Jealous of ex girlfriends?

MayMay

I've broken up with my ex but it's come to light recently that he's started seeing an ex of his again who always kind of bugged me when we were going out, she was always sending him flirty Bebo messages and just generally being a pain in the arse....at the time he thought I was being jealous but looking back now I think what she did was wrong, she knew bloody well that I'd see his page and she knew he was going out with someone so to post things like how good he was in the sack on a public page like that was a bit much I think?

Anyway, maybe it's just me but I've found that I'm often very jealous of ex girlfriends, esp ones still on the scene....any of the rest of ye ladies feel like that about your fella's ex's or do you just think they're an ex for a reason? Though I thought that with this girl and looks like she's wiggled her way back in there.....great....

Crumble Froo

depends very much on the boyfriend and ex in the question. i've never really experienced any jealousy or need to be jealous with an ex of the b/f, but maybe im just lucky like that. me and my b/f talk freely of exes with each other if we have a relevant story or something involving them, and i was even the one trying to persuade him last year to meet up with his ex for coffee (long story.)

Weidii

I will admit that I felt a pang of jealousy when he was talking about his ex, but then I met her and got along well with her, she's a lovely gal

Rattlehead_ie

HindSigh is always 20/20 MayMay

Coming from the blokes perspective and as narco said it depends on the guy and the girl (ex couple)
I know for a fact that any girl I started a relationship with at this moment would probaly be super jealous or "worried" about my ex. Its not that we still openly flirt or anything more, its the way the relationship ended was on a mutual frineds kinda way and I still get along with her really well, keep in touch and meet to catch up on gossip and stuff. BUT NEW GF WOULD HAVE NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS OR WORRIED, Id understand though if she was. I would have to hate to end up choosing between my best friend and a new girl, but it might just happen.

In another case with my relationship before that there would be no reason for an ex to be jealous or worried. Ever have theose moment when 2 ppl are in the same room and it goes bitterly cold

My point is it depends on the people involved the ex couple and the new couple in the situation. Specially the person that is in common with the 2 relationships and if he see's his / her new relationship going somewhere <<which isnt always easy at the start of a relationship>>

cuckoo

I have no problems with the exes themselves, the issues start for me if he hasn't moved on or dealt with any lingering stuff from the old relationship. And, especially if he assumes that because the ex behaved certain ways than all other women do too.

Actually, i like meeting bf's exes - there's the amusement of seeing the bf panic when he sees the current and the ex deep in conversation at the other side of the table, then laughing, then back in conversation. He's freaking out, thinking the women are discussing his attributes and performance - and the women are having a good gossip about something else all together.

Also, exes that the bf is still friendly with can be a gf's saviour - they may get that "i'm in the shop, buying her b-day present, what do you think of this?" phone call. If the current gf was playing territorial, 'don't even think about my man' mind games with the ex....well, the ex will be less likely to take the time to talk him out of buying the hot water bottle and matching slipper set.

I'm probably the ex that current girlfriends hate - i'm a bit like a puppy in that i'm not just for christmas/the relationship. If i like someone enough to have a relationship with them i do tend to keep in touch and am still close friends with a few exes.*

*note: the friendship only really starts after any pangs of lust and yearning for the ex have faded, usual terms and conditions, etc, etc.

Femelade

I knew my boyfriends ex long before he did, and when i met him first, i had no idea he had been going out with her for 3 yrs...and when i heard it wasnt a problem really. They had litle or no contact since they broke up, so that was fine..until, we were at a wedding..and she was there, and she decided she wanted him back...
She would talk to him when ever i turned my back, but run away with a guilty face if i came back, trying to make me think there was something going on.
and then the txting started....and the phone calls...in the middle of the night...it really wrecked my head..cos he loved her, she broke his heart and now she wanted him back??? i felt really insecure.
Thankfully, he hasnt heard from her since mid last yr. We havent seen her since last summer, i think she was out some night before christmas alright, when i wasnt out, but she stayed clear of my boyfriend which was something she wouldnt have done before..
so yeah, i'm jealous..but just of her. although , seems like she is jealous of me too!

