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A Few For The Ladies

  • 22-01-2008 4:28pm
    #1
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭


    A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
    "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
    The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
    "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor
    A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
    The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
    Whoosh! Immediately she had cruise tickets in her hands.
    The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
    Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
    Gotta love that fairy!
    Dear Lord,
    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
    AMEN
    Q: Why do little boys whine?
    A: They are practicing to be men.
    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A: Trustworthy.
    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
    Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
    A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
    "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
    He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma."
    And they say blondes are dumb...


Comments

  • #2
    FrCrilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 528 ✭✭✭FrCrilly


    Why were men invented?

    Because vibrators won't mow the lawn for you.
    (likewise Why were women invented? Because sheep can't cook)


    What do you call a useless piece of flesh on the end of a penis?

    A Man
    (likewise What do you call a useless piece of flesh around a fanny)


    Why did God invent thrush?

    So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating c*nt before they marry one.


    What have men and floortiles got in common?

    If you lay them properly once you can walk over them for life.


    Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilise one egg?

    Because not one will stop off and ask for directions.


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