whats with baby?

madbev90210

Hi everyone.. I have an 8mth old baby boy and am finding it so hard. Unlike any other baby I have ever known he is almost constantly moaning, screeching and just unsettled in general. Sometimes I think its his teeth but if so would they be THAT bad? 24/7? Im getting so fed up and stressed Ive started dreading being alone with him and sometimes cant stop crying... esp when hes screaming hours on end. I feel so useless as a mother and Ive even thought hed be better off without me.

He also cries when he sees me after someone has been minding him and I know it must be because Im so mega stressed that he senses it? Has anyone been in a similar situation? and got through it? I really cant go on like this and if I cant be a good mum to him whats the point in my being here?

Any advice, or deserved critiscism, welcome..:(

6th

Well first off, well done for posting up here. Too many people suffer and dont let anyone know.

My suggestion would be to take him along to a doctor just to get a once over.

Who is he feeding wise?

Teething can be that bad and boys are known to be that bit more whingy than girls anyway. I find teetha (spelling?) too be great and havent found the likes of Bonjella to be that good.

If its the likes of Cholic then I have heard Cranial massage really changes a baby but maybe some here know alot more about that than me.

Anyway, hopefully it all starts to improve but just remember you're not the only person going through this, keep talking.

coady

Went through very simular thing with my little boy , it will pass and things will be better try keep your spirits up , and yes as 6th says your not the only one going through this, that fact alone kept me sane

Nevyn

Ouch.

Yes, the stressed levels don't help either of you.

If he is crying that much have you taken him to the dr ?
If he has been teething that hard what are you giving him for it ?

How have you tried to sooth him ?
Does wheeling him in the buggy help ?
What types of music have you tried ?

What are you doing to help with your stress levels ?
When was the last time you had a bath to chill out ?

I had some absoulty horrendous times with both of mine, literally had me sobbing and pulling my hair out.
We are people and parents and none of us are prefect and it is such a huge learning curve the first 2 years.

yaynay

Sounds like cholic to me. Went through the same thing. Every night at 7.30 on the dot he would cry for hours non-stop. I was the only person who could put him asleep for about 2 months. I would suggest wrapping him in a blanket, hold him close and craddle him whilst doing gentle sssssshhhh sounds in his ear. This worked for me.

DinoBot

madbev90210 wrote: »

Hi everyone.. I have an 8mth old baby boy and am finding it so hard. Unlike any other baby I have ever known he is almost constantly moaning, screeching and just unsettled in general. Sometimes I think its his teeth but if so would they be THAT bad? 24/7? Im getting so fed up and stressed Ive started dreading being alone with him and sometimes cant stop crying... esp when hes screaming hours on end. I feel so useless as a mother and Ive even thought hed be better off without me.

He also cries when he sees me after someone has been minding him and I know it must be because Im so mega stressed that he senses it? Has anyone been in a similar situation? and got through it? I really cant go on like this and if I cant be a good mum to him whats the point in my being here?

Any advice, or deserved critiscism, welcome..:(

Thats a hard one but rest assured it does get better as the baby gets older.
We found our youngest to be quite hard. Very difficult to settle him. In fact Id say he spent most of the first year in my arms. Certainly at the weekends I would spend most of my time holding him just to keep him calm. He just didn't like to be on his own.
This was completely opposite to my other two boys. Every child is different. I don't think its anything your doing wrong.
I know it can feel like your to blame but sometimes babies just don't settle no matter what you do. Try not to take it personal. But certainly get it checked by the doc.

It will get better, hang in there.

littlebug

First of all here's a (((HUG))). Second... you need to know you are doing nothing wrong. your baby is the way he is and he's finding his first year tougher than most do and you are doing the best you can by just being there and holding him when he wants to be held.
I've been there done that with my first and though it was incredibly tough (I've memories of sitting on the stairs bawling). I don't mind saying I didn't START to enjoy being with her til she was 8/ 9 months and even then it was sporadic . I also have to say she is now the sweetest natured little girl ever and I feel so bad that she was so miserable as a baby but also glad that I held her when she needed to be held even if it was for 20 hours a day!

Re crying when he sees you after someone else has been minding him... mine have always done that (even my second happier baby)... still do in fact. It's got nothing to with you or anything you've done.