Ginny

In my case the new gf made my life hell, myself and the ex grew up together and so were still in the same group of friends. I already had a new boyfriend of 1 year when she decided to jump on me at a friends do...

To be honest if you are jealous of the exs, make sure its not the bloke winding you up, eventually my ex admitted to winding the new GF up and telling her I was texting him etc when I wasn't, so just be sure ladies the blame is being put on the right person.

watna

I hate my bfs ex girlfriend. She's in NZ and I've obviously never met her. I just hate her, it's the natural way. We sound quite different, she is a teetotalling vegetarian who liked to play instruments with her friends in her spare time. I am a meat eating, vodka drinking, non musicall wienerish person!

The reason that I hate my bfs ex is simple. My ex bf from college cheated on me with his ex gf that he had when he was in school. They'd kept in touch occasionally. We had been together 2 and a half years at this stage and he was with her for 2/3 months when he was still with me. They'd only gone out for 6/7 months in their teens. I believe he is still with her, it's 3 years later. Therefore I'm right not to like my bfs ex. Yes, he's never do that to me but I'm still ex paranoid!

I couldn't tell you the first name of any of my ex's ex's.
I have had a few completely platonic male friends who GF's have vetoed our friendship.

Niamho!

I honestly believe that if a person still has an Ex in their life then they're never really an Ex. we all know that when you "Stay Friends" you're never JUST friends. NEVER!!! stuff ALWAYS happens and ive never heard otherwise! so i dont believe otherwise.

Clare Bear

Moonbaby wrote: »

I have had a few completely platonic male friends who GF's have vetoed our friendship.

I know what that's like.


Ahhhhhh ex girlfriends....I had an issue with one and I was right to, she clawed her way back in after we broke up. Still wonder if anything was going on while we were together but I know they were talking a lot...a week after we split up they met up for drinks. She couldn't wait to pounce on him. Oh well.

New beau is best mates with his ex so there's no escaping her, she seems sound though.

Depends on the situation, the people, the circumstances....I mean they could be jealous of our ex's too.

Lil' Smiler

Yeah I would say I could be... not so much jealous but be wary of a bf's ex. In my last relationship it seemed that if at any stage i wasn't able to spend time with my bf that in a way he would threaten me and say "oh well if you're going to go shopping, I'll give *Sam* a call and see what she's up to"... he always seemed to be sneakily texting, ringing and meeting up with her which I hated - I hate people sneaking around behind my back.

Also... she lived maybe 30 mins away from near to the ex and I and he needed to go to Galway one week to visit family. He asked me would it be ok if he got a lift with her, I said no, but of course he did what he wanted coz he "was boss". So then it came about that he "had" to stay in her house to get this lift because you know driving half an hour at the most into him in the morning would be so difficult..grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

So grrr.... although I used her to my advantage when he was off in Thailand...cheating on me of course. Tried to see if she knew anything.Hehe

catyb20

Niamho! wrote: »

I honestly believe that if a person still has an Ex in their life then they're never really an Ex. we all know that when you "Stay Friends" you're never JUST friends. NEVER!!! stuff ALWAYS happens and ive never heard otherwise! so i dont believe otherwise.

I completely agree with this!!!
And i absolutely HATE ex's! 3 of my current bf's ex's bug me to no end!
1 wasn't an ex so much as a stretched out fling. She however rang and text him when we got together, totally plagued him, asking him to call round to her etc! I flipped out (for obvious reasons) and he stopped replying to her (of course this didn't stop her txts nd calls) but of course anytime i answered the phone to her, there was complete silence!!!

the second ex came as a bit of a shock to me as it took a while for him to tell me that she was an ex (they live in the same place). Now she hasn't done or tried anything with the bf BUT she did with a good friend of his who was seeing someone at the time, so i wouldn't trust her as far as i could throw her!

