catch 22

LegacyUser

met my girlfriend a year ago. after bout 4 months together i cheated on her and felt such guilt and shame that i triggered off an anxiety disorder, depression and ocd. its been a very tough battle but im not cured yet almost a year later. anyways my girlfriend knows bout everythin and she wants to stay with me and for me to jus get better.
i love her so much and want to be with her and can see us having the greatest future together yet im plauged by negative thoughts in my head everyday. i keep feeling that im missing out on the sinle life and may be happier if i was single but itd be without my girlfriend so id hate to lose her. im torn between the two lifestyles (single or relationship) and cry everyday due to the non stop thinking in my head. if im honest, id love to just be ha[ppy with her and forget bout all the stuff i think im missing out on, girls, travelling etc. it kills me to spend all my time thinking about this stuff and im not sure if its the anxiety & depression causing this or the tablets lexapro and solian or am i denying myself what i really want, i just dont know what to do. any help?

Wibbs

OK, I would say that if this has not been resolved and clearly it has not nearly a year later, I would maybe look into trying a different counselor/doctor or ask your current doctor if there may be alternative drug and/or psychotherapy options. There are lots of options out there, some of which may prove more successful for you. If your doctor won't go along with that, find one that will.

The relationship has been the trigger for the underlying issue. Yes it's the focus for this, but the underlying issue needs addressing. You know that yourself. I think if I listen very carefully I can hear you go "well duuuh":D

No amount of advice about your girlfriend and whether or not to stay with her, will likely make much diff, as the compulsive thoughts will continue anyway. Clearly she has a lot of kindness and understanding, which is an all too rare trait and to be applauded and indeed to be held on to. You know this too as you said.

If you did leave her, those negative thoughts would just be replaced with different ones. "Why did I leave her, I miss her" etc. The characters would change, but the script would stay the same.

Everyone has those thoughts at some time or other in a relationship, yours are just amplified to an unhealthy degree. If you were the standard, "oh should I stay or should I go", little old cynical me would be first in line with, cop on etc , but that's no use to you as it's little to do with the relationship. I will say and it's just my opinion but even with all the maelstrom of thoughts you're still with her and clearly love her. Keep fighting for that, keep fighting for her and most importantly for you. Keep exploring other avenues of therapy that suit you and work for you. Good luck

LegacyUser

what you say is true, however the cbt is working slowly but surely and alot of my initial problems have gone yet some remain. basically i get very anxious when i see goodlooking girls or someone talks about travelling because i feel im missing out if im in a relationship. i love my girl so much yet non stop thinking bout this all days makes me wonder whats going on. is it normal to think like i do due to the anxiety & depression. i m so sad everyday because i keep thinking that everything im thinkin about is a sign or is going to lead to me and my girl breaking up. please help!