sooner rather than later but i havent got the bottle to do it. Finishing it with valentines coming up and an anniversary round the corner would be bad but i feel they are gonna be a bit of a farce anyway.

LegacyUser

I have just told my boyfriend of 7 years that I dont want to marry him. things have been building up for a while.things he says, his mood swings they just all got to me.
It just hit me that I dont want to marry a man like that.I have been walking around in a daze ever since. Should i just accept who he is cos on the most part we do have a good relationship. im so confused.