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Trust Issues

  • 18-01-2008 7:39pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there,

    Hopefully somebody can give me a bit of advice on this matter. Sorry it's so long.

    Basically I was with something for 3 years. We broke up almost 2 years ago. While I was with him he cheated on me on numerous occasions. Most of them (that I know of) were during the first 6 months and were one night flings except for one which was after about 2 years and he was texting/ringing the girl (lets call her Sarah) and were casually having sex for about 2 weeks until I found out about it.

    I found out about the one night flings after about a year and a half and thought to myself "hey it was only at the beginning, we didn't really know each other and it wasn't serious" so although I was upset, I was determined to get through it. I did however lose trust in him and became very suspicious. I'm glad I was because I would have never found out about Sarah.

    Anyway, we didn't break up after Sarah, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I loved him so much and couldn't see myself without him. I regularly checked his phone & phone bills and wanted to know where he was at all times and really did push it to the edge in terms of making him call up to me at random times just to make sure he wasn't up to anything.

    Obviously this wasn't healthy and I ended it after 3 years.

    Now here lies the problem. It's been 2 years since then and I can't seem to trust any men. I'm going out with a new guy now(second one since the break up) and I have all these urges to check his phone and am convinced he's going to let me down. He's never done anything to make me think like this, he's a lovely guy but I can't seem to get passed these urges.

    I tried to keep away from relationships because I'm terrified of the same thing happening again but this new one just kinda happened. I'm so insecure at the moment and I really don't know how to overcome it.

    Any help is really appreciated.

    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Thats a tough one. I've seen it happen. You think you're alright for a while and then the first little misdemeanor and suddenly these insecurities come back to haunt you, and then everything spirals out of control over what could very well be an innocent mistake or misconception.

    Did boyfriend #2 do anything to shake your trust up?

    I'm afraid I have no solid answers to this one. Trust is a rather tricky, intangible, human, thing. Its kind of like love in a way: you cant quantify it; its seemingly infinite; you can give it to as many people in your life as you want; but if you lose some of it - it hurts worse than anything. Its that pain that people go through that turns them off: that makes them decide they will never love or trust someone ever again.

    I guess what you need to find out is: are you willing to risk feeling that pain again so you can feel all the good things that come out of trust and love? The fear that it may happen today or tomorrow or 20 years from now - do you want to let that take over your life?


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