The third ex....she's the worst. I met her once, and when i did, i was totally blocked out of conversation as she kept talking about the craic they used to have etc. completely winding me up! :mad: i used to go mental! Then when me and the bf "took a break" she was the first person he text and she asked him to go out "on the pull" with her! WTF!!!!!!

Anyway, the main thing im trying to get across here -

I totally agree with people who hate/are jealous of ex's!

po0k

Niamho! wrote: »

I honestly believe that if a person still has an Ex in their life then they're never really an Ex. we all know that when you "Stay Friends" you're never JUST friends. NEVER!!! stuff ALWAYS happens and ive never heard otherwise! so i dont believe otherwise.

Bollocks. Big ones. With curly pubis.

It varies with circumstances, but it is perfectly possible to have gone out with someone, realised ye were better as friends, and to continue with a platonic friendship.
That does not rule out that there was/is an attraction there, but that is hardly abnormal as there must've been some attraction to begin with. This is generally always present between friends of differing genders, and is natural and indeed necessary.

To feel threatened by someone whom your partner 'cares for' (loose definition) is normal too, his/her attention is not wholly focused on you.
Just don't be an overtly psycho bunny-boiling nutter about it to the point where he/she is driven into the arms of the ex because you won't shut-up about it.

Partners shouldn't come between you and your friends. You don't exchange all your existing relationships for this one person, regardless of how special they think they are.

Pyjamarama

I'm not jealous of the OH's exes but I'll never be friends with them or like them which isn't a problem as he isn't particularly close with any of them though their paths would cross occasionally. If a boyfriend was really close to an ex I think it would be quite hard at first but if it's clear that they've both moved on and don't have any relationship baggage I'd get over it.

Your situation seems quite different though MayMay, I mean the bebo message thing was completely out of order and she seemed out to sabotage you from the start, make you uncomfortable and jealous and be there to 'comfort' your boyfriend and give him a shoulder to cry on. You had every right to be suspicious. The ex for a reason thing is true but if an ex behaves like she did and your boyfriend entertains it in anyway then being jealous is completely justified

Crumble Froo

oh man, just reminded me, came face to face with the b/f's kid's mother last week! ha, hadn't expected to see her in the kitchen, waved awkwardly and just about dived back into the sitting room. i have absolutely no idea why. guess i never expected to ever come face to face with her.

Ginny

Niamho! wrote: »

I honestly believe that if a person still has an Ex in their life then they're never really an Ex. we all know that when you "Stay Friends" you're never JUST friends. NEVER!!! stuff ALWAYS happens and ive never heard otherwise! so i dont believe otherwise.

Well let this be the first time you hear of nothing happening with an ex.

Ginny

Lil' Smiler wrote: »

Yeah I would say I could be... not so much jealous but be wary of a bf's ex. In my last relationship it seemed that if at any stage i wasn't able to spend time with my bf that in a way he would threaten me and say "oh well if you're going to go shopping, I'll give *Sam* a call and see what she's up to"... he always seemed to be sneakily texting, ringing and meeting up with her which I hated - I hate people sneaking around behind my back.

Also... she lived maybe 30 mins away from near to the ex and I and he needed to go to Galway one week to visit family. He asked me would it be ok if he got a lift with her, I said no, but of course he did what he wanted coz he "was boss". So then it came about that he "had" to stay in her house to get this lift because you know driving half an hour at the most into him in the morning would be so difficult..grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

So grrr.... although I used her to my advantage when he was off in Thailand...cheating on me of course. Tried to see if she knew anything.Hehe

To be honest this sounds like your ex was the problem not his Ex.

Lil' Smiler

oh yes, well that's very true.... but of course i didn't realise it at the time!!

I'm MUCH wiser now i'll tell you that!!

mollybird

well my guy dosn't mention his ex so dont have to be jealous. only thing was his mate went out with her once or twice while we were together and he went mad as he didnt' want her in his circle of friends.

