Is it so wrong?

LegacyUser

Situation: I've been with my bf nearly 2 years. He's the only person I've ever had sex with. I think i may want to have sex with someone else. I've had alot of people asking me to have sex with them but i've always said no. But tonite this guy i know wants to call over and wants to sleep with me. I know it's wrong but part of me feels that i'll always be curious if i never sleep with anyone else. I dont want to hurt my bf. I would be devistated if he slept with someone else. Am i being greedy? I'm really confused.

LegacyUser

wtf??? if you are happy and in a committed relationship you would not even consider sleeping with someone else.

Curiosity is not a valid excuse. If you wanna fool around with someone else, break up first. you can't have your cake and eat it too. end of.

Oryx

Unreg-confused wrote: »

Situation: I've been with my bf nearly 2 years. He's the only person I've ever had sex with. I think i may want to have sex with someone else. I've had alot of people asking me to have sex with them but i've always said no. But tonite this guy i know wants to call over and wants to sleep with me. I know it's wrong but part of me feels that i'll always be curious if i never sleep with anyone else. I dont want to hurt my bf. I would be devistated if he slept with someone else. Am i being greedy? I'm really confused.

On one side, yes you are being greedy. On the other I can understand that you feel that if you dont experience things you feel youre missing, it will continue to bug you.

If you start sleeping with someone else you are being deceitful. Dont kid yourself you are not. You WILL damage your relationship. Just be aware of possible consequences. It may be that such damage could be a good thing in the long term, by either ending a relationship that should end, or by opening up the issues you have to your bf. All Im saying is understand what you are doing and why you are doing it.

Lastly, you talk of sex like its a commodity. Sex is what you make it, whether its with one person or 20. You can have any number of partners and all are a terrible experience, or one only which teaches you a multitude. The number of experiences you have does not make you a better or more rounded mature person, its what you learn from those experiences that makes the difference.

LegacyUser

I'm 22 and I'm in the same situation. (almost)

I'm a guy and I was always curious about other guys growing up (but considered myself mostly straight). 2 years ago I met another great guy and we're still together after 2 years. He's the only person I've ever had sex with.

But I've always preferred girls over guys, and I've had chances to have sex with girls but I would never cheat on my boyfriend or hurt him. Yet I really want to experiment with girls, it is my sexual preference, and I'd hate to be 25 or 26 finding my self a virgin (as far as ladies are concerned )

Don't know what to do really. Sorry I realise I haven't offered much advise, but I'd also like to know if I'm being greedy or unreasonable.

AngryBadger

If you feel the need to sleep with someone else, that's fine, break up with your boyfriend and go sleep with other people, nothing wrong with that.

However sleeping with someone else while you're still with your boyfriend is absolutely not on.

funloving

You say you would be devasted if you slep with somebody else so this should mean you care about your BF...
if you're only curious to see how it feels to sleep with someone else, don't...
C' mon, I am sure you dont wanna destroy ur relationship over something like this...
When I was with my first boy I never even imagined sleeping with another guy because I was truly in love.

Aura

Unreg-confused wrote: »

Situation: I've been with my bf nearly 2 years. He's the only person I've ever had sex with. I think i may want to have sex with someone else. I've had alot of people asking me to have sex with them but i've always said no. But tonite this guy i know wants to call over and wants to sleep with me. I know it's wrong but part of me feels that i'll always be curious if i never sleep with anyone else. I dont want to hurt my bf. I would be devistated if he slept with someone else. Am i being greedy? I'm really confused.

Sorry this might not be what you want to hear but yes it's wrong. Nor should you be entertaining conversations about sleeping with other guys if you are in a committed relationship. If you don't want a committed relationship let your partner know and then you can both decide if you (plural!) could be happy with some sort of open relationship.

The_B_Man

you've been with your bf for 2 years? yet you're organising with people to cheat on him?

When you say people have asked to have sex with ya, do you mean they're like "Hey "Mary, fancy some sex tonight? I wont tell your boyfriend!"! :eek:

evry1sm8

I think you are not wrong to be curious, but it would be really wrong to sleep with someone else while you are with your boyfriend.
You need to decide if keeping your boyfriend is worth more than the experience of sleeping with other people.
If the experience is more important than you need to break up with your boyfriend so you can do what you like guilt free, and free of hurting someone else.

