3's a crowd?

catyb20

Ok so, heres the deal,

Recently the bf's mate set up a business where we are living, (possibly 5 or 6 months ago). When he first set up he had a gf and rarely got in touch with my bf. About 2 months ago or so he broke up with his gf...and thats when it all started!

After the break up he was on at my bf to go out for drinks etc...that was grand until the calls started getting more frequent, started out with a call maybe once a week, but now its 4 or 5 times a week, always to go out on the lash.

My problem is exactly the above! he rings constantly, its always around 11pm, when, even if the bf wanted to go out there would be no point. It is extremely head wrecking, and i would say it will be the cause of many rows in the near future if it doesn't stop...but what do you do????

This lad is not from the area (but is not living here either) and so doesn't have many mates around here, but i cannot see how he is going to make friends if he is continually plaguing my bf. The bf is too soft to do/say anything to him but is getting a bit fed up with all the calls as well.

My question to you...

How do i tackle this!?

John_Mc

catyb20 wrote: »

Ok so, heres the deal,

Recently the bf's mate set up a business where we are living, (possibly 5 or 6 months ago). When he first set up he had a gf and rarely got in touch with my bf. About 2 months ago or so he broke up with his gf...and thats when it all started!

After the break up he was on at my bf to go out for drinks etc...that was grand until the calls started getting more frequent, started out with a call maybe once a week, but now its 4 or 5 times a week, always to go out on the lash.

My problem is exactly the above! he rings constantly, its always around 11pm, when, even if the bf wanted to go out there would be no point. It is extremely head wrecking, and i would say it will be the cause of many rows in the near future if it doesn't stop...but what do you do????

This lad is not from the area (but is not living here either) and so doesn't have many mates around here, but i cannot see how he is going to make friends if he is continually plaguing my bf. The bf is too soft to do/say anything to him but is getting a bit fed up with all the calls as well.

My question to you...

How do i tackle this!?

Eh, I don't think you should get involved. Encourage your BF to sort it out, that's about the most you can do IMO

listermint

You shouldnt have to "tackle" this. Leave it to your boyfriend to sort out. He will sort it if it is getting out of hand for himself.

SW81

Does it bother your boyfriend Catyb? I can see how it's a head wrecker for you but is he okay with it? Just tell him to ignore the calls some nights? If it's around 11, he can say he's tired and going to bed? That guy will take the hint eventually.

Star Lord

^^ What they said.

Leave it to your BF to sort it out, it's the only way it can be done.
The mate will likely throw some kinda strop because of it, but it has to be done.

catyb20

its starting to annoy him, but he doesn't know what to say to him, and i can understand why. the guy in question is quite shy/quiet and would take serious offense if the bf did say anything, but he is completely head wrecking!!!!

Mazeire

When you break up with someone its a huge change and for awhile, your instinct is to cling to the familiar rather than plunge in to something new, which is probably why he is with your boy friend 24/7.


Unless your boyfriend is constantly locked, or canceling existing arrangements with you to be with his friend i'd leave well enough alone for awhile and let matters run their course.

biko

Again, your bf should sort this by himself. He could tell his mate he doesn't want to drink in the weeks or similar.

It sounds as you want your bf to distance himself from this guy?

MCMLXXXIII

It seems like your bf is a very good mate to have. If he is there for his friends, he will also be there for you - especially when you need it. It's actually kind of hard to find that quality in a person.

The above posters are right though, you shouldn't get involved...you bf can handle himself, and it will make you look bad to his other mates.

catyb20

biko wrote: »

Again, your bf should sort this by himself. He could tell his mate he doesn't want to drink in the weeks or similar.

It sounds as you want your bf to distance himself from this guy?

Oh god no! Not distance himself, like the lad is lovely, really dead on etc, but its the constant calls thats is annoying. And if the bf doesn't answer he leaves voice mails!

The thing about the break is that it happened a few months ago, but even before that the gf was in Oz so it was going that way anyway, and he knew this!

Its all fair and well when you break up with someone to cling to the familiar, but he doesn't even live here and goes out by himself and then rings when its nearly closing time!

John_Mc

catyb20 wrote: »

Oh god no! Not distance himself, like the lad is lovely, really dead on etc, but its the constant calls thats is annoying. And if the bf doesn't answer he leaves voice mails!

The thing about the break is that it happened a few months ago, but even before that the gf was in Oz so it was going that way anyway, and he knew this!

Its all fair and well when you break up with someone to cling to the familiar, but he doesn't even live here and goes out by himself and then rings when its nearly closing time!

Why are getting so worked up about this? So what if he rings at 11, if it's that big an issue then turn the phone on silent or turn it off entirely.

Mazeire

catyb20 wrote: »

Oh god no! Not distance himself, like the lad is lovely, really dead on etc, but its the constant calls thats is annoying. And if the bf doesn't answer he leaves voice mails!

The thing about the break is that it happened a few months ago, but even before that the gf was in Oz so it was going that way anyway, and he knew this!

Its all fair and well when you break up with someone to cling to the familiar, but he doesn't even live here and goes out by himself and then rings when its nearly closing time!

Ever broken up with someone? You may see all the writing on the wall, but if you love that person, it's like a slap in the face when it happens. I assume she broke up with him? I mean that must be hard, psyching yourself up for someone to come back for a year and then have them dump you when they do come back. That really has to blow.

So he is only coming back at closing time? Is it really that bad then. I though he was camped on your couch all the time. It sounds like he doesn't want to sleep alone and wake up to an empty house and he is coming back for company.

copeyhagen

me and my mates dont go out till around the 12 mark most weeks.

the guy has just broken up with his gf, im sure he misses having sum around him and ur bf seems to be his only mate.

show some compassion woman!!

Miss Fluff

If it's pissing your BF off too surely he can just turn his phone off earlier every evening? If this guy is phoning "near closing time" every night just make sure to have the phone off. The bloke does sound lonely etc so just make an effort with him and be seen to make the effort to organise a couple of good nights out (and encourage him to score;))

pickarooney

Answer the phone yourself next time and tell him you don't appreciate calling after 10 o'clock.

catyb20

copeyhagen wrote: »

me and my mates dont go out till around the 12 mark most weeks.

the guy has just broken up with his gf, im sure he misses having sum around him and ur bf seems to be his only mate.

show some compassion woman!!

pubs don't open that late here on the likes of last night (tuesday) when he called!

catyb20

pickarooney wrote: »

Answer the phone yourself next time and tell him you don't appreciate calling after 10 o'clock.

that is a good a idea

Miss Fluff

catyb20 wrote: »

that is a good a idea

No its not, what are you, his keeper? Talk to your boyfriend about it.

Wibbs

catyb20 wrote: »

that is a good a idea

I agree with miss fluff on this. Bad, very bad idea. It will come back and bite you. Discuss this with your boyfriend and let him deal with it. If he won't you have to ask yourself why.

catyb20

Miss Fluff wrote: »

No its not, what are you, his keeper? Talk to your boyfriend about it.

Me, his keeper? Far from it actually! The little time we do see each other/spend time with each other, due to work etc, is spent talking about this person constantly ringing etc. So I have talked to him about it, but he doesn't know what to do about it.



Wibbs : you have a good point there, i wonder why he isn't dealing with it!

jdivision

As others say, turn off the phone. You just press a button. Problem solved.