When you're feeling stupid, read this!

purple'n'gold

WHEN YOU'RE FEELING STUPID, READ THIS!!






(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body"
-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.


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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

And .

"We are ready for an un foreseen event that
may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP

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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."


-- Dan Quayle


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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca


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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .


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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President



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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery


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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina


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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Feeling smarter yet?

Jesus Wept

Humour forum
[/Biko]

Was Dan Quayle the dude that corrected a teachers spelling of Potato by adding an 'e' so it read as Potatoe, in front of a classroom of kids?

Dennis the Stone

Here's something a friend of mine said when he was describing his girlfriend's generosity over Christmas:

"She bought me something money can't buy"

purple'n'gold

The-Rigger wrote: »

Humour forum
[/Biko]

Was Dan Quayle the dude that corrected a teachers spelling of Potato by adding an 'e' so it read as Potatoe, in front of a classroom of kids?

the very man.

Jesus Wept

purplengold wrote: »

the very man.

I memory good.
What a donut.

Dudess

Actually the following one is an urban myth (see Snopes):

purplengold wrote: »

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

You'd expect the bint to say something like that but she actually didn't. Some early website (around 1996) published a spoof Mariah Carey "interview" containing that line and the irony was not spotted.

Jesus Wept

Dudess wrote: »

Actually the following one is an urban myth (see Snopes):

You'd expect the bint to say something like that but she actually didn't. Some early website (around 1996) published a spoof Mariah Carey "interview" containing that line and the irony was not spotted.

'I don't do stairs'
Mariah Carey.

red_ice

Excellent stuff!

Kemos wrote: »

Here's something a friend of mine said when he was describing his girlfriend's generosity over Christmas:

"She bought me something money can't buy"

haha

Sabre0001

Excellent!

You really have to feel bad for Ms. America / Ms. World presenters at times - some of the stuff that contestants come out with is unbelievable!!! Don't know how they don't either laugh or smack them in the head.

Dennis the Stone

In this day and age..... wowsers

The_Minister

purplengold wrote: »

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

Makes sense to me, she just said it badly.

purplengold wrote: »

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

Not true at all

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

Outside of gang killings, there isn't much other crime. Fair enough, I'd say the same about Ireland - most murders are gang-related

"We are ready for an un foreseen event that
may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP

Again, I understand what he is saying.

"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

Overseas referring to outside the islands

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Wake up dead is a common colloquialism (sp?)

Genghiz Cohen

The_Minister wrote: »

Makes sense to me, she just said it badly.

Not true at all

Outside of gang killings, there isn't much other crime. Fair enough, I'd say the same about Ireland - most murders are gang-related

Again, I understand what he is saying.

Overseas referring to outside the islands


Wake up dead is a common colloquialism (sp?)

Well you just went and sucked all the fun out of that.