Aura

evry1sm8 wrote: »

I think you are not wrong to be curious, but it would be really wrong to sleep with someone else while you are with your boyfriend.
You need to decide if keeping your boyfriend is worth more than the experience of sleeping with other people.
If the experience is more important than you need to break up with your boyfriend so you can do what you like guilt free, and free of hurting someone else.

Confusion is by no means wrong but acting on it without due consideration for your partner is in my book.

LegacyUser

The_B_Man wrote: »

you've been with your bf for 2 years? yet you're organising with people to cheat on him?

When you say people have asked to have sex with ya, do you mean they're like "Hey "Mary, fancy some sex tonight? I wont tell your boyfriend!"! :eek:

Yes basically. Is that unusual?

dudara

In a nutshell, yes.

Most decent people don't ask you to cheat on your boyfriend.

AngryBadger

Unreg-confused wrote: »

Yes basically. Is that unusual?

It's highly unusualy for someone who claims she loves, and doesn't want to hurt her bf.

Marksie

Aura wrote: »

If you don't want a committed relationship let your partner know and then you can both decide if you (plural!) could be happy with some sort of open relationship.

It is possible to be in a committed open realtionship.

OP: if this is what you really want. Talk to your B/friend about the possibility of exploring with others together.

RubyXI

don't do it!! wrote: »

wtf??? if you are happy and in a committed relationship you would not even consider sleeping with someone else.

Curiosity is not a valid excuse. If you wanna fool around with someone else, break up first. you can't have your cake and eat it too. end of.

maybe it's not a happy relationship?

AngryBadger

phi3 wrote:

maybe it's not a happy relationship?

Then the OP should break up with her bf and head off into the sunet to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants

Oryx

Unreg-confused wrote: »

Yes basically. Is that unusual?

Im reading between the lines here... but is it possible that these blokes see you as vulnerable or an easy lay? Ive no problem with people sleeping with whoever they choose, but dont sell yourself cheap, for gods sake.

evry1sm8

Maybe youre just an incredibly attractive girl, and maybe youre really sexy.
But DO NOT cheat on your boyfriend with these guys that want to sleep with you,
you will only end up hurting him AND yourself in the long run!
You will end up feeling bad about yourself for cheating and probably for giving it up to guys that dont care for you on a deep level like your boyfriend does, because thats what youre used to when it comes to sex, and thats the best way to have it.

Aura

Marksie wrote: »

It is possible to be in a committed open realtionship.

OP: if this is what you really want. Talk to your B/friend about the possibility of exploring with others together.

Point taken and apologies for not being clear. My point was that they both should decide how to continue their relationship, if at all.

Overheal

Marksie wrote: »

It is possible to be in a committed open realtionship.

OP: if this is what you really want. Talk to your B/friend about the possibility of exploring with others together.

I'd agree with that. Or at the very least explain that you need space, to go explore. Time apart and all that jazz.

skywalker

Of course your being greedy and selfish, you already know this though.

Unreg-confused wrote: »

But tonite this guy i know wants to call over and wants to sleep with me.

Sounds like a charmer. Out of interest how did he convey this to you? Just ring you up & ask could he come over & give you one?

LegacyUser

skywalker wrote: »

Of course your being greedy and selfish, you already know this though.



Sounds like a charmer. Out of interest how did he convey this to you? Just ring you up & ask could he come over & give you one?

we started texting as friends. i never eve considered he'd like me in that way. but then he started flirting and saying he liked me. i reminded him i had a bf but he said it's only sex and not a big deal. it's happened with 4 or 5 other guys. is it something im doin erong? i never hide the fact that i have a bf

Overheal

Its not altogether unusual. More a sign of the times I guess, and the new take on sex..

At the end of the day its your life, and your conscience, and your vagina. I could sit here all day and explain why I dont think this the greatest thing to be doing... but no: its your life, go make your own choices and reap any rewards (or mistakes) that come your way from doing this. As long as you will have learned something from it.

