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County Kerry and Tennessee

  • 22-01-2008 7:27pm
    #1
    Loxosceles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 171 ✭✭


    I'm an American expatriate living in Ireland, originally from Nashville Tennessee, and I spent a good bit of time in Kerry this past summer. Aside from the weather being horrible, I noticed a few striking similarities.

    This past week I was considering the strange coincidences that seem to pop up between Tennessee and County Kerry; fried chicken, John Deere and banjos to name a few. I enumerated some of them here and chuckled the whole time while I wrote it. There are some astonishing correlations. Feel free to repost anywhere with credit if you want.



    __________________________________


    YOU MIGHT BE A CULCHIE FROM KERRY IF:


    -You eat fried chicken more than twice a week

    -You or any member of your family learned to drive on a John Deere tractor

    -You own a John Deere tractor

    -You decorated your house with John Deere collectibles because they're the same colours as the Kerry GAA football team

    -You know more than 5 people named Paddy

    -Your wife doesn't see you carnally during GAA season

    -Your wife doesn't see you carnally during fishing season

    -Your wife complains about all the fish in her freezer

    -You've worn the same manky Aran sweater in the fields for 20 years because you say it's warm and keeps soft rain out, but really it's because your mam gave it to you and she was the closest thing on this earth to the Blessed Mother herself

    -You can make anything out of a potato, culinary, legally, and illegally

    -Every meal requires potatoes

    -Your granda owned a potato (poteen) still

    -Your great-granda fought in the Civil War... (1922) and we SHALL NOT mention which side, that stays on the voting ballot- but we all know *wink wink*

    -You know someone who plays the banjo

    -You can shear a sheep in 1 ½ minutes

    -You sell pieces of strange rusty farm equipment at church boot sales, and your wife sells babydolls, candles and pie

    -Your wife hosts home decorating parties

    -You have driven livestock home in the back of a Ford Escort

    -You can't imagine God making a prettier place on earth than Kerry

    -The old biddies in your small town won't let you get away with ANYTHING

    -You consider Budweiser high class

    -Your mam made the world's greatest blackberry tart

    -You're on cholesterol and blood pressure medication and STILL eating bacon and sausage for breakfast

    -You can have a bit of craic with your friends at the bar, but if you spend longer than half an hour, you'll catch hell for it

    -A large portrait of Elvis sits on your wall above JFK

    -You want to go to Graceland before you die



    YOU MIGHT BE A COUNTRY BOY FROM TENNESSEE IF:


    -You eat fried chicken more than twice a week

    -You or any member of your family learned to drive on a John Deere tractor

    -You own a John Deere tractor

    -Your wife decorated your house with John Deere collectibles because they're all the rage at the flea market

    -You know more than 5 people named Bubba

    -Your wife doesn't see you carnally during Super Bowl season

    -Your wife doesn't see you carnally during fishing season

    -Your wife complains about all the fish in her freezer

    -You've worn the same nasty old overalls in the fields for 20 years and say it's for good luck to keep lightning from striking you on the tractor, but really it's because your mama got them for you, and ain't nobody gonna say nothin bad bout your mama

    -You can make anything out of sweetcorn, culinary, legally, and illegally

    -Every meal requires sweetcorn

    -Your grandaddy had a corn still

    -Your great-great-grandaddy fought in the Civil War...(1861) and I ain't sayin' nothin'

    -You know someone who plays the banjo

    -You can rope and tie a calf in 1 ½ minutes

    -You sell pieces of strange rusty farm equipment at flea markets, and your wife sells babydolls, candles and pie

    -Your wife hosts home decorating parties

    -You have driven livestock home in the back of a Ford Escort (because your Ford Truck has only 2 gears left and stays on the property)

    -You can't imagine God making a prettier place on earth than Tennessee

    -The old biddies in your small town won't let you get away with ANYTHING

    -You consider Budweiser high class (Whut d'Hail is Guinness?!)

    -Your mama makes the world's greatest blackberry pie

    -You're on cholesterol and blood pressure medication and STILL eating bacon and sausage for breakfast

    -You can catch up and tell a few dirty jokes with your friends at the bar, but if you spend longer than half an hour, you'll catch hell for it

    -A large portrait of Elvis sits on your wall above Dale Earnhardt

    -You've already been to Graceland. Twice.


    Reverend Alliekatt


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