Maple

It depends on the situation I think. I don't think its fair to be threatened of every ex your partner has ever had.

It depends on the behavior of the ex, as in is she/he forever in your partners face and making suggestive comments. Or is she/he someone who just drops in from time to time to say hello.

It also depends on your partners behavior towards said ex. And also how he/she is around you when discussing said ex. If they're open and honest about it all then you have nothing to worry about, if they're secretive and make sly digs then you really ought to think about getting a new partner.

At the end of the day, they're an ex for a reason and while its ok to feel a bit threatened try not to let it overwhelm you to the extent where you can't see the wood for the trees and it destroys your relationship.

Rattlehead_ie

thats something that i cant understand and Ive seen more from girls doing but I know guys do it too. vetoing ur partners friendship with a memeber of the O.S who is in your group of friends. That really grinds my gears,

She Devil

My boyfriends dad called me by his ex's name one time at dinner!
Since then i have a problem with his ex .. they dont talk and it bothers me to wonder why .. he says he realised he was in love with me so ended it with her (we were friends before lovers) but he never told me he was seeing her so its all a bit up in the air like ..... AGH ... why did i read this thread .. i have put any thoughts of her to bed it was a long time ago!
havent i ??!

RedXIV

Niamho! wrote: »

I honestly believe that if a person still has an Ex in their life then they're never really an Ex. we all know that when you "Stay Friends" you're never JUST friends. NEVER!!! stuff ALWAYS happens and ive never heard otherwise! so i dont believe otherwise.

Thats a bit harsh, i've never been the one to break off a relationship but 95% of all the girls i went out with i'm still on good terms with. But that doesn't mean i get to go over for casual sexual favours. Only one of my ex's did i ever get back with but that was when we were both long single and after spending alot of time apart.

But i must say, i did have one gf who HATED all my exs. either they were too pretty, too smart, too dumb, too ugly, too ANYTHING!!! drove me bonkers to the stage where anytime she'd mention one i'd leave the room

SW81

I don't care if an ex is nice or not, I hate them all!!

Loopy

We have an unwritten rule that we just dont talk about them. It works cos if you don't know anything about them there's nowt to be jealous about..

Besides, your with him now. The past is the past..

SW81

looptheloop wrote: »

We have an unwritten rule that we just dont talk about them. It works cos if you don't know anything about them there's nowt to be jealous about..

See I think that but he said we "need" to have that talk....I don't see why, I'd rather not know.

Niamho!

Niamho! wrote: »

I honestly believe that if a person still has an Ex in their life then they're never really an Ex. we all know that when you "Stay Friends" you're never JUST friends. NEVER!!! stuff ALWAYS happens and ive never heard otherwise! so i dont believe otherwise.

That's a load of crap, tbh.

LivingDeadGirl

I am jealous of his ex, I have every reason to be (because of past events) and he knows it. She'll always bother me. I'm pretty sure I'd have hated her as a person anyway though, we're incredibly different.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

phic

Depends on the ex I think, and the guy. If you don't trust them though, theres probably a reason!

The_Kew_Tour

Just going by my experience, but the girls who I ended up going out with in long term basis always seemed to want to know quite a lot about ex gf's like how break up was she good looking etc etc but they never said much about there own.

mahamageehad

I'm not jealous of my guys ex.... we're from the same town so I'd see her quite a bit. And he's never given me reason to be jealous. However...if they started being friendly i'd be worried!! She's gorgeous.

The_Kew_Tour

mahamageehad wrote: »

I'm not jealous of my guys ex.... we're from the same town so I'd see her quite a bit. And he's never given me reason to be jealous. However...if they started being friendly i'd be worried!! She's gorgeous.

Think that sums it up if the ex girlfriend is competition in the looks department most girls dont seem like it understandable I think.