I will remind ye of one thing that I've heard very often and I can only assume it holds true: the sex that happens between two loving partners is a very different animal to the detached fcking that these lads will want to do with you. That can either be a bad or a good thing depending on how you look at it: but I've heard more bad than good. Many people (most especially girls) will attest to feeling dirty/slutty/guilty after once-off sex. Anyone who disagrees: I encourage your reply.

Oryx

Overheal wrote: »

Its not altogether unusual. More a sign of the times I guess, and the new take on sex..

At the end of the day its your life, and your conscience, and your vagina. I could sit here all day and explain why I dont think this the greatest thing to be doing... but no: its your life, go make your own choices and reap any rewards (or mistakes) that come your way from doing this. As long as you will have learned something from it.

I will remind ye of one thing that I've heard very often and I can only assume it holds true: the sex that happens between two loving partners is a very different animal to the detached fcking that these lads will want to do with you. That can either be a bad or a good thing depending on how you look at it: but I've heard more bad than good. Many people (most especially girls) will attest to feeling dirty/slutty/guilty after once-off sex. Anyone who disagrees: I encourage your reply.

No, I agree: QFT.

Drift

Unreg-confused wrote: »

we started texting as friends. i never eve considered he'd like me in that way. but then he started flirting and saying he liked me. i reminded him i had a bf but he said it's only sex and not a big deal. it's happened with 4 or 5 other guys. is it something im doin erong? i never hide the fact that i have a bf

Hey OP. If it's happened with 4 or 5 guys I wonder are you giving out some signals that you would be interested in it? How far do you take the flirting? I apologise if I'm way off but it seems unlikely that this many (non-random) guys would suggest doing the dirt with you on your bf. I know that of my group of male friends (between 20 and 30) very few would ever suggest something like this and those that would; would only do so after getting some serious signals.

evry1sm8

I also agree. Loving sex is far better. Casual "f**king" sex will make you feel bad in the long run.

Overheal

Drift wrote: »

Hey OP. If it's happened with 4 or 5 guys I wonder are you giving out some signals that you would be interested in it? How far do you take the flirting? I apologise if I'm way off but it seems unlikely that this many (non-random) guys would suggest doing the dirt with you on your bf. I know that of my group of male friends (between 20 and 30) very few would ever suggest something like this and those that would; would only do so after getting some serious signals.

Thats a good point. Even I'll start talking smack to the right girl but for me its just casual flirting - mostly I do it to my friend's g/f hilarity ensues.

But yes the girls that like to talk about sex and sex related topics generally get subjected to much more penile attention.

LegacyUser

I dont mean to lead anyone on. If i flirt it's them that starts it. I always make it clear that i have a bf. I suppose i'm a bit insecure and dont have that many friends so i have a bad habit of taking any attention im given. I dont mean i'd be anyones but if someone's nice to me and if it starts as just bein friends and showing interest, they often want to take it further.

AngryBadger

evry1sm8 wrote: »

I also agree. Loving sex is far better. Casual "f**king" sex will make you feel bad in the long run.

Don't agree with this at all.

But each to their own.

Overheal

AngryBadger wrote: »

Don't agree with this at all.

But each to their own.

Care to elaborate? Why do you find a quick ride better than an intimate encounter?

srsly, Im curious

Miss Fluff

Unreg-confused wrote: »

Yes basically. Is that unusual?

People asking you for a shag? You're obviously sending out some signals that you are open to the idea. Are these randomers or mates or what?

dudara

Unreg-confused wrote: »

I dont mean to lead anyone on. If i flirt it's them that starts it. I always make it clear that i have a bf. I suppose i'm a bit insecure and dont have that many friends so i have a bad habit of taking any attention im given. I dont mean i'd be anyones but if someone's nice to me and if it starts as just bein friends and showing interest, they often want to take it further.

I think that there's something more going on here that you're fully alluding to. Maybe you don't understand it yourself and I really can't offer more of an opinion without seeing more. But I think that you might want to reassess what you consider flirting.

