Want to find my child's father

Bally8

Im wondering is if possible or how would I go about finding my daughter's father when all I know is his name. I was 19 when I got pregnant and living abroad. Was dating him only for a few months and decided to return home to Ireland. He had my address and phone number and said he would stay in contact and come see us etc. I received one phone call a week after I came home to say he was going to come see me and discuss everything and he would call me tomorrow. Nine years later I have heard nothing. The rumour mill says he moved to America.

I never once contemplated having any contact with him and worried for years that he would turn up on my doorstep and try to take her away. Now my daughter is at an age where she wants to know about him and asks on a regular basis can we find him. I tell her that when she is older if she wants to we will try look for him.

I dont even know where to start though. And if Im honest I would prefer if she never met him or wanted anything to do with him. I make sure to talk positively about him and say he was too young to be a daddy and must have lost our address. It hurts her though, she just wants to be like everyone else.

All im interested in doing now is finding out if it is possible to track someone down with only minimal information? I dont want to contact him or anything just want to have some ground work done now so I have firm answers for her in the future

Any advice welcome

Moonbeam

If you post this to the adoption board someone maybe able to help with guidelines about where to start.

Rach

Dublinsausage

The rumour mill says he moved to America.

I need a name and his age
(maybe !!!!) i can find him if I have a little more nfo

Andi.

loyatemu

private investigator maybe?

hire one in his native country to track down his family and find out where he has gone, and another in the US (if thats where he is) to track him down. Unless he's actually in hiding, a decent investigator should be able to find him.

embee

Dublinsausage wrote: »

I need a name and his age
(maybe !!!!) i can find him if I have a little more nfo

Andi.

Dublinsausage,

Are you qualified in some way to offer such services? Otherwise you're just another person on the internet typing a name into google and hoping you get lucky. Unless you are in the field of private investigation, please don't offer such services to other people... I personally wouldn't feel comfortable telling some randomer on the internet personal details about the father of my child and trusting them to do the right thing with it.

OP, I would suggest you go to a reputable private investigator, either in his home country or the US (or both?).

Bally8

Thanks embee

I havent posted a reply sooner as I was not sure about giving such details to a stranger on the internet. As I said I dont want to make contact just yet and would worry if someone else did so if I gave them information on him.

I think I will look into the whole private investigator thing and for now I will just try placate my daughter with the promise that when she is older I will do whatever I can to help her find him.

Thanks again

Oh and Moonbeam I dont post much so didnt know how to move this thread to another forum sorry

Nevyn

Bally8 if you wished this moved to the adoption forum just say so and myself or one of the other mods will do so.

Bally8

Its grand thanks. I think I have enough info to be working with from the replies posted. I might be very innocent but I didnt even know private investigators existed in real life so now I do I have options to work with in my search

So thanks all for the replies

SarahMc

By saying "the rumour mill" implies you have some way of contacting him.. parents, friends?

Its just my opinion, but I feel you have to look you child in the eye when they are an adult and say "I did my best". If this is your opinion also, I would go back to the source of the "rumour mill" and find out more.

Bally8

If I could, I would but I cant that is why I posted here. I found out about that rumour through a letter from a friend nine years ago, we only knew each other for a few months and have since lost contact. I have no problem looking my child in the eye and telling her I have done my best, I was left to raise her on my own while he doesnt even know if I had a boy or a girl. It has taken me years to stop being angry with him and because of this all leads to him have gone cold. I cant change that and feel I had every right not to go searching for him before.

SarahMc

Fair enough Bally. I really wouldn't go hiring private investigators. You have told your daughter that you will support her to find him when she is old enough, and when she is, you can go down that road (when you feel she is old enough to handle rejection, if that is what it brings).

I presume he could still find you if he wanted to?

TequilaMockingBird

You sound like a lovely Mum Bally8. Good luck.