gifts: how much do you expect to get?

growler

Just being curious, having just got married and having no preconception of what amount of money (gift list for store) to expect from the invited guests, I've been quite surprised by the amounts given by people (both unexpectedly high and low) and the total as versus expense.

For us, the total value of gifts we recieved was quite a bit more than the expense of holding the wedding (hotel, celebrant, booze, music etc.) which kinda surprised me...

is this normal?

Featherl

Usually €200 per couple

Chet T16

I obviously invited the wrong people!

cookiequeen

Me too!
We got a lot of help for the wedding in lieu of gifts tho!! Flowers, musicians, photographers etc!!!

Featherl

ok maybe we are giving over the top amount! What would you expect as a good gift?

Sizzler

Have to say I'd never plan the wedding based on how much I expect to get back in gifts....anything at all should be perceived as a bonus

charba

I agree with Sizzler. The point of a wedding is to show your nearest and dearest that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with your partner.

If people wish to give a gift then its just meant to be a token surely? Gone are the days when the bare essentials are needed for your new house and lives together. People today in general have what they need and unless a wedding list is given (which I personally hate) the gift that should be given should just be a token. A lot of people feel pressured into "covering their cost" (usually in cash but otherwise in gifts) at a wedding and often the couple end up with more than the cost of their celebration of love so to speak.

Sorry for the rant I just don't think that couples should "expect" to get anything. I would consider putting on my invitations that gifts are not necessary or ask them to make a donation to charity. Think what a charity could do with the money instead of me ending up with another photo-frame or grill to find space for.

growler

I didn't say I planned or had any preconception of the value of gifts recveived, I was just enquiring what the norm might be

:rolleyes:

charba

sorry it wasn't an attack on you. Its just a statement.
However you did say that you received unexpectedly low amounts.

Culchie

I'm already married, so it's too late for me:) .... however as this forum (I presume) is visited by mainly people who are planning to get married ..... not discussing wedding gift amounts.... in reality is 'ignoring the elephant in the room' .... so it's pretty important information for young couples to have.

If (as in my case also) ... wedding gifts will cover the cost of a reception, then this information can take alot of pressure off couples shoulders at a time that they should be enjoying the run-in.

Subtle hints that you would prefer a cash gift versus a toaster will sway this balance even more.

seamus

The norm I would say is about €100-150 depending on whether it's a single person or a couple giving the gift. From older relatives or ones closer to the couple, the gift may be twice that.

If you're planning on offsetting part of the cost of your wedding against the gifts, budget to receive €50 per person. So €100 per couple. Some people will 100% insist on not giving money and instead buy you something, even if you give hints.

However you did say that you received unexpectedly low amounts.

Perhaps they were like a tenner in a card? Without sounding up my own arse, I wouldn't judge someone for giving only what they can afford, but if went to someone's wedding and gave the above amounts, I would be "surprised" to receive 10 or 20 euro at my own wedding.

Gillo

seamus wrote: »

If you're planning on offsetting part of the cost of your wedding against the gifts, budget to receive €50 per person. So €100 per couple. Some people will 100% insist on not giving money and instead buy you something, even if you give hints.

Also anything on top is also a bonus:D

Do most people give cash or a cheque?

Toots

I'd usually give a cheque, or else a voucher for arnotts or something depending on whether the couple already have a place, or if they're moving into one after they get married.

I wouldn't put cash in a card tho. Only time I did was when 5 of us were going to a friend's wedding as a group, we all put in 100 and got a crispy 500 note to put in the card

growler

seamus wrote: »

Perhaps they were like a tenner in a card? Without sounding up my own arse, I wouldn't judge someone for giving only what they can afford, but if went to someone's wedding and gave the above amounts, I would be "surprised" to receive 10 or 20 euro at my own wedding.

To be honest, the amounts that surprised me were one unexpectedly high amount and a paltry amount from two very wealthy guests, one giving me 100 times what the other did, and both are good friends for many years and worth a bloody fortune.

Otherwise, was happy with anything i got,

AL][EN

Another factor to take into account is how many people are you inviting to your wedding. The wedding co-ordinator at the hotel where I'm getting married told us its actually worth your while to invite loads of people since the wedding nearly pays for itself. (his words not mine) So i dont know if thats true or not

While i honestly havent a clue what to expect we do have allot of people coming to our wedding im not expecting a bonanza cash flow where i can retire to a villa in the south of spain, but I have already been told by several of my family and friends their going to give cash.

At the end of the day cash or not, is doesnt really matter does it so long as you can say the following about your wedding day:

A) we had really nice weather for the wedding (IE it doesnt rain)
the groom and/or best man didnt turn up drunk as a skunk to the wedding
C) the band turned up on time and were great
D) everyone has a great time

That's what i hope about my wedding day anyway and if personally i can accomplish at least (B) on that list i'll be happy.

steps_3314

i agree in principal with the majority of this but you have to remember that weddings are no longer cheap. therefore would you not prefer to see a couple as debt free as possible when putting on such an event. obviously u can do things on the cheap but this is the biggest day of the bride and grooms life

charba wrote: »

I agree with Sizzler. The point of a wedding is to show your nearest and dearest that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with your partner.

If people wish to give a gift then its just meant to be a token surely? Gone are the days when the bare essentials are needed for your new house and lives together. People today in general have what they need and unless a wedding list is given (which I personally hate) the gift that should be given should just be a token. A lot of people feel pressured into "covering their cost" (usually in cash but otherwise in gifts) at a wedding and often the couple end up with more than the cost of their celebration of love so to speak.

Sorry for the rant I just don't think that couples should "expect" to get anything. I would consider putting on my invitations that gifts are not necessary or ask them to make a donation to charity. Think what a charity could do with the money instead of me ending up with another photo-frame or grill to find space for.

charba

steps_3314 wrote: »

i agree in principal with the majority of this but you have to remember that weddings are no longer cheap. therefore would you not prefer to see a couple as debt free as possible when putting on such an event. obviously u can do things on the cheap but this is the biggest day of the bride and grooms life

Maybe its just my idealism but I just don't want anything. I won't be doing anything on the cheap I will just be doing everything within a budget that I can afford that's all. I know weddings are expensive and I am under no illusions that we won't be grateful for any gifts that we receive but I don't expect them and I wouldn't be considering how much I'll get when planning my wedding.

steps_3314

charba wrote: »

Maybe its just my idealism but I just don't want anything. I won't be doing anything on the cheap I will just be doing everything within a budget that I can afford that's all. I know weddings are expensive and I am under no illusions that we won't be grateful for any gifts that we receive but I don't expect them and I wouldn't be considering how much I'll get when planning my wedding.

fair point

we didnt have an engagement party becuase we didnt want people giving us gifts because these days they are expected. but for the wedding i dont mind as i dont want to be in debt starting married life