AngryBadger

Overheal wrote: »

Care to elaborate? Why do you find a quick ride better than an intimate encounter?

srsly, Im curious

Oh you'll burn for this!

I wasn't actually with the idea that sex with a partner in a stable long-term relationship is better (although I'll come back to that).

I was opposing what evry1sm8 said,

evry1sm8 wrote:

Casual "f**king" sex will make you feel bad in the long run.

I don't agree with that at all. Certainly there are people who love casual sex, there are people who hate casual sex, and there are people who like to dabble in casual sex. But I don't agree that casual sex leads to people feeling bad about themselves. Frankly if casual sex makes you feel bad, then I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Sex is a normal, healthy part of life, assuming you're consenting to rolling in the hay with a fellow consenting adult then there's no reason you should feel guilty about it.

if however you allow yourself to be pressured into it, or you're cheating, or any of a variety of other reasons, then there may well be ground for you feel ing bad. But as I said that's down to the individual.

In terms of casual sex, vs. relationship sex, I think peoples tastes depend on where they are in terms of their own personal development. And that's wildly divergent and unique for everybody. I have friends who are in long term relationships and wouldn't even look at another woman. I know people who have a different woman every other week. Takes all sorts. And I feel that when you get there is the right time for you.

IrishMike

This is a pretty mindblowing thread in my opinion.
Someone who has a BF for 2 years cant see much of a problem inviting a guy over,
screwing him and then acting as if nothing happened?
They have words for people like that but im pretty sure ill get a ban if i call you one.
Talk with your BF for crying out loud before u do this.
After 2 years you at least owe him that

funloving

I thought this thread was not about casual sex vs relationship sex....

biko

OP, maybe it's just me but you sound young. Don't worry - most relationships when you're young don't last forever. There'll be other guys eventually.

But tonite this guy i know wants to call over and wants to sleep with me.

Do NOT cheat!

tbh

I'd say go for it, purely so you can experience how sh1te you'll feel tomorrow. That'll put you off cheating for life.

Miss Fluff

Unreg-confused wrote: »

we started texting as friends. i never eve considered he'd like me in that way. but then he started flirting and saying he liked me. i reminded him i had a bf but he said it's only sex and not a big deal. it's happened with 4 or 5 other guys. is it something im doin erong? i never hide the fact that i have a bf

Depends how convincingly you say it OP. I mean is it a case it's like " I so want to f8ck your brains out but I have a boyfriend you great big sexy hornbag" or are you actually meaning it when you say it and putting a stop to it going further? People don't invite themselves around for a ride unless its pretty clear you are going to be a willing participant tbh:rolleyes:

tbh

Miss Fluff wrote: »

People don't invite themselves around for a ride unless its pretty clear you are going to be a willing participant tbh:rolleyes:

how many times do you want me to apologise for that??!

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Depends how convincingly you say it OP. I mean is it a case it's like " I so want to f8ck your brains out but I have a boyfriend you great big sexy hornbag" or are you actually meaning it when you say it and putting a stop to it going further? People don't invite themselves around for a ride unless its pretty clear you are going to be a willing participant tbh:rolleyes:

At the first sign of flirting i say i have a bf, i assume they will stop then but they dont

AngryBadger

Unreg-confused wrote:

At the first sign of flirting i say i have a bf, i assume they will stop then but they dont

Why don't you just stop texting them back?

Eric Cartman

Unreg-confused wrote: »

Situation: I've been with my bf nearly 2 years. He's the only person I've ever had sex with. I think i may want to have sex with someone else. I've had alot of people asking me to have sex with them but i've always said no. But tonite this guy i know wants to call over and wants to sleep with me. I know it's wrong but part of me feels that i'll always be curious if i never sleep with anyone else. I dont want to hurt my bf. I would be devistated if he slept with someone else. Am i being greedy? I'm really confused.

id just say do what you want, you sound young so chances are your boyfriends not going to be aroudn forever anyway,

Irishcrx

Just give my two cents here, i've been with my gf 4 years and i've only had one sexual partner before her and unfortunatly one while I was with her which I am not proud of. and let me tell you weather you love him or not the guilt is not worth it. I know how you feel wondering what your missing, my advice is to think about what you want more a bf who cares about you, or quick one night stands.