Would i be same if I saw my gf ex and he was lets say a hottie. I would be same as most girls and think same can be said for men.

But that never happens to me;):D

Blue_Light

I like to think I'm a fairly reasonable person. I've managed to keep in touch with most of my exes, fairly amicably, would be happy for them with their new partners and all that, would stop and chat if we bumped into each other or have the odd text now and again. I have a lot of male friends and would hit the roof if any new bf tried to come between us. As it happens my bf has a lot of female friends as well and I have no problem with them hanging out either. It's always slightly easier when I've met them as well.

Never jealous when girls openly flirt with my bf in the pub, have actively sat there laughing my head off when girls we'd semi know are hitting on him and he's completely oblivious. Like to think I'm a cool cucumber.....

Having said all that there is one ex of his that just brings out an unnatural reaction in me. I can't put my finger on it, it's just the way she texts him, it's definately verging on flirty, always makes a point of touching him when we're all out together, manages to make bitchy comments (you know the ones that completely go above lads heads, but at the same time make you feel **** about yourself). She was with him briefly for a period when we were on a bad break over a summer. I had just started working with her (something he didn't know) and she knew we had been together for years. Made a point of becoming my new best friend, asking me all about my relationship with him, all the while not letting slip that they were hooking up! He hadn't a clue that we were working together and when he found out his face was priceless.

They stopped seeing each other (bearing in mind they were only seeing each other a couple of weeks) and we got back together, better than ever. She still makes a point in work of comparing her time with him to mine every time I mention anything about him. If I say, ah my bf is great with the old cooking, she'll say 'Ah yes, X is fantastic like that, I remember the dinners he used to make me.' Grrrrrrr.... And the thing that really gets me is that because myself and him were on a break when I met her and she was so nice and keen to be friends, I had vented everything to us, so she knows so much about us, things that you do not need an ex to know! Ah well, could be worse.

Any key?

I love how grown up everyone else here is.

My BF has never given me any reason to be jealous. I'm the one with the scary ex and I'm the jealous one. I think Its cause hes super laid back and never gets jealous.

Have never met his ex but dislike her.
I've seen photos she looks like a saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.She still has a whole album up on her bebo four years later of him entitiled "pretty"......:eek:oh dear.

eviltwin

My husband has one serious ex. Never met her and dont know her but I have seen pictures of her and she is a stunner. Gorgeous figure, really good looking and a lot different to me.

I suppose if I was insecure I would be jealous. He still talks about her in glowing terms from time to time. But the reality is he's very lucky to have me and does he know it.

The way I look at it she's his ex for a reason..if she was really so wonderful she'd be the one still with him not me.

Cows Go µ

I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with any ex's as we are both our first really serious relationship. The most I have to deal with is he's really really good friends with the girl he used to have a crush on and he really liked her. But it doesn't really bother me that much, he loves me not her so why would I worry?

SarahSassy

Any key? wrote: »

I love how grown up everyone else here is.

Any key? wrote: »

Have never met his ex but dislike her.
I've seen photos she looks like a saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap..

Contradiction anyone?

I find it so childish when I see comments like 'I have never met his ex but I dislike her' - do people not have the cop on to know they are only hearing one side of the story... You only know what he is telling you and while you have to take it at face value why are you disliking someone you dont know cos she happened to go out with your boyfriend

Why are you criticising her appearance??? This says much more about you than about her. Very unclassy IMHO

I am still friends with most of my ex's, I may not see them very much but would definitely not harbour any ill will against them or their new partners... My OH's ex sounds a bit nuts but I dont dislike her - I dont know her!!!!

Any key?

SarahSassy wrote: »

Contradiction anyone?

I find it so childish when I see comments like 'I have never met his ex but I dislike her'

yes I know I'm being childish......which is why I refered to most people here being very grown up and followed through by calling her a sap. :rolleyes:

I know I'm jealous and irrational.....I call It territorial It sounds less crazy.