Is he good in the buggy? I walked so much in the first year that I became super skinny (I had to walk fast.. even slowing down never mind stopping would start the screaming again!).

I have a book called "the fussy baby" book which I found wonderful. It had some tips but no magical answers but most importantly it made me realise I wasn't alone and I wasn't doing anything wrong. You're welcome to the book if you want it. PM me any time.

Ayla

Oh, OP, you are definitely not alone. And like 6th said, good on you for posting this. So many people think that parenting is completely natural and that if it doesn't appear that baby is happy, then you must be doing something wrong. That's such a demeaning and demoralising thought, and it couldn't be further from the truth.

Any parent, regardless of how they appear when they're out & about, has had a meltdown at some point. Parenting is probably the hardest thing any of us ever has (or will) do, made even more so by a baby that's restless and constantly crying.

My three month old became increasingly more aggitated, fussy and irritable, and I completely broke down one day in my parenting group. I thought surely that all you need to do is ensure your babe is fed, dry, warm and loved and they'll be happy? So why was my dd still crying? Why was I failing? I was sure it wasn't a physical problem, and she was too young for teething, but why (oh god, why) was she still fussing?

Turns out she had a kidney infection only discovered after days in hospital. As soon as she was on meds her mood completely changed and she became much happier & calmer...poor thing was just in pain.

I certainly don't say that to scare you, but as others have suggested, it's no harm to take your son to the GP just to rule out any physical ailments. When all checks out ok, just rest assured that you're doing your best and that this is most likely just a stage. Try to take a bit of (guilt-free) time off yourself doing nothing else but clearing your head. As you mentioned, your son may be just picking up on your strain, or he may just be wanting his momma's love when you're in the room.

Hang in there, we have all been there.

embee

madbev90210 wrote: »

Hi everyone.. I have an 8mth old baby boy and am finding it so hard. Unlike any other baby I have ever known he is almost constantly moaning, screeching and just unsettled in general. Sometimes I think its his teeth but if so would they be THAT bad? 24/7? Im getting so fed up and stressed Ive started dreading being alone with him and sometimes cant stop crying... esp when hes screaming hours on end. I feel so useless as a mother and Ive even thought hed be better off without me.

He also cries when he sees me after someone has been minding him and I know it must be because Im so mega stressed that he senses it? Has anyone been in a similar situation? and got through it? I really cant go on like this and if I cant be a good mum to him whats the point in my being here?

Any advice, or deserved critiscism, welcome..:(

OP,

First of all, congrats on your arrival. I am a first time Mother to an almost 2 year old, and when she was a small baby, I could have written this post myself.

The one thing I would suggest is bringing him to a GP. It is very unlikely that at 8 months old your baby is suffering from colic - colic is almost exclusively a newborn condition. There may be some other underlying physical reason as to why he is so cranky and upset, and a GP or PHN is the best person to ask, even if it is just to rule out an underlying problem.

I know how you feel when you say you are stressed out - I felt exactly the same when my daughter was the same age as your son. All I can say, from my own experience, is that it passed. I know that is of little consolation, but it passed for me. She is unrecognisable to the terror that she was when she was 9 months old - she is sociable, chatty and affectionate and in those dark days I never thought she'd get to that stage. I blamed myself a lot of the time, which darkened my mood a lot. Babies pick up on stress and tension, so a stressed baby = stressed mother = more stressed baby and so the cycle continues. I started to feel like I was losing it - my GP suggested coping mechanisms, which involved breathing exercises and mantras. They worked, which I was surprised with. Getting to grips with her bedtime routine (which wasn't great when she was a young baby) also helped hugely. She is now at the point where she'll fetch her pyjamas and say "I'm going to bed".

Babies do go through phases though - it is very frustrating for them, not being able to communicate as much as they'd like. They can suffer from boredom. Have you tried bringing him to different places every other day? Feed the ducks, go swimming, have a playdate. He needs a lot of stimulation -interaction with other children could really help him too if he doesn't see many other babies on a regular basis.

Best of luck - if you are feeling bad, post here. We have all been through the same thing and we will try to help as best we can.

Weidii

Sounds like cholic. A cousin of mine went through it when he was a baby, but he's grown up to be a really lovely, intelligent, sociable and confident child.