When I was 18-19 I had mates rip the piss outta me for only being with the one girl for two years and how they were getting it every weekend. But when I broke it down for them they hook up once a week with a randomer? I'm in a relationship everyday , everyweek so who do you think is the more sexualy expierienced?

If you feel you need to explore other people speak to your bf about possible 3-4 soms I know it sounds out there but they are options for some people.

Pigletlover

Unreg-confused wrote: »

we started texting as friends. i never eve considered he'd like me in that way. but then he started flirting and saying he liked me. i reminded him i had a bf but he said it's only sex and not a big deal. it's happened with 4 or 5 other guys. is it something im doin erong? i never hide the fact that i have a bf

This sounds a bit strange to me. I'd be shocked if some fella suggested that we just hook up for sex, knowing full well that I have a boyfriend, but for 4 or 5 people to do this? From your posts you come across as being a bit innocent - I don't mean anything bad by that, but I don't see how someone could even question whether or not it's normal for some guy to call around for sex when they are in a relationship. Maybe these guys offering you no-strings-attached sex see you as a little vulnerable and are preying on this. I would be extremely careful if I were you.

Before you do anything you might regret, try and figure out why it is that you want to have sex with other people. Do you just want to experience sex with someone other than your boyfriend? Has your partner had a number of sexual partners and you want to even things up a bit? Maybe you don't actually enjoy sex with your boyfriend all that much and want to see if there's better out there. Whatever your reason you need to consider your boyfriend in all of this. Would he be willing to consider an open relationship, and if so are you prepared to let him sleep with other people if he so wishes? If you go ahead with what you are planning you will be cheating on him. And by cheating on him you are running the risk of ruining your relationship, not to mention the guilt that you will more than likely feel as a result. You need to weigh up your options and decide what's more important - your current relationship or a bit of casual sex.

Handlestash

Of course you can have your cake and eat it but you'lll break your boyfriend's heart if he finds out. If he doesn't and you actually love him it'll tear you apart afterwards.
Couple of questions:
How's the sex with your boyfriend?
What does sex mean to you?

Miss Fluff

Unreg-confused wrote: »

At the first sign of flirting i say i have a bf, i assume they will stop then but they dont

OP that is such horsesh1t, you are completely contradicting yourself. Your OP said that you wouldn't mind going for it tonight but are afraid of feeling guilty. You're obviously giving out the signals. Listen, I've cheated myself and am not judging you but at least get your story straight. You obviously love the attention.

LegacyUser

Sex with my bf isnt bad, i'm just not sure whether he loves me.
I see sex and making love as two different things really. If i had sex with someone else i dont think it would mean anything. I suppose it comes down to 'all i wanna do is have a little fun before i die'

Bodhidharma

Yes it is wrong. Of course it is. The fact you need to even ask suggests what type of person you are. My guess is that you were looking for some justification to do this, and decided to post here. I dont think you will get it. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.

Mr. Incognito

At the first sign of flirting i say i have a bf, i assume they will stop then but they dont

Yes it all their fault- naughty naughty boys. FFS Grow Up!

You shouldn't even be texting these people. They only want to use you, and unfortunately for your boyfriend you're quite happy being used. They initiate and you retort and blame them. Cop on for yourself.

Marksie

funloving wrote: »

I thought this thread was not about casual sex vs relationship sex....

Correct that would be athread for humanities.

This is for dealing with the OP issue

spinandscribble

Unreg-confused wrote: »

Yes basically. Is that unusual?

it means they mustnt think much of you to think you'd be so easily led.

if you've txting a guy who wont stop flirting with you ect and he knows you have a bf you're sending him the signal you want more or at least you're considering him.
4/5 times is a pattern. part of you likes the attention. this type of thing is alright when you're single but you're not. if your bf was up to what you were i bet you wouldnt like it. i dont think you care about him very much. i think you'd be better off single so you can ride fellas and not cause harm.