Wibbs

As a guy I've never been jealous of a womans exes. I doubt I would be. I would only ever be cautious if say a first love/mr Big type ex was still in the background and she had too much of the unhealthy type of contact. I've seen that one go badly with others. That would be about it though TBH.

pow wow

Only if I think there's unfinished business between them, and even then I don't think that's jealousy really. I don't know them, they don't know me, and he's with me. Why would I be jealous?

metrovelvet

pow wow wrote: »

Only if I think there's unfinished business between them, and even then I don't think that's jealousy really. I don't know them, they don't know me, and he's with me. Why would I be jealous?

I think exs make people uncomfortable because they are a reminder that this could end too, that everything s/he is saying to you, doing with you, s/he did with him or her too once, and that you are not alone in knowing the inner territories of your other half, as they have been well travelled.

wonderingabout

I'm kinda jealous by nature!
One ex did give me reason to be angry tho!:mad:

Thankfully this is his first serious relationship as well as mine. I think i'd be an absolute nightmare if he had been in love with someone before me. I'd be paranoid he had not fallen out of love with her.

I know he loves me and nobody else. it would be different if i thought he might still love someone else. Even if he didn't know he still loved her .

Censorsh!t

Me and my boyfriend have never spoken about exes (I'm not sure if i want to either, but part of me is curious..but I'm too scared to bring it up too:o).

I am slightly jealous of a girl who I dont think he went out with but there was a few lovey dovey comments on her myspace from him...and she's one of those people who everyone seems to love, and she's all cute and cool and stuff, and he runs up to her to hug her when they see eachother.

helimachoptor

Wibbs wrote: »

As a guy I've never been jealous of a womans exes. I doubt I would be. I would only ever be cautious if say a first love/mr Big type ex was still in the background and she had too much of the unhealthy type of contact. I've seen that one go badly with others. That would be about it though TBH.

I'd agree with that. From my own experience women tend to be jealous of ex's a lot more than guys. I know my own GF has some serious issues with my ex's for no other reason than they are my ex's and also are pretty darn hot. When we started going out after about 3/4 months it was her sisters party so we went to her house (country girl) and before we left she was like "look i know it'll be awkward but one of my ex's will be here" Jesus i've never met a sounder chap we got on like a house on fire, I actually think she was gobsmacked we were gettin on. Sadly they dont talk much these days but i'd happily go for a pint with him.

Wibbs

helimachoptor wrote: »

I'd agree with that. From my own experience women tend to be jealous of ex's a lot more than guys.

I would agree too in general. That competition/insecurity thing many women have with other women. I think it was metrovelvet who noted that it maybe it's because women have less of the healthier competition outlets than men. Id agree with that. I'd also say that I also know men who are complete crazies when it comes to Gf's exes. Waaaay worse than women I've known. real fruitloops.

Like I say it wouldn't register with me unless there were emotional feelings there still unresolved, or she was making up the perfect partner out of two of us. Ive seen that one, even had it happen to me, both when I was the BF and when I was the ex. Again I know of the same thing happening on the other side of the gender fence.

Bubblefett

Ex's don't bother me, casue me and my OH started off as friends first I met a couple of his exs and he's met some of mine before the idea of us dating was even on the cards. We've always been very open talking about them but honestly it's just never been an issue

Funnily enough, he and his last ex were there the night i met my last ex!(at a friends party hehe)

pow wow

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think exs make people uncomfortable because they are a reminder that this could end too, that everything s/he is saying to you, doing with you, s/he did with him or her too once, and that you are not alone in knowing the inner territories of your other half, as they have been well travelled.

That's hardly jealousy though is it?

CathyMoran

I think that they are more a reminder not to ever get complaicent in a relationship...though I will admit to having been jelous of ex's.

barleybooley

I think most people have an ex who's THE ex as opposed to just an ex. For me, I'd rather ex's be completely a distant memory if things didn't end well but hey, that's just me.