There is hope

madbev90210

Thank you everyone for the advice Ill bring him the doctor.. again. but Im sure she'l rub her chin and say "mmm Thats a mystery alright" which was her last helpful contribution Thank God I have a madical card! Iv hard another bad day although had some family around so that helped. I sing to him, go for a drive, (too teary -eyed as yet for walks), talk to him and generally beg him to stop, all usually to no avail. As for a bath, whats that? had one with ds the other day, was a rare moment of bonding but as for the candle and soft music baths.. impossible.

Am going to see a "mental health doctor":o tomorrow but all she says is" oh your doing great"???? I tell ya, dont you just love our health service! Glad to know others have been in my situation, dont think anyone believes me! I use teetha by the way, great for all of two minutes!

Victor

madbev90210 wrote: »

Hi everyone.. I have an 8mth old baby boy and am finding it so hard. Unlike any other baby I have ever known he is almost constantly moaning, screeching and just unsettled in general. Sometimes I think its his teeth but if so would they be THAT bad? 24/7? Im getting so fed up and stressed Ive started dreading being alone with him and sometimes cant stop crying... esp when hes screaming hours on end. I feel so useless as a mother and Ive even thought hed be better off without me.

18 hours into minding my 4 nieces for the weekend I also felt useless, but we aren't.

He also cries when he sees me after someone has been minding him and I know it must be because Im so mega stressed that he senses it? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

My sister left my niece with the childminder for a couple of hours just to get her used to it before she would be left for the whole day. Everything was fine until my sister returned and when my sister siad something to the childminder, my niece started crying, becuase it was only then that she realised that mummy hadn't been around for the last 2 hours. So, I think your son missed you. He'll adjust in time.

I'm just wondering, do you get any support? Baby and mother mornings, things like that?

littlebug

madbev90210 wrote: »

Am going to see a "mental health doctor":o tomorrow but all she says is" oh your doing great"???? I tell ya, dont you just love our health service! Glad to know others have been in my situation, dont think anyone believes me! I use teetha by the way, great for all of two minutes!

God I remember that feeling so well. I lost count of how many times I brought my little one to the doc. My best was the public health nurse after I'd poured my heart about how the baby cries and cries and cries and it's not hunger etc etc. Of course baba started screaming and she says "Oh that child's starving I hope you have a bottle with you! :rolleyes: Then there was the sacro- cranial therapist who started work on baby saying " oh they all love this..it's so relaxing for them". The woman was pure white by the time we left

Honestly people who haven't been through it have no idea!

BTW second baby was a doddle... so I now know it wasn't "me" first time round.

madbev90210

Tried one or two baby mornings but felt abit young and lost, there was a bit of a click (clique?) too.. Might try again though because ds doesnt see many children. Also he's great with his food.. eats everything! at least one thing is going well!
I have so much admiration for anyone with children. Esp more than 1. And I dont think anyone complains as much as me! Good on you too Victor looking after your 4 nieces! Kids are mad!

I have some hope now and am trying to be more patient.. Try being the operative word!

Dcully

I find it so frustrating when you as a parent know something is not right and you go to dr and they do not take you serious and think you are overreacting. Instead of them doing all the rountine checks on babies. They need to be able to eliminate all possible causes.

tallaght01

Efioanaes wrote: »

I find it so frustrating when you as a parent know something is not right and you go to dr and they do not take you serious and think you are overreacting. Instead of them doing all the rountine checks on babies. They need to be able to eliminate all possible causes.

In fact, the problem is that GPs are too cautious with babies!

GPs, by and large, err on the side of caution when it comes to little kiddies. I would too, if I were a GP.

But you have to understand that the system just wouldn't cope with doing all the tests that parents want from then.

Most of the babies that get sent from GP surgeries to paediatric A+E get sent home the same day, after a period of observation.

Also, bear in mind that, aside from the financial hit of doing stacks and stacks of tests on every baby who comes through the door, it's just not fair to sstick needles in little babies when it's not required.

People will always crop up with "I told me GP my baby was sick and he didn't believe me, and he had <insert serious condition here>. But the reality is that very few babies come to serious harm through GPs being reckless. By and large, the system works.

I would suggest the OP gets the little one checked out by their GP if they have any concerns.