Never enough!

LegacyUser

I am in my early 30's, did the college thing, got a job earning €50k, detached 3 bed house in , married and my family & in-laws are always going on.......sure you wont be living here all your life etc etc...NOTHING IS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH....I hate seeing them coming to visit as something hurtful is always said and its not like they mad a "great life" for themselves either. Its a constant pain in the arse as I wouldnt go down and point out all the faults are their houses.....the latest is "babies"...... comparing siblingswhich is so unfair as we are all different.

What can one do......

Overheal

........................erm. What was the question?

Balmed Out

Give as good as you get but do it with a smile. Hopefully theyll kop on.

daiixi

Umm.. Learn basic grammar?

galwaydude

Ignore the in laws. It should'nt matter what they think. As long as you and your wife is happy with your life then who cares what they think.

pauloriordanire

are you happy with your wife and or kids ,work livfe ect,
then take no notice of the in laws. some people are never happy unless they are causing rows or putting people down .
my mother in law was always causing rows and giving out about me to my partner and when i wasnt there she would give out to my partner about me,
this used to cause rows. but once we realised what she was doing it didnt work any more now i just nod along and dont let it bother me.
keep your chin up.
be happy with what you have and dont worry about other people

WhiteWashMan

Toby 1975 wrote: »

I am in my early 30's, did the college thing, got a job earning €50k, detached 3 bed house in , married and my family & in-laws are always going on.......sure you wont be living here all your life etc etc...NOTHING IS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH....I hate seeing them coming to visit as something hurtful is always said and its not like they mad a "great life" for themselves either. Its a constant pain in the arse as I wouldnt go down and point out all the faults are their houses.....the latest is "babies"...... comparing siblingswhich is so unfair as we are all different.

What can one do......

Its only a problem if you feel its a problem.
otherwise its just nuisance background noise.

DO you feel you have achieved, or are you still looking for some sort of fulfillment, becuase it may not be material.

Overheal

Mid Life Crisis......

bronte

Op, don't listen to whoever is offering their 'opinions'
If you worked damn hard and are happy about where you are, you don't have a problem.
These people are usually so bored with what they've got that they feel they have to give an opinion on your life.
I would hate to be them.

Carrigart Exile

Toby 1975 wrote: »

I am in my early 30's, did the college thing, got a job earning €50k, detached 3 bed house in , married and my family & in-laws are always going on.......sure you wont be living here all your life etc etc...NOTHING IS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH....I hate seeing them coming to visit as something hurtful is always said and its not like they mad a "great life" for themselves either. Its a constant pain in the arse as I wouldnt go down and point out all the faults are their houses.....the latest is "babies"...... comparing siblingswhich is so unfair as we are all different.

What can one do......

Tell them next time they start that they are of course correct. You intend taking redundancy from your work, selling the house and spending it all on a glorious year touring the world, what happens after that, who knows. You may find that they will appreciate their hard working son-in-law and what he has achieved after that.

Enright

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

Tell them next time they start that they are of course correct. You intend taking redundancy from your work, selling the house and spending it all on a glorious year touring the world, what happens after that, who knows. You may find that they will appreciate their hard working son-in-law and what he has achieved after that.

better still, inform them that after your year travelling that you will be moving in with them!!

seriously fXXk the begrudgers, dont let them get you down

The Hill Billy

Toby:

When myself & Mrs Billy were getting married I became aware that this sort of situation may develop given that we both have quite head-strong mothers who are not shy about offering their opinions on our lives.

What we did was we adopted a mind-shift:
Instead of the old 'me & my family' & 'you & your family', we established 'Our Family' (ie, me & Mrs Billy) who would take precedence over any others (ie, my parents & her parents).

The mind-shift was subtle, but by giving ourselves a unique identity it meant by conciously putting 'Our Family' first that we were more ready to dismiss any crap put forward by either set of parents. Any instances of "Blah, blah... I wouldn't do that - I'd do this" or "Why aren't you doing X/Y/Z... blah, blah?" we found easier to counter with the attitude that "Thanks for your advice, but we'll do things OUR way."

* The above sounds a little bit like happy-clappy tree-hugging carry on , but it worked for us.

W0LFMAN

Toby 1975 wrote: »

I am in my early 30's, did the college thing, got a job earning €50k, detached 3 bed house in , married and my family & in-laws are always going on.......sure you wont be living here all your life etc etc...NOTHING IS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH....I hate seeing them coming to visit as something hurtful is always said and its not like they mad a "great life" for themselves either. Its a constant pain in the arse as I wouldnt go down and point out all the faults are their houses.....the latest is "babies"...... comparing siblingswhich is so unfair as we are all different.

What can one do......

I'm in my late 20's, failed the college thing, now earning 60K, 2 houses, not married, single so no in-laws. Have no-one putting me down, do what I like, nice freedom.

What can one do?....

Stay away from marriage I guess...


Wolf

Dizzyblonde

Hill Billy wrote: »

Toby:
What we did was we adopted a mind-shift:
Instead of the old 'me & my family' & 'you & your family', we established 'Our Family' (ie, me & Mrs Billy) who would take precedence over any others (ie, my parents & her parents).
* The above sounds a little bit like happy-clappy tree-hugging carry on , but it worked for us.

This is exactly what you have to do. You're a separate family in your own right now and that comes first.
If you and your wife are happy, that's all that matters.

LegacyUser

My wife gets really upset and freks out for the rest of the day when they come.....

Its either "I couldnt live here, houses on top of each other, no proper parking (even though we have a drive for 2 cars), its so busy cars going up and down, (2-3 might pass in an hour)

everything is - nothing +, even though my parents came from a council house......

It really drives her mad....

The Hill Billy

It may just be that you need to spell it out to them. Maybe something along the lines of:

"If you want to come to visit us you are more than welcome. But if you only want to harp on about how much you dislike where we live/disapprove of what we do/[insert other issue here] we'd really prefer if you didn't. You don't seem to enjoy yourselves while you're here & we don't like the atmosphere that it creates. We are happy with our lives & we'd like you to respect that."

evry1sm8

I understand that you probably feel responsible for making your wife happy and that when the in-laws come over and upset her its some how youre fault... Just keep in mind that its not at all your fault and try to talk to your wife about putting what they say to the back of her mind because what matters is how she feels about living there, not them.

King of Kings

Toby - i'm in the same situation except no longer married - it'll never stop. never.

You need to develop a system of "in one ear out the other" , nod your head and smile vacantly. when i'm in a particularity evil humour I usually direct the conversation towards a sibling who then gets the grief.

or , more importantly, why are you inviting them over?
why? it's your house.